June 2017

FROM THE EXPERT ASK DR. RENAE
Friendship is on the rocks
Dear Dr. Renae,
I feel very uncomfortable remaining friends with a longterm
close friend of mine. She continues to be good
friends with a group of people who betrayed me. I was
blamed for things that were not my fault and was then
ignored and abandoned. It was hurtful and I was devastated
by this experience. My close friend has been there
for me for three years and it is very difficult for me to make
new friends. I find myself having trouble trusting her. How
should I handle this?
Confused 17-year-old
Dear Confused,
It’s sad but true, you often see situations like this among petty and dramatic
high school girls. I get that it’s hard to stay friends with someone
who’s other friends betrayed and hurt you. You do have to understand
that while it was wrong of them to treat you this way, they didn’t do any
wrong to your friend so she has no reason to resent them. I think the
best way to handle any high school drama is to talk to her. Talking out
a situation is always the best option to avoid anyone’s feelings being
further damaged. Tell her how you feel about her remaining close with
those who hurt you. The only way she will understand and be able to
change her behaviors will be making her aware of how you feel.
A True Friend
Dear Confused,
I understand where you are coming from. It’s hard to continue trusting
people after others have betrayed you. You can’t expect her to stop
being friends with them over something they did to you. It’s not fair to
expect that of her since they never did anything to her. You can try to get
your old friends back if you really want to be friends with them again. You
would have to trust them and they would have to trust you. Since this
friend is still friends with those who betrayed you, keep your eyes open
and be careful with what you say and do. I do think you should continue
to be friends with her though. She hasn’t fully picked your side or fully
picked their side, so she may actually have a good point of view of the
situation and see the good and the bad of both sides.
A Trusting Friend
Dear Confused,
If you’re feeling like you can’t trust your friend, then something needs
to change. A friendship without trust is an unhealthy friendship. This
doesn’t mean that you need to stop talking to your friend altogether,
but you should definitely distance yourself, at least for the time being.
Talk to your friend about the things she did that upset you and tell her
that you think it’s time for a break. In the meantime, try putting yourself
out there to make other friends. I know it is difficult, but it’ll be beneficial
in the long run. Sit next to new people at the lunch table. Join a new
after-school club. Do what you can to start mingling with a different
crowd. Chances are, you’ll find your niche. If after a while you’re willing
to give the relationship with your friend another shot, go ahead. But if
you do, you’ll be in control of where the friendship is headed. You won’t
let yourself be hurt again, and that’s what really counts. Best of luck!
A Caring Teen
Dear Confused,
I would talk to your friend and tell her how you feel. You could
also talk to the group of girls and tell them how you feel, and ask
if you can start over. I’m sure your friend will understand if she is
a true friend. A true friend is someone who sticks by your side
and doesn’t betray you. You might need to evaluate how close
of a friend she is and how much she means to you. I think it is
hard to let go of friends but you must value yourself and your
worth. Try seeking new loyal friendships from activities, sports,
or hobbies; keep a positive mindset and focus on making it
better and not wishing it was different.
Been There, Done That
80
JUNE 2017