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Uncle Andy's Digest - June 2022 Digest

We are celebrating Dads this month. This issue is full of fun each month! You'll find Out 'n About pictures, hilarious jokes & one-liners, and the Digest is a one-stop shop for all your neighborhood businesses!

We are celebrating Dads this month.

This issue is full of fun each month! You'll find Out 'n About pictures, hilarious jokes & one-liners, and the Digest is a one-stop shop for all your neighborhood businesses!

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JUNE

2022

SINCE 1996

207-782-7113

Get Your FREE

Quote Today!

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com

Your Locally Owned Crystal & Tumbled Stone Shop

120 Center Street

Auburn

207-241-2356

Maine Mall

South Portland

207-274-2539

123 Main Street

Freeport

207-885-0900

449 Forest Ave

Portland

207-221-2363

Crystals, Metaphysical, Holistic Gifts, & MORE!

Tarot, Akashic Records, Reiki, Psychic & Medium Services

www.bridge2heavenhealing.com | www.leapinlizards.biz

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.

Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service

DAILY, WEEKLY, &

MONTHLY RENTALS

AVAILABLE!

Call Ryan Kennard

207-346-0279

Whited Equipment Co. is your

New Factory Authorized Hyundai

Construction Equipment dealer

for Central & Southern Maine.

New & used available!

Uncle Andy’s Digest

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

1


Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those

“I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

Commercial/Office

Construction Sites

Apartment Turnovers

Floors/Tile/Carpets

PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY

Serving Maine and

New Hampshire!

We have over

50 dedicated employees

to service all of your

cleaning needs

207.712.2765 • www.deepcleanjs.com

Cyndi’s Dockside Restaurant

Spring hours - Wednesday - Sunday

Enjoy dining inside with air

conditioning or outside on the

deck or lakeside picnic tables!

Appetizers, Soups, Maine Lobster,

Salads, Lobster Rolls, Seafood,

Sandwiches, Pizza, Steak, All

Natural Burgers, Kid’s Menu, Full

bar & More!

Take out available!

The Friendliest Staff Anywhere!

(207) 998-5008

www.dockside.me

723 Maine Street

Poland Spring, Maine 04274

Lunch- Dinner

The next time gas prices are under $3, I’m going to stock up and put some in the freezer.


I think I’m going to join a flying school. It will be so uplifting.

MODERN WOODMEN

OF AMERICA

JUNE 2022

ACTIVITIES

Wednesday, June 8th

Dairy Joy

3:00-7:00pm

Auburn & Lewiston Locations

M: $1.00 G: $1.50

Purchase Tickets: 6-01-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Thursday, June 9th

Val’s Drive-In

4:00-7:00pm

925 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

M: $6.50 G: $7.50

Purchase Tickets: 6-01-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Saturday, June 11th

Community Shredding Event

(Open to the Public)

8:00-11:00am

184 Webster Street, Lewiston

Free Event for the Community:

We will be hosting a drivethrough

shredding event.

Without A Trace Mobile Shredding

Vehicle will be at the

office shredding documents.

Three Boxes per person.

Shredding Services are for

Residential Only

Tuesday, June 14th

Roy’s Breakfast

7:00-10:00am

5 Washington Street, Auburn

M: $5.00 G: $6.00

Purchase Tickets: 6-01-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Tuesday, June 21st

Taber’s

4:00-7:00pm

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn

M: $10.00 G: $11.00

Purchase Tickets: 6-15-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Thursday, June 23rd

Mandarin Buffet

11:00-1:00pm

750 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

M: $8.50 G: $10.00

Purchase Tickets: 6-15-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Thursday, June 30th

Fielder’s Choice

4:00-7:00pm

680 Minot Ave Auburn

M: $2.50 G: $3.00

Purchase Tickets: 6-15-2022

(9-11am & 1-3pm)

Reminder:

Please do not call the

restaurants. If you have a

question, please call the office

at 207-782-1833 and speak

with Jamie. Tickets must be

purchased at the MWA District

Office at 184 Webster Street

Lewiston on the dates/times

listed for each activity. Menus

are subject to change. No

substitutions or add-ons.

Most importantly – Have Fun!

I made a hot breakfast for my family this morning,

though I’m not one to blow my own crumpet.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

3


Uncle Andy’s Digest

is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$39/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

CAPTAIN

JIMBO

It’s tough to work on my summer body when my favorite exercise is chewing.

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

Call 514-0660 for a Free Consultation!

All work

done on-site.

Repairs usually

same day

service!

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

Smile in

Comfort

WONDER

WOMAN

TYLA

HULK

SMASH

THOMAS

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

4

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

IRONSIDES

STEVE

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries

very hard to ensure the accuracy

of the information in our clients’

advertisements and our publication

in general, we are not responsible

for vendor availability, typographical

errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

Jimbo

June 2022 783-7039

Joe & Mike

Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

• Immediate Dentures

• Partial Dentures

• Rebases • Relines • Repairs

Like Our Name Implies,

We’ll Make You

SMILE

AGAIN

smileagaindentures@gmail.com SmileAgainDentures.com

My next door neighbor and I used to share our water supply. We got a long well.


I have a broken retro guitar for sale. No strings attached!

Come see Kathy & Joe!

Scan

here to

see our

menu!

Out ‘n About at

Garden Spot

Farms

for Mother’s Day

What do my

plants and flowers

have in common with

the Digest? Both

legendary!

Dennis Peaslee

Owner

Wed: 7am-3pm • Thurs: 7am-8pm • Fri: 7am-9pm Sat: 7am-9pm • Sun: 7am-3pm

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 207-333-5062 • stationgrillrestaurant.com

We will be closed from July 4 to July 12 for vacation.

I hate

when people ask

me what my favorite

flower is. It really

puts me in an orchid

situation.

We will be

closed from

July 4 to July12

for vacation.

Abbi Martin

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com

Hours through June 19th

Monday-Thursday: 4:00pm-11:00pm • Friday-Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am

Hours from June 20th through September

Wednesday-Thursday: 4:00pm-11:00pm • Friday-Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am

The fact that there is a Highway to Hell and only a Stairway to Heaven says a lot.

Adeline & Seren

Sinisi

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

5


Pilots are just plane people.

Out ‘n About at Garden Spot Farms

for Mother’s Day

It’s why I’m here.

Your home and car are more than just things.

They’re where you make memories – and they

deserve the right protection. I get it. It’s why

I’m here.

LET’S TALK TODAY.

Vinka, Adeline, & Steve Sinisi

Short

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Today while making

dinner with the entire

family, my dad asked

my younger sister to

get the meat out the

freezer. My sister opens

the fridge and is on her

toes to reach the meat.

You can hear the determination

in her exhales

as she tries stretching

to reach.

The entire family is

watching intensely

when my dad blurts

out, “The steaks have

never been higher.”

Everyone immediately

walks out of the kitchen,

including my sister.

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

6

Jimbo

June 2022 783-7039

DON’T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

NEXT? WE DO. ®

WATER FIRE MOLD

For any disaster,

29 Brickyard Circle,

Auburn

(800) 244-7630

call ServiceMaster!

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com

They’re called Brats because they’re just immature sausages.


We’re MORE than a Club —

we’re a Special Events Venue too.

Are you planning an upcoming

company meeting, party, fundraiser

event, class reunion, rehearsal

dinner, or have a small wedding?

The Colisée Club

can help you!

WE OFFER:

• Seating capacity of 130

• Catering services available

• Fully stocked bar

• Audio visual support

BOOK YOUR EVENT or

SCHEDULE a WALK

THROUGH by emailing us

at info@thecolisee.com.

www.thecolisee.com

Join us for

We Want

YOU

TO BE

OUR

BILLETS

June 3rd

Open signups 7pm – close

Doors open at 6pm

karaoke starts at 7pm

Info call 207-783-2009 or email

info@thecoliseeclub.com

Join Nord Nation as one of our Billet Families!

We need local families to open their homes to our players. Play a special role

in a players road to success. You’ll help our team pursue their hockey goals by

welcoming them into your home. Develop a unique bond with your billet

player that goes far beyond the ice.

