Uncle Andy's Digest - JuLy 2022
This issue of Uncle Andy's Digest serves as a memoriam to our friend, family, captain, and fearless leader. James "Jimbo" Marston. 1964-2022 The Digest, as always, is full of fun each month! You'll find Out 'n About pictures, hilarious jokes & one-liners, and the Digest is a one-stop shop for all your neighborhood businesses!
This issue of Uncle Andy's Digest serves as a memoriam to our friend, family, captain, and fearless leader.
James "Jimbo" Marston.
1964-2022
The Digest, as always, is full of fun each month! You'll find Out 'n About pictures, hilarious jokes & one-liners, and the Digest is a one-stop shop for all your neighborhood businesses!
Create successful ePaper yourself
Turn your PDF publications into a flip-book with our unique Google optimized e-Paper software.
JULY
2022
SINCE 1996
In Memoriam
James “Jimbo” Marston
1964-2022
GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.
Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service
DAILY, WEEKLY, &
MONTHLY RENTALS
AVAILABLE!
Call Ryan Kennard
207-346-0279
Whited Equipment Co. is your
New Factory Authorized Hyundai
Construction Equipment dealer
for Central & Southern Maine.
New & used available!
whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
1
If you want to be able to buy things without looking at the price,
you need to be able to work without looking at the clock.
Mini Golf $5
Disc Golf $5
Arthur
Fenn Park
at Poland Spring Resort
Ice Cream Shop!
Gifford’s Ice Cream & More!
547 Maine Street (Route 26) Poland Spring
www.polandspringresort.com
Driving Range
Buy a Gifford’s ice cream and get a round of mini golf or
disc golf for $2.50 off!
Coupon expires September 30, 2022.
One coupon per party 4.
207-998-7100
Commercial/Office
Construction Sites
Apartment Turnovers
Floors/Tile/Carpets
PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY
Serving Maine and
New Hampshire!
We have over
50 dedicated employees
to service all of your
cleaning needs
207.712.2765 • www.deepcleanjs.com
July is the month where parents realize that teachers were right about their kids all along.
I just want my house to look clean enough that if someone drops by unexpectedly,
it doesn’t look like we’re six days into battling a poltergeist.
MODERN WOODMEN
OF AMERICA
JULY 2022
ACTIVITIES
Tuesday, July 12th
Roy’s Breakfast
7:00-10:00am
5 Washington Street, Auburn
M: $5.00 G: $6.00
Purchase Tickets: 7-06-2022
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Wednesday, July 13th
Dairy Joy
3:00-7:00pm
Auburn & Lewiston Locations
M: $1.00 G: $1.50
Purchase Tickets: 7-06-2022
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Thursday, July 14th
Val’s Drive-In
4:00-7:00pm
925 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
M: $6.50 G: $7.50
Purchase Tickets: 7-06-2022
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Tuesday, July 19th
Taber’s
4:00-7:00pm
470 Lake Shore Drive Auburn
M: $10.00 G: $11.00
Purchase Tickets: 7-06-2022
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Thursday, July 21st
Fielder’s Choice
4:00-7:00pm
680 Minot Avenue, Auburn
M: $2.50 G: $3.00
Purchase Tickets: 7-06-2022
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Reminder
Please do not call the restaurants.
If you have a question,
please call the office at
207-782-1833 or 207-333-
6052 and speak with Jamie.
Tickets must be purchased at
the MWA District Office at 184
Webster Street Lewiston on
the dates/times listed for each
activity. Menus are subject to
change. No substitutions or
add-ons. Most importantly –
Have Fun!
The Flat Earth Society has members all across the globe.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
3
Uncle Andy’s Digest
is published by the first
Friday of every month by
Maine Mountain Ocean
Group, Inc. with its world
headquarters located at
9 Grove Street, Auburn,
Maine, USA.
Published and distributed
since 1996 throughout
Central Maine and mailed to
subscribers all over the Free
World. Subscriptions are
$39/year.
UncleAndysDigest.com
Office: 207-783-7039
UAD Super Heroes
There’s no reason to tailgate me when I’m already doing 50 in a 35.
And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous.
SMILE AGAIN DENTURES
CAPTAIN
JIMBO
HULK
SMASH
THOMAS
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
4
WONDER
WOMAN
TYLA
BATGIRL
STEPHANIE
IRONSIDES
STEVE
While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries
very hard to ensure the accuracy
of the information in our clients’
advertisements and our publication
in general, we are not responsible
for vendor availability, typographical
errors, technical inaccuracies, product
pricing errors, or omissions.
Jimbo
July 2022 783-7039
Smile In
Comfort
Call us today for:
• Full Dentures
• Immediate Dentures
• Partial Dentures
• Rebases
• Relines
• Repairs
Like Our Name Implies,
We’ll Make You
SMILE AGAIN
All work done on-site.
Repairs usually same day service!
Call today
for a
FREE
consultation!
Joe & Mike
Adkins
Licensed
Denturists
801 Webster Street, Lewiston
smileagaindentures@gmail.com • SmileAgainDentures.com
514-0660
The wedding of the two slices of bread was going great until someone
decided to toast the bride and groom.
It is officially unsticking your thighs from plastic chairs season.
Come see Kathy & Joe!
Scan
here to
see our
menu!
Out ‘n About in
Auburn
at the Memorial Day Ceremony
We will be closed from July 4 to July 12 for vacation.
New hours starting July 19th
TUES., WED., THURS., and SUN.: 7AM to 3PM • FRI-SAT: 7AM-8PM
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 207-333-5062 • stationgrillrestaurant.com
Craig Young,
Steve Peterson, &
Joe Donahue
Third Maine Volunteer
Infantry, Co. A.
I am
proud to serve
a community that
cares so much about
their veterans and
those who gave
the ultimate
sacrifice.
We will be
closed from
July 4 to
July12 for
vacation.
Robert Chase
Auburn Fire Chief
I’m glad
this knot wasn’t
tied by a boy or girl
scout!
551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston
207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com
Hours from June 20th through September
Wednesday-Thursday: 4:00pm-11:00pm • Friday-Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am
I’m almost a millionaire. I have all the zeros, now I just need a one.
Jason Moen
Auburn Police Chief
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
5
Is Hip Hop sheet music called Rapping Paper?
Out ‘n About at the Memorial Day
Ceremony in Auburn
It’s why I’m here.
Your home and car are more than just things.
They’re where you make memories – and they
deserve the right protection. I get it. It’s why
I’m here.
LET’S TALK TODAY.
Maine National Guard Lt. Colonel Paul Bosse
and Auburn City Manager Phil Crowell place
a wreath in front of the newly unveiled stone
while Auburn Mayor Jason Levesque and
Maine Governor Janet Mills look on.
Keyed Up
Submitted by Jimbo
On a visit to my doctor,
I was pleasantly
surprised to find that
he had installed taped
music in the waiting
room.
As I sat there enjoying
a piano recording, I
overheard an elderly
lady say to her companion,
“Just like these
young doctors – a
crowded waiting room,
and he’s in there playing
the piano!”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
6
Jimbo
July 2022 783-7039
DON’T KNOW
WHAT TO DO
NEXT? WE DO. ®
WATER FIRE MOLD
For any disaster,
29 Brickyard Circle,
Auburn
(800) 244-7630
call ServiceMaster!
(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com
Are you feeling sick when you have to pay for gassing up your car?
You may have Carownervirus.
We’re MORE than a Club —
we’re a Special Events Venue too.
Are you planning an upcoming
company meeting, party, fundraiser
event, class reunion, rehearsal
dinner, or have a small wedding?
