Season III - Get a Free Blog

~First in Patrick,
Young Man Dies of Irony
Patrick R. Kozicky, beloved son, brother, uncle, friend and war hero, was killed
tragically during a heated discussion of Alanis Morrisette's 'Ironic.' Patrick was
known for his love of the singer's album, 'Jagged Little Pill,' with the exception of
'Ironic.' Reportedly, Patrick and a friend were driving in dinky town, when the song
came on the radio. The friend exclaimed his love for all of the ironic situations in
the song. Patrick then went into a tirade, explaining that nothing in the song is
actually ironic. "It just sucks. It's a song full of sucky things. The only ironic thing
about the song, is that nothing in it is ironic," Patrick told his friend. "And I'll defend
that until the day I die." At that moment Patrick, the driver of the car, turned the
corner in front of their their destination, The Steak Knife, a favorite restaurant of
Patrick's. Strangely a large pile of spoons were scattered about the street. "There
were at least 10,000 of them," reported the friend. The car swerved, barely missing
an employee of The Steak Knife, out looking for a place to smoke, on his cigarette
break. A spoon from the street lodged itself into the front drivers side tire of the
car, puncturing it. This caused the car swerve again out of control and hit a street
light. Patrick, who was reportedly speeding, was thrown from the car, into an older
gentleman, instantly killing them both. Then man had just won the lottery the day
before, and was out to meet his wife to celebrate with a bottle of chardonnay. The
bottle lay, broken on the ground between the two bodies. A homeless man, covered
in dirt and flies was seen licking the wine off the street, before police arrived.
"If only he'd been wearing his seatbelt, like I always advised him," his father told
reporters. "He would have lived." Strangely Patrick was always one to take good
advice from others.
First up, I have to say that the true irony of that song is indeed the title. I've thought that
since it came out. Second of all, working the man that won the lottery and died the next
day, from the song? Priceless. Homeless man, great visual. Making it read like a
Police report, eh. Regardless, I start the competition off with a 3 for death and a 1 for
life story since there was none. It's all down hill from here.
Total: 4
~Next up, Cory!
NB: 10,000 days = 27.3 years.
On to my obit...
The body of Cory "Q" Funk, age 46 and 2, was recovered last week from the local
swamp where it is believed he was sucked down by an undertow, possibly fleeing