PLAYERS ARE:

• 16 – 20 years old • College bound athletes

• From around the globe

Interested families should email Tiffany

for more info at info@thecolisee.com.

RECEIVE A

MONTHLY STIPEND TO

COVER PLAYER COSTS.

Also, receive season tickets

to cheer on your Nordique!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP!

You are a vital piece of the Nordique Nation Puzzle.


Out ‘n About at

Garden Spot

Farms

for Mother’s Day

Garden

Spot Farms is a

great place to spend

Mother’s Day every

year!

Alana & Azalea

Callahan

If the Pope were to bless an avocado would that make it holy guacamole?

Take Out

Available!

YOU KNOW YOU WANT

TO TRY SOME OF THIS!

Chicken Teriyaki

Sauteéd chicken breast with fresh

veggies and teriyaki served over rice

207-782-2135 Auburn Mall

Tues. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm

DAILY SPECIALS

MONDAY - CLOSED

TUESDAY

Fried Pickle Basket

Thatcher’s Burger

25oz domestic drafts

WEDNESDAY

3 Beef Tacos

Thatcher’s Burrito

Well Margaritas • Coronas

SATURDAY

2 Hot Dogs w/fries

Miller Lite Bottles

THURSDAY

Stuffed Peppers

Buffalo Chicken Salad

Microbrews

FRIDAY

Clam Cake Basket

Fish & Chips

SUNDAY

12" Cheese Pizza

Bloody Mary’s

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts

My credit is so bad, some places refuse to take cash from me.

Brian, Cash,

Nora & Danielle

McEwen

Stealing

flowers is a crime!

It’s de-flora-ble!

START YOUR NEXT CHAPTER

WITH AGENTS YOU’LL LOVE!

List/Sell • Buyer Agency • Design-Build • Turn-Key Package

(No Construction Loan Needed in Most Cases)

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com

Hunter Vaker

Jon

Mercier

Mark

Turner

Toni

Ferraro

Brandon

Caruso

Deb

Morin

Linda

Dupuis

Regina

Ritchie

Dustin

Mallar

Mason

Dupuis

Lindsay

Wright

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

8 June 2022 783-7039

A burglar broke into our house last night, but I didn’t shoot him.

I just put a red laser dot on his forehead. Our three cats did the rest.


HAS IT ALL

Proud sponsors of the

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

Benefiting

Make-A-Wish Maine

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

Catering

Full serve catering at the

location of your choice.

Book Your

2023

Events

Now!

207-345-9009

DadsPlaceCatering.com

6¢ a

bottle for

Make-A-Wish

Donations!

Dad’s Redemption Center

Redemption Center is

directly behind Dad’s Place

DONATE YOUR

BOTTLES TO

Help grant a wish to a local child

battling a critical illness

See our redemption ad on page 40.


Out ‘n About at

Garden Spot

Farms

for Mother’s Day

I didn’t

think I’d be into

flowers, but I planted

some seeds and

now they’re growing

on me.

If a locksmith goes on strike, does he picket?

Local Arborist with over

20 Years experience!

√ Difficult Tree

Removals

√ Storm Damage

Clean up

√ Pruning

√ Trimming

√ Chipping

√ Lot Clearing

Call us

TODAY for a

FREE Quote!

Servicing all of Androscoggin & Cumberland counties

Out ‘n About at the Auburn-Lewiston Municipal Airport for the Big

Brothers Big Sisters of Mid-Maine Plane Pull

Jill Keith,

Elizabeth Keith, &

Sidney Freeman

I think

I’m going to plant

some flowers when I

get home.

Back Row:

Rae Ellis, Dan Ellis,

Tyler Albert, DeAnthoy

Echols, Sheila Judkins,

& Gary Judkins

Front Row:

Stephanie Dube &

Hassan Bouh

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

10

How

are you

gonna do that?

You haven’t

botany.

Kurt, Connor,

Zach, & Katie

Campbell

Jimbo

June 2022 783-7039

Bringing the Ocean to your Table

Party

Platters

Available

(orders only)

Take out • Dine in

Homemade Goods

Gift Certificates Available

The freshest seafood around!

Gray, ME

Hours: Mon. 11a-5p • Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p • Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p • Sun. 10a-5p

WE HAVE

LIVE

LOBSTERS!

Let us do the cooking!

No extra charge!

207-657-3474

59c Portland Road, Gray

The best way to annoy my editor is turning off the automatic spellchecker.


MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE

EVERY MONDAY

20% OFF

All Burgers

30% OFF

All Drafts

EVERY TUESDAY

75¢

WINGS

SAVE THE DATE!

SATURDAY, AUG. 13 TH

hosted by

Dad deserves it!

Treat Dad at Mac’s this Father’s Day!

We Cater!

Mac’s

offers the best

catering service

around!

Cheers to all the

awesome dads out

there!!

Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays,

Corporate Parties, and more!

No event too BIG or SMALL...

We cater it ALL!

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


Domestic

Crustaceans

Submitted by Thomas Hill

A Game Warden is

walking along a beach

one morning when he

spots a man with a

bucket of lobsters.

The Warden walks up

to the man, flashes

his badge and says,

“You’re in big trouble,

buddy. Poaching

lobsters is a serious

offense.”

The man answers,

“You’ve got it all wrong!

These lobsters are my

pets! Every morning I

take them out for some

exercise. I let them

swim around in the

ocean for a few minutes

and then whistle

them back in.”

The Warden looks at

the man skeptically

and says, “Okay then,

prove it.”

The man proceeds to

throw the lobsters into

the ocean and both he

and the Warden stand

there waiting. After a

couple minutes the

Warden looks at the

man and says, “That’s

long enough, now

whistle your lobsters

back in.”

The man turns to the

Warden and says

“Lobsters? What

lobsters?”

Tickets: Advance – $28 each ~ Door – $33 each

(includes fees)

One good turn gets all the blankets.

Join us for the 23rd season at our

Performing Arts and Events Center

on Riverfront Island in Lewiston.

More info coming soon.

Order tickets: FrancoCenter.org or call: (207) 689-2000

46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, ME 04240 • FrancoCenter.org • facebook.com/FrancoCenter

UNDERWRITER

2021-2022 SEASON

Take May this Your Seats …

performance

It’s Showtime!

carry you to a

new place.

Friday, June 17 – 7:00 PM

in Performance Hall

1-800-966-9172

Doors and cash bar open androscogginbank.com

at 6:00 PM

Show sponsor:

La Rencontre Lunch and Entertainment

Thursday, June 23 in Heritage Hall

Doors open at 9:30 AM ~ 10:00 AM social time ~ Lunch 11:30

Entertainment after lunch by Don & Cindy Roy

Lunch menu: Chicken pot pie, coleslaw and whoopie pie. Coffee & tea included. Bar available for other beverages.

Sponsor:

A celebration

of St. Jean de

Baptiste Day!

Advanced tickets only. Deadline is Monday, June 20 at noon.

$15 ~ includes meal and entertainment. Tickets will not be sold at the door

A conversational French club for French speakers

will be held at 10:30am in Heritage Hall

on alternating Thursday mornings: June 9;

June 23 ~ join us for La Rencontre, July 7, July 21, etc.

Starting July 14 – Thursday Night Live in Heritage Hall

Alternating dance and karaoke events!

Entertainment will feature live music and DJs.

Check our calendar

at francocenter.org to find out

what’s going on at the Franco.

For The

Crowd

MEDIA SPONSORS

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

12 June 2022 783-7039

Don’t worry about getting older. You’re still going to do dumb stuff, only more slowly.


My cell phone is plugged in so often it might as well be a landline.

Out ‘n About at

Garden Spot

Farms

for Mother’s Day

Melody Bertrand

& Jodie Dancsak

Join us at the Chapman House

for a new beginning!

Flowers,

plants, and my

favorite magazine...

it doesn’t get any

better than this!

Kristen Hurd

Welcome, Summer!