The Colisée Club
can help you!
WE OFFER:
• Seating capacity of 130
• Catering services available
• Fully stocked bar
• Audio visual support
BOOK YOUR EVENT or
SCHEDULE a WALK
THROUGH by emailing us
at info@thecolisee.com.
www.thecolisee.com
We Want
YOU
TO BE
OUR
BILLETS
Join Nord Nation as one of our Billet Families!
We need local families to open their homes to our players. Play a special role in a players road
to success. You’ll help our team pursue their hockey goals by welcoming them into your
home. Develop a unique bond with your billet player that goes far beyond the ice.
PLAYERS ARE: 16 – 20 years old • College bound athletes • From around the globe
Interested families should email Tiffany for more info at info@thecolisee.com.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP! You are a vital piece of the Nordique Nation Puzzle.
RECEIVE A
MONTHLY STIPEND TO
COVER PLAYER COSTS.
Also, receive season tickets
to cheer on your Nordique!
Out ‘n About at
Modern Woodmen
of America
for their Community
Shredding Event
This
event was
easy-peasy for
anyone who wanted
to shred documents.
They drove through,
dropped off their
boxes of stuff,
and we took
care of it!
I asked my library if they had any books on shelving. She said, “Yes. All of them.”
Homeownership is the
American Dream
Call today to find out how we
can make your dream come true!
List/Sell • Buyer Agency • Design-Build • Turn-Key Package
(No Construction Loan Needed in Most Cases)
368 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com
Jon
Mercier
Mark
Turner
Toni
Ferraro
Brandon
Caruso
Deb
Morin
Linda
Dupuis
Regina
Ritchie
Dustin
Mallar
Mason
Dupuis
Lindsay
Wright
Shannon
White
*Kim Pelkey,
Cole Levesque,
*Jamie Levesque
*Modern Woodmen of
America
Fun fact,
our mobile shredding
truck shreds 10
tons of paper
per week!
My friend has a fear of elevators, but he’s taking steps to avoid them.
Out ‘n About at the Memorial Day Ceremony in Auburn
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
8
Chris Micucci
Without a Trace Mobile
Shredding
Jimbo
July 2022 783-7039
Auburn Mayor Jason Levesque speaks to the crowd at the
Memorial Day Ceremony in Auburn. The ceremony included the
unveiling of two new commemorative stones with each war from
the Revolutionary War to the Iraq War. Besides Levesque,
Governor Janet Mills was also part of the unveiling ceremony.
I put a desk and a chalkboard in my bedroom to make it look more classy.
HAS IT ALL
Until we meet again...
Jimbo Marston
1964 -2022
Your one-stop shop for:
• Amazing food (eat in or take out)
• Agency liquor store with beer cave
• Lottery tickets
• Redemption center
207-345-5551
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com
Catering
Full serve catering at the
location of your choice.
Book Your
2023
Events
Now!
207-345-9009
DadsPlaceCatering.com
6¢ a
bottle for
Make-A-Wish
Donations!
Dad’s Redemption Center
Redemption Center is
directly behind Dad’s Place
DONATE YOUR
BOTTLES TO
Help grant a wish to a local child
battling a critical illness
See our redemption ad on page 40.
Out ‘n About at
Modern Woodmen
of America
for their Community
Shredding Event
The concept
of shredding is
grate on paper!
Arthur
Chamberlain
*Modern Woodmen of
America
The new Tesla cars can be unlocked with your shorts. They’re your khakis.
Bringing the Ocean to your Table
Party
Platters
Available
(orders only)
Take out • Dine in
Homemade Goods
Gift Certificates Available
The freshest seafood around!
Gray, ME
Hours: Mon. 11a-5p • Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p • Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p • Sun. 10a-5p
WE HAVE
LIVE
LOBSTERS!
Let us do the cooking!
No extra charge!
207-657-3474
59c Portland Road, Gray
ROEBUCKS ANGUS
Tell us
you saw us
in Uncle Andy’s
Digest!
Follow us on Facebook
for upcoming events!
INSPECTED
Janet & Andre
DuBois
I was going
to buy a shredder
for my home, but I
didn’t want anyone
thinking I had a fax
to grind.
Visit, Call, Or Text!
JAY 207.754.1558 • SUE 207.754.6558
783 UPPER STREET, TURNER
HOURS: Mon-Fri 12-5:30p, Sat 9a-4p, Sun Closed
√ Difficult Tree
Removals
√ Storm Damage
Clean up
• REGISTERED ANGUS
• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF
• MEAT PACKAGES
• GIFT CERTIFICATES
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
10
Abigail Roy &
Heidi Coulombe
Jimbo
July 2022 783-7039
Local Arborist with over
20 Years experience!
√ Pruning
√ Trimming
√ Chipping
√ Lot Clearing
Servicing all of Androscoggin & Cumberland counties
I made gumbo last week, but only used a veggie and sausage.
It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t great. It was just meaty okra.
Call us
TODAY for a
FREE Quote!
MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE
EVERY MONDAY
20% OFF
All Burgers
30% OFF
All Drafts
SAVE THE DATE!
SATURDAY, AUG. 13 TH
hosted by
NOW HIRING
Experienced
line cooks
• Competitive Pay
• 401K
• Health Insurance Available
• Earned Paid Leave
• Food Discounts
We Cater!
Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays,
Corporate Parties, and more!
No event too BIG or SMALL...
We cater it ALL!
Forever
in our hearts
Jimbo Marston
1964-2022
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Out ‘n About at
Modern Woodmen
of America
for their Community
Shredding Event
I gave my dog a computer. Now his bark is worse than his byte.
2021-2022 SEASON
Take Your Seats …
It’s Showtime!
Bonnie Morin
What a
fantastic service
Modern Woodmen
of America provides
each year letting us
shred all of the documents
that we no
longer need at
no cost!
A conversational French club
for French speakers
will be held at
10:30am in Heritage Hall
on alternating Thursday mornings: July 7, July 21, etc.
Sponsored by: FACE Foundation and Quebec Delegation Boston
Thursday Night Live
in Heritage Hall
Starting July 14
Dance nights with some karaoke for fun!
Entertainment will feature live music and DJs.
For The
Crowd
Kelly Nadeau
The paper
shredder was fired
because it was doing
a tearable job.
Check our calendar
at francocenter.org to find out
what’s going on at the Franco.
Join us for the 23rd season at our
Performing Arts and Events Center
on Riverfront Island in Lewiston.
More info coming soon.
Order tickets: FrancoCenter.org or call: (207) 689-2000
46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, ME 04240
FrancoCenter.org • facebook.com/FrancoCenter
UNDERWRITER
MEDIA SPONSORS
Linda Gard
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
12 July 2022 783-7039
The Beastie Boys are releasing a five disc anthology this year.
Parts A through D are available on demand, but you have to fight for your right to Part E.
I’m so proud I finished in second place in my first professional boxing match.
Last Name
Submitted by Thomas Hill
The curmudgeonly
Navy Master Chief
noticed a new face and
barked at him, “Get
over here! What’s your
name, sailor?”
“John,” the new seaman
replied.
Join us at the Chapman House
for a new beginning!
Welcome, Summer!
The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,
aged 65 and older, who need assistance with bathing,
medications, and meals.
We provide a warm and
comfortable home for our residents
41 Pleasant Street, Auburn • 207-783-0961
Someone stole my coffee cup today.
I’m heading over to the police station to go look at mug shots.
