The Drama of the Gifted Child (The Search for the True Self)

to mean that there is a fully developed true self hidden behind
the false self. If that were so, there would be no
narcissistic disturbance but a conscious self-protection. The
important point is that the child does not know what he is
hiding. A patient expressed this in the following way:
I lived in a glass house into which my mother could look
at any time. In a glass house, however, you cannot conceal
anything without giving yourself away, except by hiding it
under the ground. And then you cannot see it yourself
either.
An adult can only be fully aware of his feelings if he has
internalized an affectionate and empathic self-object. People
with narcissistic disturbances are missing out on this.
Therefore they are never overtaken by unexpected emotions,
and will only admit those feelings that are accepted
and approved by their inner censor, which is their parents'
heir. Depression and a sense of inner emptiness is the price
they must pay for this control. To return to Winnicott's
concept, the true self cannot communicate because it has
remained unconscious, and therefore undeveloped, in its inner
prison. The company of prison warders does not encourage
lively development. It is only after it is liberated
in analysis that the self begins to be articulate, to grow,
and to develop its creativity. Where there had only been
fearful emptiness or equally frightening grandiose fantasies,
there now is unfolding an unexpected wealth of vitality.
This is not a homecoming since this home had never before
existed. It is the discovery of home.
3. The phase of separation begins when the analysand
has reliably acquired the ability to mourn and can face
feelings from his childhood, without the constant need for
the analyst.
21