The Geographer's Library

Jon Fasman
but drawn and quartered. I was chair of the department then. For better or
worse, I did precisely what Hamilton had done the first time, reasoning that if
we were to discipline him in any way now, then information about his infraction
and our—for lack of a more delicate word—conspiracy would necessarily
come to light. I wished to avoid a scandal. So the same promises were
extracted, the same apologies made, the same reporters frozen out, the same
newspaper editors—Wickenden grads almost to a man—cajoled and pressured,
with the same result.
“The only strange thing was, when I told Jaan that he would go to jail,
publicity be damned, if I heard even a rumor that he was carrying a handgun
again, I received a letter the following day from Vernum Sickle.”
“That name sounds familiar.”
“Yes, it’s almost unforgettable, isn’t it? Dickensian, you might say, if you
were the sort of person who said such asinine things. In which case we could
hardly be having lunch together. Anyway, Sickle is perhaps the finest, and
certainly the most expensive, criminal defense attorney in New England. He
mostly represents organized-crime families, as I understand it, with the occasional
high-profile politician thrown in for variety. Mr. Sickle warned me to
cease harassment of his client, Professor Jaan Pühapäev, or he would sue me,
the department, and the university for slander, and if I took any action based
on rumor, as I had threatened to do ...well, then something awful would
happen, and so on and so forth. He also cautioned that although we were a
private university, we nonetheless received federal grants and municipal support
and therefore were bound by the Fourth Amendment, which meant that
we had no right to search Jaan’s office or person. I don’t know that this reasoning
was correct, but it was certainly intimidating. A great deal of legalistic
saber rattling. But it worked: Jaan stayed on, and he never again fired his
weapon, though I would bet my last sou that he carried one nonetheless.
“Sickle’s involvement intrigued me, as it showed that Jaan was not nearly
as unworldly as he appeared. Naturally, Jaan could have easily picked Sickle’s
name from one of the innumerable articles in which he manages to get mentioned,
but the letter arrived so soon after the incident that I presume they
must have already known each other. As I said, all off the record.”
“Well, Professor, you know, I really would like to use this information. It’s
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