On Life at Home

many young parents bemoan their upbringing yet
adhere to their own style (inherited from mom and
dad) with a protective and defensive vengeance.
Since no person was raised in a perfect family,
there must be adequate room for differences in
style between parents.
Another form of knowledge acquisition is via study;
reading, listening and practicing some new skills
that are more effective and appropriate. These
skills must be taught in the church and in society
to insure that adequate knowledge is developed,
which leads to understanding.
UNDERSTANDING
As parents we need understanding in two primary
areas: Principles and Practices. Many of the principles
we are to live by are found in the Word of
God; some are learned through observational science
(stages of child development, etc.). Some of
the primary principles found in God’s Word include:
1. Each child is a unique gift from God and special
to him. (Ps 127:3, Mt. 19:13-14)
2. Children are to be loved and nurtured to include
proper and appropriate discipline. (Eph. 6:4, Heb.
12:6)
3. Children are to learn willing obedience to their
parents and other legitimate authority. (Eph. 6:1,
Col. 3:20)
4. Children are to learn to love and respect God
and his house. (De. 6:5, Mt. 22:37-39)
5. Children can be discouraged, and parents must
be careful not to overly correct to cause discouragement.
(Col 3:21)
6. Upon maturity, children are to leave and cleave,
or be allowed to find and development a separate
identity through marriage (if chosen) and thus continue
the process of being fruitful and multiplying.
(Gen. 2:24, 25)
The exact “how” of this process is determined by
several factors. They may include individual temperament,
age, maturity, parenting skill, skills of
the child, etc. For instance, corporal punishment
(spanking on the back side of a child) can be most
appropriate and effective for a child age two to six;
but logical consequences are better for children
older than seven. Taking away privileges, writing
of sentences, early bed time, even work jobs can
be much more effective tools of discipline. This
is especially true since our primary objective as
parents is to teach and train our children to be
responsible and mature, so we can turn them over
to God and into society when they become adults,
demonstrated by their ability to honor their parents
(speak well of publicly).
Practical knowledge of positive parenting must
be learned through study, prayer, trial and error. A
parent who is focused on the needs of their unique
child can also learn through advice from successful
elders (Titus 3). Only a fool refuses to ask for
help when it is needed.
WISDOM
Above all, positive parenting takes wisdom. It is
the ability to apply godly knowledge with understanding
at the right place and time, and according
to the needs of the child. Wisdom comes through
age and experience, or from the experience of
others. The later usually is better, since the former
usually comes only after years of heart-breaking
mistakes. Wisdom, as with Solomon, can be asked
for from the Lord. He will certainly grant it if we
are willing to seek it with all our hearts. Since there
is no greater or more worthy vocation than parenting,
or more problematic, we need all the wisdom
we can obtain.
Getting Practical
To be a positive parent begins with a search. First,
you must search through the good and bad of your
own childhood experience, reviewing your history
in light of the principles of God’s Word and wise
counsel. Where past models fall short of God’s
best, be willing to discard them and replace them
with more Godly ones. Again, no parent is perfect,
and you will not be either. Our goal is to be just a
little better than our parents were. That is progress!
Secondly, study parenting skills through reading
and your own observation; do not be afraid to seek
wise council of elder men and women who can
help you in times of difficulty.
Finally, relax. Children are a challenge--no doubt.
Children can drive the best of us “about the twist”
(an Australian phrase for crazy) but they can also
bring to us our greatest moments of joy. In parenting
as in life, the goal is to see the Kingdom