Uncle Andy's Digest • August 2020

It’s an
honor to say
I’ve been part of
the Digest for 20
of its 25 years! A
huge THANK YOU
to everyone who
has supported us
through the
years!!
Celebrating
Thank you for 25 fantastic years!
Years
Great Rates • Great Service • Great Staff
Great Falls
Federal Credit Union
www.GreatFallsfcu.com
Move
your loan
to us for
great
rates!
34 Bates St, Lewiston • 782-7192 • 760 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-0500
Mortgage Executive Magazine’s
Top 1%
Mortgage Originators
IN AMERICA • 2019
CONGRATULATIONS,
Debbie
Bodwell
NMLS#280336
181 Center Street
Auburn, ME 04210
Debbie.Bodwell@RMSmortgage.com
www.RMSmortgage.com/DebbieBodwell
Office: 207-777-1551
Cell: 207-754-3962
NMLS# 1760; Equal Housing Opportunity; ME Supervised Lender License #SLM2537.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 1

If teachers really want you to follow your dreams, why do they yell at you for falling asleep in class?
GEORGIO’S MAKES FAMILY TIME MORE FUN !
Pool Parties • Movie Night • Backyard Gatherings
• HOT & COLD SANDWICHES
• DONUTS & PASTRIES
We’ve
been a family
tradition for
more than 60
years!
GEORGIO’S
Serving Greater LA since the 1950s
207-783-2981
740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • www.mygeorgiosmaine.com
• DESSERTS & SNACKS
Locally owned & operated
Your Vision. Our Expertise.
Kitchens, Baths, Decks & More!
• Windows/Doors
• Siding
• Custom Tile
• Lead Certified
• VA Special Adaptive Housing
• Handicap Accessible Projects
207-212-7791
www.vghomeimprovements.com
I bought myself a seniors GPS. Not only does it tell me where I’m going, it tells my why I wanted to go there.

A coin shortage? America must be out of common cents.
Out ‘n About at
Roy I Snow
Electrical Contractors
We’ve been a
family owned business
since 1947!
Dan & Debbie
Snow
Working in
a family business is
easy when you
have parents as
great as mine!
Desiree Snow
Adam Rodrigue
When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children...
just like it says on the bottle.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 3

Uncle Andy’s Digest
is published by the first
Friday of every month by
Maine Mountain Ocean
Group, Inc. with its world
headquarters located at
9 Grove Street, Auburn,
Maine, USA.
Published and distributed
since 1996 throughout
Central Maine and mailed to
subscribers all over the Free
World. Subscriptions are
$36/year.
UncleAndysDigest.com
Office: 207-783-7039
UAD Super Heroes
Why do people say, “needless to say,” before saying something?
Smile in
Comfort
CAPTAIN
JIMBO
SPIDY
TIM
WONDER
WOMAN
TYLA
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Repairs usually same day service!
Like our
name implies,
we’ll make you
SMILE
AGAIN
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IRONSIDES
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While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries very
hard to ensure the accuracy of the
information in our client’s advertisements
and our publication in general, we are
not responsible for vendor availability,
typographical errors, technical
inaccuracies, product pricing errors, or
omissions.
Joe & Mike
Adkins
Licensed
Denturists
Call us today for:
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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
4 August 2020 783-7039
Instead of cleaning, I watched an episode of “Hoarders” and realized
how fantastic my house really looks.

Due to my isolation I finished 3 books today. Boy, that was a lot of coloring!
It’s been
fun growing up in the
Digest! Now I get to
work with my dad!
Ashley & Dan
It’s been
fun seeing the
Digest grow up, too!
Happy 25th Anniversary
to Jimbo & team!
Ashley &
Christopher Christopher Ashley
I just tried to make my own hand sanitizer but it came out as a margarita!
MONDAY
Ham Italians
Sm $1.99 Lg. $2.99
WEDNESDAY
Chicken salad
Sm $2.49 Lg. $3.99
FRIDAY
Tuna Italian
Sm $2.49 Lg. $3.99
SUNDAY
$2.00 OFF
Any large pizza
Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week
Come experience the
difference at Armand’s
TUESDAY
Small 1-topping Pizza
10" pizza $3.99
THURSDAY
Bowl of Chili
$3.99
SATURDAY
Baked Beans
Pint $2.99 Quart $3.99
Full beans ’n franks meal $8.59
Get Your FREE
Quote Today!
207-782-7113
31 Blake Street, Lewiston
armandsautobody.com
MAIN STREET MARKET
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502
B.L.T.
Sm. $2.49
Lg. $3.99
Breakfast sandwiches $1.99
Hash browns 2/$1.00
Coffee all sizes $0.99
We accept cash, checks,
major credit/debit cards, & EBT
What is with all these stores putting an “X” on the floors showing where to stand?
I’ve watched too many roadrunner shows to fall for that one.
Finding
Danny
Submitted by Jimbo
“Oh, No!” he gasped as
he surveyed the disaster
before him. Never in
his 40 years of life had
he seen anything like
it. How anyone could
have survived he did
not know.
He could only hope
that somewhere amidst
the overwhelming destruction
he would find
his 16-year-old son.
Only the slim hope of
finding Danny kept
him from turning and
fleeing the scene. He
took a deep breath and
proceeded.
Walking was virtually
impossible with so
many things strewn
across his path. He
moved ahead slowly.
“Danny! Danny!” he
whispered to himself.
He tripped and almost
fell several times. He
heard someone, or
something, move. At
least he thought he
did. Perhaps, he was
just hoping he did. He
shook his head and felt
his gut tighten.
He couldn’t understand
how this could have
happened. There was
some light but not
enough to see very
much. Something
cold and wet brushed
against his hand. He
jerked it away.
Continued on next page
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 5

I got rid of my boyfriend. The cat was allergic.
Out ‘n About at the beach
I come
up to the
surface every
month to read my
Digest! They really
need to make an
underwater
edition!
Submitted by Betsy Sibley
of Community Credit Union
Continued from previous page
In desperation, he took
another step then cried
out, “Danny!”
From a nearby pile of
unidentified material,
he heard his son. “Yes,
Dad,” he said, in a
voice so weak it could
hardly be heard.
“It’s time to get up and
get ready for school,”
the man sighed, “and,
for goodness sake,
clean up this room!”
THE AMERICAN LEGION
FAMILY
We Are Standing Strong!
William J. Rogers Post 153 will abide
by COVID-19 executive orders from the
Governor and guidelines set forth by the
CDC, DHHS, & DECD.
Our staff and volunteers will take
necessary precautions to ensure safety
for all. We ask that you follow safety
guidelines as well. MASKS ARE
REQUIRED - PLEASE WEAR YOUR
MASKS WHENEVER POSSIBLE.
PRACTICE SOCIAL DISTANCING.
For Veteran or Community services, call
207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229
Hall Rentals Available
Call for more information
207-782-1118
71 South Main St, Auburn
207-782-1118
Members & Guests Welcome
STARTING AUGUST 1 – DINNERS TO GO/CURBSIDE PICKUP
Limited seating available - help us by calling ahead for your orders.
9am-12pm, 207-312-8284 12pm-4pm, 207-212-1466
Ask about our drink specials!
AUGUST 1st: Spaghetti & Meatballs w/garlic toast & salad,
4:30p-6:30p • $8 per meal
AUGUST 7th: Lobster Rolls w/fries & coleslaw
4:30p-6:30p • $10 per meal
AUGUST 13th-15th: Balloon Fest Weekend at the Post
Sausage Sandwiches w/peppers & onions, 2p-7p • $6 each
Famous Lime Rickey, $5 with a kick, $3 without 2p - 7p
AUGUST 22nd: Shepherd’s Pie w/roll & salad
4:30p-6:30p • $6 per meal
AUGUST 29th: BBQ Ribs w/mashed potato, mac ‘n cheese, & veggie
4:30p-6:30p • $10 per meal
MONTHLY MEETING
WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 19 TH
EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM
GENERAL MEETING, 7PM
IMPORTANT NOTICE: Due to COVID-19/Coronavirus, all activities are
subject to change. Follow us on Facebook page for updates.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
6 August 2020 783-7039
I’ve been making Motown puns for about three years. Four tops.

