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From the Life of the Elder Zossima 153“Months and years!” he would exclaim. “Why reckon the days?One day is enough for a man to know all happiness. My dear ones,why do we quarrel, try to outshine each other, and keep grudgesagainst each other? Let’s go straight into the garden, walk andplay there, love, appreciate, and kiss each other, and glorify life.”“Your son cannot last long,” the doctor told my mother, as sheaccompanied him to the door. “The disease is affecting his brain.”The windows of his room looked out into the garden, and ourgarden was a shady one, with old trees in it which were cominginto bud. The first birds of spring were flitting in the branches,chirruping and singing at the windows. And looking at themand admiring them, he began suddenly begging their forgivenesstoo: “Birds of heaven, happy birds, forgive me, for I have sinnedagainst you too.” None of us could understand that at the time,but he shed tears of joy. “Yes,” he said, “there was always such aglory of God all about me, birds, trees, meadows, sky, only I livedin shame and dishonored it all and did not notice the beauty andglory.”“You take too many sins on yourself,” Mother used to say,weeping.“Mother, darling, it’s for joy, not for grief I am crying. ThoughI can’t explain it to you, I like to humble myself before them, forI don’t know how to love them enough. If I have sinned againsteveryone, yet all forgive me too, that’s heaven. Am I not in heavennow?”And there was a great deal more I don’t remember. I rememberI once went into his room when there was no one else there.It was a bright evening, the sun was setting, and the whole roomwas lighted up. He beckoned me, and I went up to him. He puthis hands on my shoulders and looked into my face tenderly, lovingly;he said nothing for a minute, only looked at me like that.