Uncle Andy's Digest July 2021

uncleandys

We're excited to bring you our July 2021 digital edition. Print is alive and well and you can get your own hardcopy magazine at nearly 1,000 locations throughout Androscoggin and Oxford Counties and beyond! We hope you enjoy the Digest as much as we enjoy bringing it to you :)

UNCLE

ANDY’S

DIGEST SINCE

Celebrating

Years

JULY

2021

1996

207-782-7113

Get Your FREE

Quote Today!

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com

DAILY, WEEKLY, & MONTHLY

RENTALS AVAILABLE!

For details, call Ryan Kennard

207-346-0279

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.

Whited Equipment Co. is your

New Factory Authorized Hyundai

Construction Equipment dealer

for Central & Southern Maine.

New & used available!

Sales • Lease • Rentals

Parts & Service

Uncle Andy’s Digest

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 1


If the point of golf is to hit the ball as few times as possible, if I don’t play at all do I win?

Summer is here!

We are hauling

pool water!

Pool Builders

OF MAINE

CALL US FOR ALL YOUR POOL NEEDS!

10 Business Parkway Turner • 207-225-2013

www.deepcleanjs.com

deepcleanjs@yahoo.com

10% REFERRAL BONUS

Know someone searching for a new cleaning company?

Mention this ad to them and we will pay you 10% of their full invoice when they hire us!

PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY

Excellence in commercial cleaning &

janitorial services when you choose

Deep Clean Janitorial Services

207-712-2765

Commercial/Office

Construction Sites

Apartment Turnovers

Floors/Tile/Carpets

COVID-19:

Disinfecting services to help keep your

employees and customers safe.

I used to eat Rice Krispies as a kid. Now as an adult, I snap, krackle, and pop.


Washing dishes can be very draining.

I’m Leaving

You

Submitted by Steve Simard

A woman, cranky

because her husband

was late coming home

again, decided to leave

him a note.

“I’ve had enough and

have left you. Don’t

bother coming after

me,” the note read.

Then she hid under

the bed to see his

reaction. After a short

while, the husband

comes home and

she could hear him in

the kitchen before he

comes into the bedroom.

She could see

him walk towards the

dresser and pick up

the note.

After a few minutes,

he wrote something

on it before picking up

the phone and calling

someone.

“She’s finally gone...

yeah I know, about

bloody time. I’m coming

to see you and we

can have some fun. I

love you.”

He hung up, grabbed

his keys and left. She

heard the car drive off

as she came out from

under the bed. Seething

with rage and with

tears in her eyes she

grabbed the note to

see what he wrote.

“I can see your feet.

We’re out of bread. Be

back in five minutes.”

The only thing common between a stork and an obstetrician is the long bill.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 3


Uncle Andy’s Digest

is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$36/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

I’m competing for that stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

CAPTAIN

JIMBO

IRONSIDES

STEVE

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

4

WONDER

WOMAN

TYLA

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries

very hard to ensure the accuracy

of the information in our clients’

advertisements and our publication

in general, we are not responsible

for vendor availability, typographical

errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

Jimbo

July 2021 783-7039

Smile In

Comfort

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

• Immediate Dentures

• Partial Dentures

• Rebases

• Relines

• Repairs

Like Our Name Implies,

We’ll Make You

SMILE AGAIN

All work done on-site.

Repairs usually same day service!

Call today

for a

FREE

consultation!

Joe & Mike

Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

smileagaindentures@gmail.com • SmileAgainDentures.com

514-0660

When two glow-worms met in the dark, it was larva at first sight.


The conversation between the brain surgeon and the

anesthesiologist was mind numbing.

MONDAY

Ham Italians

Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99

WEDNESDAY

Chicken Salad

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

FRIDAY

Tuna Italian

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

SUNDAY

$2.00 OFF

Any large pizza

MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week

TUESDAY

Small 1-topping Pizza

10" pizza $4.99

THURSDAY

Bowl of Chili

$4.49

B.L.T.

Sm. $2.99

Lg. $4.99

SATURDAY

Baked Beans

Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99

Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49

Breakfast Sandwiches $2.29

Hash browns 2/$1.59

Coffee all sizes $0.99

We accept cash, checks,

major credit/debit cards, & EBT

Sweater is a pretty disgusting name for a piece of clothing.

Live your most balanced, centered life

Out ‘n About at

Fishermen’s Net

in Gray

There’s plenty

of fish in the sea,

but The Digest is

the one for me!

Nikki Canney

Owner

Everything

here at

Fishermen’s Net

in Gray is so good,

but if I ate it all,

I’d be stuffed

to the gills!

CRYSTALS

TUMBLED STONES

SALT LAMPS

FIGURINES

JEWELRY

CANDLES/INCENSE

SPIRIT ANIMALS

CHAKRA ITEMS

And More

120 Center Street #107, Auburn • 207-241-2356

Maine Mall, South Portland • 207-274-2539

Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

Brooke Hewey

Eliza Hotham

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 5


Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Out ‘n About in Auburn

Give your home the protection it deserves.

Your home is where you make some of your

best memories, and that’s worth protecting.

LET’S TALK TODAY.

Celebrating our

23 year anniversary at

the New Auburn Village Block

Party! Once the rain

started, we ran for cover at the

American Legion Post 153!

A few raindrops weren’t

going to spoil

our big day!

Tiger & Erica Ladd

Pulled Over

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Jimmy got pulled over

by the police on his

way home from work

one night.

After taking his license

and registration, the

cop asked, “Before I

go run your information

through our system,

do you have a police

record?”

“No, but I have three

Sting albums.”

Whenever there’s an outage, your KOHLER generator keeps

your internet on, your fridge cold and your family protected.

• Generator Sales and Installations

• Residential and Small Commercial

Electrical Service

Over 50 years of Trusted Professionalism

“MY GENERATOR IS MAGIC.

WE NEVER LOSE POWER.”

- ALEX L., KOHLER ® generator owner

1033 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

www.debloiselectric.com

207-783-6512

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

6 July 2021 783-7039

Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.


The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

Hot Water Heater Need Replacing?

Out ‘n About at

Fishermen’s Net

in Gray

ACT NOW!

Efficiency Maine Rebate

is a limited time offer.

Don’t miss out!

Direct

replacement of

an existing

electric hot

water heater

Final Cost after

discounts and rebates:

$ 1,224 .00*

*Plus permit costs

CALL MIKE TODAY!

207-754-4556

Mike@upwi.net

Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas

Residential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency Service

Deborah Baker

You’ll never

see two fish in

business together because

they are sole

proprietors

The truth is out there. Anybody got the URL?

Gary Scheuchzer

NEW UNITS, CLEAN & DRY!

I saw a

singing fish once in a

choral reef.

Online Account

Management

Online

Rental

Well Lit Facility

w/Security Cameras

GATED ACCESS

Coming Soon!

The irony of life is that, by the time you’re old enough to know your way around,

you’re not going anywhere.

Kassidy Plummer

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 7


Out ‘n About at

Fishermen’s Net

in Gray

This little

guy asked me to

take him out of the

lobster pool for a bit.

He said he was getting

clawstrophobic

in there!

The United States is a free country where every man can do as his wife pleases.

Great Rates • Great Service • Great Staff

Move your

loan to us

for great rates!

Payson

Huntington

All these fish

jokes are hilarious!

You guys are

krilling it!

Great Falls

Federal Credit Union

www.GreatFallsfcu.com

34 Bates St, Lewiston • 782-7192

760 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-0500

If the world is spinning so quickly why don’t we all get dizzy?

Sharon Snence

Did You Know?

Every July 4th,

descendants of the

signers of the Declaration

of Independence

tap the Liberty Bell

13 times in honor of

the original 13

colonies.

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

We Are Standing Strong!

Our Executive Officers, staff, and

volunteers will continue to take necessary

precautions to ensure safety for all.

