V18 N25

we like chicken parm.
KIDDING! It’s just my job to
cheapen these sincere moments
with stupid jokes. It was a lovely
(I’m writing as I have the
Eagles-WFT game on in the background
and watching the Birds fritter
away this game has been fun.)
gesture and deeply appreciated.
Everyone’s favorite LCMR
Our Tuesday artist, Shaun
LaBoy, showed up to work nearly
two hours before his gig last week.
I said, “Shaun, you know you’re
nearly two hours early for your gig
this week.” He said, “Yeah, I know,
but otherwise I would just be home
in bed.” Shaun… THAT’S THE
DREAM! Youth is seriously wasted
on the young. Shaun, along with
Camille Peruto and Nancy Malcun,
has added a shot of youthful vigor
to the EZFS music rotation. They
are perky, energetic and unfailingly
polite and I hate them very much.
You know who else I hate? The
person who cuts into our Exit Zero
bundles every week because they
just can’t wait until the shop opens
at 10am. I bet it’s a liberal.
Quote of the Week: “I’ll shove
anything in my mouth right now.”
A hungry female co-worker who
shall remain nameless lest she be
overly embarrassed. (It was Nicole
James.)
Anyone else notice how many
people these days have resting
bitch forehead?
teacher, Matt Suter, drove by EZFS
last week in this Darth Vader-esque
school bus, all black and pointy,
with a deranged smile on his face.
Though, to be fair, “deranged” is his
natural state of being. But if I was
you, schoolkids, I’d be extra good
this year, because I don’t think you
want to end up on that bus with
Mr Suter.
Move over, Randy and Wendy
Redelico, there’s a new stalker
on the block. Jim Faulkner (Jim
Staulkner?) of the Windsor Hotel
has been inundating me with
emails (four), talking about how
good my columns are and how well
I’ve raised my kids. I’m thinking of
getting a restraining order requiring
him to write at least two per
week. (Thanks for reaching out,
Jim.)
The greatest scene in any
movie ever is in The Way Back when
Ben Affleck absolutely melts down
on his basketball team for getting
clowned on. I’ve watched it probably
30 times and will definitely
watch it 30 more.
Does anyone really think Tenet, the latest movie from
there’s going to be one, let alone
three, Trump-Biden debates?
Made the mistake of going
cheap and buying Hefty plastic
drinking cups. Do yourselves a
favor and stick with the red Solo
cup. Why do I buy sdo many plastic
cups and paper plates? It’s
because nobody at my house does
the dishes except me, and since
I’m also the only one who does
the laundry, takes out the trash and
mows the lawn, I can’t always keep
up. Hence, plastic and paper. I may
work at an ocean-friendly restaurant,
but my house is Fukushima.
It’s a little over a 2.5-mile walk
to cut my grass.
Christopher Nolan, is beautifully
shot, features top-notch action
sequences, mind-bending special
effects and is perfectly cast
with Brian Washington (Denzel’s
son) and Robert Pattinson (future
Batman) in the leads. But I don’t
think it’s very good. Something
about reverse entropy (time traveling)
bullets, a Russian oligarch and
the end of the world. It was a lot like
the Alien proto-sequel, Prometheus
— interesting, engaging, bad.
I saw this movie in a movie
theater, which is a place people
used to go to watch movies,
and I did so with zero trepidation.
Sorry, this pandemic was over the
How desperate was I for a drink moment the media decided that
10am-10pm l Free Delivery
after my wait shift on Wednesday? some large gatherings were bad
So desperate I had an Amaretto and others were good.
Sunset & Broadway l 609-435-5052
and Mountain Dew and, I’m not ’Til next time, don’t get caught
gonna lie, it was pretty good.
in The Undertow.
Page 22 EXIT ZERO September 17, 2020 September 17, 2020 EXIT ZERO Page 23