Roundabout Papers - Penn State University

SMALL-BEER CHRONICLEThackerayparting—is a virtuous and noble ambition; and it is mostdifficult for a man in his own case, or his neighbor’s, tosay at what point this ambition transgresses the bound-Not long since, at a certain banquet, I had the good ary of virtue, and becomes vanity, pretence, and selfseeking.fortune to sit by Doctor Polymathesis, who knows everything,You are a poor man, let us say, showing a boldand who, about the time when the claret made face to adverse fortune, and wearing a confident aspect.its appearance, mentioned that old dictum of the grumblingYour purse is very narrow, but you owe no man a penny;Oxford Don, that “All claret would be port if it your means are scanty, but your wife’s gown is decent;could!” Imbibing a bumper of one or the other not ungratefully,your old coat well brushed; your children at a good school;I thought to myself, “Here surely, Mr. Round-you grumble to no one; ask favors of no one; truckle toabout, is a good text for one of your reverence’s sermons.”no neighbors on account of their superior rank, or (aLet us apply to the human race, dear brethren, worse, and a meaner, and a more common crime still)what is here said of the vintages of Portugal and Gascony, envy none for their better fortune. To all outward appearancesand we shall have no difficulty in perceiving how manyyou are as well to do as your neighbors, whoclarets aspire to be ports in their way; how most men have thrice your income. There may be in this case someand women of our acquaintance, how we ourselves, are little mixture of pretension in your life and behavior.Aquitanians giving ourselves Lusitanian airs; how we You certainly do put on a smiling face whilst fortune iswish to have credit for being stronger, braver, more beautiful,pinching you. Your wife and girls, so smart and neat atmore worthy than we really are.evening parties, are cutting, patching, and cobbling allNay, the beginning of this hypocrisy—a desire to excel,day to make both ends of life’s haberdashery meet. Youa desire to be hearty, fruity, generous, strength-im-give a friend a bottle of wine on occasion, but are con-125