IF YOU HAVE BEEN FULLY VACCINATED,

MASKS ARE NO LONGER REQUIRED.

IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN FULLY

VACCINATED, PLEASE WEAR YOUR

MASK WHENEVER POSSIBLE.

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more

information

207-782-1118

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

Members & Guests Welcome

NEW HOURS: Monday through Thursday: 12p-6p

Friday & Saturday: 12p-9p • Sunday: 11a-6p

Our bar is open! Ask about our drink specials!

SUNDAY, JULY 4 TH

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!

MONTHLY MEETING

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 21 ST

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS

WEAR YOUR R.E.D. SHIRT & SURPRISE!

SEE YOU AT THE POST!

IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to COVID-19/Coronavirus, all activities

are subject to change. Follow us on Facebook page for updates.

Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin from 11a-6p!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

8 July 2021 783-7039

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they

left earlier they wouldn’t have to go so fast.


July

Special

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

Chicken Cordon

Bleu Sandwich

w/chips

Only $

7 .50

Full serve catering at the

location of your choice.

Book Your

2021 & 2022

Events Now!

207-345-9009

DadsPlaceCatering.com

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

Catering

Dad’s Redemption Center

6¢ a

bottle for

Make-A-Wish

Donations!

Redemption Center is

directly behind Dad’s Place

DONATE YOUR

BOTTLES TO

Help grant a wish to a local child

battling a critical illness

See our redemption ad on page 43.


Out ‘n About at Mel’s

Hilltop Restaurant

in Poland

for the Denny Breau concert

One day I’ll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.

Mel’s

Hilltop at

Poland Spring

resort is the place

to be on a Friday

evening! Great food

and drinks, fantastic

view, and Denny

Breau plays every

Friday from

6-8pm!

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Serving Breakfast All Day!

87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171

Amber

Henderson

Loaded Omelette

w/home fries, grilled onions,

& Texas Toast

RollysNewAuburn.com

Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,

Sunday Closed

Golf season

is in full swing!

There is no better

19th hole than the

patio at Mel’s!

My older sister is tired of me calling her the beta release.

Out ‘n About at Fishermen’s Net in Gray

They

should

crank up the

tunes!

Mark Bosse

General Manager

Yeah! Play

something

catchy!

Scott Graffam

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

10 July 2021 783-7039

Brooke Hewey & Payson Huntington weigh the lobsters

Don’t complain to me. When I was a kid, we actually had to get

out of the car and OPEN the garage door.


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE

Come check out our summer menu!

SAVE THE DATE!

SATURDAY, AUG. 14 TH

EVERY MONDAY

20% OFF

All Burgers

30% OFF

All Drafts

hosted by

We Cater!

Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays,

Corporate Parties, and more!

No event too BIG or SMALL...

We cater it ALL!

Come experience

why the

locals eat here!

July is the

perfect grilling

month. Get your

steaks here!

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


Out ‘n About at Mel’s

Hilltop Restaurant

in Poland

for the Denny Breau concert

Golfing

has to wait... I

was taking photos of

Denny for an upcoming

story in LA Metro

Magazine!

Jose Leiva

Make sure

to get my good

side, Jose!

Croutons are a great comeback story.

Bread no one ate yesterday becomes the best part of the salad today.

FIESTA WEDNESDAYS AT THATCHER’S!

$5.99 for 3 beef tacos and $6 well margaritas!

207-782-2135 Auburn Mall

Mon. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm

I always wanted to be a monk but never got the chants.

DAILY SPECIALS

MONDAY

75¢ Wings

Cheeseburger Special $6.99

Cincinnati Spaghetti $7.99

25oz domestic drafts $4.00

TUESDAY

75¢ Wings

Fried Pickle Basket $4.99

Thatcher’s Burger $7.99

25oz domestic drafts $4.00

WEDNESDAY

3 Beef Tacos $5.99

Thatcher’s Burrito $7.99

Well Margaritas $6 • Coronas $3

THURSDAY

Stuffed Peppers $7.99

Buffalo Chicken Salad $11.99

All Microbrews $4.00

FRIDAY

Clam Cake Basket $6.99

Fish & Chips $11.99

Teriyaki Tips w/mashed $14.99

SATURDAY

Fried Scallops $15.99

2 Hot Dogs w/fries $6.99

Miller Lite Bottles $2.50

SUNDAY

12" Cheese Pizza $6.99

Bloody Mary’s $6

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts $2.50

Out ‘n About at Mel’s Hilltop Restaurant in Poland

for the Denny Breau Concert

Denny Breau

Hey Denny,

do you know the

Baby Shark song?

Thanks!

I taught it

everything it

knows!

You know,

your camera takes

really nice

pictures!

Georgia Falso

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

12 July 2021 783-7039

Jose Leiva & Denny Breau

Polynesia – memory loss in parrots.


Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.

Fishermen’s Net Gray

Bringing the Ocean to your Table

Take out, Dine in, Live Lobster,

& Homemade Goods

207-657-3474

59c Portland Road, Gray

• REGISTERED ANGUS

• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF

• MEAT PACKAGES

• GIFT CERTIFICATES

BURGER • STEAKS • ROASTS

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK

INSPECTED

Hours:

Mon. 11a-5p

Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p

Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p

Sun. 10a-5p

Roebucks Angus

Tell us you saw us in

Uncle Andy’s!

Visit, call, or text us

We Always Have

Specials!

Follow us on Facebook

for information on

Burger Night!

jay - 207.754.1558

sue - 207.754.6558

783 UPPER ST. • TURNER

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

«

«

Fill up your growlers before heading upta’ camp!

«

Phone in your order ahead of time

«

«

Order online

Come in and have a pint while we

fill a growler fresh to order!

Sleepover

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Steve was over at

Jimbo’s house one

day playing cornhole.

All of a sudden, it

started raining cats

and dogs and the two

men ran inside to take

cover. After a couple

of hours, there was no

sign of the rain letting

up.

“I can’t let you go out

in this storm,” Jimbo

said. “Why don’t you

just crash here for

tonight?”

“Yeah, that sounds like

a good idea,” Steve

responded.

So Jimbo went into

the guest bedroom to

make up the bed with

new sheets and leave

fresh towels for

Steve.

As Jimbo was working,

he heard a knock

on the door. Jimbo

hurried to go answer

it. When he opened

the door, there stood

Steve, soaking wet

and shivering from the

cold rain.

“Steve, what are you

doing? Why are you

outside?” Jimbo

questioned.

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN

207.689.3030

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM

* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR SUMMER HOURS

“Well, if I was staying

here overnight, I had

to go home and get my

pajamas first.”

I started my own garbage business; now I’m filthy rich.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 13


Out ‘n About at Mel’s

Hilltop Restaurant

in Poland

for the Denny Breau concert

Free

concerts at

work? Feel free to

be jealous of

my job!

I’m okay with getting older, but my body is taking it badly.

Topsham Tractor & Equipment

Emily Champagne

Just call me the

stair master!

207-209-2000

403 Lewiston Road, Topsham • Open: 8-5 Mon-Fri / 8-2 Sat

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

Out ‘n About at Mel’s Hilltop Restaurant in Poland

for the Denny Breau Concert

Pam Mallard

Sing it with

me, Denny! I’ve

got the Trappedin-a-Highchair-

Blues!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

14

Steve & Laurie

Soherr

Jimbo

July 2021 783-7039

Georgia Falso & Denny Breau

My husband said I don’t do enough work around the house.

It’s like he thinks this Facebook account just runs itself!


My doctor said I should eat better. With what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.

We’ve got you covered!

How Dad Are

You?

Submitted by

Stephanie Arsenault

How many have

you or your dad said?

q “I guess it’s free

then.”

(when a cashier

has trouble scanning

an item)

q “Looks like we’ll

have to amputate.”

