Unveiling a fragile spirituality: Experiences of connectedness in pediatric palliative care

The importance of parental connectedness 79
Personal interaction was also reflected in the sharing of emotions, like crying together.
Parents remembered the doctor’s tear that dropped onto their dying son (N8). Also
physical contact with doctors or nurses had been very comforting (N13).
One mother started her narrative with: “I embraced the doctor who led my son’s resuscitation.”
N10.”So you then see people who are doctors but also humans. Because you
have to deliver a peak performance… You could see those emotions from
their eyes. And you could see emotional release when everything was under
control again. You just could tell from the body, you heard it, you felt it, you
smelled it. From all these nurses who were standing there but also for example
from the doctor as professional, who had to do her job. And I still remember
that I asked her: ‘Can I just hug you?’ I had to let it go. Says she: ‘of course’.
And then we held each other for a moment and then moved apart. Because
something was bleeping again, she had to go somewhere else again.”
The caring attitude of physicians and nurses towards parents whose child was admitted
for a long time made them feel at home. Doctors, but most of all nurses, were like
friends and family; some parents even felt the PICU staff understood them better than
did relatives and friends. With regard to the importance of connectedness to health care
professionals there was no difference between the experiences of parents dealing with
ECMO or resuscitation and parents who did not have that experience. Also, there were
no striking differences between the data generated from single parents compared to
the data from the couples.
DISCUSSION
The personal narratives of parents whose children died in our PICU testify to the value
of feeling connected to the doctors and nurses throughout their hardships. It was the
personal contact that helped them bear the feelings of alienation, solitude, despair, and
disconnectedness to their child. Some of these experiences of alienation are reminiscent
of the psychological process of dissociation.
Several articles on existential suffering make clear that loneliness, fundamental aloneness,
is one of the basic existential challenges (Kissane, 2012; Sand & Strang, 2006). The
presence of others, a sense of being connected is therefore needed.(Boston et al., 2011)