May 2017

MOM’S PERSPECTIVE
Motherhood:
ACT 1 – SURVIVAL
Oh, the month of May. That
time of year that we celebrate
motherhood. I’m 18 years into it
and at this point, I definitely feel
like I’ve tightened up my skill
set and have developed some
ingenious ideas to keep one step
ahead of the game, especially
with teenagers.
For instance, I’m not ashamed to
admit that I have a little stash of
food that I hoard just for me in my
nightstand. If I buy myself a four dollar
bag of popcorn, the fancy low-calorie,
salt and pepper kind, I know my children
will devour it in less than five minutes. If
it’s in the cupboard it’s fair game and even
if I hide it behind some cans of low salt
mushroom soup, they will seek it out and
they will find it. I had to shake my head as
I splurged on a pricey pint of ice cream
that’s low sugar/low calorie and buried it
carefully under a mound of frozen food.
Mason finds this and is following me
around the house saying “Birthday cake!
Birthday cake!” Which was the flavor, and
I’m thinking he is a child of few words yet
he can clearly pronounce the name of my
contraband ice cream.
My husband, however, was totally
impressed when he saw my nightstand
stash. One afternoon when we were in
downtown Savannah, we stopped by
this shop that sells pricey but delicious
macaroons. We looked at each other and
I knew that after 25 years of marriage our
brains were totally in sync. My husband
asked “These are going in the drawer
right?” I just love this guy.
Another thing I’ve learned is that I never
work out when they’re home. Even
though they’re teens, they still have this
primal instinct to need something from
me the second my foot makes contact
with the treadmill. It’s like they have a little
anti-mom angel sitting on their shoulder
by Cheryl Pangborn
saying “Aren’t you hungry? Don’t you
need a ride someplace? Your mom’s
working out, there’s no more perfect
time than now!” That applies to phone
calls too. If you have toddlers or schoolage
children don’t be fooled. This
practice of saying “mom” 50 times in 10
seconds when you’re in the middle of a
phone conversation has only reached its
peak of perfection by the time you have
a teenager.
And if you think your toddler gets
cranky, flash forward 15 years to a
teenager. I hate to admit it, but I
started carrying protein bars in my
purse for the medium-sized monsters.
Instead of a diaper bag, my purse
doubles as a “griper” bag. Trust me,
no level of crankiness can match that of
the teenage species. They’re fascinating
actually because they don’t seem to
thrive in human form as morning
people, yet, after school, they’re just
as scary. So I’ve learned to have a little
energy snack at the ready. Seriously, it’s
called survival.
One thing that never changes is the
value of the sleeping child. A huge plus
of teenage life is that unlike toddlers, they
like to sleep. Coincidentally, much like
toddlers, their parents love when
they’re sleeping.
Never wake a sleeping baby
and never wake a sleeping
teenager.
This rule applies continually until your
kids move out. Word to the wise, young
moms: you never stop tiptoeing around
the house when your kids are sleeping.
Suppress a sneeze, close doors gently,
pounce on a ringing phone, these
concepts never expire.
So there you have it. Some of my
seasoned mom tips and tricks. No
matter what stage of mothering you’re in
the basic theme remains: survival. Pick
your battles, learn from your mistakes,
forge ahead with confidence. We’re all
winging it, from infancy to college, so
rest assured, you are not alone in the
trenches. Maybe this Mother’s Day I’ll just
lock myself in my room with a box full of
macaroons and hope my kids sleep in for
a while! P
Here’s wishing all moms their own version
of success on their special day.
46
MAY 2017