(when a child has a

minor injury)

Peoples Insurance - Monmouth

832 Main Street, Monmouth

(207) 777-1877 or (888) 783-2246

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Peoples Insurance - Ogunquit

716 Main Street, Ogunquit

(207) 646-7118 or (877) 840-7118

q “Let’s rock ’n roll.”

(when it’s time to

leave)

Pinkham Insurance

8 Almar Street, Farmingdale

(207) 626-5810 or (866) 626-5820

Champoux Insurance Agency

150 East Avenue, Lewiston

(207) 783-2246

(888) 783-2246

Rogers Insurance

38 Main Street, Lisbon Falls

(207) 353-6834 or (888) 353-6833

q “No, you’re other

right.”

(when someone

mistakes left for

right)

I was raised as an only child. It really annoyed my sister.

DON’T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

NEXT? WE DO. ®

For any disaster,

call ServiceMaster!

q “What’s the

damage?”

(when looking at a

bill)

q “I was just resting

my eyes.”

(after falling asleep

on the couch)

q “I guess they’ll let

anyone in here.”

(when seeing a

friend in public)

q “Hey, where you

going?”

(when someone

misses their turn

driving)

WATER FIRE MOLD

29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn

(800) 244-7630

(207) 539-4452

www.smfireandwater.com

www.smcarpetcleaning.com

q “Can’t get far

without these.”

(after forgetting

keys)

Continued on next page

According to my neighbor’s diary, I have boundary issues.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 15


Continued from previous page

q “People don’t know

how to drive in this

town.”

(in every town

you’re in)

q “We needed this

rain.”

(every time it rains)

q “That’s how they

get you.”

(after declining an

extended warranty)

q “MOOOOOOO!”

(when driving past

cows)

q “Back already?”

(when someone

comes back inside

after forgetting

something)

q “That’s not going

anywhere.”

(after tying something

down)

q “Hi bored, I’m dad!”

(anytime a child

says they’re bored)

q “I’m not paying

to heat the whole

neighborhood.”

(whenever the door

is open... also

accepted is, “Were

you raised in a

barn?”)

John Blanchette

• RISK CONSULTING

• BUSINESS ANALYTICS

Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?

Yeah, it cracked me up too!

PROTECT Your Business.

PROTECT Yourself.

We are Maine’s largest

resource for background

searches

You just never

see it coming.

PROTECT YOUR COMPANY WITH THE

RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE

Contact John today

at 207-784-9358

• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE

• CLAIMS SUPPORT

www.nfp.com

Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.

(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.

ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT

•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS

Out ‘n About at Mel’s Hilltop Restaurant in Poland

Karen

“Bev-Ridge”

Nichols

&

Gail Croteau

207-783-0000783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

16 July 2021 783-7039

I’m at the point in my life where the only diet that will work is me going on Survivor.


2

I know the exact day I gave up exercise. It’s on my birth certificate.

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for the Denny Breau concert

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If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 17


Now

Hiring

Out ‘n About at Mel’s

Hilltop Restaurant

in Poland

for the Denny Breau concert

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

NOW HIRING! Apply

Within

Emily Drummond

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

11 Library Ave.

Auburn

Date

night!

Bernie & Janet

Gaunt

You seemed

a lot shorter

when you were

sitting down!

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than 20,000 readers each month! Call today FMI!

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COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

You’ll be glad you did!

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

18

Denny Breau &

Keith Davis

Jimbo

July 2021 783-7039

To apply:

www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202

A battery and a firework were arrested. They charged one, and let the other one off.


CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

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and Oxford

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Moved two miles

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Clockwork

Submitted by Tyla Davis

In the late 17th century,

Christiaan Huygens

developed the first pendulum

clock, designed

from a concept by

Galileo that pendulums

could be used to keep

the time.

Excited for his new

development, Huygens

decided to tell his

friends about what he

was planning. As he

explained it, his friends

had looks of confusion

on their faces.

“So there will be 12

numbers on this clock?

So the day will be divided

into 12 segments?”

asked one friend.

“No. There will be 24

segments in a day,”

responded Huygens.

“So will the day start

at 1. Like counting?”

asked another friend.

“No. The day will start

at 12.”

“Oh. So 12 will be first

thing in the morning?”

Now

Hiring!

“No, 12 will be at night,”

answered Huygens.

“I’ll be honest, easily

telling time sounds nice,

but the implementation

is very confusing,” another

friend said.

“Oh, and another

thing... 6 means 30.”

I went to see the doctor about my short-term memory problems.

He made me pay in advance.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 19


Now

Hiring

Out ‘n About at Mel’s

Hilltop Restaurant

in Poland

for the Denny Breau concert

Wait... did

I just hear Denny

Breau making

up a song about

pot roast?

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!

We are seeking experienced

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Air Conditioning & Heating

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supper!

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

20 July 2021 783-7039

Variety of Shifts Available!

Starting Pay: Days $15.50, Nights $17.00

Important note from a car manual: Backing up rapidly

into a tree significantly reduces your trunk space.


You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason

why we observe daylight savings time.

Last Rites

Submitted by Steve Simard

A priest was preparing

a man for his long journey

into the night.

presents

A Night of Comedy

with

at the

Whispering firmly, the

priest said, “Denounce

the devil! Let him know

how little you think of

his evil.”

The dying man said

nothing.

The priest repeated his

order. Still the dying

man said nothing.

The priest asked, “Why

do you refuse to denounce

the devil and

his evil?”

The dying man said,

“Until I know where I’m

heading, I don’t think

I ought to aggravate

anybody.”

$20.00 in advance

$25 at the door

or

Reserve a table of

8 for $200

July 22nd

7pm - 9pm

Doors open at 6pm

For information and

tickets go to:

UncleAndys.com

or find our event on Facebook

All proceeds benefit

School Play

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Little Timmy came

home from school all

excited one day.

“Dad, Dad, I got a part

in the school play!”

“That’s wonderful,

son!” the dad exclaimed.

“Who will you

be playing?”

Timmy answered, “I’m

playing a middle-aged

man who’s been married

for 25 years.”

“Well, that’s okay, son.

Maybe next time you’ll

get a speaking part.”

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think,

“Well, that’s not going to happen.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 21


Missing Person

Submitted by Steve Simard

A lady calls the police

to report her husband

is missing. The police

arrive and ask for a

description. She tells

them he’s 6'2" tall,

blonde wavy hair,

and has a smile that

makes everybody love

him.

The police then go to

the next door neighbor

to verify this report.

The lady next door

tells the police, “You

can’t believe her.

He’s 5'4" tall, has no

hair, and he wears a

perpetual frown on his

face.”

The neighbor walked

over to the lady’s

house and asked her

why she would give

the police an incorrect

description of her

husband.

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with parking, ticket sales, Main gate admission, security, clean up,

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Contact Nel Morin at 207-740-3398 • festivalsofmaine@icloud.com

A white shirt attracts the soup of the day.

Out ‘n About at Mel’s Hilltop Restaurant in Poland

for the Denny Breau Concert

Front: Paul &

Betsy Smith, &

Wayne Hennessey

Back: Dean & Laura

Kendall, & Karen

Hennessey

She replies, “Just

because I reported him

missing, doesn’t mean

I wanted him back!”

GOOD is

a GOOD brand

is

They said I couldn’t bring outside snacks new a into brand the salon.

theater, but I’ve got a few Twix up my sleeve!

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one righ

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ri

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yo

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

22 July 2021 783-7039

NOW

OPEN

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I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen... I can feel it.

Out ‘n About in

Auburn

for the New Auburn Village

Block Party

What

better way

to celebrate

the salon’s 20th

anniversary than a

big bash with all of

our business neighbors

and friends?

Gorgeous weather,

live music, and lots

of food and

drinks - what

a blast!

Katie Schertzer,

Dee Chapman, &

Sam Ruess

All About U Salon

The Chapman House has private rooms available

for residents, aged 65 and older, that need

assistance with bathing, medications, and meals.

