Create successful ePaper yourself
Turn your PDF publications into a flip-book with our unique Google optimized e-Paper software.
Happy (Thanks) Birthday (Giving) to Meeeee!<br />
By: Vicki Wentz / Vicki’s <strong>Voice</strong><br />
Well, it’s almost Thanksgiving, and I just<br />
want y’all to know that this Thanksgiving<br />
is also my birthday! (The year I was born, it was<br />
also on Thanksgiving. Yes, my parents wanted a<br />
turkey - and they got me! Shut up.)<br />
I have absolutely nothing to impart about turning four thousand<br />
years old - except how lucky I am to have lived long enough that I<br />
would be older than, say, air.<br />
Okay, I’m not really four thousand years old - I only FEEL like I’m<br />
four thousand years old and there’s a huge difference. For example,<br />
I may not always be old enough to get the senior discount on things<br />
like movies, hotels…headstones. But, I’m ready for them, you<br />
know, mentally, and I think it’s just incumbent upon the world to<br />
accommodate that.<br />
Like, old people - either physically or mentally shouldn’t have to<br />
understand every technological term out there. No one should ever<br />
walk up to a four-thousand-year-old person and say something like<br />
“Apps.”<br />
Yesterday (and I am not making this up) a student spoke an entire<br />
technology-related sentence to me in which I understood three words:<br />
the, in and of. (Oh, I heard a few things like “Facebook” and “upload”<br />
(or “download” - what’s the difference?!) but those are only pretend<br />
words with no real-life meaning.)<br />
Youngsters who do this should be assigned to yard work for a month<br />
while we “seniors” stand by screaming words at them that they won’t<br />
understand either, like: Culottes! Transistor Radio! Captain Kangaroo!<br />
Punctuation!<br />
It’s also important to stop bothering us “elderly” with this Kindle<br />
and i-Pad stuff. I understand it’s all the rage, and young people look<br />
scornfully down upon those who prefer an actual book.<br />
However, when you run out of batteries, we are still reading; when we<br />
fall asleep reading and drop our books on the floor which reawakens<br />
us (not to mention the dogs) at least the most we might damage is<br />
a $4.50 paperback (and possibly a lamp…never mind) whereas you<br />
could ruin a $200 piece of technology; and imagine if, instead of on the<br />
floor, you dropped it on your face (not that I ever did that) you could<br />
end up with extensive nasal surgery, whereas we would simply keep<br />
sleeping - the only damage being a few soggy pages from drooling (not<br />
that I ever did that either).<br />
Also, when a person reaches “a certain age” (in body or soul) simple<br />
courtesies should be expected. For example, besides those of an age who<br />
require a handicapped parking tag, perhaps there should be a tag for<br />
those of us who FEEL kind of ancient.<br />
Instead of the blue and white, let’s make it yellow, like the sun,<br />
which is the reason most of us “elderly” are developing brown spots on<br />
previously unblemished skin. Or, we could make it purple in honor of<br />
our varicose veins, or the burst blood vessels on our noses from needing<br />
enormous nightly cocktails throughout our parenting years!<br />
So, to sum up: I was born on Thanksgiving, which was either an<br />
extra-special blessing, or an interesting and cruel irony. Knowing me<br />
as well as you do, what do you think? Yeah, me too.<br />
Vicki Wentz is a writer, teacher and speaker living in North<br />
Carolina. Readers may contact her - and order her new children’s<br />
book! - by visiting her website at www.vickiwentz.com.<br />
14<br />
November 20<strong>18</strong>
Change language