Uncle Andy's Digest December 2021

UNCLE

ANDY’S

GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.

Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service

DIGEST

There is

always something

to be thankful

for... we’re thank-

SINCE

ful for you!

DAILY, WEEKLY, &

MONTHLY RENTALS

AVAILABLE!

Call Ryan Kennard

207-346-0279

DECEMBER

2021

1996

Whited Equipment Co. is your

New Factory Authorized Hyundai

Construction Equipment dealer

for Central & Southern Maine.

New & used available!

whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn

207-782-7113

Get Your FREE

Quote Today!

31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com

120 Center Street, Auburn

207-241-2356

Maine Mall, South Portland

207-274-2539

123 Main St, Freeport

207-885-0900

449 Forest Ave, Portland

207-221-2363

Crystals, Metaphysical, Holistic Gifts, & MORE!

Tarot, Akashic Records, Reiki, Psychic & Medium Services

www.bridge2heavenhealing.com | www.leapinlizards.biz

Uncle Andy’s Digest

Dec. 2021 UncleAndys.com

...with

Jimbo

1

Santa sold his place on the North Pole and bought a large piece of property in Texas for him and his reindeer.

Now he’s a Jolly Rancher!

Ask about our

Referral Bonus

program!

207.712.2765 • www.deepcleanjs.com

PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY

Excellence in commercial cleaning &

janitorial services when you choose

Deep Clean Janitorial Services

Commercial/Office

Construction Sites

Apartment Turnovers

Floors/Tile/Carpets

Call for a

free quote!

We’ll pay YOU when

they hire us.

Call for details!

Order Online For Fastest Service

Sunset Mintz

Zkittlez

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Find Us:

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Live Resin

Super Snow Brunch

Shatter

Grapes & Cream

Hash Rosin

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www.vert.delivery

Open Every Day

11 am - 6 pm

We Offer Medical Delivery to:

Turner, Lewiston, Auburn,

Greene, Livermore, Livermore

Falls, Leeds, Sabattus, & Wales

Strawberry Cream Grape Pie Tropicana Kush #8

Flower - Live Resin - Shatter - Cured Badder - Hash Rosin

Ice Water Hash - Prerolls - Live Resin Carts

*Free Preroll For All First Time Patients

The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.

The pharmacist asked for my birthday again. Pretty sure she’s gonna get me something.

MODERN WOODMEN

OF AMERICA

DECEMBER 2021

ACTIVITIES

Roy’s Breakfast

Tuesday, December 7th

7:00-10:00am

5 Washington St, Auburn

Members: $5 Guests: $6.

Purchase Tickets:

12-01-2021 (9-11am &

1-3pm)

KP’s Place

Thursday, December 9th

4:00-7:00pm

245 Center St, Auburn

Members: $7.50

Guests: $8.50

Purchase Tickets:

12-01-2021 (9-11am &

1-3pm)

Reminders:

In order to attend any

activity, you must purchase

tickets at the MWA District

Office at 184 Webster Street

Lewiston, at the designated

time/date. You may only

attend the activity at the

designated date & time only.

Menu is subject to change.

No Add-ons, No Substitutions.

Any questions about

the activity or menu please

call the office.

DO NOT CALL THE

RESTAURANT!!!

Grammar Pants

‍Trousers: An unusual

word.

Singular at the top;

plural at the bottom.

“I’m back from my lobotomy...” he said absentmindedly.



...with

Jimbo

3


is published by the first

Friday of every month by

Maine Mountain Ocean

Group, Inc. with its world

headquarters located at

9 Grove Street, Auburn,

Maine, USA.

Published and distributed

since 1996 throughout

Central Maine and mailed to

subscribers all over the Free

World. Subscriptions are

$36/year.

UncleAndysDigest.com

Office: 207-783-7039

UAD Super Heroes

CAPTAIN

JIMBO

It’s December 26th, 364 days until Christmas and people

already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable!

SMILE AGAIN DENTURES

Call 514-0660 for a Free Consultation!

All work

done on-site.

Repairs usually

same day

service!