The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,

aged 65 and older, that need assistance with bathing,

medications, and meals.

We provide a warm and

comfortable home for our residents

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn • 207-783-0961

I just found out Canada isn’t real. Turns out it was all just maple leaf.

Bonnie Iwans

I wanted

to tell a joke

about plants to go

into the Digest, but

I couldn’t think of

any funny ones.

I guess thistle

have to do.

Michael and

Randi Flydrakenn

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

13


Out ‘n About at

Garden Spot

Farms

for Mother’s Day

I was

worried these

plants might be fake,

but they’re not.

What a real leaf!

Getting older is like living in a haunted house.

There are lots of noises and smells you just can’t explain!

Tina Simard

Please,

please, no pictures!

I’m tired of the

paparazzi!

I’m probably single because I didn’t forward those chain messages in 1995.

Out ‘n About at Side by Each Brewing Co. with

Androscoggin Trivia Company for The Office themed trivia

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

14

Maxine, Page,

Jake, & Anna

Atherton

Okay...

maybe just one

picture.

Maxine & Page

Atherton

Jimbo

June 2022 783-7039

Androscoggin Trivia

Company hosts Kate

Perry (left) and Nick

Perry (right) with The

Office Trivia winner,

Abbey Sanborn.

Sanborn’s team name,

“Urkel Grue,” is a

popular reference from

The Office.

Sanborn won a Faces of

Scranton poster with all

the characters and

cameos from the show!

BREAKING NEWS: Baseball will no longer be played in Rome

due to the fall of the Roman umpire.


For the ladies waiting for their prince on a white horse, don’t give up!

With recent prices in fuel, it can happen any second now!

MONDAY

Ham Italians

Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99

FRIDAY

Tuna Italian

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502

WEDNESDAY

Chicken Salad

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

SUNDAY

$2.00 OFF

Any large pizza

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week

I went to trial for stealing my neighbor’s electricity. I was found guilty as charged.

Come be the Difference in Someone’s Life!

NOW HIRING CNAs and DSPs

Are you a compassionate individual who enjoys working

with people in their home and in the community?

Join our team of caring professionals!

Apply online at jfmh.org

or visit us at 800 Center St, Auburn

TUESDAY

Small 1-topping Pizza

10" pizza $4.99

THURSDAY

Bowl of Chili

$4.49

SATURDAY

Baked Beans

Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99

Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49

We accept cash, checks,

major credit/debit cards, & EBT

John F. Murphy Homes, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer and complies with all

local, state, and federal guidelines in its employment practices & services provided.

I could always see myself being a mirror installer.

B.L.T.

Sm. $2.99

Lg. $4.99

Breakfast Sandwiches $2.29

Hash browns 2/$1.59

Coffee all sizes $0.99

Big Dreams

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Mike and Anna were

on their way home one

night when Mike pulled

into a local convenience

store.

“The Powerball is

really high this week.

We should buy a few

tickets. You can’t win if

you don’t play, right?”

said Mike.

“That’s a good idea,”

replied Anna.

“Hey, out of curiosity,

if you won the lottery

would you still love

me?” asked Mike.

“Of course I would. I’d

miss you, but I’d still

love you.”

Work

Commute

Submitted by Steve Simard

One sunny Friday afternoon,

Jimbo walked

into Tyla’s office and

sat down.

“I know you like to

hang out at camp on

the weekends, but I

need you here in the

office,” he told her.

“No problem,” Tyla

replied. “I may be a bit

late though, my car is

in the shop and public

transportation on the

weekends can be pretty

slow.”

“Okay, when do you

think you can get

here?” asked Jimbo.

“Monday at 8:00am.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

15


Fresh Walls

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Travis had just moved

into a new neighborhood.

While he was

unpacking, he noticed

a woman next door

smoothing out new

wallpaper. Travis

waited a couple of

days and saw through

the window that the

wallpaper job was

beautifully done.

He went over to the

neighbor’s house and

knocked. When the

woman answered, he

said, “Hi there! I just

moved in next door

and couldn’t help but

notice the new wallpaper

on your walls. I am

interested in doing my

the walls in my home

too and our houses

seem to be the same

size and layout. Can

you tell me how many

rolls of paper you

bought?”

“Welcome to the neighborhood,”

said the

woman. “I bought 16

rolls of wallpaper for

my home. Good luck

with your project.”

I’m seriously thinking about re-marrying my ex-wife,

but I’m pretty sure she’ll figure out I’m just after my money.

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

AMERICAN LEGION ACT

Veterans who were honorably discharged

but whose service did not

fall into previous defined war era’s

may now join the American Legion

immediately. The eligibility now

spans from Dec. 7, 1941, until a time

when the U.S. is no longer at war, as

determined by Congress.

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more

information

207-782-1118

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

Members & Guests Welcome!

HOURS: Mon-Wed: 12-8p • Thurs: 12-9p • Fri & Sat: 12-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS

FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS 7-11pm in May

Jerry Joe - June 3rd & 17th • 4:30 - 6:30pm

JUNE 10TH & 11TH

The American Legion Annual State Convention

Jeff’s Catering & Event Center

15 Littlefield Way

Brewer, ME

FMI: www.mainelegion.org/pages/news-events/state-convention.php

MONTHLY MEETING

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 15 TH

I don’t age like fine wine. I age like milk... sour and chunky.

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.

June 19th

Bloody Mary Sundays by

Kevin 11am-6pm!

Out ‘n About at Garden Spot Farms for Mother’s Day

Travis thanked her

and went to the store

to buy the wallpaper.

After the job was

finished, he returned

to her home and said,

“Thanks for the advice.

The new walls look

awesome. I’m am left

wondering though, do

you know why I have

six rolls of wallpaper

leftover?”

“Yeah, me too.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

16 June 2022 783-7039

Katelin Urgese, Violet, & Hattie Paquette, and Debbie & John Urgese

My pirate friend has taken up boxing. You should see his right hook.


Being funny at work is a delicate balance of being just enough funny to

entertain your coworkers without getting sent to HR.

PROTECT Your Business.

PROTECT Yourself.

We are Maine’s largest

resource for background

searches

207-783-0000783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com

Out ‘n About at the

Auburn-Lewiston

Municipal Airport

for the Big Brothers Big Sisters

of Mid-Maine plane pull

This was

the second

annual plane pull

fundraiser for Big

Brothers Big Sisters

of Mid-Maine. This fun

community event raised

more than $10,300!

Congratulations to the

Lewiston Police

Department for

taking the trophy

two years in

a row!

ROEBUCKS ANGUS

Tell us

you saw us

in Uncle Andy’s

Digest!

INSPECTED

Visit, Call, Or Text!

JAY 207.754.1558 • SUE 207.754.6558

783 UPPER STREET, TURNER

HOURS: Mon-Fri 12-5:30p, Sat 9a-4p, Sun Closed

• REGISTERED ANGUS

• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF

• MEAT PACKAGES

• GIFT CERTIFICATES

Jennifer Cartmell

Big Brothers Big Sisters of

Mid-Maine Androscoggin

Manager

PROTECT YOURSELF

with the right coverage at the right price

• RISK CONSULTING

• BUSINESS ANALYTICS

• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE

• CLAIMS SUPPORT

• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT

• ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS

It was a

perfect day for

a great cause! Thank

you to all the teams

who participated and

to those who came

to watch!

Contact JOHN BLANCHETTE today at 207-784-9358

My wife shops until I can’t afford to save anymore.

www.nfp.com

Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc. (PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.

Rebecca Emery

Elite Airways

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

17


Now

Hiring

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Out ‘n About at the

Auburn-Lewiston

Municipal Airport

for the Big Brothers Big Sisters

of Mid-Maine plane pull

We are Looking for

Licensed Electricians

Apply

Within

This is no

tiny airplane!

This thing they have

to pull is a beast. It

is a CRJ 200 Jet Aircraft

that weighs

35,000 pounds.

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

11 Library Ave.

Auburn

IS YOUR BUSINESS HIRING?

Advertise in our

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

section to get your job opening viewed by more

than 20,000 readers each month! Call today FMI!