Bonnie Iwans
“Look, I don’t know
what kind of bleedingheart
pansy crap
they’re teaching
sailors in boot camp
these days, but I don’t
call anyone by his
first name,” the chief
scowled. “It breeds
familiarity, and that
leads to a breakdown
in authority. I refer to
my sailors by their last
names only; Smith,
Jones, Baker, Jackson,
whatever. And you are
to refer to me as ‘Master
Chief.’ Do I make
myself clear?”
“Aye, Aye, Master
Chief!”
“Now that we’ve got
that straight, what’s
your last name?”
The seaman sighed,
“Darling, my name is
John Darling, Master
Chief.”
“Okay, John, here’s
what I want you to
do...”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
13
Labor Pains
Submitted by Thomas Hill
The Institute of Unfinished Research has concluded that six out of 10 people
A pregnant woman
hobbles into the hospital
with one hand on
her back.
A nurse asks her what’s
wrong, and the pregnant
woman screams,
“Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t!
Didn’t!”
The nurse shakes her
head and says, “I’m
sorry... I don’t understand
what you’re trying
to tell me.”
The pregnant woman’s
face contorts in pain
as she shouts, “Can’t!
Won’t! Don’t!”
The nurse, bewildered,
turns to a doctor.
“Admit her,” the doctor
said. “She’s having
contractions.”
Coincidences
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Three men were fishing
one day discussing
coincidences.
I’m done with carpentry. I’m throwing in the dowel.
Flowers Edibles Concentrates Topicals
The first one said, “My
wife was reading A Tale
of Two Cities and she
gave birth to twins.”
The second guy spoke
up and said, “I have
a similar situation. My
wife was reading The
Three Musketeers
and she gave birth to
triplets.”
The third guy in a panic
shouted, “Good God,
I have to get home!
When I left, my wife
was reading Ali Baba
and the 40 Thieves!”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
14
Jimbo
July 2022 783-7039
FIND YOUR CLOUD
www.thcMEDCo.com
Our local police station was holding a seminar on how to prevent robberies.
I tried to enroll, but all the seats were taken.
I’m trying to give up my addiction to ATMs, but I’ve been having the worst
withdrawal symptoms.
Come be the Difference in Someone’s Life!
NOW HIRING CNAs and DSPs
Are you a compassionate individual who enjoys working
with people in their home and in the community?
Join our team of caring professionals!
Out ‘n About at
Rolly’s Diner
Breakfast
at Rolly’s and a
Digest is the perfect
way to start
the day!
Apply online at jfmh.org
or visit us at 800 Center St, Auburn
John F. Murphy Homes, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer and complies with all
local, state, and federal guidelines in its employment practices & services provided.
I made a documentary on rivers and creeks. It’s called “Live Streaming.”
MONDAY
Ham Italians
Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99
FRIDAY
Tuna Italian
Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99
MAIN STREET MARKET
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502
WEDNESDAY
Chicken Salad
Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99
SUNDAY
$2.00 OFF
Any large pizza
Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week
TUESDAY
Small 1-topping Pizza
10" pizza $4.99
THURSDAY
Bowl of Chili
$4.49
B.L.T.
Sm. $2.99
Lg. $4.99
SATURDAY
Baked Beans
Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99
Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49
Breakfast Sandwiches $2.29
Hash browns 2/$1.59
Coffee all sizes $0.99
We accept cash, checks,
major credit/debit cards, & EBT
I had an idea about a movie plot where a retired CIA agent searches
for his kidnapped daughter in Paris. Turns out that idea was Taken.
Brittany Troiano
& Jeffrey
Levasseur
We make
sure to never run
out of bread here at
Rolly’s because
our customers are
lack-toast
intolerant.
Jordan Blais
Larry Morin
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
15
Out ‘n About at
Rolly’s Diner
I’m just wondering what you think about pasta. A penne for your thoughts.
I am so
lucky that I get
to work alongside my
fantastic dad every
day!
Ken & Sadie Blais
207-782-7113
Get Your
FREE
Quote
Today!
31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com
Sometimes I tell fish jokes just for the halibut.
Brandon Wease
A good
cup of coffee is
the perfect start to
a brew-tiful
morning!
Steve Corro
THE AMERICAN LEGION
FAMILY
AMERICAN LEGION ACT
Veterans who were honorably discharged
but whose service did not
fall into previously defined war eras
may now join the American Legion
immediately. The eligibility now
spans from Dec. 7, 1941, until a time
when the U.S. is no longer at war, as
determined by Congress.
For Veteran or Community services, call
207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229
Hall Rentals Available
Call for more
information
207-782-1118
71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118
Members & Guests Welcome!
HOURS: Mon: 12-8p • Tue-Wed: 12-6 • Thurs: 12-9p
Fri & Sat: 12-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p
MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS
FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS 7-11pm in July
Jerry Joe - July 1st, 15th, & 29th • 4:30 - 6:30pm
CONGRATULATIONS TO
LORI SIMARD
American Legion Department of Maine
Adjutant of the Year
MONTHLY MEETING EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM
WEDNESDAY, JULY 20 TH GENERAL MEETING, 7PM
Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.
SATURDAY, JULY 30 TH
American Legion Post 86 Annual Poker Run
To benefit the Matthew Smith Scholarship
Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin
11am-6pm!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
16 July 2022 783-7039
Hasbro has decided they’re going to make some rule changes to Monopoly
at the last board meeting.
Doesn’t it seem odd that a boomerang retailer would have a returns department?
IS MOVING!
Come visit us at our new location at:
681 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
Starting on July 15th!
PROTECT YOURSELF
with the right coverage at the right price
RISK CONSULTING • CLAIMS SUPPORT
BUSINESS ANALYTICS
ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT
INDUSTRY EXPERTISE
ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS
www.nfp.com
Contact JOHN BLANCHETTE today at 207-784-9358
Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc. (PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.
Circulating
Answers
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Mrs. Scott was teaching
science class to
her elementary school
students one day. The
lesson plan for the day
was all about circulation
in the blood.
“Now class,” Mrs. Scott
started, “if I stood on
my head, the blood
would run into it. I
would turn red in the
face. Do you all understand
that concept?”
Out ‘n About at Rolly’s Diner
Natalie, Steve, &
Charlotte Bell
“Yes, Mrs. Scott,” the
class said in unison.
“Now, let me ask you
this. Why is it when
I am standing in an
upright position blood
doesn’t run into my
feet making them turn
red?”
After a few seconds
of silence in the class,
little Jimmy raised his
hand sheepishly.
PROTECT Your Business.
PROTECT Yourself.
We are Maine’s largest
resource for background
searches
207-783-0000783-0000
corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com
I just noticed that they opened a new library in town.
They must’ve kept that development quiet.
“Yes, Jimmy. Do you
have a guess as to
why the blood doesn’t
rush into my feet and
make them turn red
like when I stand on
my head?”
“Is it because your feet
aren’t empty?”
I ate salad for dinner,
mostly croutons and
tomatoes, really just
one big round crouton
covered with tomato
sauce, and cheese...
FINE, it was a pizza,
OK, I ate a pizza! Are
you happy now?
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
17
Now
Hiring
Flight Scare
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Shortly after a British
Airways flight had
reached its cruising
altitude, the captain
announced, “Ladies
and gentlemen, this is
your captain speaking.
Welcome to Flight 293,
non-stop from London
Heathrow to New York.
The weather ahead is
fair, so we should have
an uneventful flight. So
sit back, relax, and...
OH MY GOD!”
Silence followed. Complete
silence.
Some moments later,
the captain came back
on the intercom.
