The Drama of the Gifted Child (The Search for the True Self)

an absolutely essential adaptation during childhood, to
avoid losing the object's love. Subsequently, it continues
under the influence of the introjects. For this reason depression
indicates a very early disturbance. Right at the
beginning, in infancy, such persons have suffered from a
deficiency in certain affective areas that are necessary for
stable self-confidence. From the reconstructions available
through analyses, I have gained the impression that there
are children who have not been free to experience the very
earliest feelings, such as discontent, anger, rage, pain, even
hunger and, of course, enjoyment of their own bodies.
Discontent and anger had aroused uncertainty in the
mother over her maternal role, pain had made her anxious.
Her children's enjoyment of their bodies sometimes
aroused her envy, sometimes her shame about "what other
people would think," or it disturbed the mother's reaction
formations (A. Miller, 1971). Thus, under certain circumstances,
a child may learn very early what he is not
allowed to feel, lest he run the risk of losing his mother's
love.
A patient in her fourth year of analysis came to a session
several weeks after the birth of her third child and told me
how free and alive she felt with this baby, quite in contrast
to the way she had felt with the two earlier ones. With
them she had constantly felt that excessive demands were
being made upon her, that she was a prisoner, and that the
baby was taking advantage of and "exploiting" her. Thus
she rebelled against his justified demands and, at the same
time, felt that this was very bad of her: as in depression,
she was separated from her true self. She thought these
earlier reactions might have been rebellion against her
mother's demands, for this time she was experiencing
nothing of this sort. The love she had then struggled to
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