26012020 - How bad an example was set in Zamfara

PAGE 20 — SUNDAY Vanguard, JANUARY 26, 2020
Embarrassing moments that make you cringe with shame!
What happens when
your seemingly
well-laid plans for a
mind-blowing quality time
with your partner goes awry?
It is the worst nightmare even
for the brave hearted. Here are
some hair-raising experiences
gathered for your delight, of
some of the brave victims of intimacy
plans gone wrong! “I’d
met a lovely girl at a bachelor’s
eve,’ said Steven, a 29-yearold
information technologist;
and she invited me into the
house when I gave her a lift.
One thing led to the other and
we were going at things hammer
and tongs. Mid-passion,
her bedroom door flew open -
and there barged in a horrified,
middle-aged woman. “Mum,”
the poor girl was petrified. Her
mum made me get dressed and
marched me, shame-faced out
of the house. Needless to say,
I never saw the girl again.'
For all of you out there whose
mobile phones now rule their
love lives, Kate’s experience
might make you a bit more cautious.
“My boyfriend and I
have the most sophisticated of
mobile phones,” she recalled,
“and we were into sextexting.”
We still do, but since
an incident some nine months
ago, we’re more careful. I’d
been transferred from head office
to relieve another colleague
some 100 kilometres
away and the only time we
could be together was over the
weekend. Naturally, I missed
him like crazy, especially our
sizzling love life.
“During one of our precious
times together. Ken, my boyfriend,
suggested we took
some saucy photographs, with
his mobile to remind him of
how beautiful I was. One thing
led to the other and we both
stripped off and he started
snapping,recording every
steamy second of our love-making.
Later in the week, Ken
sent the photos to my mobile,
with raunchy, explicit captions.
It was really a turn-on. I tell
you.
“After that, we constantly
took saucy photos, then sent titillating
texts. Our exciting secret
certainly kept our love alive.
Ken then bought me another
sophisticated mobile and my
mum wondered if she could
have my old one. I thought of
Ken’s naughty messages in the
memory and quickly assured
mum she could have the phone
after I’d cleared the memory.
She would flip if she read any
of the messages. So I deleted
the lot and handed over the
phone to her. A week later, my
sister who still lived at home
called me up. She was laughing
hysterically. “I think you’d
better get your phone back from
Mum’, she said between
laughs. ‘You might have deleted
all of Ken’s texts, but you forgot
about those photographs/
My heart nearly popped out of
my chest. I was horrified. I
had completely forgotten to
delete the raunchy pictures.
And now, my poor mum had
seen x-rated photos of Ken
and me making love-all in
pornographic close up - and
with the raunchy captions too.
Mortified, I phoned Ken.
‘God, no!’ he screamed. I will
never be able to face your
mum again. So what about
me? I said, still flustered, I
knew then I had to get my
phone back right away. When
mum let me in, her face was
like granite. ‘Is there anything
in there you want to
save?’ she said, her voice
clipped, handling the phone
like it was poison. I wished I
could disappear into thin air!
I quickly took the phone off
her and left. Poor mum, she’d
never been quite open about
sex, and to now be confronted
with her ‘nice’ girl’s sexual
exploits must have made her
cringe.
‘’That was nine months ago
and she’d never referred to it
since then. When Ken and I
get together these days, our
mobiles are well and truly
switched off. From now on, our
steamy lovemaking sessions
are for our eyes only.
The Boss's Wife (Humour)
Jill was a very attractive girl
who was also an excellent secretary.
Her employer’s wife,
however, considered Jill’s appearance
an unnecessary hazard
and instructed her husband
to sack her. The husband
reasoned with his wife that the
girl was a competent worker
and that he had no wish to lose
her. But the wife, who was a
director of the company, was
adamant.
“If you don’t sack her, I will”,
she stated finally. And she did.
On hearing the news, Jill grew
very angry. “You’re only sacking
me because I am better
looking than you!”, she told
the boss’s wife. And added: “I
know that I’m better looking
than you because your husband
told me so.”
The wife made no reply, and
Jill made a final crack. “And I
can kiss better than you - so
there!” The wife couldn’t contain
herself any longer and
asked: “I suppose my husband
told you that too?”
“No, Jill replied sweetly,” “It
was your chauffeur”.
Y
OUR column to express your loving
thoughts in words to your
sweetheart. Don’t be shy. Let it flow
and let him or her know how dearly you feel.
Write now in not more than 75 words to: The
Editor, Sunday Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007,
Apapa, Lagos. E.mail:
sundaylovenotes@yahoo.com Please mark
your envelope: “LOVE NOTES"
Moving on
When we define love for ourselves
What did we leave out?
We reach the limit with the end unseen?
I see me in your eyes
And I look almost like you
Does loving me mean loving you?
In your eyes, we move as one
Love goes on as we go away…
Moving on, loving on, our many ways.
Kingsley Alumona
kingsley.alumona@yahoo.com
The lonely lady
Why are you so lonely? Why
the bottled happiness? The
beautiful flying butterfly has
flowers’ nectars to suck. Why
don’t you fly your heart to suck
my heart’s nectar. It is time to
be happy again.It is time to
have zest for life because you
have a friend in me.
Percy Vwes.
romanticblack13@outlook.com
07054349513