We provide a warm and

comfortable home for our residents

41 Pleasant Street

Auburn

207-783-0961

Just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

The “Price”

is always right

when you have a free

community

event!

Bill Price

Ken Goodman

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 23


Transform lives,

one wish at a time.

Share the power

of a

wish

Millie

MacDonald

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(207) 595-6794

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Proudly serving Oxford Hills

Proud supporter of

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mildred.macdonald@crossagency.com

Proud Supporter of

Dave Biron

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Venue Bookings

39 Town Country Drive

Lisbon

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Proud Sponsor of

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Organization services

for your home & office

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207-376-7828

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License #SMC343

Home Inspections • Radon Testing

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207-558-2677

Mountainvhi@gmail.com

43 Presidential View, South Paris

Let us sell your home!

“BUSY AS BEES

TO PLEASE”

www.BizRealty.net

158 Main Street, South Paris

Kacey LePage

Direct Line: 207-753-6204

Kacey@champoux-ins.com

A proud

wish granter

Supporting

1940 ~ 2020

Proudly Supports

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

RANGE POND

CAMPGROUND

In memory of Mark LaPierre

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Be Your

Own Boss!

Time for a change?

It’s worth a conversation.

470 Lake Shore Drive

Auburn

tabersgolf.com

207-797-6060

A proud, long-time supporter of

94 Plains Road, Poland

207-998-2624

rangepondcamp@gmail.com

Chris Wallace, RVP

207-653-3424

This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.

Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.


Transform lives,

one wish at a time.

Tyla Davis, Editor-in-Chief

207-346-1488

editor@LAMetroMagazine.com

Proud Supporter of

Christopher D Wallace

Preparer/Owner

Office: 207-892-1480

Fax: 888-565-1173

chris@sbsme.biz

CATERING

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207-345-9009

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207-225-5627

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Let us help buy your home!

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Let us build that dream deck for you!

207-212-7791

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We’re here for YOU!

UFOs • Pizza • Donuts

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to ask about the

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earth-alternatives.com

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Open daily

7am-7pm

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Steve Simard

Businesses & individuals can help make it

possible to grant a wish for a child suffering

from a serious illness. Please Donate!

Call me

to find out

how!

207-754-1815

steve@uncleandys.com

John Engelbert

Heartland

Payment Systems

207-592-6815

John.Engelbert@e-hps.com

Richard Moylan

(207) 777-0050

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn

richardmoylan@allstate.com

Insurance and coverages subject to terms.

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and

Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois

© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company

Join us in our final push to grant 15 or more wishes

to critically ill children in Maine!

Call today at 207-783-7039 to help!

This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.

Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.


Out ‘n About in

Auburn

for the New Auburn Village

Block Party

My wife told me she wanted to travel.

I told her to pick up a basketball and take three steps.

Eligible for Medicare?

CALL US TODAY

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

Dave Biron

Why won’t

anyone laugh at my

sausage jokes?

30+

Years of

Experience!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

Out ‘n About in Auburn for the New Auburn Village Block Party

Steve Simard

American Legion

Post 153 Commander

Because

your jokes are

the wurst!

Bill Price with Continental Shakedown

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.

Suzanne Travers

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

28 July 2021 783-7039

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

A mermaid uses Tide to wash her fin.


I bought a larger ball

on, one which could

ca ry myself and six to

eight pa sengers – the

largest hot air ba l on in

Oklahoma. Since 2 04,

I have b en having the

time of my life introducing

people to the joy of

hot air ba l oning for a l

types of o casions. Companies

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on, perfec to promote

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i mediately h oked on

th experience. I also

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us for miles. I trained to

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and even became quite

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racing, eventua ly being

ranked #5 in th entire

country.

I bought a larger ball

on, one which could

ca ry myself and six to

eight pa sengers – the

largest hot air ba l on in

Oklahoma. Since 2 04,

I have b en having the

time of my life introducing

people to the joy of

hot air ba l oning for a l

types of o casions. Companies

often use the hot

air ba l on experience as

a unique team building

exercise.

At som events, such

I was in the ce lular as a grand opening, wedding,

family reunions or

co munications busine s

when I saw my first hot employ e picnic, the ball

on is tethered and at-

air ba l on in the Tulsa

area. I i mediately realized

the potential to draw and-down ride. Another

tend es take a 50-f ot up-

way companies use the

Direct-Mailed to the Residents of Cumberland and Sagadaho counties

5 Fern St., P.O. Box 214, Turner, ME 04282

Keystone Wi ly and

ConAir

By Wil LaPointe, owner

Co linsvi le, Oklahoma

a crowd, so I purchased a

r of-top type to advertise

my busine s. One day, a

salesman sto ped by who

also was ba l on pilot.

Although I had never

b en “up” in a ba l on,

I purchased a red, white

and blue pa senger ball

on, perfec to promote

my ce l phone busine s.

The pilo t ok me for

my first ride and I was

Submi ted photo

Direct-Mailed to the Residents of Cumberland and Sagadaho counties

A hot air ba l on ride

usua ly lasts 40 minutes

to an hour, but we can

continue for longer if requested.

Everyone from

young t old enjoy the adventure

o floating quietly

like a bird over the land.

l on to advertise to familie spread the ashes

rent ba ner space advertising

their products a l

of a loved one.

around the country or just

in Oklahoma.

Many of these companies

repor tha their

busine s was definitely

“l oking up” with the

use of this a tention-getting

marketing concept. Not only is the scenery

I have also had couples breathtaking, but you also

can vie wildlife on

exchange their we ding

vows in the ba l on and the ground and in the air.

even helped grieving Often birds and bu terflies

wi l fly right alongside

us! Watch as one of

these ba l ons “chases”

the other. For more information,

email wilball

on@yah o.com.

Submi ted photo

Elvis

By Ba l onFestival.com

A Product of

A Maine Owned Company

FREE

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Elvis was larger than life

and so the 10-story-ta l

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air ba l on that l swivel,

shake and soar the Festival.

Elvi stands 105-f et

ta l (the real Elvis was

5-f et 1-3/4 inches) and

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speak English, music

sti l touched them. The 1968

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Elvis Presley’ singing car

er. This 2018 version wi l

launc hundreds of thousands

of smiles. •

plete with long sideburns,

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es and a sparkling white

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of ertiied progras in the state. inrease in ob growth.

A hot air ba l on ride

usua ly lasts 40 minutes

to an hour, but we can

continue for longer if requested.

Everyone from

young t old enjoy the adventure

o floating quietly

like a bird over the land.

l on to advertise to familie spread the ashes

rent ba ner space advertising

their products a l

of a loved one.

around the country or just

in Oklahoma.

Many of these companies

repor tha their

busine s was definitely

“l oking up” with the

use of this a tention-getting

marketing concept. Not only is the scenery

I have also had couples breathtaking, but you also

can vie wildlife on

exchange their we ding

vows in the ba l on and the ground and in the air.

even helped grieving Often birds and bu terflies

wi l fly right alongside

us! Watch as one of

these ba l ons “chases”

the other. For more information,

email wilball

on@yah o.com.

Elvis

By Ba l onFestival.com

Elvis was larger than life

and so the 10-story-ta l

special-shaped Elvis hot

air ba l on that l swivel,

shake and soar the Festival.

Elvi stands 105-f et

ta l (the real Elvis was

5-f et 1-3/4 inches) and

weighs 485 pounds. Complete

with long sideburns,

40-f ot-wide sungla s-

es and a sparkling white

jump-suit, the Elvis ball

on doesn’t hail from Tupel

or Las Vegas, but rather

from São Paulo, Brazil.

Fu l Time & Part Time

Flexible Learning

207-453-58 2 w.kv c.me.edu

A Product of

A Maine Owned Company

FREE

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Just G od News Since 1 92

Volume 1, I sue 5

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of ertiied progras in the state. inrease in ob growth.

