Season III - Get a Free Blog

snacking during the argument. Fire rushed to save her but as he reached her he
slipped on some melted chocolate chips that had fallen on the floor. They both fell
out of the open window and down 13 flights to the parking lot. Love hit the ground
and died on impact. Fire had landed in to the dumpster that was filled with
Styrofoam that quickly caught fire and melted. The toxins released destroyed his
lungs and his Captain Planet ring. Fire died from lung failure, burns, massive blood
loss, and severe impact. Captain Planet died from a domestic dispute of two of his 5
ring holders and the ultimate destruction of the fire ring due to toxic Styrofoam
gas. Captain Planet is credited with trying to save the world while sporting a green
mullet, red shoulder pads, and basically the worst superhero outfit ever. Also,
teaching children valuable lessons. He is survived by Water, Wind, and Earth. A
wake will be held on the Earth everyday until it too is destroyed by selfish humans.
Wow. I must say, that was thought out. I liked how two other people died in what inturn
was your obituary. I loved everything, except… this wasn't about you. It was
funny and was about death, but nothing about your life. Despite it not being about you
completely, I still give it a 1 for the death and 1 for the absence of a non existent life
story. Even though it was shit-my-pants outrageous.
Total: 2
If this for some reason does not qualify then there is this….
Michael James Battista died yesterday in a massive scooter accident involving a
monkey, an astronaut, a bus, an ice-cream cone, 2 dead hookers, and his Chinese
nemesis Magic Chan, at the age of 29. He will be buried next to his loved one,
fortunately his right arm was severed during the scooter accident that involved the
2 dead hookers. There will be a viewing on 7-13-07 at Mang Yu Dei Funeral Home
in Nanjing on Bu Hu Road next to Bruce Lee Chicken who will cater the lunch. His
list of accomplishments are sitting very close to the TV and not going blind,
masturbating a lot and not going blind, Tech school, high school, middle school,
elementary, and preschool, bootlegging booze aboard the Sheryl Anne in Kodiak,
Alaska, 4 years at Citibank and not getting fired, learning enough Chinese to pick
up Chinese chicks (that speak English), Successfully defeating Mist and Mike
Tyson's Knockout (he winks before he punches you, it's so easy), Never got a DUI,
teaching English to Chinese children, breaking out of prison after being falsly
imprisoned for murdering my wife and her lover (that's was Sawshank Redemption
not my life). Don't fear the Reaper by Deep Purple will be played at the wake on
repeat. Mike loved Cheeto's and PBR so those will be there too. The hair from his
palms will be donated to DHC (Dead Hookers with Cancer). He wants everyone to
bring fireworks, mostly Roman candles and bottle rockets to have a firework fight in
the parking lot after the Funeral and maybe someone else will die and then can
have more people to hang out with. He is survived by the wolves that raised him