Roundabout Papers - Penn State University

Thackeraysage-meat by the aid of Purkis’s excellent sausage-machine.The little girl at first could not understand herbrother’s absence, but, under the pretence of takingher to see Mr. Fechter in Hamlet, I led her down to theNew River at Sadler’s Wells, where a body of a child in anankeen pelisse was subsequently found, and has neverbeen recognized to the present day. And this Mrs. Lynxcan aver, because she saw the whole transaction withher own eyes, as she told Mr. Jucundus.I have altered the little details of the anecdote somewhat.But this story is, I vow and declare, as true as MrsLynx’s. Gracious goodness! how do lies begin? What arethe averages of lying? Is the same amount of lies toldabout every man, and do we pretty much all tell thesame amount of lies? Is the average greater in Irelandthan in Scotland, or vice versa—among women thanamong men? Is this a lie I am telling now? If I am talkingabout you, the odds are, perhaps, that it is. I lookback at some which have been told about me, and speculateon them with thanks and wonder. Dear friends havetold them of me, have told them to me of myself. Havethey not to and of you, dear friend? A friend of minewas dining at a large dinner of clergymen, and a story,as true as the sausage story above given, was told regardingme, by one of those reverend divines, in whosefrock sits some anile chatter-boxes, as any man whoknows this world knows. They take the privilege of theirgown. They cabal, and tattle, and hiss, and cacklecomminations under their breath. I say the old womenof the other sex are not more talkative or more mischievousthan some of these. “Such a man ought not tobe spoken to,” says Gobemouche, narrating the story—and such a story! “And I am surprised he is admittedinto society at all.” Yes, dear Gobemouche, but the storywasn’t true; and I had no more done the wicked deed inquestion than I had run away with the Queen of Sheba.I have always longed to know what that story was (orwhat collection of histories), which a lady had in hermind to whom a servant of mine applied for a place,when I was breaking up my establishment once andgoing abroad. Brown went with a very good characterfrom us, which, indeed, she fully deserved after several119