The Health bulletin [serial] - University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill

200 THE HEALTH BULLETIN.BABY.What is a baby?"About twenty-two inches of cooand wriggle, writhe and scream,filled with suction and testing apparatusfor milk, and automaticalarm to regulate supply.""It's a sweet and tiny treasure,A torment and a tease.It's an autocrat, an anarchist.Two awful tilings to please.It's a rest and peace disturber,With little laughing ways.It's a wailing human night alarm.And terror of your days.""The bachelor's horror, themother's treasure, and the despotictyrant of the most republican household.""A stranger with unspeakablecheek, that enters a house without astitch to his back, and is receivedwith open arms by every one.""A bold asserter of the rights offree speech.""A diminutive specimen of perversehumanity that could scarcelybe endured if he belonged to anyone else, but, being our own, is anever-failing treasury of delight."IS IT ANY WONDEE?Out in Kansas we find a newspaperthat starts back at the root ofthings. They don't mince wordseither, and when you get throughreading what they have to say youwill agree that it is no wonder someof us have todie:Man drinks whiskey that clogs thevalves; he drinks beer and that clogsthe wheels; he downs lemonade, gingerale, buttermilk, iced tea, coffee, andwhat not, and then wonders why theboilers do not burst. If you shouldtake an ox and put him through a likeperformance, he would be dead in amonth. The simplest and plainestlaws of health are outraged every dayby the average man. Did Adam smoke?Did Eve wear a corset? Did Solomonchew tobacco? Did the children ofIsrael make for a beer garden aftercrossing the Red Sea? Did Rebeccachew chocolate bonbons and ice creamand call for soda water?Adam was the first man, and wasmade perfect from head to heel—howlong would he remain so after eatingpie before going to bed? Suppose hehad slept in a bedroom five-by-seven,with the windows closed down, thedoors shut, and two dogs under thebed?Suppose Eve had been laced up ina corset, worn tight shoes, hobble figleaves,and sat up all hours of thenight eating chicken salad and Welshrarebits and trying to keep on fourpounds of dead people's hair? KansasCity Star.WHY BLAME PROVIDENCE?How long will it be before the usualresolutions of condolence, whichnow begin "Whereas, it has pleasedour Heavenly Father to remove fromour midst our beloved Brother orSister who surrendered thislife after a long illness from typhiodfever," shall be changed to read,"Whereas, another case of criminalnegligence has occurred in this community,through the death of Mr. orMrs. , resulting from the drinkingof water from a polluted publicsupply. A coroner's jury has aflBxedthe blame on certain careless privateparties and some public officials, andrecommends that they be held for manslaughter.The county attorney hasdetermined that such shall not occuragain, and will push prosecution.This is the headline in case of automobileaccidents—why not in thelatter instance? It's a poor rulethat fails to work both ways. Anyhow,why blame the Lord ? He hasenough charged to him by shortsightedand unthinking mankind.— Bulletin of the Kansas StateBoard of Health.