In Over Her Head by Elsie Russell - Parnasse.com

Penny eyed the painting and its congealed globs of multicolored
ooze.
"That's a cool painting, Dick, is it one of yours?"
"It is shit, all shit! Purple yellow red, rivers of his own stinking
merde! Quello merdaiolo was born in it and now in his senility he can
only find happiness playing in an ocean of his own filth, pas vrai, mon
vieux?" Alessandro proclaimed.
By the window, Dick chided, "Need we get so scatological, dear
boy? You know very well that I use pigment mixed into an organic
alkyd emulsion on the finest handwoven Belgian linen."
Penny walked over to the painting. Next to the large canvas
were two frames with some abstract art prints of weird flowers or
fossils on bumpy hand made paper. These three pieces were the only
art in the enormous room, except for the furniture. Penny decided then
and there that she would never understand modern art.
"Looks like early Abstract Expressionism to me, but with
prettier colors," Penny ventured.
"Yes, Pollock, Still, and Gottlieb were big influences,
abstraction before it became an empty vehicle for metaphorical bullshit,
hangh-hangh."
Alessandro cut in, "'Shit as shit! Brilliant! A new 'ism'? No
metaphor here. Oh, no! This? This is 100 per cent Pure.. bullshit! 'Shit
as Bullshit!' We need the REAL today. No more 'isms'!" He slammed
down his glass, stood up and began an aria in the style of Mozart,
"A bigga mountain uhva merda,
Of kaka, an' of poopooh,
O happy ol' colori,
For duh happy ol' cronori,
Is' still a mountain o' poopooh!
O! Hoohoooh! O! Poopoooh!"
And he sputtered out a stream of hornlike schoolboy fart noises
through his fist. "Duh grand Butthorn finale!" He said, winking at
Penny, who didn't know whether to freeze or flee.
"Watch your anal embouchure there, boy."
"Pffffffft. Pffffffft.Pffffffft," Sandro forced, through a face that
made Penny almost lose her cool.
Dick spun around "You really shouldn't drink so much coffee,
you're not at all pretty when you're angry and you're not funny, EVER!
Did you get any sleep at all since you phoned from New York? No oh,
of course not, look at those dark circles! And drinking my whiskey like
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