June 2018

FROM THE EXPERT ASK DR. RENAE
I need my parents to stop worrying
Dear Dr. Renae,
My parents keep asking me if I am OK
and suggest in different ways that I speak
to a counselor. Right now, I just want to
be alone with my friends and family to feel
better. I am OK sometimes, but, when I am
not, I do things to feel better on my own
such as talk to a friend, watch a movie,
or read a book. Having my parents worry
about me is an extra pressure, which
makes me feel worse. How can I get my
parents to worry less?
Needing more time
16 year old
Dear Needing more time,
What you are going through at this difficult time is completely
normal. I am going through the same exact thing. Have you
expressed what you are doing to cope with your parents?
Counseling is a great and helpful thing. It is understandable
that you are not ready to discuss your feelings yet. What I
would do is tell your parents not to worry and explain to them
that it makes things worse. Make it clear to them that when
you are ready, you will reach out to them. Also, explain how
they may know what is best but everybody copes in different
ways.
A friend who is going through the same
Dear Needing more time,
First, I want to wish you comfort at this difficult time. Everyone
is grieving with you, and for us teens in high school, this has
especially hit home. Luckily, you seem to be at a healthy
place by letting yourself be ‘not OK’ when you need to be.
Expressing your emotions is an important part of the healing
process, so keep doing what you’re doing. As for your parents
being on top of you, understand that this has been difficult
for them, too. Just as so many families in our community
lost loved ones, your parents have probably entertained the
possibility that they could have lost you too. The “it could have
been me” feeling is difficult and your parents will have to go
through their own healing process as well. Know that when
they keep asking you if you’re OK and suggesting that you see
a counselor, it’s because they care deeply about you. They
might be overbearing, but it’s probably coming from a place of
wanting to keep you close and safe. You should feel free to tell
them that you don’t need a counselor, and suggest other ways
that they can help you at this time.
That being said, I am a firm believer in the power of counseling
and of having a professional with whom you can talk to. I
would recommend that you keep the thought of a counselor in
the back of your mind if you ever need it.
A Caring Teen
Dear Needing more time,
It’s normal for parents to worry about their kids. I’m 15 and
it sounds like you’re doing everything I would do. Just keep
communicating and tell your parents how you feel about them
worrying about you too much. They will come to understand
that you need space and you’re handling this your own way. It
is great you have supportive friends and family.
A Caring 15 year old
Dear Needing more time,
I hope you know that your parents care about you so
much. They just want to show you that they are here for
you and, as parents, it’s their job to constantly worry about
their child so you shouldn’t feel that pressure. Make sure to
communicate with your parents. Tell them how you feel and
give them updates about how you are doing. This will ease
their concerns. If your parents are really bothering you, voice
your frustrations to them. Keep making plans for yourself
as a distraction with your friends and spend time outside of
the house. In the aftermath of everything that is going on in
Parkland right now, your parents are just trying to comfort you
92
JUNE 2018