June 2017

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MALE MATTERS Beardless in the White House: PRESIDENTS MUST BE CLEAN SHAVEN by Elliot Goldenberg Donald Trump was elected our 45th president with a golden mop of hair on his head, but a stubblefree face. His opponents in the 2016 Republican primary – Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Mike Huckabee, Chris Christie, Rand Paul, Jeb Bush, Ben Carson, John Kasich, and Lindsey Graham – were all clean-shaven as well. On the Democratic side, Bernie Sanders’ countenance was also devoid of any noticeable follicles. During his eight years in office, meanwhile, President Obama kept getting grayer and grayer, but his face, nevertheless, remained as smooth. None of his Republican challengers in the 2012 primary – Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, Jon Huntsman, and Ron Paul – had a mustache or a beard either. The lone exception was businessman Herman Cain, but his mustache was so thin it was barely visible. Truth be told, if you go back in history, there have been presidents who had mustaches, beards, even mutton chops, but that was a very long time ago. However, go back to the days of Warren G. Harding and Herbert Hoover, and all the presidents who followed, and there is not a hint of facial hair. Ike was clean-shaven, even though he was so popular he could have won, in 1952, if he looked like ZZ Top. Handsome Jack Kennedy was also clean-shaven, as was Lyndon Johnson, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George Bush 41, Bill Clinton, and George Bush 43. Our Founding Fathers who made it to the 46 White House were clean-shaven as well. Washington, Jefferson, Adams, and Madison all may have worn white wigs – but, they too, had no noticeable mustache or beard. Harry Truman, one of our greatest presidents, succeeded another whiskerless president, Franklin Roosevelt. In the 1948 election, Truman was pitted against New York’s Thomas E. Dewey who was favored in the polls to beat Truman soundly. In fact, there was the famous headline in the Chicago Tribune on the morning after the election that proclaimed “Dewey Beats Truman.” The following day, newspapers around the country showed the actual winner, a smiling Harry Truman, holding up that headline. Historians have debated why Dewey lost. They can look no further than that thing he had over his lip. It’s true that once upon a time you could have had a mustache or a beard and sat in the Oval Office. Lincoln famously had a beard, as did Ulysses S. Grant and Rutherford B. Hayes. Of course, if your name was Ulysses or Rutherford how could you have not had a thick mustache or beard? Lincoln, meanwhile, grew his famous beard only after a little girl suggested he do so – and after “Honest Abe” was already in the White House. Today, of course, Tom Selleck’s mustache was (and still is) a great ‘stache. At the same time, Thomas Dewey’s pencil-thin JUNE <strong>2017</strong> mustache made him look like the villain in the black hat. True, Errol Flynn and Clark Gable had similar mustaches as Dewey’s, but it worked for them. Not as ruggedly handsome as the two movie icons, Dewey just couldn’t pull it off. Of all the Republicans vying for their party’s presidential nomination back in 2012, the one whose alleged scandalous past made him look the most like a villain was Herman Cain. Is it just a coincidence that he was the one with the mustache? The moral of the story is that if you’re going to run for president you have to ask yourself one question. No, not “Do I have any skeletons in my closet?” like Herman. You have to ask yourself, “Who would I rather look like, John Kennedy or Thomas Dewey?” That is, unless you look like Tom Selleck. P
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