“Ladies and gentlemen,
I’m sorry if I
scared you. While I
was talking to you, a
flight attendant accidentally
spilled coffee
in my lap. You should
see the front of my
pants.”
From the back of the
plane, a passenger
yelled, “For the love of
Jesus, you should see
the back of mine!”
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
We are Looking for
Licensed Electricians
RoySnow.com
207.782.3734
Serving Maine since 1947
Apply
Within
11 Library Ave.
Auburn
IS YOUR BUSINESS HIRING?
Advertise in our
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
section to get your job opening viewed by more
than 20,000 readers each month! Call today FMI!
207-783-7039
COME JOIN OUR TEAM!
You’ll be glad you did!
We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals
To apply:
www.jfmh.org or 207-783-2726 x202
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
18 July 2022 783-7039
I just saw two large black birds with their wings stuck together. They must be velcrows.
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
Now
Hiring
24 Hour
Service
PRO-TECH
REFRIGERATION
IS GROWING!
We are seeking experienced
service technicians to join our team!
Out ‘n About at
Rolly’s Diner
235 N. River Road, Auburn
207-777-5600
www.pro-techrefrigeration.com
protechoffice11@yahoo.com
Fully Insured
Keep your heat pump running at
optimal performance and
efficiency by having us complete
a thorough cleaning and
preventative maintenance service!
Air Conditioning & Heating
Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,
and the surrounding communities!
Tony Grenier
Don’t ever
steal someone’s
cup of coffee. That’s
a serious act of
mugging.
My idea for a low-powered radio transmitter was not well received.
Out ‘n About at Poland Spring Golf Course for the
13th Annual Pete Simard Golf Benefit
Animal Takeover!
Put me in,
Coach! I’m ready
to play!
Ray Fournier
I wonder
if oranges like
being juiced or if
they are pressed
into it.
Andrew Davis
Don’t you hate it when you’re singing along to a song
and the artist gets the words wrong?
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
19
Transform lives,
one wish at a time.
Top
Pay!
Jimbo,
I will never forget your
leadership, mentorship,
or friendship.
Thank you, Chief.
-Tyla
(BFL)
NOW HIRING
Experienced line cooks
401K & Health Insurance Available
Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Parts and Service for Commercial
Cooking and Refrigeration Equipment
RANGE POND
CAMPGROUND
Top
Pay!
Steve Simard
Businesses & individuals can help make it
possible to grant a wish for a child suffering
from a serious illness. Please Donate!
Call me
to find out
how!
-Taylor’s Paint & Wallpaper
Kacey LePage
Direct Line: 207-753-6204
Kacey@champoux-ins.com
A proud
wish granter
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS
I N S U R A N C E
...Your Security is Our Concern!
207-754-1815
steve@uncleandys.com
UNLOCKING THE POWER OF
UNLOCKING THE POWER OF
THE KITCHEN
800-540-5427 COMMERCIAL | www.pinetreefoodequipment.com
COOKING AND
REFRIGERATION SERVICES
SERVING MAINE & NEW HAMPSHIRE
1(800) 540-5427 |
www.pinetreefoodequipment.com
We proudly support
207-530-8890
Licensed CNAs LPNs, & RNs
Sign on Bonus of $1,500-$7,500
Marshwood Center
33 Rogers Street, Lewiston
207-330-6537
Organization services
for your home & office
Elaine St. Pierre
simplyorganizedspaces.me
207-376-7828
simplyorganizedspacesmaine@gmail.com
Shapiro Property Management
and rental
Locally owned
and operated
Give Us A Call!
410 Main Street, Lewiston
207-402-8985
info@shapirorental.com
DJ Entertainment • Wedding Planning
Up-lighting & Sounds • Karaoke
810.656.1874
NOW HIRING
Experienced line cooks
401K & Health Insurance Available
Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Resilience
Physical Therapy
and Wellness, LLC
“Recover what
moves you.”
www.resilienceptw.com
Not sure if we treat it?
REACH OUT!
94 Plains Road, Poland
207-998-2624
rangepondcamp@gmail.com
Be Your
Own Boss!
Time for a change?
It’s worth a conversation.
Chris Wallace, RVP
207-653-3424
@TheRiverComics
MAKE LAUGHTER A PRIORITY
Contact us to put on your comedy show:
BBQs • Theaters • Restaurants • Private Parties
Divorce Proceedings • Festivals ... and more!
TheRiverComics.com • 207-200-5366
Top
Pay!
Christopher D Wallace
Preparer/Owner
Office: 207-892-1480
Fax: 888-565-1173
chris@sbsme.biz
Live Life
Fully Covered
NICOLE LAJOIE
207-753-6222
nicole@champoux-ins.com
Supporting
NOW HIRING
Experienced line cooks
401K & Health Insurance Available
Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS
I N S1052 U RMinot A NAvenue, C E Auburn
783-6885 ...Your Security is • Our MacsGrill.com
Concern!
Proudly Supporting
Let us build that dream deck for you!
207-212-7791
www.vghomeimprovements.com
23 Pleasant Street,
Mechanic Falls
207-345-5551
Dadsplacemaine.com
Proud Sponsor of
This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.
Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.
breakfast • lunch
coffee • chocolates
and so much more!
207-705-1866
550 Center Street, Auburn Mall • nuttynettieschocolate@gmail.com
Heather Lagueux Shelley
Heather@SDgraphics.com
207.212.4176
Top
Pay!
Share the power
of a
wish
NOW HIRING
Experienced line cooks
401K & Health Insurance Available
Earned Paid Leave • Food Discounts
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn
783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Ask us about our Earn and Learn
Nurse Aide Training Program!
Marshwood Center
33 Rogers Street, Lewiston
207-330-6537
Laurie Swart
Auburn Community
Concert Band
Wednesdays at
Festival Plaza in Auburn
7 pm
We support Make-A-Wish
207-797-6060
A proud, long-time supporter of
Convert Your
Home Videos
to DVD!
Auburn Mall • 207-783-3354
This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.
Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.
I took up playing Scrabble with my wife. It was the only chance I had to get a word in.
Enjoy Happy Hour
Every Monday - Friday from 2p-5p!
47 Broad Street, Auburn
www.firehouseauburn.com
207-376-4959
All this drone technology is way over my head.
Eligible for Medicare?
CALL US TODAY
to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.
30+
Years of
Experience!
July Drink Special
Monday - Saturday 11a-9p
Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston
Come in
and check
out our
awesome
daily
specials!
Lime in the
Coconut
$
7 .50
Pet Presents
Submitted by Tyla Davis
My dog came bounding
into the house
this morning with
the neighbor’s rabbit
hanging lifeless from
its jaws.
Panic set in and so I
scrubbed it clean and
got the blood marks
off until the poor
rabbit was pure white
again. I snuck into the
neighbor’s garden and
popped the rabbit back
into the cage that it
belonged in.
That evening, my
neighbor knocked
on my door. When I
answered, he was all
flustered and said,
“I can’t believe it!
Flopsy is lying dead in
his outside cage and
the kids are
hysterical!”
“I’m sorry to hear that,”
I replied nervously.
“Thanks. I just don’t
get it. I buried that bunny
a few days ago.”
My wife keeps bugging me to do the ironing, but I have more pressing matters.
EST.1950
54 Mill Street
New Auburn
Appointments
and walk-ins
welcome!
783-3444
Hands
off the
hair... you
might cut
yourself!
OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30a-5:30p, Sat 7:30a-2p
Booth Rentals Available
I hate that clown from IT. Always joking around instead of fixing computers.