207-783-7039

Dave Eid

WGME-13/Event emcee

I’m pretty

sure the entire

crowd here combined

doesn’t weight that

much!

COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

You’ll be glad you did!

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals

Jason Levesque

Auburn Mayor/Event emcee

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

18

Jimbo

June 2022 783-7039

To apply:

www.jfmh.org or 207-783-2726 x202

My husband would take a bullet for me, but then criticize the way

I drove him to the hospital afterwards.


CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

24 Hour

Service

235 N. River Road, Auburn

207-777-5600

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com

protechoffice11@yahoo.com

Fully Insured

PRO-TECH

REFRIGERATION

IS GROWING!

We are seeking experienced

service technicians to join our team!

Keep your heat pump running at

optimal performance and

efficiency by having us complete

a thorough cleaning and

preventative maintenance service!

Air Conditioning & Heating

Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,

and the surrounding communities!

I once stole a flock of crows and nobody caught me. I got away with murder!

Out ‘n About at the Auburn-Lewiston Municipal Airport for the Big

Brothers Big Sisters of Mid-Maine Plane Pull

Now

Hiring

Price Change

Submitted by Thomas Hill

My wife and I went to

breakfast at a restaurant

where the “Senior

Special” was two eggs,

bacon, hash browns,

and toast for $4.99.

“Sounds good,” my

wife said, “but I don’t

want the eggs.”

“Then I’ll have to

charge you $5.49 because

you’re ordering

a la carte,” the waitress

warned her.

“You mean I’d have to

pay more for not taking

the eggs?” my wife

asked incredulously.

“Yes,” said the waitress.

“I’ll take the special,

then,” my wife said.

“How do you want your

eggs?” the waitress

asked.

“Raw and in the shell,”

my wife replied.

She took the two eggs

home and baked a

cake.

The Lewiston Police Department wins for the second year in a row,

pulling the 35,000 pound jet 20 feet in 7.7 seconds!

Exercise gives you the energy you need to exercise.

Sounds like a pyramid scheme to me.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

19


Transform lives,

one wish at a time.

Proud Supporter of

Top

Pay!

NOW HIRING

Experienced line cooks

401K & Health Insurance Available

Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Tyla Davis, Editor

207-346-1488 • design@uncleandys.com

Foundations Flat Work Patios Slabs

Residential & Commercial

Locally Owned & Operated

Fully Insured

References Available

James Ackerman

720-357-7184

Parts and Service for Commercial

Cooking and Refrigeration Equipment

RANGE POND

CAMPGROUND

Four Generations of

The Taylor Family


185 Webster St. Lewiston

207-240-6415

UNLOCKING THE POWER OF

UNLOCKING THE POWER OF

THE KITCHEN

800-540-5427 COMMERCIAL | www.pinetreefoodequipment.com

COOKING AND

REFRIGERATION SERVICES

SERVING MAINE & NEW HAMPSHIRE

Top

Pay!

1(800) 540-5427 |

www.pinetreefoodequipment.com

Proud supporters of

94 Plains Road, Poland

207-998-2624

rangepondcamp@gmail.com

NOW HIRING

Experienced line cooks

401K & Health Insurance Available

Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Be Your

Own Boss!

FREE

CONSULT!

Kacey LePage

Direct Line: 207-753-6204

Kacey@champoux-ins.com

A proud

wish granter

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

We proudly support

207-530-8890

Organization services

for your home & office

Elaine St. Pierre

simplyorganizedspaces.me

207-376-7828

simplyorganizedspacesmaine@gmail.com

Time for a change?

It’s worth a conversation.

Chris Wallace, RVP

207-653-3424

Top

Pay!

Steve Simard

Businesses & individuals can help make it

possible to grant a wish for a child suffering

from a serious illness. Please Donate!

Call me

to find out

how!

207-754-1815

steve@uncleandys.com

NOW HIRING

Experienced line cooks

401K & Health Insurance Available

Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.

Accounting & Tax Service You Can Trust

207-782-1040

Thank you!

&

Resilience

Physical Therapy

and Wellness, LLC

“Recover what

moves you.”

www.resilienceptw.com

Not sure if we treat it?

REACH OUT!

Roy’s

FOODLAND

Helping grant a wish to a

sick child is rewarding!

70 Broad Street, Auburn

Top

Pay!

NICOLE LAJOIE of

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

Proudly Supporting

Christopher D Wallace

Preparer/Owner

Office: 207-892-1480

Fax: 888-565-1173

chris@sbsme.biz

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Proudly Supports

NOW HIRING

Experienced line cooks

401K & Health Insurance Available

Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts

Let us build that dream deck for you!

207-212-7791

207-753-6222

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn

nicole@champoux-ins.com 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

www.vghomeimprovements.com

Heather Lagueux Shelley

Heather@SDgraphics.com

207.212.4176

This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.

Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.


Out ‘n About at the

Auburn-Lewiston

Municipal Airport

for the Big Brothers Big Sisters

of Mid-Maine plane pull

These

teams will

certainly appreciate

the invention of the

wheel today.

Mark Breton &

James Scheller*

*Airport Manager

Did you know

that our runway is

5,001 feet?

I like to keep a potato masher in the drawer just so we can have

fun trying to open that drawer.

Champoux Insurance Agency, Inc.

Honored as Top Performing Agency

Champoux Insurance Agency, Inc. has been recognized by Ohio Mutual Insurance Group President &

CEO Mark C. Russell a one of the company’s Top 10 agencies for Outstanding Profitable Growth in 2021.

Champoux has represented Ohio Mutual since 2016.

“We are honored to recognize Champoux Insurance Agency, Inc. as a key business partner that focuses on

a strong commitment to growing their business in a profitable manner,” said Russell. “They continuously

represent our company’s vision through their strong loyalty in delivering exception customer service by

creating and maintaining lasting relationships.”

Ohio Mutual Insurance Group, founded in 1901, partners with nearly 400 independent agencies to

distribute quality property and casualty insurance products throughout several states, including Maine.

Ohio Mutual has maintained a rating of “A/Stable” from A.M. Best Co. since 1993. More information is

available at www.omig.com.

We’ve Got

You Covered

Home

Auto

Business

and more!

Blunt pencils are really pointless.

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Locally Owned & Operated Since 1999

150 East Avenue, Lewiston 207-783-2246

Out ‘n About at American Legion Post 153

for the benefit dinner for Annie Anthony

Bob Poulin

Kelsie Heath &

Cheryl Daye

Benjamin Bergmann &

Kahdiana Knight

Benjamin Bergmann, Annie Anthony,

& Jackie Bergmann

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

22 June 2022 783-7039

I saw on the news that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your house. So I moved.


I’m going to separate from my husband because he won’t stop singing “Eye of the Tiger.”

We’re going through a Rocky patch.

Eligible for Medicare?

CALL US TODAY

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

30+

Years of

Experience!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

I saw a hippy drowning in the sea. I tried to save him but he was too far out, man.

Enjoy Happy Hour

Every Monday - Friday from 2p-5p!

47 Broad Street, Auburn

www.firehouseauburn.com

207-376-4959

June Drink Special

Blackberry Mojito

$

8

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p

Come in

and check

out our

awesome

daily

specials!

Getting Old

Submitted by Thomas Hill

Three old ladies were

sitting at the dinner

table discussing their

problems with getting

old.

The first one said,

“Sometimes I catch

myself with a jar of

mayonnaise in my

hand, while standing in

front of the refrigerator,

and I can’t remember

whether I need to put it

away, or start making a

sandwich.”

The second lady says,

“Yes, sometimes I find

myself on the landing

of the stairs and can’t

remember whether I

was on my way up or

on my way down.”

The third one says,

“Well, ladies, I’m glad

I don’t have any of

those problems, knock

on wood.”

As she hit her knuckles

on the table she

looked up and said,

“That must be the

door... I’ll get it!”

I went to the local baker and tried to order shortbread. They told me they don’t make it any longer.