Day 100 of quarantine: Watching birds searching for worms.
The Cardinals are leading the Blue Jays 6-4.
MEL’S HILLTOP RESTAURANT AND 19TH HOLE!
Out ‘n About in
the Digest
Archives
Blasts from our 25 year past!
Poland Spring Resort’s Mel’s Hilltop Restaurant (over the Pro Shop)
is open daily with great lunches, appetizers, your favorite beverages,
and amazing views! Great deck and indoor air conditioned dining.
Open Daily at 11:30 AM in summer and weekends in the fall! 207-998-6024
Quality Work • Reasonable Rates • Premier Service • Fully Insured • All Work Guaranteed
10%
Senior Citizen
Discount
79 Route 202, Greene
207-376-4900 • 207-385-5222
Family owned
and operated
By
Joe Cooper
Extensive Selection of New & Estate Jewelry
Buying Gold,
Silver, Platinum,
& Diamonds
Mike Morin
Mike Morin’s Auto
Center - 1996
Prediction from 1997
I predict
I’ll still be advertising
in the Digest
25 years from
now!*
Steve Roop
Roopers - 1997
*see inside back cover
22 years
later and I still
have a camera in my
hand!
Fine Jewelry
Expert Jewelry Repair &
Restoration in House
Fine custom jewelry
& remounts
M-W: 9a – 5p Th-F: 9a – 6p Sat: 9a – 3p
33 Center St. Auburn 207-782-7575
My wife is leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.
What planet is she on?
Jose Leiva
1998
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 7

With A
CONVENIENT SIZES
TWO
- $8 or 200mg - $15
100mg
Rare Find!
Submitted by Tyla Davis
If anyone wants to come talk to me about my shoddy hinge work,
my door is always open.
While out hiking, a guy
finds a rare centipede.
The guy is amazed by
what he’s found and
naturally he wants to
show this rare creature
to his buddies. So he
captures the centipede
and places it carefully
in a ventilated box.
Once he gets it home,
the guy decides he
wants to take the
centipede to his local
hangout immediately.
He taps on the box
and says, “Would you
like to go to Mac’s Grill
with me? You’d get to
meet all my friends.”
There’s no answer
from the centipede.
The guy waits a few
moments and then
says, “What do you
think? Would you like
to go to Mac’s Grill and
meet my buddies?”
Again, there’s no
answer.
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Thinking the centipede
can’t hear him, the man
goes right up to the box
this time and he yells,
“Hey! Would you like to
go to Mac’s or not?”
A little voice comes out
of the box, “I heard you
the first time! I’m still
putting my shoes on!”
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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
8 August 2020 783-7039
I took the shell off my racing snail thinking it would make him faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.

HAS IT ALL
Your one-stop shop for:
• Amazing food (eat in or take out)
• Agency liquor store with beer cave
• Lottery tickets
• Redemption center
Full serve catering at the
location of your choice.
Book Your
2021
Events
Now!
DadsPlaceCatering.com
207-345-5551
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com
WE CATER!
CARRY OUT
CATERING
You pick up & serve
Call Dad’s Place Catering Today!
207-345-9009

Out ‘n About at
Roy I Snow
Electrical Contractors
Looking
this good doesn’t
take much... electrical
current!
My parrot can recite the Lord’s Prayer. Does that make him a bird of prey?
When it’s time for your business to get back in business
Call ServiceMASTER!
29 Brickyard Circle, Auburn
(800) 244-7630
(207) 539-4452
www.smfireandwater.com
www.smcarpetcleaning.com
Adam Wigton
Be sure
to check out our
ad on the Career
Opportunities page
of the Digest! We
are hiring licensed
electricians!
My girlfriend wanted to walk down the aisle. So I sent her to the supermarket.
Brian McCarthy
Paul Morin
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
10 August 2020 783-7039
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed party, so I invited all her friends over
and made them clean the house.

MAINE’S #1 STEAKHOUSE
Take Out
Available!
Join us on
October 3rd
for the Summer
Block Party!
Summertime
dining is great here
at Mac’s!
for experienced
cooks
APPLY WITHIN
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
12
Self-serve
Bacon
Submitted by Jimbo
Two children ordered
their mother to stay in
bed one Mother’s Day
morning. As she lay
there looking forward
to being brought
breakfast in bed, the
smell of bacon floated
up from the kitchen.
Finally, the children
called her to come
downstairs. She found
them both sitting at the
table eating bacon and
eggs.
“As a surprise for
Mother’s Day,” one
explained, “we decided
to cook our own
breakfast.”
The Talk
Submitted by Tyla Davis
A father decided it was
time to have “the talk”
with his young son.
He beckoned his son
to come into the living
room and sit down.
“The time has come
for you and I to have a
conversation, my son,”
the father started.
“Soon, you will have
new urges and feelings
that you have not had
before and that will be
hard for you to understand.
It might leave
you feeling perplexed.”
He added, “But you do
not have to worry, it’s
perfectly normal ... it’s
called golf.”
Jimbo
August 2020 783-7039
The secret to telling a good postal joke is all in the delivery.
KNOW
WHO
YOU
HIRE!
Saturday Bean Special
Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $8.99
Wednesday Italian Special
Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.29
PARTY SPECIALS
Roy’s FOODLAND
Try our Teres Major Steaks on the Grill!
(comparable to filet mignon)
In Memory
REGIS D. ROY
1941-2020
Family man. Business man. Friend.
You will be missed.
Hours:
Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm
Pizza Packs only $ 8.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 5.99
Fri. 8am - 7pm
Don’t forget your chicken salad,“best in town” or ham salad!
Sat. 8am - 6pm
Sun. closed
70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com
Locally owned & operated
30+ years’ experience
280 Sabattus Road
Sabattus
Maine’s largest resource for:
Background Searches
Criminal • Driving • Sex Offenders
207-783-0000
corporateintelligenceinc.com
www.suncodrilling.com
Call us for all your
water needs!
(207) 375-4661 • (800) 357-4661
We are open for business!
Visit our showroom, we are fully stocked with filters, water test kits, jet pumps, tanks and more.
I need to quit my job as a personal trainer because I’m not strong enough.
I’ve just handed in my too weak notice.

Wanna hear a joke about a stone? Never mind, I’ll just skip that one.
Out ‘n About at
Roy I Snow
Electrical Contractors
Electricians
get their supplies at
the Ohm Depot!
Jay Lauter
Out ‘n About with
Quality Painters
Waiting
to put on the second
coat of paint is
always the worst!
Greg Johnson
It sure is!
It’s like watching
paint dry!
Bill LaBelle
Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble
but shouldn’t that be an even number?
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 13