Fu l Time & Part Time

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I gave the Joker a calendar wrapped in aluminum. His plans were foiled.

NEW EVENTS

Pizza Delivery

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Dominic was on a

business trip abroad

and was getting homesick

for some American

cuisine.

He stopped at the front

desk of the hotel he

was staying at to ask

the concierge if there

were any restaurants

that delivered American

food.

Check our website or follow us on Facebook

for upcoming events!

FrancoCenter.org • facebook.com/FrancoCenter

Maine’s Largest Directly Mailed

Community Newspapers

Reaching 243,000 Homes and

607,000 Readers.

www.turnerpublishing.net/news

A big thank you to our sponsors

“The way Maine news should be.”

Local News • Good News • Apolitical News • FREE News

We love Drama.

for your continued support!

“Sure!” the concierge

replied. “There’s a pizza

parlor that delivers just

a few miles from here.”

The concierge gave

Dominic the number

to the pizza place.

Dominic called and

placed his delivery

order and went back

to his room, excited for

some familiar food to

be delivered.

46 Cedar Street,

Lewiston, ME 04240

www.RoopersBeverage.com

www.RoopersWholeSale.com

Maine’s Largest Directly Mailed

Community Newspapers

Reaching 243,000 Homes and

607,000 Readers.

www.turnerpublishing.net/news

Midcoast Beacon

MAINE NEWS at w.turnerpublishing.net/news

Mos trusted local co munity new source serving over 6 0, 0 Mainers each month.

w.centralmainetoday.com • w.turnerpublishing.net • 207- 25-2076 • Fax: 207- 25-5 3 • articles@turnerpublishing.net • advertising@turnerpublishing.net

Special-shape ba loons at this year’s GF Ba loon Festival

“The way Maine news should be.”

Androscoggin Bank

Local News • Good News •

DaVinci’s

Apolitical News • FREE News

Androscoggin HomeHealth Care Emerson Chevrolet

Austin Associates

5 Fern St., P.O. Box Hebert 214, Turner, Construction ME 04282 LLC

To submit news, email articles@turnerpublishing.net

Berman & Simmons To ask about advertising, email Isaacson advertising@turnerpublishing.net

& Raymond

Central Maine Graphics

Mechanics Savings Bank

Total Market Concentration

CALL 207-225-2076 TODAY

GENDRON

The ma sive ba l on occupies

105, 0 cubic f et of

space when fu ly inflated.

The Elvis ba l on was

created as a tribute to the

entertainer by hot air ball

on pilot Luiz Paulo A sis

of AirFly hot air ba l ons.

The ba l on was inspired by

Luiz’s love for the artist and

his music. Luiz was exposed

to the music by his father

when was ver young.

Even though they did not

Medical A sisting, a Prescription for Su ce s

Proud Supporter of the Arts

in Lewiston & Auburn

MedCo (The Healing Community)

Norway Savings Bank

The Computer Place

TV5 Monde

FrancoCenter.org

facebook.com/FrancoCenter

About 30 minutes

later, Dominic’s pizza

showed up. He happily

paid for it and tipped

the driver and went

back in his room to

enjoy his dinner.

Dominic opened the

pizza box and immediately

started sneezing

profusely. The sneezing

was uncontrollable.

Dominic ran out of

his room to catch the

delivery driver walking

towards the elevator.

“Hey, what the heck did

you put on this pizza?”

“We gave you what you

ordered...pepper only.”

Midcoast Beacon

MAINE NEWS at w.turnerpublishing.net/news

Mos trusted local co munity new source serving over 6 0, 0 Mainers each month.

w.centralmainetoday.com • w.turnerpublishing.net • 207- 25-2076 • Fax: 207- 25-5 3 • articles@turnerpublishing.net • advertising@turnerpublishing.net

Special-shape ba loons at this year’s GF Ba loon Festival

Of all the things that taste like chicken, it’s weird that eggs isn’t one of them.

i mediately h oked on

th experience. I also

noticed how it a tracted

a crowd; cars fo lowed

us for miles. I trained to

become a licensed pilot

and even became quite

su ce sful at competitive

racing, eventua ly being

ranked #5 in th entire

country.

The ma sive ba l on occupies

105, 0 cubic f et of

space when fu ly inflated.

The Elvis ba l on was

created as a tribute to the

entertainer by hot air ball

on pilot Luiz Paulo A sis

of AirFly hot air ba l ons.

The ba l on was inspired by

Luiz’s love for the artist and

his music. Luiz was exposed

to the music by his father

when was ver young.

Even though they did not

speak English, music

sti l touched them. The 1968

TV special re-launched

Elvis Presley’ singing car

er. This 2018 version wi l

launc hundreds of thousands

of smiles. •

Medical A sisting, a Prescription for Su ce s

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 29


Housework

Submitted by Steve Simard

I never thought I’d be the type of person to get up early in the morning to exercise.

And I was right.

Tyla and Keith were

arguing about housework

one day.

“You really need to

be doing more chores

around here!” yelled

Tyla.

“Can we just change

the subject?” Keith

asked.

“Fine. More chores

need to be done by

you.”

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p

47 Broad Street, Auburn

www.firehouseauburn.com

207-376-4959

HAPPY HOUR

Monday-Friday

2p-5p

BURGER MONDAY

$2 OFF

July Drink Special

Mai Tai

$

8

Space could be filled with vampires and we’d never know because telescopes use mirrors.

EST

1950

54 Mill Street

New Auburn

Appointments

and walk-ins

welcome!

783-3444

OPEN:

Tues-Fri

7:30a-5:30p

Sat 7:30a-2p

Booth Rentals Available

Taylor Merrill & his son

84 General Turner Hill Road, Turner

207-225-3000

www.mhoilandpropane.com

Barbers are good drivers because they know all the short cuts.

Did You Know?

On average, Americans

eat 150 million

hot dogs on the Fourth

of July? No word on

how many gallons of

ketchup are needed for

that!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

30

Jimbo

July 2021 783-7039

WE HAVE POOL SUPPLIES!

Get your pool ready for the summer

• Chlorine

• Shock

• Filters & Parts

• Pool toys!

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253

My wife asked me if I thought the kids were spoiled. But they smelled fine to me.


My daughter ate her homework because her teacher said it was a piece of cake.

We keep growing! So...We’ve Moved!

Come visit us at our NEW home at 368 Minot Ave in Auburn!

Whether you’re looking to buy, sell, or build a home, our growing

team works with you every step of the way!

Out ‘n About in

Auburn

for the New Auburn Village

Block Party

I showed

up to represent!

Can I be the Digest

paparazzi for a

day?

Jon

Mercier

Mark

Turner

Toni

Ferraro

Brandon

Caruso

Mike Spaulding

Deb

Morin

Linda

Dupuis

Regina

Ritchie

Dustin

Mallar

Zach

Lutick

Mason

Dupuis

Lindsay

Wright

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com

The frog burned its tongue when it ate a firefly.

Out ‘n About in Auburn for the New Auburn Village Block Party

John Morrison &

Owen McCarthy

Cure Cannabis

Live music

is back! This was a

great event to bring

back summer

concerts!

American Legion Post 153 Members

Front: Donald Peck & Amy St. Hilaire

Back: Ray Longtin, Mike Spaulding, Steve Simard, Stella Chase,

Audrey L’Heureux, & Suzanne Travers

If a cop pulls over a U-Haul did he bust a move?

Tim Thomas,

Heidi Lemieux, &

Theo Allee

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 31


No Fear

Submitted by Steve Simard

After the fire-truck

arrived at a burning

building in a small

Spanish town, the

firemen observed

a man dressed in a

matador’s costume

prancing around on

the roof.

OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

THE LAKE

STORE

14 Waterford Road, Norway

207-743-6562

Four of the firemen

held a safety net and

urged him to escape

from the burning building

by jumping into the

net.

