Social Work with People Practicing Same-Sex ... - ILGA Europe

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on the part of the others and brings about devaluation of the homosexual identity.
At this phase many people turn their own lack of confidence into an “internalized
homophobia“. As a result of that, a negative attitude is being formed toward one's
own identity, as well as toward gays and lesbians. In such cases, people often try their
best to demonstrate their apparent conformity with the heterosexual principles, while
in reality may secretly indulge in homosexual fantasies and even sexual activity (Isay,
1996).
Phase 3 — tolerance. Having come to terms with one's sexual orientation and being
aware of one's sexual and emotional needs related to it, the individual is beginning to be
more tolerant toward his/her preferences and is getting used to them. As a rule, at this
phase the person gets to know the gay-community, which helps find some emotional
support, an opportunity to establish partner relationships, observe some positive role
models and be at more ease with one's identity. At this phase, shy and incommunicative
people are the ones who suffer from problems, as well as those who are afraid of others
learning about their proclivities. If an individual's feelings at this phase appear to
be generally negative, the further progress of the formation of homosexual identity
may come to a halt. However, if a person feels quite confident and generally positively
assesses one's feelings, s/he finally gets so much accustomed to one's identity that s/
he would be able to dispassionately state: “I am gay (lesbian, bisexual)“ (Isay, 1996:
SavinWilliams, 1995). As the homophobia and discrimination on the basis of sexual
orientation are still quite prevalent, the individual has to take an uneasy decision as to
what degree should s/he disclose to the others. The process of getting prepared for the
first open expression of one's non-traditional sexual orientation is often described as
“coming out“. The degree of openness of the first expression of one's non-traditional
sexual orientation and the choice of confidants depend on many factors. Some people
deem it necessary to let relatives and close friends know, others believe that sexual
preferences are their private business and other people have nothing to do with it.
The decision to “come out“ should be taken discreetly, with due regard to all likely
negative consequences of such step. However, it is often the case that gays, lesbians
and bisexuals find out that the others accept their sexual orientation easily (Rhaods,
1995).
Phase 4 — internalizing one's sexuality. At this phase, a tolerant attitude toward one's
homo- or bisexual orientation is succeeded by a positive self-perception. Bonds with
gay-community become stronger. A positive identification form with other people of
homosexual orientation. Attitudes and life styles of other people with similar orientation
may largely define an individual's well-being. If a person maintains relationships with
people who believe that there is nothing shameful about homosexuality, s/he can form
a similar belief. When an individual fully accepts one's sexuality, s/he is ready to move
on to the fifth phase.
Phase 5 — pride. At this phase in the formation of the homosexual identity an
individual gives up the idea of heterosexuality as a norm which could be used as base
for the assessment of one's own sexual behaviour and the sexual behaviour of other
people. As the self-identification with the gay-community deepens, the person begins
to feel proud of his/her belonging to this community. At this phase the person takes
an active part in political movements that oppose discrimination and homophobia and
confronts the heterosexual establishment. In many cases, this phase turns into a period
of aggression. The desire to conceal one's sexual orientation wanes, and some family
members and colleagues learn about this person's sexual proclivities. Because of the
prevalence of negative social attitudes toward homosexuals, people are often shocked
to learn that one's husband, father, mother, child, brother, sister or friend is gay, lesbian
or bisexual.
Having learned that, some people feel fear or disgust, others are ashamed of one's
close one or denounce him/her, while some others show the capacity for tolerance,
understanding and compassion. To let parent or other close ones know of one's sexual
orientation means to take another challenge in the process of strengthening one's
identity. Many parents, eventually, begin to feel easy about kids' sexual orientation.