801 Webster Street, Lewiston

Smile in

Comfort

BATGIRL

STEPHANIE

Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with

4

SPIDERMAN

RYAN

IRONSIDES

STEVE

While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries

very hard to ensure the accuracy

of the information in our clients’

advertisements and our publication

in general, we are not responsible

for vendor availability, typographical

errors, technical inaccuracies, product

pricing errors, or omissions.

Jimbo

Dec. 2021 783-7039

Joe & Mike

Adkins

Licensed

Denturists

Call us today for:

• Full Dentures

• Immediate Dentures

• Partial Dentures

• Rebases • Relines • Repairs

Like Our Name Implies,

We’ll Make You

SMILE

AGAIN

smileagaindentures@gmail.com SmileAgainDentures.com

I always know when Santa’s nearby. I can sense his presents.

Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas

is to beg for a baby brother.

Wed: 7am-3pm • Thurs: 7am-8pm

Fri: 7am-9pm • Sat: 7am-9pm

Sun: 7am-3pm

Merry

Christmas &

Happy New

Year!

Check out our Daily Specials

like this one:

Fridays: Mini Shore Drive

103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston

207-333-5062 • stationgrillrestaurant.com

Monday - Thursday: 4:00pm-11:00pm

Friday - Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am

HAVE YOUR CHRISTMAS

PARTY HERE!

You can even book it in January. A great place

for Employee Christmas Parties!

Email: mypoolhall@yahoo.com

or call to book your party!

NOW OFFERING BREAKFAST

WEDNESDAY – SUNDAY!

Till 1:00 on Sat. & All Day on Sundays

Download our app

for takeout and delivery!

Scan

here to

see our

menu!

2022

CORN HOLE

TOURNAMENTS

Every Friday Night

starting at 7:00pm

New Years Eve

Cornhole Tournament

$10 per person,

luck of the draw,

with Schemengees

adding $200.

to the pot!

551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston • 207-777-1155 • schemengees.com

On Christmas Eve, Jimbo looked out the window and told his wife,

“It looks like rain, dear.”

Christmas

Carol Trivia

How many can you

figure out?

1. Bleached Yule

2. Castaneous-colored

Seed Vesicated in a

Conflagration

3. Singular Yearning

for the Twin Anterior

Incisors

4. Righteous Darkness

5. Arrival Time 2400

hrs in Cloudless

Weather

6. Loyal Followers

Advance

7. Far Off in a Feeder

8. Array the Corridor

9. Bantam Male

Percussionist

10. Monarchial Triad

11. Nocturnal

Noiselessness

12. Jehovah Deactivate

Blithe Chevaliers

13. Red Man En Route

to Borough

14. Frozen Precipitation

Commence

15. Proceed and

Enlighten on the

Pinnacle

16. The Quadruped

with the Vermillion

Proboscis

17. Query Regarding

Identity of

Descendant

18. Delight for this

Planet

19. Give Attention to

the Melodious Celestial

Beings

20. The Dozen Festive

24 Hour Intervals

Answers on page 7



...with

Jimbo

5

Meandering to a different drummer.

Out ‘n About at The Pub at Baxter

with the Auburn Lewiston Rotary

Celebrating

27 Years

in business

Giving thanks.

I’m so very thankful for my family,

my customers, and my amazing

community. Happy Holidays to

you and yours!

Here to help life go right.®

And now by

special request...

Jody Girl by Bob

Segar.

Jody Boys Band: Jody Alexander & Ric Arietti

Kids and

Technology

Submitted by Jimbo

As a little girl climbed

onto Santa’s lap,

Santa asked the usual

question,

“And what would you

like for Christmas?”

The child stared at him

open mouthed and

horrified for a minute,

then gasped:

DON’T KNOW

WHAT TO DO

NEXT? WE DO. ®

For any disaster,

call ServiceMaster!

“Didn’t you get my

email?”


6

Jimbo

Dec. 2021 783-7039

WATER FIRE MOLD

29 Brickyard Circle,

Auburn

(800) 244-7630

(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com

The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus.

He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.

I would never mess with Santa Claus. He has a black belt.

The Chandler

Funeral

Group

207-743-2561

Dedicated to providing personalized, professional and compassionate

services to help lighten your burden and support you through the

difficult times that follow the loss of a loved one.