Out ‘n About in
the Digest
Archives
Blasts from our 25 year past!
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
RollysNewAuburn.com
The Digest
has woven itself
into the fabric of this
community; and
we’re better because
of it!
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
I love
dining on
the new patio.
It’s so
refreshing!
Chip Morrison
Chamber President
1995-2015
Heeerreee’s
JIMBO!!!*
87 Mill St., New Auburn
753-0171
Mon – Sat 5 am – 2 pm, Sunday 7 am – noon
Tanya
Grover
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
Jimbo
Joins the team at the
Digest in 2001*
*After kicking Big Gare’s butt
in racquetball
What’s Kasasa ® ?
It’s Like A FREE * ATM
On Every Corner!
FREE!
Bert Cote
Thatcher’s, formerly
of Bert’s Quality Used
Cars - 1996
Uncle Andy’s Digest...with
14
Jimbo
August 2020 783-7039
Community Credit Union
Proudly Serving Our Members and Community for 75 years!
*Qualification Information: Account transactions and activities may take one or more banking days to post and settle to the account and all must do so
during the Monthly Qualification Cycle in order to qualify for the account’s rewards. “Monthly Qualification Cycle” means a period between one (1) day
prior to the first day of the current statement cycle through one (1) day prior to the close of the current statement cycle. Reward Information: When
account qualifications are met you will receive reimbursements up to $25 for nationwide ATM fees incurred during the Monthly Qualification Cycle in
which you qualified. When account qualifications are not met, ATM fees are not reimbursed. ATM reimbursements will be credited to your Kasasa
account on the last day of the statement cycle. Account approval, conditions, qualifications, limits, timeframes, enrollments, log ons and other
requirements apply. Qualifications and rewards may vary by account. Member eligibility required. Visit www.communitycreditunion.com or contact
Member Services for additional information, details, restrictions, processing limitations and enrollment instructions. Kasasa® is a trademark of
BancVue, Ltd., registered in the USA. This Credit Union is federally insured by NCUA and is an Equal Housing Lender. Hopeful Artist: Charlie Hewitt
Do turtles wear people neck sweaters?

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
Big Date
Submitted by Jimbo
In God I Trust
QUALITY SIGNS
MANUFACTURED
WITH PRIDE IN MAINE
by your friends and neighbors
for our customers around the world
since 1947
207-782-9654
www.neokraft.com - Lewiston, ME
Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month
Less than $500/month • 145 Lisbon Street, Lewiston
Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.
A young man called his
mother and announced
excitedly that he had
just met the woman of
his dreams. Now what
should he do?
His mother had an
idea: “Why don’t you
send her flowers, and
on the card invite her
to your place for a
home-cooked meal?”
He thought this was
a great strategy and
arranged a date for a
week later. His mother
called the day after the
big date to see how
things had gone.
“The evening was a
disaster,” he moaned.
Now open daily 11a-9p
Join us for happy hour
2p-5p Monday-Friday
www.firehouseauburn.com • 207-376-4959
Maine Realty Advisors
FRANK CARR
Your real estate investment advisor
Brokering your buying & selling needs
207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com
A Spanish magician was doing a magic trick.
He said, “Uno, Dose...” and he disappeared without a trace.
August
Drink
Specials
Try our
green tea
cocktail!
“Why? Didn’t she
come over?” asked his
mother.
“Oh, she came over,
but she refused to
cook.”
Flying Solo
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Tim was on a flight to a
sales conference. Sitting
next to him was a
beautiful young woman.
Ever the charmer,
Tim used one of his
pick-up lines on her.
“Does the airline
charge you extra
for sitting next to
good-looking men?”
“Yes,” she replied, “but
I wasn’t willing to pay.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 15

Waiting Your
Turn
Submitted by Jimbo
The Digest’s very own
Steve Simard decided
to take advantage
of the local grocery
store’s senior hours.
He showed up to wait
in line at 7:45. The
store opened at 8:00.
Steve watched as a
young man came from
the parking lot and
tried to cut in at the
front of the line, but an
old lady beat him back
into the parking lot with
her cane.
A few minutes later,
Steve watched as
the same young man
returned and tried to
cut in again but an old
man punched him in
the gut, then kicked
him to the ground and
rolled him away.
As he approached the
line for the third time
he said, “If you don’t
let me unlock the door,
you’ll never get in
there.”
If a woman speaks and no one is listening her name is probably Mom.
•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•
EXPANDED OUTDOOR & DISTANCED INDOOR SEATING
CURBSIDE PICKUP & DELIVERY STILL AVAILABLE
CAFÉ OPENS AT 7 A.M.
• Please check our website or Facebook page for current hours and offerings •
1110 MINOT A VE.
/SIDEBYEACHBREWING A UBURN, MAINE
WWW. SIDEBYEACHBREWING. COM 207.689.3030
I think sometimes we humans ask too much of spandex.
It’s Your Choice – Choose Experience
Buying or selling a home can be an exciting and challenging experience.
The buyers and sellers have many details to handle before and after the closing.
Our experienced professionals can help you make this experience a smooth one.
207-784-6413 | 844-202-9268
95 Main Street, Auburn • www.androtitle.com
I invited a teddy bear for dinner yesterday. I offered him some food but he said, “No thanks, I’m stuffed.”
EST1950 783-3444
WE’RE OPEN BY APPOINTMENT!
Men’s & boys cuts,
only $15.00
54 Mill St., New Auburn
783-3444
OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30a-5:30p,
Sat 7:30a-2p
Jean & Tina
Booth
Rentals
Available
Poisson & Sons Auto Care
260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144
FULL SERVICE GAS STATION
August 2020
Stickers are
due!
Car Care Tips
• Keep your engine cool
• Replace windshield wipers
• Change oil
• Check your tires
• Check your A/C Unit
Auto Repairs • Maintenance
Inspections • K1 • Alignments
Computer •Diagnostics
State Inspections & More!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
16 August 2020 783-7039
All my life, I have felt like a battery. I’m rarely included in anything!

Dear Disney, why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
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FREE. FREE iPhone with AT&T’s Buy one, Give One.
While supplies last! CALL 1-866-565-8452 or
www.freephonesnow.com//cadnet
Stay in your home longer with an American Standard
Walk-In Bathtub. Receive up to $1,500 off, including
a free toilet, and a lifetime warranty on the tub and
installation! Call us at 1-855-481-3969 or visit
www.walkintubquote.com/national
HughesNet Satellite Internet - 25mbps starting at
$49.99/mo! Get More Data FREE Off-Peak Data.
FAST download speeds. WiFi built in! FREE Standard
Installation for lease customers! Limited Time, Call
1-855-973-9254
Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, the most
advanced debris-blocking gutter protection. Schedule
a FREE LeafFilter estimate today. 15% off Entire
Purchase. 10% Senior & Military Discounts. Call
1-855-402-0373
Cross country Moving, Long distance Moving Company,
out of state move $799 Long Distance Movers.
Get Free quote on your Long distance move.
1-844-452-1706
Call Empire Today® to schedule a FREE in-home
estimate on Carpeting & Flooring. Call Today!
1-855-404-2366
DIRECTV - Switch and Save! $39.99/month. Select
All-Included Package. 155 Channels. 1000s of Shows/
Movies On Demand. FREE Genie HD DVR Upgrade.
Premium movie channels, FREE for 3 mos! Call
1-855-781-1565
DISH Network $59.99 For 190 Channels! Add High
Speed Internet for ONLY $19.95/month. Call Today for
$100 Gift Card! Best Value & Technology. FREE Installation.
Call 1-855-837-9146 (some restrictions apply)
PLACE IN WANTED TO BUY
Wants to purchase minerals and other oil and gas
interests. Send details to P.O. Box 13557 Denver, Co.
80201
Out ‘n About in
a galaxy far, far
away...
Read the
Digest and support
local business, you
must.
Photo submitted by
Laurie Callahan
Out ‘n About in
the Digest
Archives
Blasts from our 25 year past!
Bart Kelsea
Androscoggin Title
1997
Satellite Internet That is Unlimited
2
With No Hard Data Limits!
CALL TODAY - LIMITED SPECIAL OFFERS IN YOUR AREA!
1-855-973-9254
25 Mbps Download Speed
25mbps download and 3mbps upload 1
No Hard Data Limits 2
Wi-Fi Built-In
Connect your wireless devices at home
Call For Special Offers In Your Area
Pricing varies by region
HughesNet is a registered trademark of Hughes Network Systems, LLC, an EchoStar Company.
2 If you exceed your monthly plan data, you will experience reduced data speeds until the start of your next billing period. Reduced speeds will typically be in the range of 1 – 3 Mbps and may cause
Web sites to load more slowly or affect the performance of certain activities, such as video streaming or large downloads/uploads.
Boys never grow up, their trucks just get bigger and more expensive.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 17

