Kid Talk Flipbook For Review 05.10

It is best that your child hears the truth from you and knows questions and discussion are
always welcome. Use clear, simple language as much as possible to tell the story, then
wait for the questions. The story will most likely be revealed in several small moments
over time, such as driving in the car or bedtime. Expect repetition. It will probably take
multiple reviews.
Remember ‘normal’ to grief is not ordinary normal. Everyone in the family is adjusting to
a new normal. No one is the exact same person they were before the death. Consistency
with the basics – mealtimes, bedtime and general ground rules of courtesy – provides
some stability and continuity. Of course, this is easier said than done. It may be
appropriate to have a friend or relative in the home who can help with this.
Kids remain kids, even when their hearts are broken. They do not sustain pain as long as
adults can. They may be sobbing one minute and asking to go outside and play the next.
Those short “teachable” moments are when we want to be a caring presence for a child.
Again, this is not easy if you yourself are grieving. It helps to remember a child will grieve
in small increments over time. His grief will recycle with sights, sounds, smells, and special
occasions, just like an adult’s. Additionally, he or she will undoubtedly recycle their grief
in their teen years when their abstract thinking matures. The stories and memories will
need to be revisited and made sense of. It is most helpful to have a memory book to
trigger the buried emotions and grief responses. The more we can help a child express
their grief in childhood, the less likely he or she will be to experience depression, rebellion,
and risk-taking behaviors as a teen, known consequences of unresolved childhood grief.
Is your child’s grief normal? Probably so. Extreme changes lasting over an extended
period would be a flashing yellow light. Seek professional evaluation. Most “normal”
grief responds to the support received from a children’s grief group. Children may
instinctively not want to add to their adult’s emotional pain, so they do not talk. In a
group they meet other kids who “get it.” They learn they are not alone in experiencing
the intense feelings and changes in themselves. They have repeated opportunities to
express their feelings – good and bad – and tell their story. They overcome their fear of
and resistance to the grieving process itself. They learn what they can do to help
themselves feel better. At Kid Talk, we call it griefwork.
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