Lincoln Camire
Grandson of Larry Proctor
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
23
Hunting
Trophies
Submitted by Steve Simard
A bunch of hunters
were hanging out at
Mac’s Grill after a long
day of hunting.
They started bragging
to each other about
how big their deer was
and how many points
their antlers had.
The man sitting next to
them overheard their
conversation and said,
“I’m a hunter too, up
here on vacation from
New York City.”
The men all introduced
themselves to the man
from the Big Apple
and asked about his
hunting success.
“Well, just last weekend,
I caught the
biggest deer I’ve ever
seen! He was a big’un
for sure, even though
it only had two points.
Oddly enough, it was
also black and white in
color.”
The three men started
laughing so hard they
formed tears in their
eyes. “You idiot, you
shot a cow!”
It floors me when people won’t shop for clothes online for fear
of getting the wrong thing, but will shop online for dating.
Champoux Insurance Agency, Inc.
Honored as Top Performing Agency
Champoux Insurance Agency, Inc. has been recognized by Ohio Mutual Insurance Group President &
CEO Mark C. Russell a one of the company’s Top 10 agencies for Outstanding Profitable Growth in 2021.
Champoux has represented Ohio Mutual since 2016.
“We are honored to recognize Champoux Insurance Agency, Inc. as a key business partner that focuses on
a strong commitment to growing their business in a profitable manner,” said Russell. “They continuously
represent our company’s vision through their strong loyalty in delivering exception customer service by
creating and maintaining lasting relationships.”
Ohio Mutual Insurance Group, founded in 1901, partners with nearly 400 independent agencies to
distribute quality property and casualty insurance products throughout several states, including Maine.
Ohio Mutual has maintained a rating of “A/Stable” from A.M. Best Co. since 1993. More information is
available at www.omig.com.
Home
Auto
Business
and more!
Don’t get mad at lazy people. They didn’t do anything.
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS
I N S U R A N C E
We’ve Got
...Your Security is Our Concern!
You Covered
Locally Owned & Operated Since 1999
150 East Avenue, Lewiston 207-783-2246
Out ‘n About at Poland Spring Golf Course for the
13th Annual Pete Simard Golf Benefit
Pretty
in pink!
Rene Thibeault, Matt Ferrante, Jamie Lovejoy, & Daryl Lovejoy
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
24 July 2022 783-7039
The difference between the Black Eyed Peas and chickpeas is that the
Black Eyed Peas can sing a song and the chickpeas can only hummus one.
Why don’t more criminals need exorcisms if possession is nine tenths of the law?
Try one of
our steaks!
Whether it is our chicken and steak
or our surf and turf combos...
we have something for everyone!
The Village Inn
Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com • 165 High Street, Auburn
Out ‘n About at
Rolly’s Diner
If my
picture has to
be taken by the
Digest paparazzi,
I’m going to make
sure every staff
member’s picture
is taken!
Out ‘n About at Poland Spring Golf Course for the
13th Annual Pete Simard Golf Benefit
Rita Fournier
True story!
I was trying to hide
out back, but Rita
found me!
Joel Marchand, Charles “Kip” Kipouras,
Bobby Weekley, & Paul Heath
Justin Carver, Jake Verrill,
John Roy, & Zach Braband
•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•
Fiona King
It was
actually my day off
and Rita still made me
take a picture!
Visit our Facebook page for events & beer menu!
1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN 207.689.3030
/SIDEBYEACHBREWING
WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM
April Soto
My dryer was so angry that I overfilled it with wet clothes. I guess it just needed to vent.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
25
Out ‘n About at
Rolly’s Diner
I never knew my grandfather wore dentures until it came out in conversation.
Steve Kilburn
Nobody
ever laughs at my
breakfast puns.
I swear, some
people can’t take
a yoke.
Lilly Boye
I drink
so much coffee
at breakfast that it
becomes my daily
grind.
Wish Kid
Abby
Uncle Andy’s Digest is a proud supporter
of Make-A-Wish Maine.
Jim Thomas
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
26 July 2022 783-7039
Consider becoming a sponsor of our
8th Annual Summer Block Party.
Visit www.LASummerBlockParty.com or call 207-783-7039
I belong to our local tree preservation society. We have a branch meeting every month.
Would a baby born on a plane be a newborn or an airborne?
Out ‘n About at
Rolly’s Diner
17th Annual
Since 1940
• Restaurant
• Miniature Golf
• Driving Range
• Ice Cream Stand
Glow in the Dark
Mini Golf
When
eggs are sad, they
should just look at
the sunny side up!
August 6th @ 7pm
rollback prices!
Every other Saturday night
beginning July 2nd
9pm - 11:30pm
Great
Family
Fun!
Christine
Morrison
A breakfast
at Rolly’s is a nice
change from the devil
dog and can of Moxie
I usually have.
Join Us!
The Maine Mini Golf Open*
August 7 th @9:30am
*The Maine Mini Golf Open is a 36 Hole Tournament
$20 entry fee • $ 500 1 st place • Cash prizes for top 5
Class nights every
Monday and Wednesday in July & August
Check out our website for details!
Golf Open 10am - 9pm • Restaurant 11am - 9pm
470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • www.tabersgolf.com
Okay, I’ll admit it, you’re really good at interfering. What do you want, a meddle?
Dave & Anne
Dutil
Natalie & Ellianna
Siegler
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
27
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the 13th Annual Pete
Simard Golf Benefit
My wife threatened to leave me because she says I live in a fantasy world.
What’s even worse is that she said it in front of my dragon.
Another
year, another
great turnout for
the tournament in
honor of my dad! We
had a great time and
raised a lot of money to
put towards scholarships
for future first responders.
The tournament is
sponsored each year
by the International
Association of Arson
Investigators
(IAAI).
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171
RollysNewAuburn.com
Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,
Closed Sunday
If anyone wants a copy of Chiropractors Weekly, I have several back issues.
Your Locally Owned Crystal & Tumbled Stone Shop
Steve Simard
I like
big putts and I
cannot lie!
120 Center Street
Auburn
207-241-2356
Maine Mall
South Portland
207-274-2539
123 Main Street
Freeport
207-885-0900
449 Forest Ave
Portland
207-221-2363
Derek Schelling
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
28 July 2022 783-7039
Crystals, Metaphysical, Holistic Gifts, & MORE!
Tarot, Akashic Records, Reiki, Psychic & Medium Services
www.bridge2heavenhealing.com | www.leapinlizards.biz
I’m not going to wear my glasses anymore. I’ve seen enough.
I hosted a Hide-and-Seek party over the weekend.
I’m having a hard time finding the winner.
Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month
$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston
Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking
Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.
Maine Realty Advisors
FRANK CARR
Your real estate investment advisor
Brokering your buying & selling needs
207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the 13th Annual Pete
Simard Golf Benefit
It was a
beautiful day to
be out with friends
golfing and helping
raise money for a
great cause!
Check out our in-store Weekly Ad for our 2022 specials!
Roy’s
Beanie
Chicken Salad, Best in Town & Ham Salad
Babies
Come in and check out our daily specials!
on Sale
Hamburger • Steaks • Chicken • Pork
Here!
Closed
Monday
July 4th
Try our hamburg,
it’s the best!
FOODLAND
Don Nazaroff,
Howie Gooldrup,
& Bob Raymond
SATURDAY
Beans, bread/rolls &
cole slaw
$9.99
WEDNESDAY
Ham, Veggie, Salami,
or Pepperoni Italians
$2.69
PIZZA PACKS
Pizza
Packs
$11.99
70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471
www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com
Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed
Josh Simard
The Williams Broadcasting Group specializes
in the creative development of both short
format and full length Podcast shows for
radio, television, and the web.