He refused and loudly

proclaimed, “I’m

Fearless Jose the

bullfighter who is afraid

of nothing, not even

fire.”

The firemen begged

and pleaded but to

no avail. Jose kept

prancing around while

repeating the same

phrase over and over

until the firemen got

really sick and tired of

hearing it.

Finally, when the

flames began to

scorch his backside,

Jose announced he

had changed his mind,

was ready to jump. He

then closed his eyes,

said a quick prayer,

and leaped off the

rooftop.

As his body hurtled

toward the safety net,

the four firemen shouted,

“Ole!” and quickly

moved it aside.

Enjoy our comfortable outside area!

WE’RE HERE WITH GREAT DEALS!

• VIDEOS, GAMES

• TOOLS

PA’S

• FISHING SUPPLIES

• FURNITURE

TRADIN’

• TARPS

COMPANY Inc.

BUY • SELL • TRADE

PAWN

Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer

1447 Main Street, Oxford

Only 25 Minutes from

Auburn & Gray

Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm

207-743-0709 or

1-877-743-0709

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street • Oxford

CALL AHEAD

FOR ORDERS!

Take out window available

Voted one of

Maine’s Best

Pizza Places!

2016 WMTW

Facebook Fan poll

207-539-8254

www.pollysvariety.com

No More Crackers

Polly W ants Pizza

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm

If you cut down a tree to make it talk it will dialogue.

• & MUCH MORE!

BUYING GUNS!

Buying & Selling

Camp Furniture!

Gun Background

Checks/Transfers

Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each

Always Pawning

& Selling

Visit Us!

July

Special

Pepperoni

Italian

$6 .99

Plus tax/deposit

Expires 07/31/2021


OFFERING

Residential

Commercial

Clean Outs

Roll Offs

OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES

844-ME-TRASH

844-638-7274

F ind Y ourself

in places no one else can

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!

SERVING

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com

CALL OF THE WILD

RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410

www.callofthewildrv.com

Insurance companies are warning campers that if their tents are stolen overnight they won’t be covered.

COOPER FARMS

Since 1971

We grow our own apples & vegetables

and we raise natural home-grown beef!

207-674-2200 • West Paris

You should

always make

sure to grab a copy

of the Digest!

You’ll be up to your

neck in funny

jokes!

Out ‘n About at the Shuga Shak

“Farmer”

Luke

Coolidge

Have a safe

and fun 4th of July!

Remember to shop

local for all your

festivities with

family & friends!

March 1876 - Alexander Graham Bell makes the first phone call ever.

Moments later - he is notified that his car’s extended warranty has expired.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 33


Wellness Logic

Submitted by Steve Simard

A whale swims all day,

only consumes fish

and water and is fat.

A rabbit only eats vegetables,

runs and hops

all day long and only

lives 5 years.

Meanwhile a tortoise

doesn’t run and does

nothing energetic, yet

it lives for 450 years.

And you tell me to eat

well and exercise! I

don’t think so.

You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying careful

attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

Roy’s

Happy Independence Day!

FOODLAND

WEEKLY SPECIALS AT ROY’S

Saturday Bean Special

Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $8.99

Wednesday Italian Special

Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.49

Pizza Pack Special

Pizza Packs only $ 9.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 6.99

It’s BBQ

Time!

Check out our

specials

Don’t forget your BBQ

supplies for grilling!

Hours:

Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm

Fri. 8am - 7pm

Sat. 8am - 6pm

Sun. closed

Don’t forget your chicken salad, “best in town” or ham salad!

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

Out ‘n About with the Uncle Andy’s Digest crew from the archives

Jimbo

Circa 2002

Tyla

Circa 2010

Stephanie

Circa 2015

Steve

Circa 2016

Summer! Is your vehicle ready?

Even

we need

service once

in a while!

Summer Car Care Tips

Wash your vehicle. Check tires,

brakes, oil & battery. Replace

wipers & fluids if necessary!

Poisson & Sons

Auto Care

Full Service Gas Station

260 S. Main Street, Auburn

207.782.9144

July 2021

Stickers

are due!

Preorder online or mention this ad

and get 1 / 8 for $25.00!

Leaf it to us.

Medical Cannabis • New Patients Welcome

934 Lisbon Street,

Lewiston, ME 04240

Entrance in back

Day Party Every Saturday & Sunday!

1-8pm

207-689-3626 • www.207high.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

34 July 2021 783-7039

If mediums can communicate with the dead, imagine what a large can do.


I used to practice medicine, but now I’m perfect at it.

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER

NEW MEMBERS!

Pettengill Academy

PettengillAcademy.com

207-241-0046

AK Health and

Social Services

akhss.org

207-809-0224

info.akhss@akhss.org

Out ‘n About in

Auburn

for the New Auburn Village

Block Party

Phew! It

got hot once the

music stopped. It

must be because all

the fans left.

Haus of Belle

Boudoir

HausofBelleBoudoir.showit.site

info@hausofbelleboudoir.com

Community

Staffing Partners

Mohamed

207.632.6592

Dias 207.344.5647

Azinaida 207.440.9349

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM

I have a great joke about nepotism, but I’m only going to tell it to my kids.

Sylvia & Jim

Palmer

Lisa definitely

makes us look good!

A rose between two

thorns!

Our Patio is Open!

We pride ourselves on excellent service & quality

food. Visit our outside dining that overlooks the

golf course.

Whether you are craving a hearty meal after a

day of golf, want a refreshing drink/cocktail, or

if you just want to hang around our fire pit...

Mel’s Hilltop is a great place to visit!

Rich & Lisa Brown,

and Bill Pepin

Does anyone

know who invented

golf? Asking fore a

friend.

(207) 998-4351

www.polandspringresort.com

Open Tuesday - Sunday, 11:30 AM - 8:00 PM

We are closed on Mondays

“Farmer” Phil

Morin

I watched helplessly as my toothpaste fell and hit the floor. I was Crestfallen.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 35


BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Dinner Plans

Submitted by Tyla Davis

9AM ME: I think I’ll

roast a chicken for

dinner. I’ll stop at

Blackie’s to buy some

fresh asparagus and

baby red potatoes to

go with dinner. I’m

gonna knock my family’s

socks off with this

culinary masterpiece.

Call today for a quote!

207-754-2519

seatailor.ctaylor@gmail.com

Fully Insured

Authorized Retailer

T-shirts, koozies, gaiters, trucker hats,

travel mugs, flip flops, & more!

120 Center Street, Auburn

207-241-0125

Meraki1921.com

- Pooper scooping services -

Accepting

New

Clients

207-713-1550

Find us on Facebook

12PM ME: Maybe I

should try to finish up at

the office a bit early so

I can get to the grocery

store and to Blackie’s

before the dinner rush.

I need to start food

prep early so we’re not

eating dinner too late.

207-333-5022

kaytdavispt@gmail.com

Therapy in the home.

Most insurances accepted.

207-782-7141

Now Hiring for Fall Positions!

Students welcome!

New

centrifuge

area rug

cleaning!

• Carpets

• Wood Floors

• Tile & Grout

• Water Damage Drying

Commercial & Residential

Call Today!

(207) 783-2933

4PM ME: This day just

got away from me and

work has been really

rough. I’ll cook the big

dinner tomorrow night.

Maybe tonight I’ll just

pick up a pizza on my

way home.

5PM ME: Who am

I kidding? I’m not

stopping anywhere on

my way home. Pizza

delivery it is!

Out ‘n About in Auburn for the New Auburn Village Block Party

Get on your

Harley & ride...

TT

z

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

36 July 2021 783-7039

The L-A Harley Band

I started a professional hide-and-go-seek league, but it failed.

Good players are hard to find.


You bake a square pizza in a 90 degree oven.

NOW OFFERING

BREAKFAST

WEDNESDAY – SUNDAY!

