The Drama of the Gifted Child (The Search for the True Self)

compulsion to repeat—for this repetition is then the only
manifestation of their true self. It lays the basis for the
transference, and also for the whole mise en scène of the
patient's field of interaction, which in the literature is described
as acting out and is often met with mistrust.
Take an example. In many analyses the patient's wish to
have a child is expressed during the first weeks or months.
For a long time this wish was traced back to Oedipal wishes.
This may well be correct. Nevertheless, the patient's associations
often show the narcissistic background to this
wish very clearly.
For the patient this means: "I want to have somebody
whom I can completely possess, and whom I can control
(my mother always withdrew from me); somebody who
will stay with me all the time and not only for four hours
in the week. Right now I am nobody, but as a mother or
a father I should be somebody, and others would value me
more than they do now that I have no children." Or it may
mean: "I want to give a child everything that I had to do
without, he should be free, not have to deny himself, be
able to develop freely. I want to give this chance to another
human being."
This second variation looks as though it were based on
object relationships. But if that were so the patient would
be able to take his time in fulfilling this wish—and to wait
until he would be able to give from his abundance toward
the end of his analysis. If, however, this wish for a child
at the beginning of the analysis cannot be delayed but
shows such urgency, then it is rather an expression of the
patient's own great need.
Various aspects come together:
• The wish to have a mother who is available (the child as
a new chance to achieve the good symbiosis, which the
patient still seeks since he has never experienced it).
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