EST.1950

54 Mill Street

New Auburn

Appointments

and walk-ins

welcome!

783-3444

OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30a-5:30p, Sat 7:30a-2p

Booth Rentals Available

Tina with Michelle Bell

Follow her to Bell Farms!

Photo by Sue Bell Dostie

I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked me if it was to scale.

I told him that it was to look at.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

23


I asked my best friend, my childhood sweetheart, and the most beautiful girl in the world to marry me.

All three turned me down.

OUTSIDE

is the New Inside

CALL OF THE WILD

RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410

www.callofthewildrv.com

Steve Simard

Marketing Specialist

207.754.1815

steve@

UncleAndys.com

9 Grove Street,

Auburn, ME 04210

Office:

207-783-7039

Soft Serve Maple

Ice Cream!

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p

Shuga Shak Country Store

Maple Baked Beans

every Saturday!

Wine • Local Products

Honey • Pickles • Jams

Candies • Crafts...

and much more!

450 Pigeon Hill Road

(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls

207-576-7886

Poisson & Sons Auto Care

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION

ARE YOU READY

FOR SUMMER?

June 2022

Stickers are

due!

11 12 1

10 MOTOR VEHICLE

9

8

22

7

0215697

6

23

5

2

3

4

Summer car care tips

• Wash your vehicle

• Check the tires, brakes,

oil, & battery

• Replace wipers and fluids

if necessary

Don Poisson in the tire repair room

Final Exam

Submitted by Jimbo

Every time a little boy

went to a playmate’s

house, he found the

friend’s grandmother

deeply engrossed in

her Bible. Finally his

curiosity got the better

of him.

“Why do you suppose

your grandmother

reads the Bible so

much?” he asked.

“I’m not sure,” said his

friend, “but I think she’s

cramming for her finals.”

Out ‘n About at the Auburn-Lewiston Municipal Airport for the Big

Brothers Big Sisters of Mid-Maine Plane Pull

Dave Eid,

WGME-13

Rebecca Emery,

Elite Airways

Gwendolyn

Hudson,

Executive

Director of Big

Brothers Big

Sisters of

Mid-Maine

Jason

Levesque,

Auburn Mayor

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

24 June 2022 783-7039

The first musician in space was Roy Orbitson.


Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you.

Fool me 94,362 times, you’re a weatherman.

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

Out ‘n About at the

Auburn-Lewiston

Municipal Airport

for the Big Brothers Big Sisters

of Mid-Maine plane pull

Visit our Facebook page for events & beer menu!

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN 207.689.3030

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM

The Village Inn

Hidea Reyes &

Ana Moreno

Give me

a couple of years

to beef up these

arms. I’ll be pulling a

plane before you

know it!

Treat Dad to a

Surf & Turf

Dinner this

Father’s Day!

Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com • 165 High Street, Auburn

Jackman & Chris

Taylor

I bought

my own airplane

the other day. It’s a

shame they wouldn’t

let me keep the

hangar.

“Jumbo” Phil

Sparks

Solar power is the future, but it won’t happen overnight.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

25


Teed Off

Submitted by Steve Simard

Every time I leave the door open, my mom asks me if I was raised in a barn.

Weird, you’d think she’d remember.

Joe, a notoriously bad

golfer, hits his ball

off the first tee and

watches as it slices to

the right and disappears

through an open

window.

Figuring that’s the end

of it, he gets another

ball out of his bag and

plays on.

On the eighth hole, a

police officer walks up

to Joe on the course

and says, “Did you hit

a golf ball through a

window back there?”

Joe says, “Yes I did.”

1940 ~ 2022

Treat DAD to a family fun day

this Father’s Day!

• Restaurant

• Mini Golf Course

• Driving Range

• Ice Cream Stand

Summer Hours

Miniature Golf &

Driving Range

Open Daily 10am - 9pm

(weather permitting)

Restaurant & Ice Cream Stand

Open 11am-9pm

“Well,” says the police

officer, “it knocked a

lamp over, scaring

the dog, which raced

out of the house onto

the highway. A driver

rammed into a brick

wall to avoid the dog,

sending three people

to hospital. And it’s all

because you sliced the

ball.”

“Oh my goodness,”

says Joe, “is there

anything I can do?”

470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • tabersgolf.com

Bad rainbows go to prism. It’s a light sentence.

Out ‘n About in Mechanic Falls with Jimbo’s Golden Retrievers

Well, my

dinner is served.

What are you guys

gonna eat?

“Yes there is. Try keeping

your head down

and close up your

stance a bit.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

26 June 2022 783-7039

A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff... baa-dumm-tsss.


A plant bought me a drink at Mac’s Grill the other day. It just wanted to say aloe.

Out ‘n About at the

Auburn-Lewiston

Municipal Airport

for the Big Brothers Big Sisters

of Mid-Maine plane pull

Two wrongs

don’t make a right,

but two Wrights can

make a plane.

De Echols & Ryan

Crocker

Did you

know that Big

Brothers Big Sisters

serves seven counties

and over 500 kids a

year in Maine?

Wish Kid

Abby

Elizabeth Bushnell,

Mae Slevinsky, &

Monica Charette

Big Brothers Big Sisters

of Mid-Maine

Uncle Andy’s Digest is a proud supporter

of Make-A-Wish Maine.

Consider becoming a sponsor of our

8th Annual Summer Block Party.

Visit www.LASummerBlockParty.com or call 207-783-7039

Most bees are allergic to pollen. When exposed, they develop hives.

Diane & Dennis

Chamberlain

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

27


Out ‘n About at the

Auburn-Lewiston

Municipal Airport

for the Big Brothers Big Sisters

of Mid-Maine plane pull

The

relationship

between a big and

a little is so special!

It only takes 2-5

hours a week and it

can make a difference

in someone’s

life!

“Big” Cristina

Salois & “Little”

Kyla-Ann Ouellet

I haven’t tried yoga, but I have tried bending over to pick up my car keys.

So I’m pretty sure I hate yoga.

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Happy

Father’s Day

to the best dad in the

world!

87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171

Come check out our Father’s

Day weekend special... RIBS!

Mmmm!

RollysNewAuburn.com

Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,

Closed Sunday

My wife and I had a huge fight about who got to do the laundry. I finally folded.

Austin Fournier

I’ve never

pulled an airplane

before, but I can

just wing it!

Jamie Bell

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

28 June 2022 783-7039

Mirrors don’t really break, they multiply.


I lost my girlfriend because of my gambling addiction,

but I’m pretty sure I can win her back.

The Williams Broadcasting Group specializes

in the creative development of both short

format and full length Podcast shows for

radio, television, and the web.

(207)-527-2000 | www.williamsbroadcasting.net | john@williamsbroadcasting.net

Call ahead for

bulk deliveries

& loading

• Mulch

• Loam

• Compost

• 50/50 Compost/

Loam Mix

Full Line of

Bagged Mulch • Soils

Fertilizers • Pro-Mix

Garden Tools • Potting Soil

We are the largest producer of full

length podcasts in the country. Shows

like: In The Pits, Bruins Diehards, The

19th Hole, The Liars Club, Animal Chat,

Community, What a Concept, and

Pride Diehards!

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

GREENHOUSE & GARDEN CENTER

OPEN EVERY DAY 8 - 4

896 Lawrence Rd. No. Pownal • 207-688-4462

www.GardenSpotFarm.com

Look for specials on Facebook!

GIFT CERTIFICATES AVAILABLE

Tree & Shrubs

Asparagus &

Strawberry Plants

Seed Potato • Seeds

Proven Winners

10” to 12” Hanging Combination

10” Fuchsia hanging baskets $ 28

Annual Flats, Herb & Vegetable Flats

& Pots • Geraniums

I’ve joined a procrastinators group called Wait Watchers.

10 greenhouses full

of annual, perennial,

vegetable and

herb plants!

FOR ALL YOUR FLOWER AND VEGETABLE GARDEN NEEDS

9-1-1

Emergency

Submitted by Tyla Davis

A 9-1-1 operator was

just coming off of her

break when a call

came in. She quickly

put on her headset and

answered.