A good
golf partner
is someone
who’s just
a bit worse
than you!
We are the largest producer of full
length podcasts in the country. Shows
like: In The Pits, Bruins Diehards, The
19th Hole, The Liars Club, Animal Chat,
Community, What a Concept, and
Pride Diehards!
(207)-527-2000 | www.williamsbroadcasting.net | john@williamsbroadcasting.net
I could say that I enjoy putting my feet up and relaxing, but I’d be lying.
Jim Barnes &
Nikki Canney
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
29
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the 13th Annual Pete
Simard Golf Benefit
My neighbor pointed out several slugs in my garden today and told me to get some salt.
Man, that guy will eat anything!
WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER
NEW MEMBERS!
Ankh Academy: Luxury In the Hood
Luxuryinthehood.booksy.com
Breakwater Public Adjusting LLC
Breakwateradjusting.com
Anyone
short a team
member? I’m
available!
Owen Bowie,
Calvin Bowie,
James Preble, &
Grayson Bowie
E3, LLC
E3GoGreen.com
Maine Business Advisors
MaineBusinessAdvisors.com
Sasha Lee’s Romance Boutique
SashaLees.com
Finance Authority of Maine
FameMaine.com
Maine DECD
maine.gov/decd
415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM
My wife bought a new dip stick for her car because the old one never reached the oil.
Gary Bennett &
Craig Farrington
Hey Mark,
are you a scratch
player?
Albert & Burpee Funeral
Home & Cremation Service
207-782-7201
253 Pine Street, Lewiston
www.albert-burpee.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
30
I sure am.
Every time I hit the
ball I scratch my head
and wonder where
it went!
Dan Snow &
Mark Carey
Jimbo
July 2022 783-7039
Traditional Funeral with metal casket & cement graveliner
All services the same day, Monday-Friday
$5995.00
(does not include cemetery, minister, newspapers, & required permits)
I’ve heard that Lady Gaga is a very nice and tolerant person.
The only thing that annoys her is if you Poker Face.
It must be gardening season. Five weeks ago I planted myself on the sofa and I’ve grown considerably.
SEE ME ABOUT EXTENDED RETURNS
HATS
MUGS
Call us for a quote
TODAY!
EMBROIDERY
SCREENPRINTING
Reunions
Summer
Camps
Road Races
Charity 5Ks
WEAR
Contractors &
Landscapers
Work Wear
205 Washington St.
South, Auburn
207-784-4184
coastaltshirts.com
PENS
BAGS
PEOPLE LOVE MAGAZINES.
of all media, which do US internet users say they
TRUST THE MOST?
PRINT.
(Marketing Sherpa, 2020)
Poisson & Sons Auto Care
260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144
FULL SERVICE GAS STATION
SUMMER
July 2022
Stickers are
due!
11 12 1
10 MOTOR VEHICLE
9
8
22
7
0215697
6
23
5
2
3
4
Accounting
& Tax
Service You
Can Trust!
MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.
Certified Public Accountant
IS HERE!
Time to check your oil &
filter, fluid levels, tire
pressures, & battery. Don’t
forget to have your brakes
inspected!
OUTSIDE
is the New Inside
Soft Serve Maple
Ice Cream!
Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p
Tax Planning & Preparation
for Individuals and Business
207.782.1040
9 Grove Street, Auburn
mspaulding@androscoggin.tax
CALL OF THE WILD
RV CENTER
848 Main Street, Oxford
207-539-4410
www.callofthewildrv.com
Shuga Shak Country Store
Maple Baked Beans
every Saturday!
Wine • Local Products
Honey • Pickles • Jams
Candies • Crafts...
and much more!
450 Pigeon Hill Road
(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls
207-576-7886
I just won a muscle loss competition and all I got was atrophy.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
31
BUSINESS
SP TLIGHT
Richard Moylan
(207) 777-0050
791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn
richardmoylan@allstate.com
Insurance and coverages subject to terms.
qualifications and availability. Allstate Property
and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and
Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois
© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company
207-333-5022
kaytdavispt@gmail.com
Therapy in the home.
Most insurances accepted.
207.577.6484
528 Lincoln Street
Lewiston
207-782-7141
Pooper Scooping Services
We scoop so you don’t have to!
Accepting Weekly
& Biweekly Clients
207-713-1550
LISBON
FALLS
OPEN FOR BUSINESS
During Road Construction
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
32
Jimbo
July 2022 783-7039
The Sausage Kitchen
36 Main Street, Lisbon Falls
207-353-5503
Open for business
Thurs-Sat: 9-5 • Sun 8-2
ROGERS
INSURANCE
38 Main Street
Lisbon Falls, ME
207-353-6834
Open During
Road Work
A Therapeutic & Holistic Center for Healing
Where you can
Breathe in and Zen out
Where you can Breathe in & Zen out
Swedish - Deep Tissue - Sports - Prenatal - Reflexology - Trigger
Point Release - Reiki - Ear Candling - Raindrop Technique -
Shamanic Healing
Licensed Massage Therapists
7 Main Street, Lisbon Falls
207-740-0068
Licensed Massage Therapist
Ashley Wood - Richelle Keefe - Linette Mailhot - Brenna Young
7 Main Street
Lisbon Falls
207-740-0068
www.massagebook.com/essentially balanced
www.massagebook.com/essentiallybalanced
Facebook.com/EssentiallyBalancedLMT
The IRS sent me a letter telling me my tax payment was outstanding.
I was very happy considering I can’t even remember sending it in.
Meatloaf was much less successful under his original stage name, Spam Fritter.
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the 13th Annual Pete
Simard Golf Benefit
41st season
Bill Murphy and
Jack Trull
It takes
fore golfers to
change a light bulb!
No Rain Location This Summer. Check Website for Concert Status.
Join us each week and
enjoy popular hit songs
from the '60's through
the present!
Bring
your
own
chair
For more information visit us online at
www.auburncommunityband.com
Dana Connon &
Will Flanders
Golf is a
lot like taxes. You
go for the green
and wind up in the
hole.
evergreen
custom printing
Your Full Service Printer
i
n c
Tyler Arsenault &
Kevin Rickett
Before the Iron Age, did people just walk around in wrinkled clothes?
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
33
When I retire, I’m still going to get up at 6:00am and drive around really slow, making everyone late for work.
HEALTH & FITNESS
VIAGRA and CIALIS USERS! 50 Generic Pills SPECIAL $99.00.
100% guaranteed. 24/7 CALL NOW! 888-445-5928 Hablamos
Español
Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company. Covers
350 procedures. Real insurance - not a discount plan. Get your free
dental info kit! 1-855-526-1060 www.dental50plus.com/ads #6258
Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is capable of full
24/7 oxygen delivery. Only 2.8 pounds. Free info kit.
Call 877-929-9587
MISCELLANEOUS
Prepare for power outages today with a GENERAC home standby
generator $0 Down + Low Monthly Pmt Request a free Quote.
Call before the next power outage: 1-855-948-6176
Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, the most advanced
debris-blocking gutter protection. Schedule free LeafFilter estimate
today. 15% off Entire Purchase. 10% Senior & Military Discounts.
Call 1-833-610-1936
AT&T Internet. Starting at $40/month w/12-mo agmt. 1 TB of data/
mo. Ask how to bundle & SAVE! Geo & svc restrictions apply.
1-855-364-3948
BATH & SHOWER UPDATES in as little as ONE DAY! Affordable
prices - No payments for 18 months! Lifetime warranty & professional
installs. Senior & Military Discounts available.
