Lifestyle_NovDec2023_Final _Online

LIGHTEN THE LOAD
~ Continued from page 39
these methods of ridding ourselves of
intrusive negative thoughts caused by
guilt, “when you don’t want this to
take up real estate in your mind.”
Thought stopping – When you’re
ruminating on something, catch yourself
and latch on to something else, like
reading a book or watching a video to
interrupt the cascade of negativity.
Journalling – Get all the negative
thoughts and feelings out by writing
them down. It doesn’t have to be eloquent
or complete because it’s just for
you, a mind dump.
Do a cleansing ritual – Wedlake calls
this “a symbolic representation of my
intent to move on from this.” Some
examples might be writing the things
about which you feel guilty on pieces of
paper and burying or burning them.
She adds that it’s important to
go deeper and find out what’s truly
causing this angst. “Keep going (with
self-analysis) if you’re still having a
hard time because there’s something
underneath it. You have to figure out
what it’s really about.”
But why would someone choose to
remain in the guilt zone by not using
one of these methods to escape this
morass of pain?
“I think people sometimes feel that
others will like them more if they are
feeling guilty. Or it makes them feel
humble or more worthy. Or, alternatively,
they feel like they should feel
that way,” says Berendsen.
Both agree that it can be helpful to
seek professional assistance in working
through deep-seated feelings of guilt.
“Feeling guilty is the way some people
connect with the person they lost, but they
need options to think differently. Having
someone who can help them move on
from a rigid worldview and help them
find other ways of reacting and looking at
themselves can help,” says Berendsen.
Looking inward instead of distracting,
doing the work and talking to a
professional, if necessary, are all ways
that we can move through the fog of
feeling guilty into the clear, colourful
world of self-love that improves our
relationships with ourselves and others.
● FOR MORE INFORMATION
PATRICIA BERENDSEN – RMFT, RSW, RP
Patricia Berendsen and Associates
519-619-8801 • www.patriciaberendsen.com
MARNIE WEDLAKE – Ph.D., RP
519-641-1945 •www.marniewedlake.com
November/December 2023 LifestyLe 41