Roundabout Papers - Penn State University

ThackerayNo, I do not, as far as I know, try to be port at all;but offer in these presents, a sound genuine ordinaire,at 18s. per doz. let us say, grown on my own hillside,and offered de bon coeur to those who will sit downunder my tonnelle, and have a half-hour’s drink andgossip. It is none of your hot porto, my friend. I knowthere is much better and stronger liquor elsewhere.Some pronounce it sour: some say it is thin; some thatit has wofully lost its flavor. This may or may not betrue. There are good and bad years; years that surpriseeverybody; years of which the produce is small andbad, or rich and plentiful. But if my tap is not genuineit is naught, and no man should give himself the troubleto drink it. I do not even say that I would be port if Icould; knowing that port (by which I would imply muchstronger, deeper, richer, and more durable liquor thanmy vineyard can furnish) is not relished by all palates,or suitable to all heads. We will assume then, dearbrother, that you and I are tolerably modest people;and, ourselves being thus out of the question, proceedto show how pretentious our neighbors are, andhow very many of them would be port if they could.Have you never seen a small man from college placedamongst great folk, and giving himself the airs of aman of fashion? He goes back to his common room withfond reminiscences of Ermine Castle or Strawberry Hall.He writes to the dear countess, to say that dear LordLollypop is getting on very well at St. Boniface, andthat the accident which he met with in a scuffle withan inebriated bargeman only showed his spirit and honor,and will not permanently disfigure his lordship’s nose.He gets his clothes from dear Lollypop’s London tailor,and wears a mauve or magenta tie when he rides out tosee the hounds. A love of fashionable people is a weakness,I do not say of all, but of some tutors. Witnessthat Eton tutor t’other day, who intimated that inCornhill we could not understand the perfect purity,delicacy, and refinement of those genteel families whosent their sons to Eton. O usher, mon ami! Old SamJohnson, who, too, had been an usher in his early life,kept a little of that weakness always. Suppose Goldsmithhad knocked him up at three in the morning and127