Women writing in contemporary France
You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles
YUMPU automatically turns print PDFs into web optimized ePapers that Google loves.
74 Re<strong>writ<strong>in</strong>g</strong> the past<br />
<strong>in</strong>sensible comme une cicatrice, sa douleur d’enfant devant l’animal qu’on<br />
lui ordonnait de tuer’ (pp. 177–8) (And she remembered, although it was<br />
distant, smothered, almost numb like a scar, the child’s suffer<strong>in</strong>g when<br />
faced with the animal she was ordered to kill). To remember the pa<strong>in</strong> of loss<br />
is an important stage <strong>in</strong> the mourn<strong>in</strong>g process, particularly for Aurore, who<br />
has been consciously seek<strong>in</strong>g out connections with the sensations of her<br />
childhood: the sounds of wild animals, her mother’s smell, the softness and<br />
warmth of her pet chimpanzee.<br />
On the very last page of Constant’s novel, the sense of return builds to<br />
a dizzy<strong>in</strong>g <strong>in</strong>tensity as Aurore has an experience of déjà vu. Outside the<br />
church opposite Gloria’s house, a little girl <strong>in</strong> a yellow dress is s<strong>in</strong>g<strong>in</strong>g:<br />
‘Chrétienne est ressuscitée, Chrétienne est ressuscitée.’ (p. 234)<br />
(Chrétienne is risen, Chrétienne is risen). Readers who are familiar with<br />
Constant’s work are themselves returned here to her preced<strong>in</strong>g novel, La<br />
Fille du Gobernator, where: ‘Chrétienne fut pour la messe du dimanche<br />
dans la cathédrale jaune, jaune comme une baudruche en ple<strong>in</strong> ciel; jaune,<br />
comme une fleur de tournesol; jaune comme le soleil’ (pp. 73–4)<br />
(‘Chrétienne was yellow for the mass <strong>in</strong> the yellow cathedral that Sunday.<br />
She was yellow as a balloon <strong>in</strong> midair, yellow as a sunflower, yellow as the<br />
sun’ (p. 54)). This strik<strong>in</strong>g reflection between Confidence pour confidence<br />
and La Fille du Gobernator is all the more significant <strong>in</strong> the light of not only<br />
the epigraph to Confidence pour confidence, ‘Il y a en moi une jeune fille qui<br />
refuse de mourir’ (There is <strong>in</strong> me a young girl who refuses to die) but also<br />
the passage which recounts Aurore’s rescue after the bushfire that killed<br />
her parents:<br />
Les soldats, se souv<strong>in</strong>t Aurore, avaient réussi à lui enlever Délice qui<br />
sentait déjà mauvais. Ils avaient desserré un à un tous ses doigts, ils avaient<br />
écarté son coude, soulevé son bras et retenu sa ma<strong>in</strong> qui voulait tout reprendre.<br />
Ils lui avaient enlevé les lambeaux d’une robe jaune qui restaient<br />
collés à sa peau. (p. 51; my emphasis)<br />
(The soldiers, Aurore remembered, had succeeded <strong>in</strong> remov<strong>in</strong>g Délice<br />
who was already beg<strong>in</strong>n<strong>in</strong>g to smell. They had prised open her f<strong>in</strong>gers<br />
one by one, moved her elbow, lifted her arm and restra<strong>in</strong>ed the hand<br />
which was try<strong>in</strong>g to grab hold of everyth<strong>in</strong>g aga<strong>in</strong>. They had peeled away<br />
the shreds of a yellow dress that rema<strong>in</strong>ed stuck to her sk<strong>in</strong>.)<br />
At the end of Confidence pour confidence, then, not only does Aurore<br />
remember her mother’s face, but, through the little girl <strong>in</strong> the yellow dress<br />
outside Gloria’s house, she also reconnects with a childhood self, a process