The Yoke Is <strong>On</strong> You By Julie B. Cosgrove
Do you believe you and your spouse are unequally yoked? You are not alone. Married couples rarely grow spiritually <strong>at</strong> the same r<strong>at</strong>e. Perhaps you have come to recognize Jesus as your Lord and Savior, but you partner is just not there yet. Maybe they believe about Christ, but not in Him. Or, perhaps life circumstances have hardened them into an agnostic or <strong>at</strong>heistic philosophy. They either are angry <strong>at</strong> God, or perhaps feel they have fallen too far off the narrow p<strong>at</strong>h to ever get back on. Wh<strong>at</strong>ever your scenario, your marriage suffers if you two cannot share your faith. You wish to express how God is moving in your life, but if you try you get huffs through cheeks and eye rolls. If you gleam with joy over an answered prayer, you n<strong>at</strong>urally want to share it with those you love. Except, you feel th<strong>at</strong> you can’t because your unbelieving spouse doesn’t wish to hear about it. You long to grab hands and bow heads together and to study Scripture with each other. But, every time you realize th<strong>at</strong> is not a reality in your marriage, it adds another brick to the wall th<strong>at</strong> is slowly cutting you off from one another. If this sounds familiar, there is hope. I lived in this sort of marriage for thirty-five years until my husband passed away <strong>at</strong> the age of sixty from depression, not e<strong>at</strong>ing right and smoking way too much. He never “came to the Lord”, though he believed in the existence of God and <strong>at</strong>tended church services most of his life. However, the God he was raised to know was a harsh, judgmental kind of deity. He could never grasp the concept of a Redeemer. He listened every Easter to sermons about the resurrection and its meaning. He heard pastors preach on grace and mercy. He took communion. He’d even been baptized as a child. However, the peace th<strong>at</strong> comes from knowing Jesus carried his sins to the cross never oozed through the thick blockage he’d built up to keep God, and me, out. The deeper I grew in my faith, the further he backed away. He let me “do my church thing”, meaning Bible studies, volunteering and having a prayer time. However, the snide comments were arrows constantly aimed <strong>at</strong> my heart. I wanted our son raised in the faith and th<strong>at</strong> was allowed. Often times, my husband would go to church and play the part as well. Even so, his disgust over any emotional expression of faith tainted our son’s perceptions. The f<strong>at</strong>herly message reson<strong>at</strong>ed loud and clear. Religion is for women because they are emotionally wired. Men are strong, don’t cry, and are stoic and self-sufficient. They don’t need a God who cares. I wish I could say on his de<strong>at</strong>h bed, my husband confessed Jesus as Lord over his life. There wasn’t time. He fell in the shower, slammed his head into the tile and was declared brain dead. However, in th<strong>at</strong> immeasurable span of time between de<strong>at</strong>h and eternity, I believe he met Jesus and fell to His feet. Honestly, who wouldn’t once they saw the Risen Lord in His glory? If your spouse is an unbeliever, don’t give up hope. Keep praying for them. But also pray for yourself. Ask God to shield you from the arrows of criticism they may sling. Pray for wisdom in how to gingerly but sternly relay to them th<strong>at</strong> you have every right to worship as they do to not worship. If they are allowed to disbelieve, it is only fair th<strong>at</strong> you be allowed to believe. The same should hold true for your children, especially when they become old enough to make their own choices. If you can persuade your spouse to uphold a mutual respect for each other’s beliefs—or lack of them— you will take a major step forward to restoring harmony. The household will be less tense and everyone will be happier. The judgmental cloud th<strong>at</strong> has been looming over your roof will dissip<strong>at</strong>e. After all, God is the author of peace and concord. By giving your spouse permission to not believe, you are also allowing them the possibility of changing their minds. Th<strong>at</strong> opens their hearts, and possibly the door to accepting Christ. However, remind them, it is a twoway street. You will respect their views without condemn<strong>at</strong>ion if they will allow you to openly read your Bible, pray with your kids, and go to worship. The old adages walk like you talk, show wh<strong>at</strong> you know, and live wh<strong>at</strong> you believe hold very true in a marriage. Your spouse knows you more intim<strong>at</strong>ely than any other person on earth. You are joined as one, even if you believe you are unequally yoked now. Your husband or wife will detect if you are gritting your
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