Out ‘n About in

Auburn

for the New Auburn Village

Block Party

Fun

in the sun!

Scan here

for our

menu!

Wednesday: 7am-3pm

Thursday: 7am-8pm

Friday: 7am-9pm

Saturday: 7am-9pm

Sunday: 7am-3pm

Download

our app for

takeout and

delivery!

Check out

our outside

seating!

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-333-5062 • www.stationgrillrestaurant.com

Michelle Gagne &

Crystal Lawrence

I’m a bit

scared of

pancakes, they give

me the crêpes!

Ken Blais

Rolly’s Diner

Wednesday - Thursday: 4pm-11pm

Friday - Saturday: 4pm-1am

Summer Cornhole

Singles League

Starting July 7th

Give us a call to join the fun!

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com

My son asked me to play the synonym game with him.

I’ve never played. I had to ask him what it was like.

New Auburn

is my kind

of town!

Leroy Walker

Ward 5 City Councilor

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 37


Out ‘n About in

Auburn

for the New Auburn Village

Block Party

I’d like to give a shout out to all my favorite librarians... oh whoops, sorry.

Annuals

Vegetable Plants

Hanging Baskets

Mother’s Day Gifts

Gift Cards

Orette Poliquin

We love

being part of

the New Auburn

Village! I can’t wait to

make this event even

bigger next

year!

Come celebrate Spring &

support your local farm!

All your flower bed

& garden needs!

Open 7 days a week • Mon. - Fri. 9a-5:30p • Sat. & Sun. 9a-4:30p

876 Summer St. Auburn • WHITINGFARM.ORG

Apple is designing an iCar. It’s going to be the first Apple products with Windows.

Gerry Gagne

Owner, Firehouse Grill

These

lime rickeys

from the

American

Legion Post

153 are so

good!

The Fortin Group

Proudly serving the communities of

Lewiston and Auburn for over 100 years.

The cost of living keeps going up.

The cost of your funeral doesn’t have to.

Pre-plan now and your cost will be locked in.

AUBURN

217 Turner Street

207-783-8545

LEWISTON

70 Horton Street

207-784-4584

Vaughn Rogers &

Christine Breton

Uncle Andy’s Digest...with

Jimbo

38 July 2021 783-7039

I wanted to take a trip to New Zealand for vacation, but couldn’t afford it.

I had to settle on Old Zealand.


An astronaut gets paid between $66,000 - $160,000 per year.

Seems a bit low considering the commute to work.

Dog for Sale

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Make your

reservation

now!

A place the whole family will LOVE!

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!

A couple are out for a

walk when they notice

a large sign outside

a house which reads,

“Talking Dog for Sale.”

They are both intrigued

by the idea of a talking

dog, so they knock

on the door and ask if

they can take a look at

this dog

40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

Out ‘n About in Auburn for the New Auburn Village Block Party

“Sure!” says the owner,

“Come on in.”

The owner escorts

them into the lounge

where the dog is lying

on the sofa watching

television.

Jedidiah, Caitlin,

& Lilly Knight

• Title Insurance

• Abstracting

• Escrow Closing Service

• 1031 Exchanges

Nancy Cote &

Kobe Robinson

Androscoggin County’s Premier

Title & Escrow Closing Headquarters

Your Title Company

Since 1987

• For Sale by Owner

• Title Certificates

• Construction

Disbursements

WE’VE

MOVED!

Lucy

Peck

Our new address is:

500 Canal Street,

Lewiston 04240

“Hello,” they say to the

dog.

“Hello,” the dog

responds.

“What have you done

with your life so far

then?” the couple ask

the dog.

“Well actually I’ve led a

very full life,” says the

dog.

“Really?” says the

couple.

“Yes really,” says the

dog. “I’ve lived in the

Alps rescuing avalanche

victims. Then I

served my country in

Iraq. And now I work

part-time reading to

the residents in a retirement

home.”

The couple are

amazed by this. They

can’t believe any dog

500 Canal Street, Lewiston | 207-784-6413 | generalmail@androtitle.com

My mother reported me for stealing her flower holder, but her accusations were vaseless.

Continued on next page

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 39


The police told me they were looking for a man with one eye.

Seems that they would find him quicker if they used two eyes.

CALL US FOR A

QUOTE TODAY!

Out ‘n About in Brewer for the

American Legion State Convention

Reunions

Summer Camp

Road Races &

Charity 5k’s

Contractors &

Landscapers

Quality

Products

Reasonable

Pricing

205 Washington St.

South, Auburn

207-784-4184

coastaltshirts.com

Steve Simard, American Legion Post 153 Commander, was

chosen as the Post Commander of the Year. Anthony “Tony”

Jordan, Past National Commander, presented Simard the

award at the American Legion State Convention. There are

174 American Legion Posts in the State of Maine.

Simard is also a marketing specialist for

Uncle Andy’s Digest & LA Metro Magazine.

Congratulations, Steve!

We are proud to have you on our team!

Adulthood is looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane.

Continued from previous page

could have done quite

so much.

One of them then asks

the dog’s owner, “Why

on earth would you

want to get rid of this

amazing dog?”

“Oh, we’re getting rid

of him because he’s a

liar. He’s not done any

of those things” says

the owner.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

40

Jimbo

July 2021 783-7039

Now Hiring

ALL positions!

Come in and

apply today!

The Village Inn

BEST SEAFOOD RESTAURANT

10 years in a row!

Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com • 165 High Street, Auburn

Until you ride with someone who has a suspended license,

you don’t realize how many back roads your town has.


Why is it when a child wants to show you something, they place it directly in your cornea?

Out ‘n About in

Auburn

for the New Auburn Village

Block Party

16th Annual

Since 1940

• Restaurant

• Miniature Golf

• Driving Range

• Ice Cream Stand

Glow in the Dark

Mini Golf

Bananas have

to use a lot of sunscreen

because they

always peel.

August 7th @ 7pm

rollback prices!

Every other Saturday night

beginning July 3rd

9pm - 11:30pm

Great

Family

Fun!

Lou & Sue Morin

The New

Auburn Social

Club is in da

house!

You

do realize

we’re outside,

right?

Join Us!

The Maine Mini Golf Open*

August 8 th @9:30am

*The Maine Mini Golf Open is a 36 Hole Tournament

$20 entry fee • $ 500 1 st place • Cash prizes for top 5

Class nights every

Monday and Wednesday in July & August

Check out our website for details!

Golf Open 10am - 9pm • Restaurant 11am - 9pm

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • www.tabersgolf.com

If you eat cake fast enough, your Fitbit will think you’re walking.

Mike Gooldrup,

Rose Gravel, &

Patrick Legee

Rod LaPointe

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 41


25 Fern Street, Turner

(207) 225-5012

CALL THE PROS

COMPLETE

MECHANICAL REPAIR

We’ll treat

your baby like

it’s our own!

SUMMER IS MADE FOR RELAXING

Massage is designed to help.

Call to

book your

personalized

treatment!

Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p

229 Center Street, Auburn

(207) 402-8654

www.lamassagemaine.com

Angela’s Computer & Media Shoppe

AngelasCMS.com

Call:

(207) 520-9573

Servicing Maine

Computing and Electronic Services, Install,

Fixes, and Lessons on Hardware and Software

Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION CENTER

Come

see your

favorite

coach

today!

Closed

4th of July

Open daily

8am to 4pm

207-225-2008

8 Tidswell Road, Turner

Book Your Appointment Now!

NEW

LOCATION!

WEBSITES THAT WORK

Design. Build. Brand. Market.

Cuts | Colors | Foils

7 Clark Street

Auburn

207-312-5891

DREAMING OF HOME OWNERSHIP?

Let us walk you through the process

Contact

Sean

Today!