Christmas

Carol Trivia

Answers to trivia on page 5

20. The Twelve Days

of Christmas

Lewiston Mechanic Falls Rumford

Other funeral home locations

Bethel ❖ Bridgton ❖ Fryeburg ❖ Oxford ❖ South Paris

Every time we throw a party, she beats me to the punch.

2. Chestnuts

Roasting on an

Open Fire

17. What Child is This?

16. Rudolph, the Rednosed

Reindeer

15. Go, Tell It on the

Mountain

14. Let it Snow

13. Santa Claus is

Coming to Town

3. All I Want for

Christmas is My

Two Front Teeth

4. O Holy Night

5. It Came Upon a

Midnight Clear

6. O Come, All Ye

Faithful

7. Away in a Manger

8. Deck the Halls

9. Little Drummer Boy

10. We Three Kings

11. Silent Night

12. God Rest Ye,

Merry Gentlemen

18. Joy to the World

19. Hark! The Herald

Angels Sing

The first Christmas was pretty simple ... it’s okay if yours is, too.

1. White Christmas



...with

Jimbo

7

Out ‘n About with the

Auburn Lewiston Rotary

Breakfast Group

at The Pub at Baxter for their

annual Pints for Polio event

Logger

Road maybe the

road less traveled,

but Baxter’s version

is outstanding!

Pete Preble

I asked my daughter why her grades were dropping.

She told me that everything gets marked down after Christmas.

Merry Christmas to All!

207-782-2135 • Auburn Mall

Mon. - Wed: 11am - 7pm, Thurs. - Sat: 11am - 8pm, Sun: 11am - 5pm

Sirloin Tips w/teriyaki glaze

Tender beef sirloin, sautéed w/broccoli &

mushrooms in a teriyaki sauce

DAILY SPECIALS

MONDAY

Wings

Cheeseburger Special

Cincinnati Spaghetti

25oz domestic drafts

TUESDAY

Wings

Fried Pickle Basket

Thatcher’s Burger

25oz domestic drafts

WEDNESDAY

3 Beef Tacos

Thatcher’s Burrito

Well Margaritas • Coronas

THURSDAY

Stuffed Peppers

Buffalo Chicken Salad

Microbrews

FRIDAY

Clam Cake Basket

Fish & Chips

Teriyaki Tips w/mashed

SATURDAY

Fried Scallops

2 Hot Dogs w/fries

Miller Lite Bottles

SUNDAY

12" Cheese Pizza

Bloody Mary’s

Domestic Light/Lite Drafts

There’s

Davey, dogging

it!

When you can’t find the sunshine, be the sunshine.

368 Minot Avenue, Auburn

207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com

Cris Hart

We’re

Jammin’ with

some of our favorite

Rotarians. And who

doesn’t like to dog it

once in a while?

Cheers

to the

New Year!

www.MaineSourceRealty.com

333-6001

Dave Foster

Jody’s Boys band & Realtor

Jon

Mercier

Mark

Turner

Toni

Ferraro

Brandon

Caruso

Deb

Morin

Linda

Dupuis

Regina

Ritchie

Dustin

Mallar

Mason

Dupuis

Lindsay

Wright


Jimbo

8 Dec. 2021 783-7039

Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.

HAS IT ALL

Order Your Holiday Platters Today!

Party Platters (finger rolls, Italians, & more!) • Dessert Platters (cookies, whoopie pies, & more!)

Your one-stop shop for:

• Amazing food (eat in or take out)

• Agency liquor store with beer cave

• Lottery tickets

• Redemption center

207-345-5551

23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com

Full serve catering at the

location of your choice.

WE CATER!

Book Your

2022

Events

Now!

DadsPlaceCatering.com

Pick Up/Drop Off

CATERING

Call Dad’s Place Catering Today!

207-345-9009



Breakfast Group



I’m

proud to say that

I’ve been a Rotarian

for 35 years!

The Grinch went to Roopers because he was looking for holiday spirits.

Local Arborist with over

20 Years experience!

√ Difficult Tree

Removals

√ Storm Damage

Clean up

√ Pruning

√ Trimming

√ Chipping

√ Lot Clearing

Call us

TODAY for a

FREE Quote!

Servicing all of Androscoggin & Cumberland counties

Norm & Sue Lamie

Just

a fun lovin’ bunch

of friends who like to

make a difference in

their community!

