On Life at Home

Our precious little ones have no
control. No voice or opinion of
their own when they are young.
Like riding a trike without holding
on to the handlebars, they
innocently shout “Look, Ma! No
hands”. Doomed to follow the
path of least resistance; till one
day that path hits a curb and they
find themselves on the ground,
crying out in pain for the very
one that could have prevented
the tragedy in the first place -
simply by showing them how to
steer.
When I think about that woman,
it hits home that I only have one
chance at this… one childhood
to teach them how to trust God
to help them navigate this world
once I’m gone. And, yes - there
will come a day when we are
gone and our children have to do
this on their own. We are given
their time, as a child, to impart the
greatest portion of our faith and
understanding to them. Once
their childhood is over, that’s it -
they will never be a child again.
And, there is no doubt that learning
those same lessons is much
more difficult as adults.
Then, I think of my son – second,
in a family of five children, and
oldest of my three. 16 years old,
and full of “spit and vinegar”,
he loves to cause just enough
mischief to keep people on
their toes. He thrives on “going
against the grain”; yet his heart
is soft toward those in need and
he struggles to find the balance
between giving something to
God and taking it upon his shoulders
to rescue the world.
Intelligent and vocal, creative
and forceful, my son was born
to be a leader – and that birthright
is revealed most clearly in
the relationships he has with his
friends. He is a prime example of
why I NEED to be involved. God
created him to be a leader; but,
how can he lead if he is not first
taught how to be led?
We have a good connection,
my son and I. I’m very much
involved in his world - but not by
force. I’ve just been talking with
him since I can remember and
telling him what I’ve seen and
learned; letting him into my mind
and my life. Now that he is a
teenager, I am seeing the fruit of
my honesty and openness. Just
as I let him into my world, he lets
me into his.
He moved about 30 minutes
away, to his father’s, a couple
years ago; but our bond has
never weakened with the change.
He’ll tell me what’s going on with
him and his friends, joke about
their group personalities, talk
about the mischief they want to
cause, ask me questions about
how I would handle a situation
and he often (gasp) even takes
my advice. When he talks to his
friends, about a decision he is
making or direction he is giving
(they frequently look to him for
counsel), he will tell them “Well, I
spoke to my advisor and…”
I have always appreciated our
connection, knowing that it isn’t
common place in this world
anymore, and encouraged it as
much as possible. But it didn’t
occur to me how much our relationship
meant to him until one
day when I attended his 8th
grade “breakfast for parents” at
his middle school. He looks at
one of the girls, in his circle of
friends, gestures to me and says
“You know that “advisor” I tell
you about? Yeah. She’s it.”
What?! He not only heeds my
advice; but he has openly admitted
TO HIS FRIENDS that he
talks to his mom and respects
her input?! When did this
happen??!!
I know when it happened; and
it wasn’t overnight. Nothing, as
wonderful and rewarding as this,
happens so quickly. It’s the result
of years of being hands on…
years of listening, honesty and
respecting what he has to say.
Years of surrendering to God,
learning how to pick my battles
and appreciating my son for who
he is – not who I was being told
he should be.
I am under no delusion as to the
imperfections of my son. But he
trusts me; and God has given
me the gift to be able to see the
balance between his potential,
for living out his purpose, and
the reality that he is a teenager.
He is my son… and if I am not
raising him, someone else will.
“The rod and reproof give
wisdom: but a child left to himself
brings his mother to shame.
Correct your son, and he will
give you rest; yes, he will give
delight unto your soul.”
~Proverbs 29:15 & 17
Parenting is not an easy road;
nor is it a journey that should be
taken lightly. From the moment
that child enters your world –
be it through adoption, circumstance
or conception - your life
takes on an entirely new perspective.
If you thought you were
self-sacrificing before, being a
parent challenges that belief.