Unanswered
Prayer?
Submitted by Jimbo
Dear God,
First, my car broke
down
I was very late for work
But I missed that awful
accident
Was that your handiwork?
I found a house I loved
But others got there
first
I was angry, then
relieved
When I heard the
pipes had burst!
Yesterday, I found the
perfect dress
But the color was too
pale
Today, I found the
dress in red
Would you believe, it
was on sale!
I know you’re watching
over me
And I’m feeling truly
blessed
For no matter what I
pray for
You always know
what’s best!
OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES
PA’S
TRADIN’
Federal
Firearms
License
COMPANY Inc.
BUY • SELL • TRADE
PAWN
Gun Background Checks/Transfers
Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each
1447 Main Street, Oxford
Only 25 Minutes from Auburn & Gray
Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm
207-743-0709 or 1-877-743-0709
WE NEED:
Canoes, kayaks, dressers,
camp furniture, guns, & more
Always buying,
pawning, & selling!
Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer
Biology: the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.
POLLY’S VARIETY
115 King Street • Oxford
CALL AHEAD
FOR ORDERS!
Take out window available
Voted one of
Maine’s Best
Pizza Places!
2016 WMTW
Facebook Fan poll
No More Crackers
Polly W ants Pizza
Pepperoni Pizza Ham Italian Special Dagwood
207-539-8254
August
Special
Dagwood
on a
bulkie
roll
$5 .99
Expires
08/31/2020
Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm
Due to coronavirus, the spelling bee has been cansul... cancil... cancul... it’s been called off!!
The Outdoors Never Closes
Start living your best RV life today...
Maine’s
Oldest RV
Dealer
Since
1965!
CALL OF THE WILD RV CENTER
848 Main Street, Oxford
207-539-4410 • info@callofthewildrv.com
Hey,
stop
hogging
the Digest
and give me
a turn to
read it!
Out ‘n About in Oxford
Luke &
Carson
Davis

OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES
Dogs eat pooched eggs for breakfast.
Out ‘n About in Oxford
Pop’s
truck and a
Digest... what
more does a
man need?
Sam Landis
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to shop.
THE LAKE
STORE
14 Waterford Road, Norway
207-743-6562
Come join
our growing
Oxford Hills section!
Call 783-7039
today FMI!
Enjoy our comfortable
outside area!
I am as swift as a gazelle. An old one. With arthritis. Run over by a Land Rover. Eight days ago.

OXFORD HILLS AREA BUSINESSES
COOPER FARMS
Since 1971
We grow our own apples & vegetables
and we raise natural home-grown beef!
207-674-2200 • West Paris
OFFERING
Residential
Commercial
Clean Outs
Roll Offs
The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!
SERVING
Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland
Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples
I just got a new job as a waiter. It’s not great, but it puts food on the table.
844-ME-TRASH
844-638-7274
9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
20
First Aid
Submitted by Tyla Davis
It was a stifling hot
day and a young man
crossing the street
fainted in the middle of
the busy intersection.
Traffic quickly piled up
in all directions, and a
well dressed woman
rushed to help him.
When she knelt down
to loosen his collar, a
man emerged from the
crowd, and pushed her
aside.
“It’s all right honey, I’ve
had a course in first
aid. I’ll take care of this
gentleman.”
The woman stood
up and watched as
he took the ill man’s
pulse and prepared
to administer artificial
respiration.
At this point she tapped
him on the shoulder
and said, “When you
get to the part about
calling a doctor, I’m
already here.”
Jimbo
August 2020 783-7039
VILLAGE INN NOW OPEN!
www.villageinnmaine.com
Dine outside on our new patio area!
• REGISTERED ANGUS
• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF
• MEAT PACKAGES
• GIFT CERTIFICATES
The math book said to his doctor, “I’m full of problems.”
Roebucks Angus
Tell us you saw us in
Uncle Andy’s!
BURGER • STEAKS • ROASTS
OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK
Ask about sides and special packages!
INSPECTED
165 High St. Auburn
207-782-7796
jay - 207.754.1558
sue - 207.754.6558
783 UPPER ST. • TURNER
The new Beatles memorabilia store is now opened eight days a week.

207.784.1541
easy@easyrentall.com
20 South Ave.
Lewiston
EasyRentAll.com
I write songs about sewing machines. I’m a Singer songwriter.
Competitive
Rental
Rates
LA’s Premier Rental Company
We Have The Equipment You Need!
Out ‘n About with
John F. Murphy
Homes
Delivering the Digest
From here
on out we will be
known as the “Digest
Bandits”
You name it - We most likely rent it!
Mike Dudley &
Kristin Freeman
It’s pointless to write with a broken pencil.
1940 ~ 2020
470 Lake Shore Drive, Auburn • tabersgolf.com
Restaurant
Mini Golf Course
Driving Range
Ice Cream Stand
SUMMER HOURS
Miniature Golf
& Driving Range
Daily 10am-9pm
(weather permitting)
Restaurant
Daily 11am-9pm
My wife told me she wanted a kid. I bought her a baby goat.
Out ‘n About at
Side by Each
For Uplift LA’s Fun
After 5 event
If you
missed this
event, don’t worry!
You can still join us
for the Fun after 5
events on August
19th and September
11th!
Matt Shaw &
Shanna Cox
LA Metro Chamber
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 21

HELP US GRANT A WISH!
100% of the ad proceeds on these pages will be donated to Make-A-Wish Maine.
Transforming lives,
one wish at a time.
POLLY’S VARIETY
115 King Street • Oxford
No More Crackers
Polly W ants Pizza
Proud to help Uncle Andy’s
Digest & Make-A-Wish Maine
Healthy Living
for the whole
family.
TINA PARKER
Independent Health &
Wellness Consultant
207-576-1769
tinaparker2012@yahoo.com
23 Pleasant Street,
Mechanic Falls
207-345-5551
Dadsplacemaine.com
Proud Sponsor of
Justin Campbell, Agent
1570 Main Street Suite 2A
Oxford, ME 04270
Bus: 207-539-5095
www.oxfordhillsinsurance.com
Be a legend.
Insure your life.
With the right life
insurance, you can
leave a legacy for your
family. I’m here to help.
LET’S TALK TODAY.
HEATING OIL • K1
Oxford • West Paris
890-6674
THE GINA TEAM
Gina Letourneau
ginaletourneau@masiello.com
Full service pet spa

State Farm Life Insurance Company (Not licensed in MA, NY or WI)
State Farm Life and Accident Assurance Company (Licensed in NY and WI)
1708145
Bloomington, IL
Thank you, Make-A-Wish
707 Main Street, Lewiston
207-777-4647
674-2315
PO Box 7, Oxford
1520 Auburn Road, Turner
207-224 - 0166
207-795-9633
155 Center Street, Auburn
Proud sponsor of
Poisson & Sons
Auto Care
260 S. Main Street, Auburn
Full Service Gas Station
Proud to support
DIGEST
EST. 1996
&
19 Maple Street, Norway
207-739-6834
207-739-6834
PPE Headquarters!
Gloves • Disinfectants • Sanitizer
Masks • Toilet Paper
207-784-5779
ken@goodmanwiper.com
207-539-8100
Proud supporter of
Proud supporter of
Home insurance claim? Call today
to get help through the process!
(207) 514-5453
bweisner@breakwateradjusting.com
Let us sell your home!
Proud Supporter of
“BUSY AS BEES
TO PLEASE”
1567 Lisbon Street
Lewiston
777-6353 • 777-6354
Open for eat in, takeout,
& outside dining
Stone’s Trash Removal
Quality Automotive Repair
Full Service Automotive
Repair Shop
132 Mechanic Falls Road, Oxford
207-539-8858
Mark
(207) 744-2274
290 Maine Street, Norway
Steve Simard
www.BizRealty.net
158 Main Street, South Paris
Tyla Davis, Editor
207-346-1488 • design@uncleandys.com
39 Tuelltown Road, West Paris
(207) 446-1014
Logging
Waterford, ME
207-890-4142
207-890-4142
Businesses & individuals can help make it
possible to grant a wish for a child suffering
from a serious illness. Please Donate!
Call me
to find out
how!
207-754-1815
steve@uncleandys.com
207-782-7141
Proudly supporting
Office & Light
Industrial Cleaning
207-530-8890
This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.
Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.