Out ‘n About at The Pub at Baxter with the Auburn Lewiston Rotary

Diane, Taylor, and Art Chamberlain, & Christos Gianopoulos


10

Nancy & Armand

Richard

I’m the

new kid on the block

as the newest A-L

Rotary member!

Games Nakami &

Delicia Nineza

Jimbo

Dec. 2021 783-7039

Fishermen’s Net Gray

Bringing the Ocean to your Table

Gift Certificates Available

Take out, Dine in, Live Lobster,

& Homemade Goods

207-657-3474

59c Portland Road, Gray

Happy Holidays!

As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716.

Hours:

Mon. 11a-5p

Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p

Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p

Sun. 10a-5p

From our family to yours,

Let us cater your

company party!

We’ll deliver

food to your

Christmas/Holiday

Parties!

We are thankful

to each and every one

of our customers!

We appreciate your

business!

Through the

month of

December,

purchase a

$50 gift card

and get a $10

bonus card

FREE!

1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com


12

Sweet Baby

Jesus

Submitted by Jimbo

The pastor of the

church was looking

over the cradle in the

church’s nativity scene

when he noticed that

the baby Jesus was

missing from among

the figures.

Immediately he turned

and went outside and

saw a little boy with a

red wagon. In the wagon

was the figure of

the little infant, Jesus.

So he walked up to the

boy and said, “Well,

where did you get him,

my fine friend?”

The little boy replied,

“I got him from the

church.”

“And why did you take

him?”

The boy said, “Well,

about a week before

Christmas I prayed to

the little Lord Jesus

and I told him if he

would bring me a red

wagon for Christmas

I would give him a

ride around the block

in it.”

Streetcret

Ingredient

The weatherman describes

this as unseasonable

weather.

Of course its unseasoned

-- that’s why the

city maintenance crew

put salt on it.

Jimbo

Dec. 2021 783-7039

Santa

prefers Roebucks

Angus!

Everybody likes Frosty the Snowman because he is so cool.

JAY 207.754.1558 • SUE 207.754.6558

783 UPPER ST. • TURNER

Sunday-closed; Mon-Fri 12-5:30pm; Sat 9am-4pm

From our family

to yours...

Merry Christmas &

Happy New Year!

Welcome to the SAUSAGE KITCHEN

Old Fashioned, Premium Quality Meat Products Made in Maine

vvv

From our table to yours, The Sausage Kitchen Wishes Everyone

a safe and Happy Holiday Season!

v Ask about our Sausage of the

Month Club & Holiday Food

Platters

v Select Gift Bundles available

v Extended December hours,

please check Facebook

Tell us you saw us in Uncle Andy’s Digest!

ROEBUCKS ANGUS

Gift

Certificates

make great

stocking

stuffers!

36 Main St, Lisbon Falls | 207-353-5503 | thesausagekitchen.com

A broken drum makes a great Christmas gift. You can’t beat it!

ASK ABOUT OUR MEAT

PACKAGES & PLACE YOUR

HOLIDAY ORDERS

INSPECTED

• REGISTERED ANGUS

• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF

• MEAT PACKAGES

My neighbor came over last night with her dinner in her hands. With Facebook

and Instagram being down she wanted me to see what she was having.

MONDAY

Ham Italians

Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99

WEDNESDAY

Chicken Salad

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

FRIDAY

Tuna Italian

Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99

SUNDAY

$2.00 OFF

Any large pizza

MAIN STREET MARKET

2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502

Merry

Christmas &

Happy New

Year!

Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week

We are not crazy! We are awake in an insane world!

Great Rates, Great Service

Auto or ATV Loans • No Score Loans • Call us Today!

Great Falls

Federal Credit Union

HOME OF THE ONE HOUR LOAN!

Call for an appointment

TUESDAY

Small 1-topping Pizza

10" pizza $4.99

THURSDAY

Bowl of Chili

$4.49

SATURDAY

Baked Beans

Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99

Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49

We accept cash, checks,

major credit/debit cards, & EBT

34 Bates St, Lewiston • 782-7192 | 760 Minot Ave., Auburn • 753-0500

www.GreatFallsfcu.com

B.L.T.

