Issue #20 (2011) PDF - myweb - Long Island University

ehind his back like a school teacher.
―Pan-to-then-ate. Hmm. Riboflavin. That sounds good.‖ He opened a box of Lucky Charms
and began eating the marshmallows.
―What are you doing‖
―What‖ His mouth was full of blue moons.
―You haven‘t bought those yet. You opened them.‖
―So I‘m gonna buy them. They‘re as good as bought.‖
―What if you change your mind‖
―Well.‖ He swallowed. ―I no longer have that option, do I‖
We rang up our groceries in different lines. When he caught up with me at the door he took
my bags. Once we got outside it looked like he was struggling, so I took one back.
―Now what‖ He asked.
―I need to get these groceries home.‖
―Okay, mine can wait.‖
We stood there for a minute staring at each other.
―Come on,‖ I said finally and he followed me home.
In the kitchen I put away the milk and other perishables. He could practically touch me from
where he stood in the doorway. His hand kept brushing mine, but I continued with my task.
Eventually he squeezed himself in behind me. He massaged my hips. His breath was on my neck. I
was trying to decide what to do so I just stared at the cup of yogurt in my hand. His arms tightened
around me.
―This is back hugging,‖ he said. I turned around and kissed him so he‘d shut up. He lifted
my shirt off but gave up on my bra. My back was cold from the open refrigerator.
―The bedroom‖ He asked turning and walking me backwards.
―First door.‖ He smiled against my mouth.
We didn‘t go for very long but I came so it was okay. Afterwards we lay on my comforter
with most of our clothes still on. I looked over at his bare stomach. He was pale and skinny, but in a
good way. He slipped his arm out from under my back and pulled off the condom.
―You got any toilet paper or tissues‖ he yelled from the bathroom.
―In the grocery bags, in the kitchen.‖ He hobbled out from the bathroom with his jeans
around his ankles. He was smiling and panting, hopping back and forth on his feet until he reached
the bedroom door. I was still laughing when he came back with the toilet paper and cleaned himself
off.
It was four in the morning when I woke up. Joe was sleeping face down on the mattress, one
arm hooked over my throat. I couldn‘t breathe. I sat up. My chest hurt. I tried to breathe but it was
too shallow. I sounded like I was about to sneeze but the sneeze wouldn‘t come out. I held my
breath. I told myself I was going to breathe in slowly. The air would come. I inhaled carefully
through my nostrils. My heart beat felt funny though. I went to the computer and typed in ―funny
heart beat + shallow breathing.‖ 10,000 hits all mentioning heart arrhythmia.
―Fuck.‖
―Again‖ I heard from the darkness of the bed. ―What are you doing over there‖
―Just checking something.‖
―What‖
―Nothing. Just something.‖
―What could you possibly need to check at four in the morning with a half-naked man in
your bed‖
I heard him jump off the bed and hobble towards me. Then I saw his blue body in the light
of the computer screen. I clicked away from the heart attack page.
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