Kid Talk Flipbook For Review 05.10

to find ways to express it or make it visible. This is memorializing. It is healthy griefwork.
It is natural to worry about who else might die or even think about our own death. Make
sure the children have recorded their own feelings on Our Story p. 23. Review the “Grief
Tips for Kids and Teens” handout, naming things that we can do to feel better e.g.
“griefwork.” Each child names a “griefwork” activity or a “stress management choice”
and then squirts bleach into the vase. (Use your judgement re: the maturity of your group
to decide if the children can squirt the bleach or a leader should do it. Safety is
imperative.) Note: Grief is a form of stress, so stress management techniques – like deep
breathing – help. However, “griefwork” is very specific to the stress of grief. It is also
mourning behavior. After a lot of “griefwork” squirts of bleach, the dark water begins to
lighten up. It will never get totally clear; just like we will never be the same after someone
important to us dies. The water will become a pale yellow. If we leave it for a week, it
will lighten up a little more demonstrating how time does help but time alone does not
heal.
This is important to understand. We, kids, and adults alike, want to intentionally choose
to do the work of grief in order to feel better and help ourselves move forward through
the grieving process.
Toilet Bowl Love: OS p. 25. People say and do things that hurt us, especially when we
are extra sensitive because of our grief. What happens to a toilet that is not flushed? It
gets yucky. So, do we - if we cannot let go of our pain and anger. Forgiveness is an
important component of healing our grief. With God’s help we can flush away hurtful
words and actions as many times as necessary. We don’t forget like God does. We need
to flush again every time the hurt comes back. The good news is, we can. Give examples
of hurtful things that have been said or done that may hurt such as, “I know just how you
feel, my dog died.” or “Your grandpa was old. Who cares?” Ask children to share. They
can pass around the mechanical toilet that flushes, if you have one. Have them write on
the lines going into the toilet what they are choosing to flush. We can always go into the
bathroom speak into the real toilet and flush what needs to go. It will help us let go of
the hurt, anger, and potential bitterness.
Persian Petition for Reconciliation: this is a good prayer to read together out loud
after discussing guilt. Guilt is inherent in the grieving process for adults and especially for
children who are prone to magical thinking. Guilt might be framed by thoughts that begin
with, “If only……, I should have, could have, would have…...” Our head and our heart may
not be in sync. We may cognitively know that we did our best at the time, in the
circumstances, with what we knew, but our hearts say, “Yes, but if only….” Magical
thinking makes this even more complicated.
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