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Remember<br />
to turn that<br />
wonderful<br />
attention that you<br />
give to everyone else<br />
towards yourself<br />
with the same relative who<br />
annoys you every year.<br />
Expectations can set you up<br />
for disappointment, so try to<br />
re-frame them as preferences.<br />
Instead of: “I expect to have a<br />
phone call with my father on<br />
Christmas Day” it becomes:<br />
“I would prefer it if I had a<br />
telephone call with my father on<br />
Christmas Day.”<br />
Ask for help<br />
You may be used to helping<br />
others, and yet feel you shouldn’t<br />
have any needs, or that no one<br />
wants to help. Most people do<br />
want to help, but they may worry<br />
that they’re interfering if they<br />
offer, or figure that you will ask<br />
if you need help. Remember<br />
that other people can’t read your<br />
mind, and if you need help,<br />
please ask for it. There is a good<br />
chance you will get the help you<br />
need, and you won’t feel resentful<br />
about having to do it all on your<br />
own afterwards.<br />
Put self-care at the<br />
top of your list<br />
Remember to turn that<br />
wonderful attention you give to<br />
everyone else towards yourself,<br />
and to ask yourself every day:<br />
‘What do I need?’ Then, make<br />
sure you meet that need. It could<br />
be rest, chatting with a friend,<br />
going to bed on time, and so on.<br />
This will help you to avoid<br />
running on empty, and will<br />
instead mean that when you do<br />
give to others, it will be from a<br />
place of fulfilment.<br />
Take the good<br />
and leave the rest<br />
Enjoy your favourite<br />
Christmas show that leaves<br />
you feeling warm and fuzzy<br />
inside. Even if the parsnips<br />
are burnt, take pleasure in<br />
the rest of the meal.<br />
Maybe your family is<br />
dysfunctional. You can still<br />
feel touched by the conversation<br />
you had with your mother about<br />
her life growing up. You can still<br />
enjoy witnessing your nephew<br />
learning to walk.<br />
You can look out at the sky, the<br />
clouds, the stars. They are always<br />
there for you. Sure, some things<br />
won’t go to plan. But you can still<br />
take the good from it all, and<br />
leave the rest.<br />
Helen Snape is a qualified coach,<br />
mediator, and mentor. Get in touch with<br />
her through lifecoach-directory.org.uk<br />
happiful.com | 45
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