HELP US GRANT A WISH!
100% of the ad proceeds on these pages will be donated to Make-A-Wish Maine.
Transforming lives,
one wish at a time.
Let us help buy your home!
Lisa Laliberte
“BUSY AS BEES
TO PLEASE”
Proudly supports
207-333-5188
www.cowbellgrillandtap.com
www.BizRealty.net
158 Main Street, South Paris
207-783-3332
www.lisalaliberte.com
Limited delivery via
JT Reid’s
Guns
We Are Open!
Proudly Supporting
Let us build that dream deck for you!
We’re here for YOU!
UFOs • Pizza • Donuts
Takeout • Door Dash
Be Your
Own Boss!
Time for a change?
It’s worth a conversation.

777-3579
Mon.-Fri. 9am-5pm, Sat. 9am-3pm
207-212-7791
86 Court Street, Auburn www.vghomeimprovements.com
783-2981
georgiosmaine.com
Open daily
7am-7pm
207-782-7113
31 Blake Street, Lewiston
armandsautobody.com
Chris Wallace, RVP
207-653-3424
@MEDCoMaine
1-866-42-MEDCo
thcMEDCo.com
Out ‘n About at Uncle Andy’s Digest World Headquarters
We are proud
supporters of Make-
A-Wish Maine!
Thank you
to all of our advertisers that
continue to be a part of the UAD
family! We all win when we
support local business!
TAYLOR’S
PAINT &
WALLPAPER
SERVICES
Call today
for a quote!
207-754-2519
seatailor.ctaylor@gmail.com
Fully Insured
CATERING
Call Dad’s Place Catering Today!
207-345-9009
DadsPlaceCatering.com
207-879-7668
Proud Sponsor of
Proud Supporter of
Beer to go - Pick Up or Delivery!
The UAD Crew: Steve Simard, Colby Michaud, Tim Rucker,
Stephanie Arsenault, Tyla Davis, and of course... Jimbo
1110 MINOT A VE.
A UBURN,MAINE
207.689.3030
WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM
Proud to help Make-A-Wish
and Uncle Andy’s Digest!
This message is brought to you by all of us at Uncle Andy’s Digest, and its advertisers.
Let’s support local businesses and frequent them at every opportunity.

Now
Hiring
Baby’s
Coming!
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Brian’s stress level
was at unsurpassed
levels. His wife Maggie
was in labor and Brian
was sure it was time to
head to the hospital.
Breathing heavily,
Brian grabbed the
phone and called the
doctor. “Doctor, I think
it’s time. Should we
come in?”
The doctor tried to
calm the poor fellow
down. “Just try to
relax. Now tell me
how much time
elapses between the
contractions?”
Brian relayed the
question to his wife.
“My wife says they
are ten minutes apart.
Please doc, I’m panicking.
What should we
do?”
“And is this her first
child?” questioned the
doctor.
“No you idiot! This is
her husband!”
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
HELP FAMILIES.
HELP YOURSELF.
Take control of your life.
Time for a change?
It’s worth a conversation.
Contact
Chris Wallace, RVP Today!
207-653-3424
NOW HIRING! IMMEDIATE EMPLOYMENT!
Aestheticians & Massage Therapists
Is your dream to find a spa where
the technicians are professional
and the ambience is calm?
If so, we want to talk to you!
Please email in confidence at:
info@cassiels.com
for the opportunity to speak to us.
71 East Avenue, Lewiston • www.cassiels.com
WE’RE HIRING!
Join our team of caring professionals!
Come see us for
the rewarding
career you’ve
been looking for!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
26 August 2020 783-7039
Apply online at JFMhomes.org
or visit 800 Center St, Auburn.
John F. Murphy Homes, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity
Employer and complies with all local, state, and federal
guidelines in its employment practices & services provided.

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
Now
Hiring
We are Looking for
Licensed Electricians
Apply
Within
Out ‘n About with
the Auburn Fire
Department
For the retirement of Captain
Eugene “Chip” Keene
It’s been
an honor to serve
the Auburn community
for the last 25
years.
RoySnow.com
207.782.3734
Serving Maine since 1947
11 Library Ave.
Auburn
NOW HIRING
Strong Entry Level Talent
• Learn to be a trained & certified support technician
• 40 hour flexible work schedule
• Entry level paid technical training
• Remote positions available for social distancing measures
Do you
have the
drive to learn
technical
skills?
Apply online: www.carbonite.com
Eugene “Chip”
Keene
Thank you
for your service,
Captain Keene.
It’s been wonderful
working alongside
you!
WANTED:
YEAR ROUND FLAGGERS
Androscoggin,
Cumberland,
and Oxford
County Areas
Call Today
207-225-5627
No Experience Necessary! Train Today, Work Tomorrow!
Starting Pay: $14.00 and up per hour
www.atwork.com
Ryan Demers
Mark Tripp
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 27

Now
Hiring
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
Waiting for
Years
Submitted by Jimbo
We had built our dream
house some years ago,
and furnished it with
quality pieces as we
could afford them. Now
the delivery truck carrying
the last purchase,
a new bedroom suite,
was pulling into the
driveway.
Experienced Service Technicians
24 Hour
Service
“Finally!” I exclaimed,
flinging open the
front door as the
driver walked up to
the house. “I’ve been
waiting twelve years
for this!”
“Don’t blame me, lady,”
he said. “I just got the
order this morning.”
Air Conditioning & Heating
207-777-5600
protechoffice11@yahoo.com
Fully Insured
Spring Fever
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Four high school boys
afflicted with spring
fever skipped morning
classes. After lunch
they reported to the
teacher that they had a
flat tire.
Much to their relief she
smiled and said, “Well,
you missed a test
today so take seats
apart from one another
and take out a piece of
paper.”
Out ‘n About in the Digest Archives...
Blasts from our 25 year past!
Rolly’s Diner 2001
NOW HIRING!
41 Pleasant Street, Auburn
207-783-0961
Rosemary Camire Knight
Still smiling, she
waited for them to sit
down. Then she said,
“First Question: Which
tire was flat?”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
28 August 2020 783-7039
It is important to make breaks between individual exercises.
I personally stick to breaks of about three to four years.