“9-1-1, what’s your

emergency?” asked

the operator.

“Hurry, I need an ambulance,

quick!” came

the frantic reply. “I just

saw a guy get hit by a

car. He is conscious,

but it looks like his legs

and arms are broken!”

“Okay, sir, calm down,”

the operator instructed.

“What is your location

and we’ll send help

right away.”

“I’m on Eucalyptus

street... hurry!” yelled

the man.

“Help is on the way

soon, sir,” the operator

replied. “Can you

please spell that street

name for me?”

There was a long awkward

pause and the

9-1-1 operator became

concerned.

“Sir, are you still there?

Sir, can you hear me?

If so, please spell the

name of the street that

you are currently on.”

“Yes, I’m still here. I’m

going to drag the guy

over to Pine Street and

I’ll call you right back.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

29


Out ‘n About at the

Auburn-Lewiston

Municipal Airport

for the Big Brothers Big Sisters

of Mid-Maine plane pull

Maybe I’ll

be a pilot when I

grow up. That career

has its ups and

downs.

I suddenly realized that I’ve never had an epiphany.

Albert & Burpee Funeral

Home & Cremation Service

207-782-7201

253 Pine Street, Lewiston

www.albert-burpee.com

Traditional Funeral with metal casket & cement graveliner

All services the same day, Monday-Friday

$5995.00

(does not include cemetery, minister, newspapers & required permits)

Michael & Colton

Petrie

The bad

airplane got sent to

his room for a bad

altitude.

Polce toay have sa they are nvestgatng a strng of ID thefts.

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER

NEW MEMBERS!

The Little Maine Market

TheLittleMaineMarket.com

Upstream Strategies

UpstreamStrategies.me

Congratulations to the

2022 LA Top Gun Cohort!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

30

Rick & RJ

Bourgeois

Jimbo

June 2022 783-7039

ALLSPEED

TECH TUTORS

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM

Don’t let advanced math scare you. It’s easy as pi.


I accidentally downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar app and now my battery keeps draining.

Call us for a quote

TODAY!

Out ‘n About at the Auburn-Lewiston

Municipal Airport for the Big Brothers

Big Sisters of Mid-Maine plane pull

HATS

MUGS

EMBROIDERY

SCREENPRINTING

Reunions

Summer

Camps

Road Races

Charity 5Ks

PENS

BAGS

WEAR

Contractors &

Landscapers

Work Wear

205 Washington St.

South, Auburn

207-784-4184

coastaltshirts.com

PEOPLE LOVE MAGAZINES.

of all media, which do US internet users say they

TRUST THE MOST?

PRINT.

(Marketing Sherpa, 2020)

Jimmy Avery & Payne

I always feel a bit validated when the computer doesn’t work in front of the

computer repair person also.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

31


BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Richard Moylan

(207) 777-0050

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn

richardmoylan@allstate.com

Insurance and coverages subject to terms.

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and

Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois

© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company

207-333-5022

kaytdavispt@gmail.com

Therapy in the home.

Most insurances accepted.

207.577.6484

528 Lincoln Street

Lewiston

207-782-7141

Pooper Scooping Services

We scoop so you don’t have to!

Accepting Weekly

& Biweekly Clients

207-713-1550

LISBON

FALLS

OPEN FOR BUSINESS

During Road Construction

The Sausage Kitchen

36 Main Street, Lisbon Falls

207-353-5503

Open for business

Thurs-Sat: 9-5 • Sun 8-2

ROGERS

INSURANCE

38 Main Street

Lisbon Falls, ME

207-353-6834

Open During

Road Work

If you are a Lisbon business

still open during the road

construction - let our more

than 20,000 readers know!

Call Steve Simard at

207-754-1815 today!

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

32 June 2022 783-7039

Would you trust a dentist with false teeth?


Make your

reservation

now!

The older I get, the tighter companies are putting the lids on jars.

A place the whole family will LOVE!

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!

Out ‘n About at the

Auburn-Lewiston

Municipal Airport

for the Big Brothers Big Sisters

of Mid-Maine plane pull

PULL!

40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

Liam Benson

Out ‘n About at WIGY Radio after the For the Love of Pets Radiothon

Work was so

much funner when

we had fur friends

visiting all day!

WIGY

Breakfast Club

Co-host

Sara Poulin

Tina Andrews,

Korie LaChance,

& Josh Bouvier

Check out our in-store Weekly Ad for our 2022 specials!

Roy’s

Beanie

Chicken Salad, Best in Town & Ham Salad

Babies

Come in and check out our daily specials!

on Sale

Hamburger • Steaks • Chicken • Pork

Here!

Try our hamburg,

it’s the best!

FOODLAND

I don’t

find airplane

jokes that funny. I

actually find them

quite Boeing.

SATURDAY

Beans, bread/rolls &

cole slaw

$9.99

WEDNESDAY

Ham, Veggie, Salami,

or Pepperoni Italians

$2.69

PIZZA PACKS

Pizza

Packs

$11.99

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471

www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed

Mark Breton &

Sophie Piconi

It is raining cats and dogs today. I nearly stepped on a poodle.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

33


Whenever I think about getting a lottery ticket, I think about my ex and

I remember that I don’t know how to pick winners.

EDUCATION

Train online to do medical billing! Become a Medical Office Professional

at CTI! Get trained & certified to work in months! 888-572-

6790. The Mission, Program Information and Tuition is located at

CareerTechnical.edu/consumer-information. (M-F 8-6 ET)

HEALTH & FITNESS

VIAGRA and CIALIS USERS! 50 Generic Pills SPECIAL $99.00. 100%

guaranteed. 24/7 CALL NOW! 888-445-5928 Hablamos Español

Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company. Covers

350 procedures. Real insurance - not a discount plan. Get your free

dental info kit! 1-855-526-1060 www.dental50plus.com/ads #6258

Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is capable of full

24/7 oxygen delivery. Only 2.8 pounds. Free info kit.

Call 877-929-9587

MISCELLANEOUS

Prepare for power outages today with a GENERAC home standby

generator $0 Down + Low Monthly Pmt Request a free Quote. Call

before the next power outage: 1-855-948-6176

Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, the most advanced

debris-blocking gutter protection. Schedule free LeafFilter estimate

today. 15% off Entire Purchase. 10% Senior & Military Discounts.

Call 1-833-610-1936

AT&T Internet. Starting at $40/month w/12-mo agmt. 1 TB of data/

mo. Ask how to bundle & SAVE! Geo & svc restrictions apply.

1-855-364-3948

BATH & SHOWER UPDATES in as little as ONE DAY! Affordable

prices - No payments for 18 months! Lifetime warranty & professional

installs. Senior & Military Discounts available.

Call: 855-761-1725

Donate Your Car to Veterans Today! Help and Support our Veterans.

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Call 1-800-245-0398

HughesNet - Finally, super-fast internet no matter where you live.

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Looking for assisted living, memory care, or independent living? A

Place for Mom simplifies the process of finding senior living at no

cost to your family. Call 1-844-428-0445 today!

Become a published author. We want to read your book! Dorrance

Publishing trusted since 1920. Consultation, production, promotion

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visit dorranceinfo.com/ads

Paying top cash for men’s sportwatches! Rolex, Breitling, Omega,

Patek Philippe, Heuer, Daytona, GMT, Submariner and Speedmaster.

Call 833-603-3236

Put on your TV Ears & hear TV w/unmatched clarity. TV Ears

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w/code MCB59! 1-888-805-0840

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alert product on the market. Voice-activated! No wi-fi needed!

Special offer w/code CARE20 for $20 off Mobile Companion.

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dispenses meds, sends alerts at dose times & handles prescription

refill & delivery for you. Starting at $24.99/month. No initiation fee.

90-day risk-free trial! 1-855-993-3217

DISH TV $64.99 For 190 Channels + $14.95 High Speed Internet.

Free Installation, Smart HD DVR Included, Free Voice Remote.

