Australian Army Journal

CREATIVE WRITING
Lost in Translation – Plight of the Embed
So I take a call one Friday from a panicked guy up in HQ
‘Can you go somewhere Monday? Our Plan A bod’s just fallen through!
You’ve got everything we need …’ ‘Ok, where’ve I gotta be?’
Of course the last thing Jackman said was ‘and the unit’s all ARMY.’
I am an Air Force member — yes a part of the ‘TEAM RAAF’
So while I’m working here with you expect me to make a gaffe.
Maybe that’s optimistic. Unrealistic too?!
But I’m here as your specialist. It’s my job to support you.
Yes I speak a different language and my uniform is blue
When we are all in cams that really is still true.
Who on earth is Asod? What’s wrong with my baseball cap?
You know a few of us wear berets instead of that!
Guess Air Force focus more on getting planes into the air
Than worry what other services use to cover up their hair.
Yes it’s really Air Force uniform — you can take it up with CAF.
Were roles reversed no RAAF CO’d ban you wearing your slouch hat.
I’ve bigger fish to fry, like the detail in your missions
Than talk FOD 1 or the second oldest Air Force’s traditions.
Er okay, so she’s a Lizard, and over there’s a Bear …
Names of footy team supporters? Not much time to care.
So a C-S-M’ll fix it — must be a special type of wrench.
And how can a chicken help set up my computer bench?
Green slime? Suddenly I must talk to some primordial goo?
I need L group, you know, LOGISTICS? Right — to you it’s known as ‘Q’.
Last time I heard ‘Somme’ was a mudbath in World War One.
Do Army here think the Afghan summer’s as much ‘fun’?!
Cats? They are something, left two big sooks at home myself.
But aren’t the ones here feral? Is that why they need some ‘help’?
Thanks I don’t want Solo but I’d kill for a diet Coke
Cept I’ve just made myself a coffee. Sigh. No, don’t share the joke.
Hello, we haven’t met. So what exactly is it you do?
Just use my nickname — and small words. Please God, talk plainly too.
Australian Army Journal
Culture edition 2013, Volume X, Number 3 Page 256