Call: 855-761-1725
Donate Your Car to Veterans Today! Help and Support our Veterans.
Fast - FREE pick up. 100% tax deductible.
Call 1-800-245-0398
HughesNet - Finally, super-fast internet no matter where you live.
25 Mbps just $59.99/mo! Unlimited Data is Here. Stream Video.
Bundle TV & Internet. Free Installation. Call 866-499-0141
!!OLD GUITARS WANTED!! GIBSON, FENDER, MARTIN, Etc.
1930’s to 1980’s. TOP DOLLAR PAID. CALL TOLL FREE
1-866-433-8277
Looking for assisted living, memory care, or independent living? A
Place for Mom simplifies the process of finding senior living at no
cost to your family. Call 1-844-428-0445 today!
Become a published author. We want to read your book! Dorrance
Publishing trusted since 1920. Consultation, production, promotion
& distribution. Call for free author’s guide 1-877-729-4998 or
visit dorranceinfo.com/ads
Paying top cash for men’s sportwatches! Rolex, Breitling, Omega,
Patek Philippe, Heuer, Daytona, GMT, Submariner and Speedmaster.
Call 833-603-3236
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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
34 July 2022 783-7039
Most people think I’m younger than my actual age until they hear me stand up.
I just joined a dating website for pyromaniacs. They send me new matches every day.
I usually
play in the low
80s. Anything hotter
than that, I won’t
play.
Out ‘n About at Poland Spring Golf Course for the
13th Annual Pete Simard Golf Benefit
Golf is a
game invented by
God to punish people
who retire early.
The future’s
so bright, we gotta
wear shades.
Divine
Intervention
Submitted by Tyla Davis
The local pastor decided
to skip church one
Sunday morning. It was
a beautiful day and he
decided he’d rather go
golfing than prepare his
sermon.
Dan Roy & Todd
Zsiga
Driving
a golf cart can be
tough, but I’ve got it
down to a tee.
Mark Bosse &
Tom Printup
Mike Swart
I always
carry an extra
pair of pants when
I’m golfing in case
I get a hole in
one.
Preston & Kevin
Chapman
Perry Goodspeed &
Travis Pontbriand
Robert Porter &
Matt Dunn
The primary
components of a
good golfer’s diet are
lots of greens and
water.
He told his assistant
that he wasn’t feeling
well and that he was
going to go back to
bed and didn’t want to
be disturbed. He then
drove to a golf course
in a different city, where
nobody knew him.
The pastor teed off on
the first hole. A huge
gust of wind caught the
ball, carried it an extra
hundred yards, and
dropped it right into the
hole. A 450-yard hole
in one... he couldn’t
believe it!
The pastor’s guardian
angel was watching all
of this take place from
Heaven. He turned to
God stunned and said,
“That was unbelievable.
What did you do that
for? That pastor sinned
by lying to his assistant
and skipping church,
and you’re going to
reward him with a shot
like that?”
God smiled and said,
“Who is he going to be
able to tell?”
Derek Ray &
Jacob Bissonnette
Justin Greenleaf
& Grant Sperry
Roger Theriault &
Danielle Martin
Legend states that when you’re overwhelmed and on the verge of a breakdown,
a small child will appear to tell you that you cut their sandwich wrong.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
35
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the 13th Annual Pete
Simard Golf Benefit
I was told a bunch of funny cash machine jokes yesterday,
but I can’t remember any of them ATM.
Pam Bernier &
Jack Ricker
I hope my
team continues to
have great rounds of
golf!
We’re Hiring Delivery Drivers - we offer Aflac.
Please be patient with us as we are short-staffed
10 Memorial Street, Lisbon • 207-241-0270 • www.a1lausedappliance.com
Hours: Closed Sun, Mon, Tues; Wed-Sat 9:00am-5:00pm
The say the grass is greener on the other side, but mine was just brown with worms.
Kevin Chase &
Bob Chase
JOIN A TEAM THAT VALUES ITS MEMBERS!
Scan here to
Apply Today!
Agreed!
May the fores be
with you!
www.debloiselectric.com
Immediate openings for
experienced licensed electricians
Dave O’Connell &
Jeff Mack
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
36 July 2022 783-7039
Apparently Boy George’s pet lizards bite people up to five times a day.
He needs a calmer chameleon.
If you hold a crab up to your ear, you can hear what it’s like to be attacked by a crab.
Make your
reservation
now!
A place the whole family will LOVE!
LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the 13th Annual Pete
Simard Golf Benefit
Where can
you find me on a
beautiful afternoon?
Out clubbing!
40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com
ENJOY YOUR SPACE THIS SUMMER!
We have everything you need to get the job done!
Mulches & Soils, Yard Cleanup Tools, and much more!
Lisa Laliberte &
Egan Nadeau
OXFORD HILLS FAVORITE
PIZZA & SANDWICH SHOP!
Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas
Breakfast Sandwiches and More!
186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253
July Special
2 Grilled Brown Hot
Dogs on Toasted Rolls
ONLY $ 3 .49 plus tax
Pete Nadeau &
Dan Roderick
To some
golfers, their
biggest handicap is
adding correctly.
Voted one of Maine’s Best Pizza Places!
2016 WMTW Facebook Fan poll
POLLY’S VARIETY
115 King Street, Oxford
207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com
Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm
The police just came to my house looking for a man with one eye.
You would think they’d have better luck using both.
Expires 7/31/22
Luke Bushey &
Bob Pinder
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
37
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the 13th Annual Pete
Simard Golf Benefit
I spent eight hours stacking donuts. My day was jam packed.
Saturday, August 13 th
1:00 - 9:00pm
OUTSIDE, NEXT TO MAC’S GRILL
1052 Minot Ave. Auburn
UNCLE AND
pres
Deb & Jeff Small
Fun for
Everyone!
The game
of golf is 90%
mental and 10%
mental.
John & Prudie
Duross
I have a
driving ambition
to be a better
golfer.
• Kid’s Zone w/ 95' Inflatable
Obstacle Course
• HUGE Silent Auction
• Dunk Tank
• Face Painting
• Mr. Drew & His Animals Too
• Great Food
• Beer Garden & Full Bar
• 50/50
A great
Community
Event!
Food, Fun, & M
hoste
OUR AMAZING
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
38
Bob Libby &
Scott Craig
Jimbo
July 2022 783-7039
Alternative Sprinkler
Fire Protection
I had to put my dog down yesterday; my arms were getting really tired.
Y’S DIGEST
ents
www.conjunctivitis.com – now that’s a site for sore eyes.
3
BANDS!
1:00-3:00pm:
Continental Shakedown
3:00-5:00pm:
The Smith Collaboration
6:00-9:00pm: Fire in the Hole
Out ‘n About at
Poland Spring
Golf Course
for the 13th Annual Pete
Simard Golf Benefit
Hey Dad,
do you think my
golf game is
improving?
Because of YOU
we’ve been able to raise over
$445,000 and grant 63 wishes to local
kids facing critical illnesses. Help
us make our 8th Annual event
the best yet!
John Warden &
Derek Schelling
Absolutely!
You miss the ball
much closer than you
used to!
usic to Benefit
d by
A Summer Event You
Won’t Want to Miss!
Mark Schelling &
Scott Sparks
SPONSORS!
LASummerBlockParty.com
Community Sponsors:
Bancroft Contracting
Champoux Insurance
CN Brown
Fortin Funeral Homes
Media Partners:
Ken Knauer &
Jill Ricker
I just put $20 in my gas tank to bring it from a lowercase e to an uppercase E.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
39
Office, Restaurant, & Light
Industrial Cleaning Services
Mike Magretto
Veteran Owned & Operated
EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890
CALL THE PROS
Now offering Maine-made
CBD PRODUCTS!
