Tybee Breeze

Starfish Scopes
JUNE
2007
Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
Family problems again. It’ll be just like that Rolling Stones
song, about how you “Can’t Always Get What You Want,”
except that in your case, you can replace one of the words
with “Ever.” Try being positive and future-focused. Also,
pretending you don’t speak English may help your
situation.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22)
You will find that it is true - everything is better with the
addition of either chocolate or garlic (but not both). People
older than you often ask your opinion because you are a
trend setter and a marvelous role model for society in
general. There may be trouble ahead...but as long as
there’s moonlight and music and love and romance, this
trouble will be somewhat softened.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
The law may be your friend this month, or it might turn
round and bite you in the butt. Either way the word “law” is
going to crop up. Testing times will appear over the next
few weeks to have destroyed any hope you had with a
particular someone. You are one special person and
someone will help you realize it.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Serendipity is right around the corner, waiting for you to
bump into it. If you pause, say to try and scrape off some
unspeakables from the bottom of your shoe, you might
miss it. However, if you keep the unspeakable on your
shoe and meet your serendipitous friend, the smell might
be off-putting enough to close the deal. It’s a funny old
world.
Libra (September 23 - October 23)
Your future may be tainted by a mistake in your past. Now
is the time for a new resolution. Knowing your hands may
become useful over the coming weeks, although the
mystics will not give me any information as to how or why.
Scorpio (October 24 - November 21)
Be cautious this month as you don’t have the right to tell
anyone what to do, no matter how much you’ve lived
through or how much you earn. Show a loved one you
care. Always think “Take the easy way out” this month and
you won’t go wrong.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
This month will be full of computer related mishaps. Hope
in your heart is all well and good but you know deep down
inside that when your computer crashes, it will not have
automatically saved the document you’d been working
on for the past four hours. All this month you are set for
uncontrollable setbacks to all your plans. There’s
nothing you can do, so you might as well start being
awful to people you suspect might cause your
setbacks.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Having trouble sticking to that diet, aren’t you? It’s
even harder when you see all those enticing
commercials for fast food on TV. The trick to dealing
with those is to use your imagination - mayonaisse
becomes shaving cream, a burger becomes
compressed compost, and everything else is coated
with synthetic motor oil. Which, these days, is pretty
close to the truth. Hang in there and keep fighting ‘till
the end. Changing your lifestyle and underwear are
always a good start.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Money is literally no object for you this month as you
lose all your money. Romance is definitely on the
agenda...and you’re going to buy that special someone
in your life anything they ask for just to prove your love.
When your partner starts wearing more clothes to bed
than to work, it’s a good guess that your happiness is
close to being over. This month will see the start of
such bizarre situations.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Peanuts can be dried, roasted, blanched and put inside
little potato coatings. Just like your life. You yearn to be
a farmer just so that you can be out standing in your
field. Ten people will confess a magical love for you
this month. And to think, one in twelve people that read
this horoscope will find the same to be true. Your
marital status may change, either due to some preplanned
marriage type thing, or possibly just a typing
error on a car insurance quote form. Either way, love is
on the cards for you.
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Soon you will discover that you are capable of
“channeling,” when you start spouting ancient sumerian
curses at a short little dweeb who cuts you off in traffic.
Get used to seeing bruises over the next few weeks as
you and furniture begin not seeing eye to eye. Thinking
and doing are two separate things. However, thinking
about what you’re doing is always a good idea. Try to
remember this when you’re trying to tie your shoelace
and stare at a friend’s crotch.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
You are heading towards simplicity in your life. When
hankering for some food you may decide to experiment
with various plants - avoid those with 3 leaves. Destiny
awaits you and is waiting with open arms to welcome
you into the clubhouse of love. Everything is going
perfectly and nothing is going to spoil it, that is until
later on this month when there’s a terrible
thunderstorm.
Tybee Breeze 57