Some restrictions apply. Promo Expires 1/21/23. 1-866-479-1516

The Generac PWRcell solar plus battery storage system. Save

money, reduce reliance on grid, prepare for outages & power your

home. Full installation services. $0 down financing option. Request

free no obligation quote. 1-877-539-0299

Vivint Smart security. Professionally installed. 1 connected system

for total peace of mind. Free professional installation! 4 free months

of monitoring! Call to customize your system. 1-833-841-0737

WANTED TO BUY

Wants to purchase minerals and other oil and gas interests. Send

details to P.O. Box 13557 Denver, CO 80201

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

34 June 2022 783-7039

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?


My doctor told me my sugar was too high. So I went home and put it on a lower shelf.

Time to take a break from

all the digital noise?

Contact

Us Today!

The more familiar buyers are with YOUR brand,

he Survey says...

Readers who frequently

o frequently purchase products or or

m ads seen in Uncle Andy’s Digest:

services from ads seen in

Uncle Andy’s Digest*

Our readership study results*

80.8%

The average person is estimated to encounter

READERS PER

MONTH*

22,000 Monthly Readers

22,000

6,000–10,000 digital ads every single day!

Websites are often skimmed in as little as 15 seconds per visit.

When a customer or prospect reads a printed material, they

are more engaged for a longer period of time. On average,

a consumer spends 43 minutes reading a magazine.

Print advertising offers greater recall, strong

branding, and a highly engaged audience.

the more likely they will do business with you.

48% 52%

*Give us a call to see our full audit and

learn more about how Uncle Andy’s Digest

should be part of your marketing plan.

The Certification Verification

Council (CVC) audit

of our magazine*, shows

we have a pick-up rate of

98%

Out ‘n About at the

Auburn-Lewiston

Municipal Airport

for the Big Brothers Big Sisters

of Mid-Maine plane pull

What

do we want?!

Keith Davis

Low

flying airplane

noises!

Haley Stearns

When

do we want

it?

Henry Morjikian

Average Age

Average Median Household Income

Neeoooow!

25-64

9 Grove Street Auburn • 783-7039 • UncleAndys.com

ollege Educated

What is Your annual household income?

$35-49,999

You haven’t truly won an argument until the other 18% person says, “Whatever.”

$50-74,999

$76,250

27%

29.4%

Sam

Bonnevie

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

35


Out ‘n About at

WIGY Radio

at the For The Love of Pets

Radiothon

With the

help of donors

and sponsors we

were able to raise

$7,134 for homeless,

needy, and injured

animals at the Greater

Androscoggin Humane

Society (GAHS)! Plus, I

got to spend my whole

day with my best furry

friends! Boba here made

the very first donation

of the day – his mom

just had to drive

and pay!

Happy to

spend her money for

a good cause!

*Mark Turcotte &

Boba

*WIGY Breakfast Club

Co-host

We all

know that I’m

Boba’s staff, and

not his mom. But he’s

right, this is a great

cause and we were

thrilled to

support!!

My wife got mad and threw a can of soda at my head. Thank God it was a soft drink.

Saturday, August 13 th

1:00 - 9:00pm

OUTSIDE, NEXT TO MAC’S GRILL

1052 Minot Ave. Auburn

Fun for

Everyone!

• Kid’s Zone w/ 95' Inflatable

Obstacle Course

• HUGE Silent Auction

• Dunk Tank

• Face Painting

• Mr. Drew & His Animals Too

• Great Food

• Beer Garden & Full Bar

• 50/50

A great

Community

Event!

Alternative Sprinkler

Fire Protection

UNCLE AND

pres

Food, Fun, & M

hoste

OUR AMAZING

Tyla Davis

& Boba

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

36 June 2022 783-7039

My electric toothbrush ran out of batteries, so I had to use my acoustic toothbrush.


When bees move to a new hive do they have a house swarming party?

Wild Week

Submitted by Steve Simard

Y’S DIGEST

ents

usic to Benefit

d by

SPONSORS!

3

BANDS!

1:00-3:00pm:

Continental Shakedown

3:00-5:00pm:

The Smith Collaboration

6:00-9:00pm: Fire in the Hole

Because of YOU

we’ve been able to raise over

$445,000 and grant 63 wishes to local

kids facing critical illnesses. Help

us make our 8th Annual event

the best yet!

A Summer Event You

Won’t Want to Miss!

LASummerBlockParty.com

Community Sponsors:

Bancroft Contracting

Fortin Funeral Homes

Champoux Insurance

Media Partners:

Two priests recently

passed away and were

on their way to heaven.

When they got to

the pearly gates, St.

Peter said, “I’m sorry,

but our computer is

down and you can’t

come in for a week. So

I am going to give you

both one “free” week

back on earth to do

anything you want to

do and nothing will be

held against you.”

“You mean we can do

whatever we want, and

still get into heaven?”

“Yes,” said St. Peter.

“Okay,” said the first

priest, “I want to soar

over the mountains like

an eagle.”

“That’s easy enough,”

said St. Peter. “Off you

go!”

The second priest

asked, “Are you sure

that whatever I do will

not hinder my chances

of getting into heaven?”

“That’s right,” said St.

Peter.

“Okay,” said the second

priest, “I want to

go back as a stud.”

“A stud?” asked St.

Peter.

“Yes,” said the second

priest.

Continued on next page

Both my psychic and clairvoyant were in bad moods this week.

I just want to find a happy medium.

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

37


Continued from previous page

“Okay, I’ll see you in a

week.”

Finally, the week ended

and the computer

was repaired. God

asked to St. Peter, “Did

you get the two priests

back so they can join

us here?”

“Well,” said St. Peter.

“I got the first priest

back; he was soaring

over the Rocky Mountains

like an eagle.

I’m having a bit of a

problem locating the

second priest; he’s

somewhere in Maine

on a snow tire.”

Pretzels

Submitted by Thomas Hill

A guy walks into a

bar and takes a seat.

Before he can order

a beer, the bowl of

pretzels in front of him

says, “Hey, you’re a

handsome fellow.”

I won a gold medal at the weather forecasting tournament today.

I beat the raining champion.

JOIN A TEAM THAT VALUES ITS MEMBERS!

Benefits Include:

• Competitive Wages

• Full Benefit Package:

° health insurance

° life insurance

° 401K plan

• Vacation & Holiday Pay

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Immediate openings for experienced

licensed electrical journeymen.

I went to a vegan restaurant once. Oh wait, I mean a florist.

We have a

great sense of

community!

Apply Today!

www.debloiselectric.com

The man tries to ignore

the bowl of pretzels,

and orders a fine Pilsner

beer.

The bowl of pretzels

then says, “Ooooh, a

pilsner, great choice.

You’re a smart man.”

Starting to freak out,

the guy says to the

bartender, “Hey what

the hell, this bowl of

pretzels keeps saying

nice things to me!”

The bartender replies,

“Don’t worry about it,

the pretzels are

complimentary.”

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

38

Jimbo

June 2022 783-7039

We’re Hiring Delivery Drivers - we offer Aflac.

Please be patient with us as we are short-staffed

10 Memorial Street, Lisbon • 207-241-0270 • www.a1lausedappliance.com

Hours: Closed Sun, Mon, Tues; Wed-Sat 9:00am-5:00pm

I didn’t know how to spell “plagiarized” so I just copied and pasted it.


Does anyone know where I can buy fresh ice cubes? I’m sick of the frozen ones.

OXFORD HILLS FAVORITE

PIZZA & SANDWICH SHOP!

Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas

Breakfast Sandwiches and More!

June Special

Three Ham Italians

ONLY $ 16plus tax

Out ‘n About at

WIGY Radio

at the For the Love of Pets

Radiothon

Voted one of Maine’s Best Pizza Places!

2016 WMTW Facebook Fan poll

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street, Oxford

207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com

Expires 6/30/22

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm

Out ‘n About at the Auburn-Lewiston Municipal Airport for the Big

Brothers Big Sisters of Mid-Maine Plane Pull

Where

do the coffee

and donuts

live here? I was

told there’d be

snacks for

visitors!

