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170 The Gospel in Dostoyevskyinto the forest. No, there’s something else in this, somethingoriginal.”I enjoyed listening and looking at them. “My dear friends andcomrades,” said I, “don’t worry about my resigning my commission,for I have done so already. I have sent in my papers thismorning, and as soon as I get my discharge I shall go into a monastery– it’s with that object that I am leaving the regiment.”When I had said this every one of them burst out laughing.“You should have told us of that first, that explains everything.We can’t judge a monk.”They laughed and could not stop themselves, not scornfullybut kindly and merrily. They all felt friendly toward me at once,even those who had been sternest in their censure, and all thefollow ing month, before my discharge came, they could notmake enough of me. “Ah, you monk,” they would say. And eachone said something kind to me; they began trying to dissuademe, even to pity me: “What are you doing to yourself?”“No,” they would say then, “he is a brave fellow; he faced fireand could have fired his own pistol too, but he had a dream thenight before that he should become a monk, and that’s why hedid it.”It was the same thing with the society of the town. Till then Ihad been kindly received but had not been the object of specialattention, and now all came to know me at once and invitedme; they laughed at me, but they loved me. I may mention thatalthough everybody talked openly of our duel, the authoritiestook no notice of it, because my antagonist was a near relation ofour general, and as there had been no bloodshed and no seriousconsequences and as I resigned my commission, they took it asa joke. And I began then to speak aloud and fearlessly, regardlessof their laughter, for it was always kindly and not spiteful