Call to
book your
personalized
treatment!
Mon., Wed.
Thu. 9a-7p
Fri. 11a-7p
Sat. 12p-5p
229 Center Street, Auburn
(207) 402-8654
www.lamassagemaine.com
REDEMPTION CENTER
6
on all 5¢ returns
¢
with this coupon.
(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting)
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place
Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm
(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays) UAD exp. 7.31.22
We make you LOOK GREAT!
FULL COLOR BOOKLETS & MORE!
Booklets • Posters • Carbonless forms
Envelopes • Business Cards & More!
Call today for a free quote!
SUMMER’S COMING - IS YOUR VEHICLE READY?
RON’S
TRANSMISSION
REPAIR SERVICE
Your Full Service Repair Facility
Summer Vehicle Maintenance
Checks Done Here
Tires, brakes, battery, engine oil and
other fluids, wiper blades, & belts/hoses
Ron Charpentier, Jr.,
Owner
515 Gardiner Rd. Wales 375-4924
WEBSITES THAT WORK
Design. Build. Brand. Market.
60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com
OFFERING
Residential
Commercial
Clean Outs
Roll Offs
844-ME-TRASH
844-638-7274
The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!
SERVING
Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland
Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples
9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com
www.MaineWeb.co
Unlimited Wash Combos
Combo #2
24 .95
$
24 per
Combo #3
includes:
.95
month
.95
$ 29 .95
per month
exterior wash,
underbody, &
poly sealant
includes: exterior
wash, underbody,
rust inhibitor, wheel
brite, tire shine, &
wax
7 Lincoln St. Lewiston
207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
40 July 2022 783-7039
I lost my sense of smell.
Being a good parent is knowing how to unwrap a Kit Kat without making any noise.
Does anyone know how I can go back to my default olfactory settings?
CALL THE PROS
ENJOY THE TASTES OF
SUMMER ON OUR DECK
85 Center Street, Auburn
207-784-8221 • 11a-9p daily
Serving great food since 1985
MAKING SENSE OF
TECHNOLOGY
• New device setup and lessons
• Network support & maintenance
• Device repairs
AND MORE!
Angela’s Computer
& Electronic Services
207-520-9573 • angelascms.com
Coach Terry’s
REDEMPTION CENTER
Closed July 4th
The friendly redemption center
8 Tidswell Road
Turner
207-225-2008
Open daily 8am to 4pm
FARRELL ENTERPRISES
BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED
Summers go by faster than ever!
Get rid of the junk before the
white stuff flies!
Nearly Anything Removed
Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!
Fully Insured
Michael Farrell 207-576-2501
Serving those who serve
SERVING our THOSE community
WHO SERVE OUR COMMUNITY
Andy Valley
Insurance & Retirement
Call
for your
FREE QUOTE
Today!
Your Vision.
Our Expertise.
Kitchens, Baths,
Decks & More!
Andy Valley Insurance & Retirement
(207) 783-3660
https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR Auto | Home | Life | Retirement
AM-C04353 (Sep. 21)
horacemann.com
909 Minot Ave, Auburn | 207-783-3660 | https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR
SCUBA
CLASSES!
Offering both private
& small group lessons
Make your own schedule!
805 Main Street, Lewiston
784-7300
skindiversparadise.net
207-212-7791
www.vghomeimprovements.com
FINE LINE GUN SHOP
207-998-2374
Ralph & Mary Sleeper
Guns • Ammo • Supplies
Check out
our Facebook
page for our
newest
inventory!
finelinegun@aol.com
590 Plains Road, Poland
Sometimes I think I have my life together, but then my windshield gets foggy
and I don’t know what temperature to use to get rid of it.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
July 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
41
CALL THE PROS
We continue to grow
due to excellent customers
and their referrals.
Sincere Thanks to all.
207-784-9356
Lincoln Street
RADIATOR SHOP
Family owned & operated since 1967
RADIATOR OR A/C ISSUES?
THE SUMMER HEAT CAN BE BRUTAL!
Our team of experts,
with our state-of-the-art
diagnostics, will have
your vehicle running
in no time!
1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p
Listen Up
Submitted by Tyla Davis
A wife was talking to
her husband one day
and noticed he was
watching television
and not paying attention
to her.
Out ‘n About at Poland Spring Golf Course for the
13th Annual Pete Simard Golf Benefit
“Hey! I’m trying to talk
to you! You need to listen
better!” she yelled
angrily.
“Maybe if you wanted
someone to listen to
everything you say,
you should have married
someone like Davey
Crockett. I’m sure
he was a good listener
with his three ears,”
replied the husband.
“Davey Crockett didn’t
have three ears,” the
irked wife retorted.
“Sure he did. He had
a right ear, a left ear,
and that wild front ear
they’re always singing
about.”
Leo Angelides, Rod Cameron,
Mike Labonte, & Scott Whalen
Michael, Dan, and Janet Perreault,
& Mike Knapp
Matt Clancy, Jordan Gaudet,
Steve Gould, & James Butler
Mike Anderson, Ryan Tripp,
Mike Noel, & Jake Robitaille
Paul Mahoney, Matt Elliott,
Tim Delaney, & Scott Popovich
Ray Masse, Todd Hartford,
Glenn Therrien, & Bill Conroy
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
42 July 2022 783-7039
I am a pretty amazing ventriloquist, even if I do say so myself.
My online gym website asked me to accept cookies. I think it’s a trick.
Six Locations,
Wholesale &
Redemption
BEER. WINE. SPIRITS
AUBURN
301 Main Street, Auburn | 783.9098
545 Minot Ave, Auburn | 783.2047
3 0 Y e a r
Anniversary
LEWISTON
794 Sabattus Street, Lewiston | 783.6353
686 Main Street, Lewiston | 344.1200
1420 Lisbon Street, Lewiston | 333.3095
OXFORD
980 Main Street, Oxford |539.6072
RoopersBeverage.com
The PARTY starts with ROOPERS
SILVERBACK
DIRT
Excavation Services/Dirt Work
No Job Too Small!
DEP Certified near waterways • Fully insured
BEFORE
AFTER
Save Money
Reclaiming Product
Reuse Existing Material
Work in Narrow Areas
Road Grading
Road & Driveway
Grading
Roger Dargie
207-754-2703
dargie2013@gmail.com
I’m thinking of becoming a McDonald’s ice cream machine so I never have to work again.
YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!
Pricing
RUST PROTECTION
Heavy duty pickup ...... $159.95
Full size van .......... $159.95
2 door pickup . ......... $149.95
X-large SUV . .......... $159.95
3 & 4 door pickup ....... $159.95
Any car .............. $139.95
Mini van ............. $149.95
Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $149.95
It’s NEVER too late to
rustproof your vehicle!
Plus applicable taxes
23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100
the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family
We are stronger together
Debbie Bodwell
NMLS# 280336
Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net
181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210
207.754.3962
I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)
Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org.
“Reflection reveals that a lifelong career choice (and a lot of hard work)
bring you to that place where you were destined to be.” —Jimbo
Ready for Summer Fun?!
Schedule your pool service today!
Monday - Friday: 9a-5p, Saturday: 9a-4p
1975 Lisbon St., Rte. 196, Lewiston
783-0858 • www.abcpool.com
Ask us about our
eco-friendly line!
Low
Chlorine!
44 July 2022 783-7039 UncleAndysDigest.com