Sm. $2.99

Lg. $4.99

Breakfast Sandwiches $2.29

Hash browns 2/$1.59

Coffee all sizes $0.99

“Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love

to those who need it most.” – Ruth Carter Stapleton

Second

Time?

Submitted by Jimbo

A mother took her

daughter to the doctor

and asked him to give

her an examination to

determine the cause

of the daughter’s very

swollen abdomen.

It only took the doctor

about 2 seconds to

say, “Gimme a break,

lady! Your daughter is

pregnant!”

The mother turn red

with fury, and she

argued with the doctor

that *her* daughter

was a good girl, and

would *never* compromise

her reputation by

having sex with a boy.

The doctor faced the

window and silently

watched the horizon.

The mother became

enraged and

screamed, “Quit

looking out the window!

Aren’t you paying

attention to me?”

“Yes, of course I am

paying attention,

ma’am. It’s just that

the last time this

happened, a star

appeared in the east,

and three wise men

came. I was hoping

they’d show up again,

and help me figure out

who got your daughter

pregnant!”



...with

Jimbo

13



Breakfast Group



I’d say retirement

looks pretty

good on us!

“Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.”

– Hamilton Wright Mabi

THE CHAMPOUX GROUP

CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS

I N S U R A N C E

...Your Security is Our Concern!

Home

Auto

Business

and more!

We’ve Got You Covered

Bill & Carmen Hunter

We love how

our Rotary

supports and

thinks local!

Locally Owned & Operated

150 East Ave. Lewiston 207-783-2246 • 888-983-2246

Humility is not thinking less of yourself it’s thinking of yourself less.

Stephanie, a senior at Mt. Olive College in

Mt. Olive, NC, stands in front of one of the

murals at Mt. Olive Pickle Company.

Ed & Kathleen

Cormier

We came

all the way from our

Rotary in Oxford Hills

to have a pint!

She is on a golf scholarship and will be

graduating from Mt. Olive College in the

Spring 2022.

Stephanie may not quite be a semi-pro

golfer... yet. But Jimbo has played golf with

her and calls them like he sees them!


14

George & Patty

Rice

Oxford Hills Rotary

Jimbo

Dec. 2021 783-7039

STEPHANIE RODRIGUE

Semi-pro golfer from Lewiston

She said she missed me. Normally that would be good, but she was reloading!

My wife wanted to go on a trip to someplace she’s never been for Christmas, so I told her

to try the kitchen.

Out ‘n About at the

Riverwalk Brews ‘n

Blues Festival

in Anniversary Park in Auburn

Photos by Michael Krapovicky

Hey Ken,

why did you leave

your step ladder in

the middle of the

road?

Charlie Bradbury

Your secret is

safe with me!

Top Secret

Shhh... don’t tell anyone

David Engel

Just took a shower. You have no idea how hard it was to sneak that thing

out of Home Depot. (Ron Morin)



...with

Jimbo

15

Hey Siri

Submitted by Steve Simard

I asked Siri: “Why are

firetrucks red?”

Here’s her interpretation:

Because they

have eight wheels

and four people on

them, and four plus

eight equals 12, and

there are 12 inches

in a foot and one foot

is a ruler, and Queen

Elizabeth was a ruler,

and Queen Elizabeth

was also a ship, and

the ship sailed the

seas, and in the seas

are fish, and fish have

fins, and Finns fought

the Russians, and the

Russians are red, and

fire trucks are always

‘russian’ around.

Only Robinson Crusoe had everything done by Friday.

Wishing Everyone a Joyous

Holiday Season!

Quoting with NFP Insurance

may mean extra money

for your holidays! Let

NFP Insurance keep you

Ready John Blanchette

to talk? Contact safe and happy John this at 207-784-9358

holiday season!

www.nfp.com

Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.

(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.

Happy

Holidays

Contact John

at 207-784-9358


Spin the

Bottle


We used to play spin

the bottle when I was

a kid, a girl would

spin the bottle and if

the bottle pointed to

you when it stopped,

the girl could either

kiss you or give you a

nickel.

By the time I was 14, I

owned my own house.


16

Jimbo

Dec. 2021 783-7039

Jody Boys

Cris Hart, Jody Alexander, Dave Foster, and Ray Lacombe Not shown: Ric Arietti

PROTECT Your Business.

PROTECT Yourself.