Sean Doucette

207-754-5721

sdoucette@usamortgage.com

NMLS #509638

www.MaineWeb.co

Unlimited Wash Combos

Combo #2

24 .95

$

24 per

Combo #3

includes:

.95

month

.95

$ 29 .95

per month

exterior wash,

underbody, &

poly sealant

includes: exterior

wash, underbody,

rust inhibitor, wheel

brite, tire shine, &

wax

7 Lincoln St. Lewiston

207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

42 July 2021 783-7039

Why do they call them free weights? Those things are expensive!


CALL THE PROS

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(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays) UAD exp. 7.31.21

Offering:

Dining indoors

or outside

Take out

Delivery

Open 11am-7:30pm

12 MOLLISON WAY, 12 Mollison LEWISTON Way, Lewiston | 783-0336

Enjoy a meal &

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beverage on our

awesome deck!

Check out our

new deck furniture!

Live

Music on

Thursdays!

Calling all

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Hundreds and hundreds of items

from many different vendors

Closed on Tuesdays

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TEAM

KENNAGH

Shelley Kennagh

Loan Officer / NMLS 532306

(207) 890-4942

skennagh@cmgfi.com

1225 Center Street, Auburn, #100B

207-241-2489

www.mainelyhandmade.com

We make you LOOK GREAT!

FULL COLOR BOOKLETS & MORE!

Booklets • Posters • Carbonless forms

Envelopes • Business Cards & More!

Call today for a free quote!

Contact me for all of your home loan needs!

60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

Out ‘n About at Mel’s

Hilltop Restaurant in

Poland

Sandi Piper

&

Sue Poulin

Beef jerky is just a cow raisin.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 43


Over 15 years experience!

CALL THE PROS

Mark’s Magic

Close up & walk around

magician/mentalist

Call us TODAY for your

party or corporate event!

207-212-4214 -4214

Office, Restaurant, & Light

Industrial Cleaning Services

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890

FARRELL ENTERPRISES

BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED

We get down & dirty so

you don’t have to!

Nearly Anything Removed

Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!

Fully Insured

Michael Farrell

207-576-2501

RON’S

TRANSMISSION REPAIR SERVICE

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375-4924

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales

YOUR FULL

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LARGE VARIETY OF FIREARMS & SUPPLIES ON HAND!

Happy

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Snorkels, Masks, Wetsuits, Fins, RashGuards

Paddleboards, Paddles, Lifejackets, Windsurf

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Lewiston

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Men in faith practicing a program of recovery.

Services Include:

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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

44 July 2021 783-7039

I always know it’s time to clean out my purse when my car assumes

that it’s a second passenger who’s not wearing their seat belt.


CALL THE PROS

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for your

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Pat’s is a great place to enjoy a meal

inside or outside on the deck!

Serving

Great Food

Since

1985!

85 Center Street, Auburn

207-784-8221 • patsauburn.com

11a-9p daily

Protect your car from the summer heat!

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Family owned & operated since 1967

We are your A/C specialists!

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1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p

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Out ‘n About at Fox Ridge Golf Club for the

27th Annual Auburn-Lewiston Rotary Invitational Golf Classic

The Uncle Andy’s Digest Team

Dan Snow, Bill Murphy, Steve Simard, & Fern Langlois

If you call me from a private number, I will respect your privacy and not answer it.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 45


For 25 Years of O

UNCLE ANDY’S DIGEST

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Uncle Andy’s Digest

Celebrating

ut ’n About Fun!

UNCLE

ANDY’S

DIGEST SINCE

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.

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2021

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1996

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whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

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Topsham Tractor & Equipment

403 Lewiston Road, Topsham

Open: 8-5 Mon-Fri / 8-2 Sat 207-209-2000

June 2021 UncleAndys.com 1

.with

Jimbo


Out ‘n About in

Auburn

for the New Auburn Village

Block Party

I bet at

first glance you

thought I was

wearing a tiny hat.

Look again!

Having kids makes you realize how dumb your lies sounded to your parents.

Saturday, August 14 th

1:00 - 9:00pm

OUTSIDE, NEXT TO MAC’S GRILL

1052 Minot Ave. Auburn

UNCLE AND

pres

Fun for

Everyone!

Sandy Tabor &

Mike Gammon

Always eat

dessert first!

Especially when that

dessert is made by

Rolly’s!

Arianna Wasnea

& Pauline

Raymond-Toth

• Kid’s Zone w/ 95' Inflatable

Obstacle Course

• HUGE Silent Auction

• Dunk Tank

• Face Painting

• Mr. Drew & His Animals Too

• Great Food

• Beer Garden & Full Bar

• 50/50

A great

Community

Event!

Food, Fun, & M

hoste

OUR AMAZING

Renald Lefebvre

Fire in the Hole Band

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

48 July 2021 783-7039

You never know real concentration until you have to take a

newly filled ice cube tray from the sink to the freezer.


Y’S DIGEST

ents

Some of us are still “it” from a childhood game of tag.

3

BANDS!

More than

Meets the Eye

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Jason is working for

a film company and

the director is looking

for people to act in

the next Transformers

movie.

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So far, auditions have

been going terribly and

the director is starting

to get desperate. The

director turns to Jason

and instructs him to

figure out a new

strategy to find a few

actors.

Jason puts up flyers

and makes countless

phone calls to no avail.

A few days later, Jason

mentions the issue to

one of his friends

who works at the local

bar.

The friend says, “Give

me three days and

you’ll have all the

people you need for

the job.”

Jason is elated because

his job depends

on it, so he gives his

friend the studio’s

address.

The next day, Jason

goes into work and

finds the director

standing in the empty

studio and fuming with

anger. Jason is confused

and asks about

the situation.

Continued on next page

Uncle Andy’s Digest

...with

Jimbo

July 2021 UncleAndys.com 49


Continued from previous page

The director gives a

short, curt, response.

“You’re fired!”

Jason, still perplexed

by the situation, packs

up his things and goes

home. He turns on the

news that night and

sees that the studio had

been robbed; absolutely

everything was gone.

Jason called up his

friend and asked where

he found the actors.

The friend replies,

“Actors? I thought you

said you needed some

people to be deceptive

cons.”

Jason is furious. He

screams at the man on

the other line, “The job

was acting in a Transformers

movie, you idiot!

I said decepticons,

not deceptive cons!”

Geography

Class

Submitted by Steve Simard

In Geography class

one day, the teacher

asked if anyone knew

where North America

was on the map.

You know you’re over 30 when you clean the house to the music you used to party to.

LA ’ s premiere

LIFESTYLE

magazine

SUMMER 2021

LA METRO

MAGAZINE

OPERATION REBOOT

OUTDOORS

An undying commitment

Page 37

+

SKELTON TAINTOR & ABBOTT

The secret to longevity

CITY OF LEWISTON, PART 3

Who’s who in Lew

Little Sherry raised her

hand and walked up

to the map and pointed

correctly to North

America.

“Wonderful, Sherry!”

said the teacher. “Now,

class, can you tell me

who discovered North

America?”

“Sherry did!” yelled the

class in unison!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

50

Jimbo

July 2021 783-7039

Get your Copy. Support YOUR Community.

Advertise.

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Chocolate comes from cocoa. Cocoa comes from a tree. A tree is plant.

Chocolate is salad.


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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

52 July 2021 783-7039

UncleAndysDigest.com

Jimbo

Ready for Summer Fun?!

Schedule your pool service today!

Monday - Friday: 9a-5p, Saturday: 9a-4p

1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston

783-0858 • www.abcpool.com

Ask us about our

eco-friendly line!

Low

Chlorine!

True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what’s right.

CELEBRATE OUR FREEDOM!

Get

your goodies

at Georgio’s for

all your family &

friends!

Locally owned & operated

« HOT & COLD

SANDWICHES

« DONUTS

& PASTRIES

« DESSERTS

& SNACKS

GEORGIO’S

Serving Greater LA since the 1950s

207-783-2981

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • www.mygeorgiosmaine.com

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