Roundabout Papers - Penn State University

Thackeraymadness; and desire of distinction is criminal vanity;and glory is bosh; and fair fame is idleness; and nothingis true but two and two; and the color of all theworld is drab; and all men are equal; and one man is astall as another; and one man is as good as another—and a great dale betther, as the Irish philosopher said.Is this so? Titles and badges of honor are vanity; andin the American Revolution you have his Excellency GeneralWashington sending back, and with proper spiritsending back, a letter in which he is not addressed asExcellency and General. Titles are abolished; and theAmerican Republic swarms with men claiming and bearingthem. You have the French soldier cheered and happyin his dying agony, and kissing with frantic joy the chief’shand who lays the little cross on the bleeding bosom.At home you have the Dukes and Earls jobbing and intriguingfor the Garter; the Military Knights grumblingat the Civil Knights of the bath; the little ribbon eagerfor the collar; the soldiers and seamen from India andthe Crimea marching in procession before the Queen,and receiving from her hands the cross bearing her royalname. And, remember, there are not only the cross wearers,but all the fathers and friends; all the women whohave prayed for their absent heroes; Harry’s wife, andTom’s mother, and Jack’s daughter, and Frank’s sweetheart,each of whom wears in her heart of hearts afterwardsthe badge which son, father, lover, has won byhis merit; each of whom is made happy and proud, andis bound to the country by that little bit of ribbon.I have heard, in a lecture about George the Third,that, at his accession, the King had a mind to establishan order for literary men. It was to have been called theOrder of Minerva—I suppose with an Owl for a badge.The knights were to have worn a star of sixteen points,and a yellow ribbon; and good old Samuel Johnson wastalked of as President, or Grand Cross, or Grand Owl, ofthe society. Now about such an order as this there certainlymay be doubts. Consider the claimants, the difficultyof settling their claims, the rows and squabblesamongst the candidates, and the subsequent decisionof posterity! Dr. Beattie would have ranked as first poet,and twenty years after the sublime Mr. Hayley would,21