We are Maine’s largest

resource for background

searches

207-783-0000783-0000

corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com

I asked my kid what he wanted for Christmas, he told me a BB gun.

He gave me a sweater with a bull’s-eye on the back.

STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.

•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•

Community Supported Brewing

Shares

now on sale!

Elvis & Jesus

Submitted by Jimbo

Jesus preached “Love

Thy Neighbor.”

Elvis sang “Don’t be

cruel.”

Jesus was part of a

trinity.

Elvis’ first band was a

trio.

Jesus was a carpenter.

Elvis majored in wood

shop.

1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN

207.689.3030

/SIDEBYEACHBREWING

WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM

* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR SUMMER HOURS


A Pint

for Polio... if

I must!

Representing the Lewiston Rotary Group:

Andrew James, Katie Grant, Joanne Bollinger, Laurel Grant, Giselle St. Amand,

Don Grant, Christine Wilson, Todd Goodwin, & Erin Melissa.

Jesus lived in a

state of grace in a

near-eastern land.

Elvis lived in

Graceland in a nearly

eastern state.

Jesus’ entourage,

the Disciples, had 12

members.

Elvis’ entourage, the

Memphis Mafia, had

12 members.

Jesus came back from

the dead.

Elvis had the famous

1968 comeback

special.

Jesus fasted for 40

days and nights.

Elvis had peculiar eating

habits.

We are Looking for

Licensed Electricians

Apply

Within

“Jesus’ countenance

was like lightning, and

his raiment white as

snow.” (Matthew 28:3)

Elvis’ trademarks were

a lightning bolt and a

snow white jumpsuit.

Jesus’ father is everywhere.

Elvis’ father, Vernon,

was a drifter and

moved around a lot.

RoySnow.com

207.782.3734

Serving Maine since 1947

11 Library Ave.

Auburn

Jesus made rocks roll

away from his tomb.

Elvis sang rock ‘n roll.

Santa’s elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.



...with

Jimbo

17

Now

Hiring

Out ‘n About at the

Riverwalk Brews ‘n

Blues Festival

in Anniversary Park in Auburn

Photos by Michael Krapovicky

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

• Licensed

Plumbers

• Oil Tech

Be sure to ask about NO

on-call / weekends!

• Gas Tech

• HVAC Techs

CONTACT MIKE TODAY! 207-754-4556

Mike@upwi.net

Shelly Coombs

United Piping

Plumbing & Heating • Oil • Gas

Residential • Commercial / 24 hour Emergency Service

Veteran friendly employer

What is the best Christmas present ever for a kid? A broken drum.

Steve Kaulback

Us old guys

gotta take a break

once in a while!

COME JOIN OUR TEAM!

You’ll be glad you did!

We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals

Neil Conant


Jimbo

18 Dec. 2021 783-7039

To apply:

www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202

Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said “I don’t know about you

but I can smell carrots!”

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES

Santa

always gets his

appliances at A1 LA

Used Appliance!

Now

Hiring

Brain

Transplant


A man is laying in the

hospital, waiting to be

the first person in history

to receive a brain

transplant.

We’re Hiring Delivery Drivers - we offer Aflac.

Please be patient with us as we are short-staffed

10 Memorial Street, Lisbon • 207-241-0270 • www.a1lausedappliance.com

Hours: Closed Sun, Mon, Tues; Wed-Sat 9:00am-5:00pm

Merry Christmas &

Happy New Year!

According to my kids’ Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.

PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!

We are seeking experienced service technicians to join our team!

PLEASE CALL

207-777-5600

A doctor comes in and

says “Congratulations!

Unfortunately since

this is a new procedure

your insurance isn’t

going to cover it all. So

we’re going to give you

3 choices for brains

and you can decide

which you can afford.”

The man says to the

doctor “Okay, what are

they?”

The doctor says “Well,

first there’s engineer

brain, that’s $100 an

ounce. Then there’s

astrophysicist brain,

that’ll cost you $200 an

ounce. Finally, there’s

politician brain. That’s

the most expensive at

$1,000 an ounce.”

24 Hour

Service

Fully Insured

Air Conditioning & Heating

235 N. River Road, Auburn

207-777-5600

www.pro-techrefrigeration.com

protechoffice11@yahoo.com

Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,

and the surrounding communities!