Jonathan

Doughty & Luxor

Promising

snacks and not delivering?

That’s how

they get ya.

Henry Morjikian, Nick Brown, Jadyn Laplante, Hunter Klingensmith, & Olivia Joaquin

ENJOY YOUR SPACE THIS SUMMER!

We have everything you need to get the job done!

Mulches & Soils, Yard Cleanup Tools, and much more!

Mulligan

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253

Tyla constantly mistakes Star Wars for Star Trek. Such a Wookie mistake.

Josh Moody &

Gizmo

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

39


CALL THE PROS

SUMMER IS MADE FOR RELAXING

Massage is designed to help.

Office, Restaurant, & Light

Industrial Cleaning Services

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890

Mon., Wed., Fri. 11a-7p • Thu. 9a-7p • Sat. 12p-5p

Call to

book your

personalized

treatment!

229 Center Street, Auburn

(207) 402-8654

www.lamassagemaine.com

6

REDEMPTION CENTER

¢

on all 5¢ returns

with this coupon.

(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)

Located in the building behind Dad’s Place

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays) UAD exp. 6.30.22

FULL COLOR COPIES & MORE!

Posters • Booklets • Carbonless forms

Envelopes • Business Cards & More!

SUMMER’S COMING - IS YOUR VEHICLE READY?

RON’S

TRANSMISSION

REPAIR SERVICE

Your Full Service Repair Facility

Summer Vehicle Maintenance

Checks Done Here

Tires, brakes, battery, engine oil and

other fluids, wiper blades, & belts/hoses

Ron Charpentier, Jr.,

Owner

515 Gardiner Rd. Wales 375-4924

WEBSITES THAT WORK

Design. Build. Brand. Market.

OFFERING

Residential

Commercial

Clean Outs

Roll Offs

60 Broad Street, Auburn

207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

Call Today for a Free Quote!

844-ME-TRASH

844-638-7274

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!

SERVING

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com

www.MaineWeb.co

Unlimited Wash Combos

Combo #2

24 .95

$

24 per

Combo #3

includes:

.95

month

.95

$ 29 .95

per month

exterior wash,

underbody, &

poly sealant

includes: exterior

wash, underbody,

rust inhibitor, wheel

brite, tire shine, &

wax

7 Lincoln St. Lewiston

207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

40 June 2022 783-7039

Being a good I went parent to a very is knowing emotional how wedding. to unwrap Even a Kit the Kat cake without was making tiers. any noise.


CALL THE PROS

LET’S TALK DELISH

Have you tried our Cheeseburger Pizza yet?

It has a ketchup and mustard base, provolone

cheese, pickles, onions, and hamburger

It’s beyond delicious!!

85 Center Street, Auburn

207-784-8221 • 11a-9p daily

Serving great food since 1985

Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION

CENTER

The friendly redemption center

MAKING SENSE OF

TECHNOLOGY

• New device setup and lessons

• Network support & maintenance

• Device repairs

AND MORE!

Angela’s Computer

& Electronic Services

207-520-9573 • angelascms.com

8 Tidswell Road

Medicare counseling • Caregiver support

Turner

Educational programming • Meals on Wheels

207-225-2008

Closed July 4th seniorsplus.org • 1-800-427-1241

Open daily 8am to 4pm

Your trusted,

nonprofit resource

for assistance

and information

FARRELL ENTERPRISES

BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED

We get down & dirty so

you don’t have to!

Nearly Anything Removed

Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!

Fully Insured

Michael Farrell

207-576-2501

SCUBA

CLASSES!

Offering both private

& small group lessons

Make your own schedule!

805 Main Street, Lewiston

784-7300

skindiversparadise.net

Call

for your

FREE QUOTE

Today!

Your Vision.

Our Expertise.

Kitchens, Baths,

Decks & More!

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

FINE LINE GUN SHOP

Guns • Ammo • Supplies

Check out

our Facebook

page for our

finelinegun@aol.com

newest

inventory!

207-998-2374

Ralph & Mary Sleeper

590 Plains Road, Poland

Did you hear the Fleetwood Mac is releasing all their old albums again?

It maybe only Rumours though!

Uncle Andy’s Digest

June 2022 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

41


CALL THE PROS

We continue

to grow due

to excellent

customers

and their

referrals.

Sincere

Thanks to all.

207-784-9356

Lincoln Street

RADIATOR SHOP

Family owned & operated since 1967

DON’T WAIT!

CHECK YOUR COOLING

SYSTEM NOW!

Our pros will have your

vehicle ready for the heat &

humidity that’s coming!

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p

FREE 15 Minute Consult!

814-933-9149

Merry Matukonis, RN, NRT

Applied Clinical Nutritionist

18 years of clinical experience

Less Pain • More Energy • Better Quality Sleep

Improved Mood • Healthy Digestion

GUARANTEED!

168 W. Auburn Road, Auburn www.optwell.biz

Serving those who serve

SERVING our THOSE community

WHO SERVE OUR COMMUNITY

Andy Valley

Insurance & Retirement

Andy Valley Insurance & Retirement

(207) 783-3660

https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR Auto | Home | Life | Retirement

AM-C04353 (Sep. 21)

horacemann.com

909 Minot Ave, Auburn | 207-783-3660 | https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR

Out ‘n About at WIGY Radio after the For the Love of Pets Radiothon

Not only has

my family adopted

a pet from GAHS,

I also volunteer

there!

Cameron

Goldrup

Did you know

that in addition to adopting

a pet, GAHS has a whole host of

service surrounding education,

community outreach, and

animal wellness?

Heidi Adams*

& Stitchy

*WOXO radio host

GAHS works very

diligently to make sure that our

furrever homes are a good fit!

They learn about our personalities, our

temperaments, and our habits to match us

with the perfect family! Go to their

website at www.gahumane.org

to see if your family is a

match for me!

Copper

Fostering a pet

is a very rewarding

experience. Visit GAHS

to find out more!

Rachel

Gendron

& Cosmo

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

42 June 2022 783-7039

I just installed a telepathically-controlled air freshener in my home.

It makes scents when you think about it.


The internet connection was terrible on my farm. I moved my modem into the barn and now I have stable WiFi.

SILVERBACK

DIRT

Save Money

Reclaiming Product

Excavation Services/Dirt Work

No Job Too Small!

DEP Certified near waterways • Fully insured

Reuse Existing Material

Work in Narrow Areas

Road Grading

Road & Driveway

Grading

Roger Dargie

207-754-2703

dargie2013@gmail.com

Six Locations,

Wholesale &

Redemption

BEER. WINE. SPIRITS

AUBURN

301 Main Street, Auburn | 783.9098

545 Minot Ave, Auburn | 783.2047

3 0 Y e a r

Anniversary

LEWISTON

794 Sabattus Street, Lewiston | 783.6353

686 Main Street, Lewiston | 344.1200

1420 Lisbon Street, Lewiston | 333.3095

OXFORD

980 Main Street, Oxford |539.6072

RoopersBeverage.com

The PARTY starts with ROOPERS

When people tell me, “You’re gonna regret that in the morning,” I sleep in until noon. I’m a problem solver.


YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Pricing

RUST PROTECTION

Heavy duty pickup ...... $159.95

Full size van .......... $159.95

Plus applicable taxes

2 door pickup . ......... $149.95

X-large SUV . .......... $159.95

3 & 4 door pickup ....... $159.95

Any car .............. $139.95

Mini van ............. $149.95

Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $149.95

23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100

Ready for Summer Fun?!

Schedule your pool service today!

Monday - Friday: 9a-5p, Saturday: 9a-4p

1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston

783-0858 • www.abcpool.com

Ask us about our

eco-friendly line!

Make today so awesome that yesterday gets jealous.

Low

Chlorine!

RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family

We are stronger together

It’s NEVER too late to

rustproof your vehicle!

the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

Jimbo

Debbie Bodwell

NMLS# 280336

Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net

181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210

207.754.3962

I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)

Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org.

44 June 2022 783-7039 UncleAndysDigest.com

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