Roundabout Papers - Penn State University

Thackerayof my sensations, request to stop at some Public-houseon the road to Tyburn and be provided with a privateroom and writing-materials, and give an account of mystate of mind. Then, gee up, carter! beg your reverenceto continue your apposite, though not novel, remarkson my situation;—and so we drive up to Tyburn turnpike,where an expectant crowd, the obliging sheriffs,and the dexterous and rapid Mr. Ketch are already inwaiting.A number of laboring people are sauntering about ourstreets and taking their rest on this holiday—fellowswho have no more stolen my pears than they have robbedthe crown jewels out of the Tower—and I say I cannothelp thinking in my own mind, “Are you the rascal whogot over my wall last night?” Is the suspicion hauntingmy mind written on my countenance? I trust not. Whatif one man after another were to come up to me andsay, “How dare you, sir, suspect me in your mind ofstealing your fruit? Go be hanged, you and yourjargonels!” You rascal thief! it is not merely threehalfp’orthof sooty fruit you rob me of, it is my peace ofmind—my artless innocence and trust in my fellowcreatures,my childlike belief that everything they sayis true. How can I hold out the hand of friendship inthis condition, when my first impression is, “My goodsir, I strongly suspect that you were up my pear-treelast night?” It is a dreadful state of mind. The core isblack; the death-stricken fruit drops on the bough, anda great worm is within—fattening, and feasting, andwriggling! who stole the pears? I say. Is it you, brother?Is it you, madam? Come! are you ready to answer—respondere parati et cantare pares? (O shame! shame!)Will the villains ever be discovered and punished whostole my fruit? Some unlucky rascals who rob orchardsare caught up the tree at once. Some rob through lifewith impunity. If I, for my part, were to try and get upthe smallest tree, on the darkest night, in the mostremote orchard, I wager any money I should be foundout—be caught by the leg in a man-trap, or have Towlerfastening on me. I always am found out; have been;shall be. It’s my luck. Other men will carry off bushelsof fruit, and get away undetected, unsuspected; whereas255