My neighbors are listening to great music, whether they like it or not.
Eligible for Medicare?
CALL US TODAY
to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.
30+
Years of
Experience!
Out ‘n About with
the Auburn Fire
Department
For the retirement of Captain
Eugene “Chip” Keene
I really
want an ice cream
right now... let’s go to
Dairy Joy!
Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston
Real People.
Really Great Service.
We’re the People Behind Payroll.
⅛ Payroll Processing
⅛ Time & Attendance Solutions
⅛ Worker’s Comp Pay-As-You-Go
Call us today.
Corey Nugent
A sign of
the times, Mr. Chip!
Congrats!
800-734-6880
PAYROLLMGT.COM
Specializing in custom interior
painting & cabinetry refinishing
Joshua Stewart
How many businesses
does Chip own
anyway?
Text or call
for free
estimates!
(fully insured)
207-754-4553
207-713-2504
Greg Johnson & Bill LaBelle
First rule of Sundays: If you can’t reach it from your couch, you don’t need it.
Chris Andreasen
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 29

Out ‘n About in
the Digest
Archives
Blasts from our 25 year past!
Still hanging
ten after all these
years!
If you had to decide between a diet and a piece of chocolate,
would you prefer dark, white or milk chocolate?
We’ve got you covered!
Ian Barclay
Barclay’s Skin Divers
Paradise - 2002
The Digest
has rocked for
25 years & I’ll play a
face-melting guitar
riff in their
honor!
Peoples Insurance - Monmouth
832 Main Street, Monmouth
(207) 777-1877 or (888) 783-2246
Pinkham Insurance
8 Almar Street, Farmingdale
(207) 626-5810 or (866) 626-5820
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS
I N S U R A N C E
...Your Security is Our Concern!
Champoux Insurance Agency
150 East Avenue, Lewiston
(207) 783-2246
(888) 783-2246
Stay Safe. Stay Healthy.
Peoples Insurance - Ogunquit
716 Main Street, Ogunquit
(207) 646-7118 or (877) 840-7118
Rogers Insurance
38 Main Street, Lisbon Falls
(207) 353-6834 or (888) 353-6833
My relationship is like an iPad. I don’t have an iPad.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
30
Ken Goodman
Goodman Wiper &
Paper - 2005
I haven’t
changed one bit in 14
years... I swear!
Girard Boucher
V & G Home
Improvements - 2006
Jimbo
August 2020 783-7039
Since 1953
Hours: Mon. - Sat. 9a - 10p • Sun. 9a - 8p
NOW
OPEN!
Everyday
1 topping Pizza
w/ meat
$
6.99
wednesday
Spaghetti
Special
$
7.25
LuiggisPizzeria.com
for dine in and take out
Monday
The Fergy
sm. $ 3.25 lg. $ 6.50
thursday
Mini Pizza
1 topping $ 3.60
2 toppings $ 4.45
tuesday
Meatball Sub
sm. $ 3.75 w/cheese $ 4.25
lg. $ 7.50 w/cheese $ 8.50
friday
$
1.00 off
any large pizza
I am in touch with my motivation. I saw it going by this morning,
waving at me and winking.

Money alone won’t make you happy. You’ve got to own it.
Pedal Power
Submitted by Jimbo
Juan comes up to the
Mexican border on his
bicycle. He has two
large bags over his
shoulders. The guard
stops him and says,
“What’s in the bags?”
“Sand,” answered
Juan.
The guard says, “We’ll
just see about that.
Get off the bike.”
HOME HEATING
EQUIPMENT THAT IS
ENERGY-EFFICIENT
EXPERTLY INSTALLED
RELIABLE
A MONEY SAVER
CUSTOMERS
RECEIVE:
Up to
$500 OFF
home heating equipment*
0%
Financing**
The guard takes the
bags and rips them
apart, He empties
them out and finds
nothing in them but
sand. He detains Juan
overnight and has the
sand analyzed, only
to discover that there
is nothing but pure
sand in the bags. The
guard releases Juan,
puts the sand into new
bags, hefts them onto
the man’s shoulders,
and lets him cross the
border.
A week later, the same
thing happens. The
guard asks, “What
have you got?”
“Sand,” says Juan.
To become a new customer, or learn more about this offer,
visit DeadRiver.com/newequipment or call 1-855-317-4837.
* Discount offer valid for Dead River Company fuel delivery customers only. Sales Proposal must be signed
by August 1, 2020. Actual discount based upon equipment purchased and installed by Dead River Company.
Terms and conditions apply, please contact Dead River Company for complete details.
** Financing provided by GreenSky Credit (GC) and based on GC’s credit approval.
I used to think that you were a pain in the neck.
My opinion of you has dropped significantly lower since then.
The guard does his
thorough examination
and discovers that the
bags contain nothing
but sand. He gives the
sand back to Juan,
and Juan crosses the
border on his bicycle.
Continued on next page
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 31

Continued from previous page
This sequence of
events if repeated
every day for three
years. Finally, Juan
doesn’t show up one
day and the guard
runs into him at a
Cantina in Mexico.
“Hey, Buddy,” says
the guard, “I know you
are smuggling something.
It’s driving me
crazy. It’s all I think
about... I can’t sleep.
Just between you
and me, what are you
smuggling?”
Whoever said “nothing is impossible” clearly never tried slamming a revolving door.
Butterfly Release
Celebration
Thank You!
Thanks to the generosity of our community, this year’s
Butterfly Release Celebration raised nearly $15,000 to
support patient care at the Hospice House!
Please visit our website or Facebook page if you would like to
re-watch this year’s event.
www.androscoggin.org
Juan sips his drink
and says, “Bicycles.”
Special thanks to this year’s event sponsors:
Of course I can keep secrets. But the people I tell them to obviously can’t.
We Need Houses to Sell!
Catching Up
Submitted by Steve Simard
Two old friends
crossed paths after not
seeing one another for
almost a decade.
Tom: “What are you
doing these days?”
Jim: “PHD.”
Tom: “Wow! You’re a
doctor!”
Jim: “No, Pizza Home
Delivery.”
Jon Mercier
Owner/Broker
Mark Turner
Owner/Broker
259 Minot Avenue, Auburn
mainesourcehomes.com
Toni Ferraro
Broker
Brandon Caruso
Associate Broker
Deb Morin
Associate Broker
Zach Caldwell
Sales Agent
Linda Dupuis
Broker
Regina Ritchie
Associate Broker/
Administrator
Call NOW: 207-333-6001
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
32 August 2020 783-7039
It is what’s inside that matters – the fridge is a perfect example.

I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow creates a new hairdo for me every morning.
Outside Drum Clinic Event!
Open to the public and free
August 15th, 1pm
Featuring Justin Pacy
Main Street
Music Lessons
ANDROSCOGGIN COUNTY’S
MUSIC HEADQUARTERS
207-376-3376
33 Dunn Street, Auburn • www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com
Japanese Cuisine
LA’s One & Only True
Hibachi Experience!
in the Main Street Music
Justin has toured/played with
Craving Lucy, Gone for Days,
Lessons parking lot
Digital Summer, Shannon Corey,
12 Stones, Butch Taylor of Dave Matthew’s band,
& Will Thomas Reed.
Win a Natal Arcadia
5-piece drumset
this August!
TO ENTER:
Buy a $10
raffle ticket
and you are
entered to win!
It’s that easy!
Inaugural Scholarship Fundraiser
All raffle ticket proceeds go toward our Main Street
Music Lessons 2020 Scholarship Fund to help
MSML students whose families are in hard times
WELCOME BACK!
We’re so happy to
you!
Now open for
inside and
outside dining!
40 East Ave., Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com
Out ‘n About with
the Auburn Fire
Department
For the retirement of Captain
Eugene “Chip” Keene
Aaron Warner &
Craig Bouchard
Captain
Keene is a fine
man. Definitely one
of the department’s
most extinguished.
John Blanchette
Ready to talk? Contact John at 207-784-9358
• RISK CONSULTING
• BUSINESS ANALYTICS
NFP Insurance is Open For Business!
We are only a phone call or email away, providing
the essential insurance protection you need for
your home, auto, and business.
• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE
• CLAIMS SUPPORT
www.nfp.com
Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.
(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.
Our office is currently closed to the public in accordance
with the executive order put forth by the Governor.
• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT
•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS
They say good, honest work never did anybody any harm,
but I don’t want even the slightest risk.
Matt Fifield
Deputy Chief
Mike Schadtle
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 33

