Happiful December 2020

Claire Munnings is a health and wellbeing journalist.
She enjoys writing about how we can live more
mindfully and be kind to ourselves.
Emma agrees. “The key here
is to not get sucked into the
covertness of this behaviour,”
she says. “You need to name it
for what it is – aggression. This
can be a hard step, because often
denial is easier than challenging
something head on, and change
can be uncomfortable.”
Passive aggression can take
many forms, and you may
not be fully aware you’ve
been experiencing it. But, if
something feels hurtful or
someone is being deliberately
awkward, it’s likely that they’re
being passive aggressive – even
if they don’t realise it.
It’s the passive nature of the
aggression that means it can be
so convert it’s hard to identify
• Consider what is driving the
aggression: While there are
not necessarily excuses for
this behaviour, understanding
its triggers can be useful.
“Many people who display
passive aggressive traits are
uncomfortable having difficult
conversations, or believe
that sharing emotion is to
be avoided,” explains Ruth.
“Equally, some people are more
likely to display this behaviour
as they may view passive
aggression as more sociallyacceptable
than direct anger.”
Deep-rooted emotions and
long-held views can have an
impact, too. “Some people
may have simply not learned
how to communicate directly,
openly and honestly about
their feelings,” Emma says.
“They may also have a low
sense of self-worth, driven by
wounds and beliefs developed
in childhood or adulthood, that
means they resort to this type
of behaviour to gain a sense
of power,” she adds. It may be
the case that they feel simply
unhappy in a certain situation,
or underappreciated, too.
• Talk about it: “Once you’ve
identified that someone is
displaying passive aggression,
it’s time to address it in a
non-confrontational way by
recognising this behaviour,
and giving them an option to
talk about their emotions,”
recommends Ruth. Employing
different communication
strategies can be useful, and
it’s important to prepare for
these conversations properly.
How you broach the subject
will depend on a lot of different
factors – who the person is,
your relationship, the type
of behaviour you’ve been
experiencing, and the length of
time it’s been happening.
Emma recommends trying a
four-step process that involves
explaining your observations
without judgment, expressing
your feelings calmly, clarifying
your needs, and then conveying
specific requests based on
these points. “At the more
extreme end, where this passive
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