“ Strength lies in diff erences, not in similarities – STEPHEN R COVEY Photography | Joseph Greve
TRUE LIFE How being bipolar was a blessing for me After a dramatic breakdown in Italy, Dan stripped his life back to the basics. For six months he may have lost his sense of self, but gradually he found a new purpose – as a motivational speaker and mental health activist Writing | Dan Keeley Seven years ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Now I consider it my blessing. Let’s be 100% clear, bipolar disorder can be a b*tch. On any given day it can wear you down, pump you up, play tricks on you, be all-consuming. It will take you down paths you could never imagine (some good, some bad), and it will make you ask yourself the biggest questions in life. And for that last part, I am truly grateful. Through the first half of 2012, my mind took me on such a journey that I ended up preaching from the middle lane of a major motorway in northern Italy at rush hour – not to be recommended! After six months of escalating moods, and ignoring all the warning signs – the fast talking, the racing thoughts, the sleepless nights, the poor nutrition, the excessive spending – my mind took me from believing I was the next Steve Jobs, to believing in my core that I was The Chosen One. I was ‘the one’ who was put on this planet to show people how to ‘slow down and follow your heart’, which at the time I believed was the answer to all the world’s suffering. But there were two main issues as I stood on that motorway: firstly, my mind was going at 200mph; and secondly, I wasn’t showing anyone how to slow down and follow their heart, I was trying to force them to. Combined, this was never going to end well. Soon I was being fasttracked to the closest psychiatric ward and being pumped full of drugs to make me slow down. Soon I was repatriated back to the UK, with two nurses who had to fly out to bring me home. I was in the Maudsley Hospital in south London in a crippling state of confusion, given that five minutes ago I thought we’d be setting up our new world headquarters at the Colosseum in Rome. Soon came the diagnoses. Then, now home, the worst six months of my life kicked in. Six months where, quite simply, I wanted to take my own life. If we go that high, we’re going to crash down with the biggest bang imaginable, right? This was it. And if I had to choose just two words to sum up this whole chapter, they would be… to endure. My mind had made me believe I was ‘the one’, 100% convinced by my ideas, my thoughts, and every word that was leaving my lips. Now, here I was, completely numb, in limbo, emotionless, barely living, barely breathing, overwhelmed, crippled, debilitated, broken, bed-bound… done. Or was I? Not quite. With an incredible amount of love, patience, kindness, and warmth from those closest to me, plus my professional >>> <strong>February</strong> <strong>2020</strong> • happiful.com • 57