25 Fern Street
Turner, Maine 04282
(207) 225-5012
www.dickautobody.com
CALL THE PROS
COMPLETE
MECHANICAL REPAIR
I’ll have her
back on the road in
no time!
A/C got you down? We can take care of that!
ATHLETE DEVELOPMENT
Call or visit us
online today!
875 Court Street, Auburn
207-577-5979
www.prime360training.com
FULL COLOR & B/W printing & copying
Posters • Booklets • Carbonless forms
Envelopes • Business Cards & More!
60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com
Do You or Your Parents Need Help
Moving or Organizing?
Overwhelmed by
clutter?
Facing a daunting
relocation?
Specializing in Senior Downsizing, Home Staging, Interior Design
WEBSITES THAT WORK
Design. Build. Brand. Market.
AS SEEN IN LA METRO MAGAZINE!
207-200-6507 • refresh207.com
Scuba Class
For the entire
family.
805 Main Street Lewiston 784-7300
Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise skindiversparadise.com
www.MaineWeb.co
Unlimited Wash Combos
Combo #2
24 .95
$
24 per
Combo #3
includes:
.95
month
.95
$ 29 .95
per month
exterior wash,
underbody, &
poly sealant
includes: exterior
wash, underbody,
rust inhibitor, wheel
brite, tire shine, &
wax
7 Lincoln St. Lewiston
207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
34 August 2020 783-7039
I don’t read instructions. I just press buttons until it does what I want.

CALL THE PROS
Hopefully
Located in the
building behind
Dad’s Place
Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm
(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)
LYAF BINGO
Pleasant Street Bingo Hall • 475 Pleasant St., Lewiston
777-1394
Thursday & Friday @ 6:30p
Saturday & Sunday @6:00p
Join us for some
affordable fun!
$10 for up to 48 cards
Games pay out $50-$100
Be Beautiful
Feel good about it.
REDEMPTION CENTER
6
(must present coupon at Redemption
¢
on all 5¢ returns
with this coupon.
Center prior to counting)
UAD exp. 8.31.20
with us!
12 MOLLISON WAY, 12 Mollison LEWISTON Way, Lewiston | 783-0336
Team
Kennagh
Shelley Kennagh
Book your banquet
FINE LINE GUN SHOP
Guns • Ammo • Supplies
207-998-2374
finelinegun@aol.com
NMLS 1820
Offering
curbside by
appointment!
(207) 890-4942
207-784-2545
26 Nickerson Ave, Auburn
(behind Great Falls Credit Union)
Contact me for all of your home loan needs!
Shawn Gagnon
207-754-0281
Auburn
Aerial photography &
Video for Real Estate
bluelineaerialmedia.com
BLACKIE’S
FARM FRESH PRODUCE
CURBSIDE PICKUP
• 7 DAYS A WEEK •
966 Minot Ave, Auburn • 786-0005
Open Year Round • Hours 6am-7pm
A keychain is a device which enables you to lose all keys at once.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 35

CALL THE PROS
Vehicle air conditioning got you down?
WE CAN HELP!
Office & Light Industrial Cleaning
SOCIAL DISTANCE - GO FISHING
Mike Magretto
Veteran Owned & Operated 207-530-8890
EmeraldJanitorialServices.com
DANA’S TRACTOR WORKS
Dana Goding
Rototilling • Bush hogging
Grading
Gravel • Loam • Stone • Mulch
FREE ESTIMATES
782-4081
Email: dgoding@myfairpoint.net
144 East Avenue, Lewiston
Complete Auto Care
207-782-1125
berubesautocare.com
Your nonprofit, trusted source for information
We salute our staff and volunteers
as we continue to offer services,
educational programs,
and Meals on Wheels delivery!
seniorsplus.org • 1-800-427-1241
Coach Terry’s
REDEMPTION CENTER
The friendly redemption center
Closed for Vacation September 6th & 7th
Open daily
8am to 4pm
207-225-2008
8 Tidswell Road
Turner
We get down & dirty
so you don’t have to!
FARRELL
ENTERPRISES
BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED
Taking the necessary
precautions for your
safety and ours!
Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!
Fully Insured
Michael Farrell
207-576-2501
Out ‘n About in the Digest Archives...
Blasts from our 25 year past!
Mike Farrell
Farrell Enterprises
2007
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
36 August 2020 783-7039
I have a motivational problem, but only until I reach the point of
having a deadline problem.

733 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
207-777-7200
www.thriftycarmart.com
CALL THE PROS
THRIFTY CAR MART
With sincere
appreciation to all
of our customers.
August specials
& top money for
your trade in!
11am - 11pm, 7 days a week!
68 Main Street, Auburn
(207) 376-2739
Open for both indoor and outdoor dining!
( B R E W )
RON’S
YOUR FULL SERVICE REPAIR FACILITY
OIL CHANGES • SHOCKS • STRUTS • INSPECTIONS
515 Gardiner Rd. Wales
Call us
today!
Ron Charpentier, Jr.
owner
375-4924
the Shear Elegance salon
Services for men, women, & children
Come experience the
Shear Elegance
difference!
207-358-8109
$
5off
any color
service
Exp 8/31/2020
Book your
appointment
online today!
We are currently not taking
walk-in appointments
As we follow the
Maine CDC guidelines, we
ask that all clients wear a mask.
auburn mall • www.theshearelegancesalon.com
WE’RE OPEN AT HEIDI’S!
Locally owned and
operated, serving our
community for 13 years!
Dine Inside or on
Our Patio!
ORDER IN-PERSON, BY PHONE,OR ONLINE AT:
HEIDISBROOKLYNDELIME.COM
600 Turner St., Auburn • 784-3434 OR 415 Philbrook Ave. S. Portland • 773-4800
The worst thing about parallel parking are the eyewitnesses.
Moment to
Shine
Submitted by Jimbo
Stephanie and Tyla are
chatting in the office
one morning.
“Low maintenance
women like us are having
their moment right
now. We don’t have
nails to file and paint,
roots to dye, eyelashes
to re-mink, and are
thrilled not to have to
get dressed up fancy
every day,” Stephanie
quips.
Tyla agrees, “I have
been training for this
moment my entire life!”
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 37

Honeymoon
Toast
Submitted by Jimbo
One of my daughter’s
wedding presents was
a toaster oven. Soon
after the honeymoon,
she and her husband
tried it out. Almost
immediately, smoke
billowed out of the
toaster.
“Get the owner’s manual!”
my daughter’s
husband shouted.
“I can’t find it anywhere!”
cried my
daughter a short time
later.
“Oops!” came a voice
from the kitchen. “Well,
the toast is fine, but
the owner’s manual’s
burned to a crisp.”
Aye Matey!
Submitted by Steve Simard
A pirate goes to a
dermatologist, worried
that the moles on
his back might be
cancerous.
I got thrown out of the pet store when I asked the cashier how long
before the seed I was buying would grow a bird?
Monday-Wednesday: 11am - 7pm
Thursday-Saturday: 11am - 8pm
Sunday: 11am - 5pm
207-782-2135 Auburn Mall
DAILY SPECIALS
MONDAY
75¢ Wings
Cheeseburger Special $6.99
25oz domestic drafts $3.50
TUESDAY
75¢ Wings
Thatcher’s Burger $7.99
25oz domestic drafts $3.50
WEDNESDAY
3 Beef Tacos $5.99
Thatcher’s Burrito $6.99
Well Margaritas $5 • Coronas $3
THURSDAY
Stuffed Peppers $7.99
Buffalo Chicken Salad $10.99
All Microbrews $4.00
FRIDAY
Fish & Chips $11.99
Teriyaki Tips w/mashed $12.99
SATURDAY
Fried Scallops $13.00
2 Hot Dogs w/fries $5.99
Miller Lite Bottles $2.50
SUNDAY
12” Cheese Pizza $6.99
Bloody Mary’s $5
Bud Light Drafts $2
Remember dad jokes are important. They are a vital part of pop culture.
The Fortin Group
Proudly serving the communities of Lewiston and Auburn
for over one hundred years.
The doctor inspects
them and says, “It’s
okay, they’re benign.”
The pirate replied,
“Check ‘em again
matey, I think there be
at least ten!”
217 Turner Street
Auburn
207-783-8545
70 Horton Street
Lewiston
207-784-4584
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
38 August 2020 783-7039
Why can your car insurance rate go up for reckless driving
but not down for wreckless driving?

