Photography | Anna Baker “ Growth begins when we start to accept our own weakness – JEAN VANIER
TRUE LIFE I tore up the script of my life On the surface Kerry was living the dream, yet underneath she was empty, sad, and desperate. Personal setbacks threatened to be the final straw – but instead they gave her just the jolt she needed to change everything Writing | Kerry Lyons I’m Kerry Lyons. The creator of The Imperfect Life website and planner. And I live with depression, with pride. You see, day-to-day, my time is now filled with coaching women through the adventure of turning their daydreams into their day jobs; helping them create the businesses they were made for, and designing products that support them on their journeys. I can say, handon-heart, that I love what I do. But man, it wasn’t always this way. Let me take you back to 2006. Justin Timberlake was bringing ‘SexyBack’. Gnarls Barkley was ‘Crazy’. And I didn’t have a clue whose life I was living. I was 25, and ripe for what I’d later learn was a quarter-life crisis. I’d always been a hyper, happy-go-lucky girl, and my life until that point had been filled by an almost manic pursuit to achieve big fat checks through the societal tick-boxes of life. Long-term relationship? Tick. High grade GCSEs, A-levels and degree? Tick. Dream career as a graphic designer straight out of uni? Tick. Owning my dream car three months into my first proper job? Tick. Owning my dream home? Tick. Regular, sunsoaked holidays? Tick. So why did I feel the most empty, the most sad, and the most confused that I’d ever felt? Well, I’d people-pleased myself into oblivion. On reflection, I can see now that I’d been a sponge; absorbing and responding to outer expectations, and finding myself in a life that society informed me I should have, without stopping for a minute to listen to what I actually wanted. But that wasn’t even the toughest bit. You see, I felt all this. I was aware of all this. But I wasn’t ready to face any of it. The truth hurt. And the idea of changing, outwardly ‘failing’ or disappointing people, was so unbelievably crippling that it kept me exactly where I was. For two whole years. I remember my decisionmaking process at the time was to just ‘pretend I was fine’. If I just ignored this pull, this sadness, this emptiness, if I just painted on a smile and tried to be like everybody else, it would eventually – poof – go away. But, of course, it didn’t go away. In fact, it got way, way worse. Because, as it turns out, when you overrule and ignore your feelings, intuition, and instincts, your mind, body, and even the universe, will gather forces to find a way to get you to listen up. And boy, did they. Towards the close of 2007, I sank into the darkest depression of my life. I could barely get myself out of bed. Washing and drying my hair physically hurt >>> <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 39