Season III - Get a Free Blog

time to vote someone off the "island." Kelly will explain below…
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Okay, Kelly's half now.
KELLY'S MATCH: QUILTED NORTHERNS VS. BROWN STREET ELITE (Note:
at this point, the word "East-lite" there was just sort of bugging me, so I dropped it to
Elite again. I'm such a pushover)
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Do you 'member? Do you remember when I said, referring to non-entries causing a
score of negative two, that "someone blows it every year"? That's indeed what I said,
and indeed what happened. Late last night, no fewer than four of my people hadn't sent
one in, and I thought it was going to be the worst turnout in my game's history. Instead,
everyone was just sending them in late. Well…everyone but one.
Here are the obits in the order I got them; my comments/scores follow each. Final note:
in general, I clean up spelling because I enjoy doing that for some reason. One
exception: a person made a joke made on a misspelling, which is obviously left intact.
"Sugar" Shane Gibson, ..:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoftcom:office:smarttags"
/>Brown Street Elite
Here Lies Shane Patrick Gibson (aka SUGAR)
Born in June of 1972 he came into the world much as he left it, chubby and bald. Sugar
lived a fair to moderately good life growing up in Northern MN, dreaming of what most
small town boys do, having mucho man on man sex with strangers. But once he realized
that even gay freaky old men found him unattractive, he found his true calling. Taking
comfort in knowing that not just anyone could be a hunchback living in a bell tower, he
became very comfortable in his new career choice. He lived a fulfilling life of touching
himself inappropriately on an hourly basis, along with his award winning crossstitching.
He sadly met his demise, choking on a Twinkie, while whacking it to Oprah,
whilst listening to the soundtrack from Yentl. He is survived by all of his illegitimate
children strewn throughout all the trailer parks in Northern Iowa. And his life long
lover, Ryan Fossum.
(Cause of death: 2/3. Very funny, but I got some even better ones. Life story: 2/3. Gay
jokes are funny, yes, but a little obvious. That said, his particular self-deprecation as it
relates to these jokes was good. All in all, 'twas a good introduction to one of the
players I've never met. My favorite bit: he came into the world much as he left it,
chubby and bald.) 4 points
Ben Thietje, Quilted Northerns
Thietje, Benjamin B. age 29¾, of St. Paul, passed away on July 4th, 2007. Thietje, an
avid home-remodeler, was in the middle of upgrading his kitchen, when he was
frightened by a nearby fireworks display and choked on his own caulk. "He was
squeezing his caulk because it wasn't working right." explained a friend, "Apparently,
he had the caulk too close to his face when the BANG happened. He squeezed his
caulk, some came shooting out, and he choked on it. It's a terrible tragedy." St. Paul