On Life at Home

The Best Laid Plans
When my son was born, I had decided to quit work
and try to live out my dream. For seven months I
got to be home with him. Then, as so often happens,
life gets in the way of living. Due to a set
of circumstances, I needed to go back to work.
It so happened that my old place of employment
called me to inquire if I would be interested in
coming back to work for them. So I left my son
with my parents to babysit him while I worked. Of
course I missed him quite a lot throughout the day
and struggled with my emotions and the growing
“Supermom” mentality within me. The more I felt
the need to be a Supermom who was able to work
a full time job while still being and doing everything
I could for my child, the more I felt that I was
falling woefully short.
A few years later we were blessed with a daughter,
and one more time I thought I might get to
begin living out my dream and living up to my selfimposed
standard of Supermom. I was able to
go back to work on a part time basis. On the days
when I wasn’t working at my job, I also babysat
for a neighbor’s son while that mom went to work.
This helped me feel a little more like I was living
up to my Supermom goal. I was with both of my
kids more days than I had to work, and I didn’t
miss out on so many of the “firsts” in my kids’ lives.
It felt good to tuck them in bed at night after having
been with them all day rather than away from them
for 8 or more hours a day.
In another couple of years, my employer asked if I
would consider working full time. So that’s what I
did. I found a good babysitter who was just down
the road from us who babysat for quite a few other
local kids. I was glad for a mother who did a good
job of “looking well to the ways of her own household,”
and also took very good care of my two precious
children.
During these years, my children were well cared
for and happy; but I found myself quite jealous of
the lucky mother who was able to stay home with
her own children and many neighborhood children
as well. I recall one particular day as I picked up
my kids from the sitter’s house, my young daughter
proudly displayed the new skill she had acquired
that day. She had learned to tie her shoes with
the help of the babysitter. I was crushed. We had
been working on the shoe tying skill, but it was
one of those “firsts” that I missed out on. I put on
a brave face and told her how proud I was of her,
but I have to admit that there was this ache in my
heart.
The Balancing Act
Up to this point I’ve told you in great detail some of
the challenging parts of being a working mother. I
purposely did this to set the stage for showing the
other side of the coin…for balancing the scales. All
of the many little interactions that we have with our
children during the day are not meaningless. In
the small everyday things of life, we casually instill
our own values, work ethics, respect for authority,
our beliefs and many other things in our children.
I have often made the statement that I taught my
children to cook over the telephone. As crazy
as it may sound, this is a true statement. As my
kids started school and were getting a little older,
I didn’t need a full time babysitter. When school
was out they checked in with the next door neighbor
and then called me at work to let me know they
were home. When they called, I would give them
instructions to get supper started so that when I
got home, we would be able to eat before it got too
late. I would tell them things such as, go to the pots
and pans cupboard and get the little blue roaster.
Ok, now go to the refrigerator and get this or that
and put it in the pan, and put the pan in the oven,
etc. After they did a few chores like that, they were
allowed to go to the park down the street and go
swimming until I got home from work. We lived in
a small town and things were safer for kids back
in those days. This idea of teaching them to cook
over the phone got to be a family chuckle over the
years. But it also provided me with a point of connection
with my kids in the middle of the day while
I was still away from home.
It took a while, but it finally dawned on me, that I
was still able to look well to the ways of my household
even from 15 miles away at work. I connected
with my kids and taught them a life skill that maybe
they wouldn’t have learned if I had always been
there to do all the million things that we mothers
do. Both of my children can cook better than I
do nowadays. Actually, learning to cook or bake
teaches us time management skills and how to
follow directions.