Roundabout Papers - Penn State University

Thackerayhappened to you and me. We want to borrow a littlemoney. We are directed to an agent. We propose a pecuniarytransaction at a short date. He goes into the nextroom, as we fancy, to get the bank-notes, and returnswith “two very pretty, delicate little ivory-handled pistols,”and blows a portion of our heads off. After this,what is the use of being squeamish about the probabilitiesand possibilities in the writing of fiction? Years agoI remember making merry over a play of Dumas, calledKean, in which the “Coal-Hole Tavern” was representedon the Thames, with a fleet of pirate-ships moored alongside.Pirate-ships? Why not? What a cavern of terrorwas this in Northumberland Street, with its splendidfurniture covered with dust, its empty bottles, in themidst of which sits a grim “agent,” amusing himself byfiring pistols, aiming at the unconscious mantel-piece,or at the heads of his customers!After this, what is not possible? It is possibleHungerford Market is mined, and will explode some day.Mind how you go in for a penny ice unawares. “Pray,step this way,” says a quiet person at the door. Youenter—into a back room:—a quiet room; rather a darkroom. “Pray, take your place in a chair.” And she goesto fetch the penny ice. Malheureux! The chair sinksdown with you—sinks, and sinks, and sinks—a largewet flannel suddenly envelopes your face and throttlesyou. Need we say any more? After NorthumberlandStreet, what is improbable? Surely there is no difficultyin crediting Bluebeard. I withdraw my last month’s opinionsabout ogres. Ogres? Why not? I protest I have seldomcontemplated anything more terribly ludicrous thanthis “agent” in the dingy splendor of his den, surroundedby dusty ormolu and piles of empty bottles, firing pistolsfor his diversion at the mantel-piece until his clientscome in! Is pistol-practice so common inNorthumberland Street, that it passes without noticein the lodging-houses there?We spake anon of good thoughts. About bad thoughts?Is there some Northumberland Street chamber in yourheart and mine, friend: close to the every-day street oflife visited by daily friends: visited by people on business;in which affairs are transacted; jokes are uttered;145