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LIGHTEN THE LOAD ~ Continued from page 39 these methods of ridding ourselves of intrusive negative thoughts caused by guilt, “when you don’t want this to take up real estate in your mind.” Thought stopping – When you’re ruminating on something, catch yourself and latch on to something else, like reading a book or watching a video to interrupt the cascade of negativity. Journalling – Get all the negative thoughts and feelings out by writing them down. It doesn’t have to be eloquent or complete because it’s just for you, a mind dump. Do a cleansing ritual – Wedlake calls this “a symbolic representation of my intent to move on from this.” Some examples might be writing the things about which you feel guilty on pieces of paper and burying or burning them. She adds that it’s important to go deeper and find out what’s truly causing this angst. “Keep going (with self-analysis) if you’re still having a hard time because there’s something underneath it. You have to figure out what it’s really about.” But why would someone choose to remain in the guilt zone by not using one of these methods to escape this morass of pain? “I think people sometimes feel that others will like them more if they are feeling guilty. Or it makes them feel humble or more worthy. Or, alternatively, they feel like they should feel that way,” says Berendsen. Both agree that it can be helpful to seek professional assistance in working through deep-seated feelings of guilt. “Feeling guilty is the way some people connect with the person they lost, but they need options to think differently. Having someone who can help them move on from a rigid worldview and help them find other ways of reacting and looking at themselves can help,” says Berendsen. Looking inward instead of distracting, doing the work and talking to a professional, if necessary, are all ways that we can move through the fog of feeling guilty into the clear, colourful world of self-love that improves our relationships with ourselves and others. ● FOR MORE INFORMATION PATRICIA BERENDSEN – RMFT, RSW, RP Patricia Berendsen and Associates 519-619-8801 • www.patriciaberendsen.com MARNIE WEDLAKE – Ph.D., RP 519-641-1945 •www.marniewedlake.com November/December 2023 LifestyLe 41
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