What a crazy day! First, I found a hat full of money and
then I got chased by some guy with a guitar.
TAKE THE PLUNGE
ABOVE GROUND POOL INSTALLATION
IN-HOUSE REPAIR & MAINTENANCE
ON-SITE WATER ANALYSIS
TOTAL POOL & PATIO RENOVATIONS
COMMERCIAL SERVICES
ECO-FRIENDLY PRODUCTS
FULL POOL & SPA SUPPLIES
COMPLETE CHEMICAL INVENTORY
LIKE US
Out ‘n About with
the Auburn Fire
Department
For the retirement of Captain
Eugene “Chip” Keene
Did you know
that Auburn has
64 full-time firefighters/EMTs/Paramedics
who respond to approximately
5,000 fire,
EMS and emergency
calls annually?
www.abcpools.com
207-783-0858
1975 Lisbon Rd, Lewiston
I have a condition that stops me from dieting. It’s called hunger.
Hot Water Heater Need Replacing?
ACT NOW!
Efficiency Maine Rebate
is a limited time offer.
Don’t miss out!
CALL MIKE TODAY!
207-754-4556
Robert Chase
Chief
I call dibs
on anything Captain
Keene may have
left in the
refrigerator!
Consider an
energy efficient
Bradford White
Heat Pump Hot
Water Heater
Final Cost after
discounts and rebates:
249 .00*
$
249
*Plus taxes, parts, & labor
Mike@upwi.net
Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas
Residential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency Service
Mike Scott
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 39

Thinking
Outside the
Boxes
Submitted by Jimbo
Tim goes to see Jimbo
in his office.
“Jimbo,” he says,
“we’re doing some
heavy house-cleaning
at home tomorrow, and
Vickie needs me to
help with the attic and
the garage, moving
and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed,
Tim,” Jimbo replies. “I
can’t give you the day
off.”
Start your
day right
with a
great
breakfast!
I went to the stores to get six cans of Sprite, but I picked 7Up instead.
BREAKFAST SPECIALS
includes coffee or small beverage
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
SUNDAY
$6.95
2 eggs, sausage, home fries & toast
2 eggs, corned beef hash & toast
3 blueberry pancakes
French Toast
2 item omelet & toast
2 golden pancakes & sausage
French Crepes
Fresh Steak Cut & Ground Daily! You won’t go hungry at
5 Washington St. Auburn
Mon. - Fri. 5am - 8pm
Sat. & Sun. 6am - 8pm
783-4304
Phone orders are welcome
$
1 OFF
any purchase
of $ 6 .00 or more
1 coupon per order
Please, no reproduction
of coupons
expires 8.31.20
“Thanks, Jimbo,” says
Rucker, “I knew I could
count on you!”
We’re Open!
Serving LA for more than 30 Years!
Higher
Education
Submitted by Tyla Davis
SCHOOL:
2 + 2 = 4.
HOMEWORK:
2 + 4 + 2 = 8.
EXAM:
John has 4 apples, his
train is 7 minutes early,
calculate the sun’s
mass.
Steve Grenier and Arthur Melendy of Main
Street Music Lessons announced that Matt
Konrad, will be added to their team as an
instructor.
Matt will teach voice, piano, guitar, and
violin at Main Street Music Lessons. He
studied at Berklee College of Music and currently
is the Music Director at St. Dominic
Academy in Auburn. He has a
Cruisin' for a Cure
Poker run to benefit the fight against childhood cancer
DONATION: $25 PER
RIDER OR $35 WITH
PASSENGER
Main Street Music Lessons hires instructor
diverse musical background which includes classical, musical theater,
jazz, and rock experience. Matt tailors each lesson to the students needs
and musical interests, and loves incorporating music technology to make
lessons fun and engaging.
Main Street Music Lessons is a service-based business, providing a
valuable supplement to public music education, and seek to broaden and
enrich the lives of their students and the community at large.
They are located at 33 Dunn Street in Auburn. See their ad on page 33.
Saturday, September 19th
9am-1pm
9am - Registration at L-A Harley Davidson
10am - Kickstands up! Ride at your own pace.
1pm - Finish at The Pit Bar & Grill forgreat food, drinks, prizes, & more!
CONTACT BRIAN CASALINOVA FOR MORE INFO
BRIAN.CASALINOVA@CANCER.ORG 207-402-1183
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
40 August 2020 783-7039
Nothing tops a plain pizza.

You know you’re a bad driver when your GPS tells you, “In 50 feet, stop and let me out!”
Celebrating
ONE YEAR
Out ‘n About in
the Digest
Archives
Blasts from our 25 year past!
I’m still
waiting for the
first person to come
in to get the Uncle
Andy’s Digest logo
tattooed!
at The Hairem
A big
THANK YOU
to all my loyal clients
for their continued
patronage
– Jane Kyllonen
Frank Morgan
Captain Morgan’s
Tattooz - 2008
Mike Adkins
Smile Again Dentures
- 2009
(207) 782-4104
When farmers want to party they turnip the beet.
Gary Hemenway
Payroll Management
2010
Uncle Andy’s Digest
...with
Jimbo
August 2020 UncleAndys.com 41

Out ‘n About at
Uncle Andy’s
Digest
World Headquarters
Happy 25
years Uncle Andy’s
Digest! I love being part
of this team!
Whenever Tyla says, “I was thinking...”
that means Keith either has to move, build, paint, or buy something.
HOPE IS ESSENTIAL
Children with critical illnesses are waiting.
Wishes are still happening.
So our event is still on.
This year will have a big asterisk next to it. We’re in hopes they have
relaxed the guidelines by then and we can have more than 50 people
attend, but if not we have a plan for that, too. Stay tuned...
Steve Simard
Sales & Marketing
I do,
too! Though it’s
not always easy
being the chaos coordinator
for this
motley crew!
Stephanie
Arsenault
Bookkeeper & Office
Coordinator
NEW
DATE!
Saturday, October 3, 2020
4:00 - 8:00pm
NEW
DATE!
Yeah, try
being the deadline
enforcer! Just kidding
Tim, Steve, & Jimbo...
sort of!
Sponsorships
available!
to benefit
hosted by
Auction items
wanted!
OUR AMAZING SPONSORS!
Tyla Davis
Editor
DeBlois Electric, Inc.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
42 August 2020 783-7039
I asked my wife for a bite of her lobster and she said, “No.”
How shellfish of her!

YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!
Heavy duty pickup ...... $149.95
Full size van .......... $149.95
RUST PROTECTION Pricing Policy
Any car .............. $129.95 2 door pickup . ......... $139.95
Mini van ............. $139.95 X-large SUV . .......... $149.95
Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $139.95 3 & 4 door pickup ....... $149.95
Plus applicable taxes
23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100
It’s NEVER too late
to rustproof your vehicle!
the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
44 August 2020 783-7039
UncleAndysDigest.com
Jimbo
207-224-0138
M-F 10a-7p, Sat. 9a-3p
11 Conant Road, Turner
(Across from Terry & Maxine’s)
CURBSIDE
TO GO &
DELIVERY
AVAILABLE
CALL FOR INFO
“Whether you think you can or think you can’t... you’re right.” —Henry Ford
Schedule your
appointment with
Dr. Che n
today!
207-783-1351
844-DOC-CHEN
730 Center St. Auburn (Big Lots) Plaza
auburnfamilydental.me