The Drama of the Gifted Child (The Search for the True Self)

derstood. The patient discovers his true self little by little
through experiencing his own feelings and needs, because
the analyst is able to accept and respect these even when he
does not yet understand them.
I am sometimes asked in seminars or supervisors sessions
how one should deal with "undesirable" feelings such as
the irritation that patients sometimes arouse in their analyst.
A sensitive analyst will of course feel this irritation. Should
he suppress it to avoid rejecting the patient? But then the
patient, too, will sense this suppressed anger, without being
able to comprehend it, and will be confused. Should the
analyst express it? If he does, this may offend the patient
and undermine his confidence. I have found that when I
do not attempt to respond to such questions and remarks
with advice, the discussion among colleagues reaches a
much deeper and more personal dimension. The question
of how to deal with anger and other feelings in the countertransference
no longer needs to be asked if we begin
with the assumption that all the feelings that the patient
arouses in his analyst, during his analysis, are part of his
unconscious attempt to tell the analyst his story and at the
same time to hide it from him—that is, to protect himself
from the renewed manipulation he unconsciously expects.
I always assume that the patient has no other way of telling
me his story than the one he actually uses. Seen thus, all
feelings arising in me, including irritation, belong to his
coded language and are of great heuristic value. At times
they may help to find the lost key to still invisible doors.
At one time there was discussion in the literature about
how to recognize whether countertransference feelings
are an expression of the analyst's transference. If the analyst
has gained emotional access to his own childhood, then he
should easily be able to distinguish between countertrans-
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