The man looks at

the doctor surprised,

“That’s absurd! Why is

the politician brain so

expensive?”

The doctor turns to

him and says “Sir, do

you have any idea

how many politicians it

takes to get an ounce

of brain?”

My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas.

It’s $100 on me and $500 on her.



...with

Jimbo

19

Out ‘n About at

American Legion Post

153 in New Auburn

for their Halloween party

I met some chess players in a hotel lobby. They kept bragging about how good they

were. It was chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

Just remember,

we’re in a judge

free zone here!

Friday, December 17 & Saturday, December 18, 2021 • 7PM

Come and witness a grand spectacle of lights, sound, music, and dance

at The Franco Center’s first “Winter Extravaganza” fundraiser!

All proceeds to this magical show benefit The Gendron Franco Center,

and their mission to not only preserve the beautiful St. Mary’s Church, but to help

bring the best in arts and entertainment to the Lewiston/Auburn area.

Boom Boom

See top

of next page to see

who my ball and

chain is...

This event has something for everyone, and is one you will not want to miss!

Advance Tickets: $25 adults • $15 kids 12 & under – At the door: $30 adults • $20 kids 12 & under

SHOW SPONSORS: Androscoggin Bank • Champoux Insurance • Lawnguard LawnCare, Inc.

La Rencontre lunch and entertainment Thursday, December 9th, 2021

Doors opens at 9:30 AM for social time. Lunch 11:30 AM

Meal of Tourtiere, butternut squash soup, cake.

$15 ~ includes meal and entertainment.

Tickets need to be purchased by noontime on December 6th

UNDERWRITER

Sponsored by:

Délégation

Boston

MEDIA SPONSORS

Tim Ricker


Jimbo

20 Dec. 2021 783-7039

GENDRON

Order tickets:

FrancoCenter.org or

call: (207) 689-2000

46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, ME 04240

FrancoCenter.org • facebook.com/FrancoCenter

Last year my girlfriend wrapped herself as my gift. This year I’m re-gifting her.

How do you make Holy Water? You boil the Hell out of it.

Out ‘n About at


153 in New Auburn


I have Tim

under my spell. He’ll

never escape!

Carol Ricker

Yes,

it’s Thum...

like thumb minus

the ‘b’ or like thump

minus the ‘p’. But I

don’t mind thumping

this guy taking

pictures!

The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,

aged 65 and older, that need assistance with bathing,

medications, and meals.

We provide a warm and

comfortable home for our residents

41 Pleasant Street, Auburn • 207-783-0961

Bonnie Iwans

I did not accept a friend request from Hormel! I figured it would be mostly SPAM.

Dan Thum

It’s the holiday season.

Let the overeating

begin!



...with

Jimbo

21

Giving

Thanks

Submitted by Jimbo

Lee, a seven-year-old

boy, was asked to say

thanks for the Christmas

dinner. The family

members bowed their

heads in expectation.

Lee began his prayer,

thanking God for

his Mommy, Daddy,

brothers, sister,

grandmother, and all

his aunts and uncles.

Then he began to

thank God for the food.

He gave thanks for the

turkey, the stuffing, the

Christmas pudding,

even the cranberry

sauce.

Then Lee paused, and

everyone waited and

waited and waited.

They waited for what

seemed like an

eternity.

When I’m on my death bed, I want my last words to be,

“There’s a million dollars under….”

Eligible for Medicare?

CALL US TODAY

to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.

30+

Years of

Experience!

Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston

No matter what happens, there’s always someone who knew it would.

Out ‘n About at the Sausage Kitchen in Lisbon Falls

If you play

tug-of-war with

a string of sausages,

you’ll end up with

pulled pork.

After a long silence,

the young fellow

looked up at his

mother and asked, “If I

thank God for the brussels

sprouts, won’t he

know that I’m lying?”

Hi, my

name is

Toby

For Sale: Barely used DeLorean, only driven from time to time.

See their ad

on page 12.


22

EST.1950

Appointments

and walk-ins

welcome!

Jimbo

Dec. 2021 783-7039

783-3444

OPEN:

Tues-Fri

7:30a-5:30p

Sat 7:30a-2p

Booth Rentals Available

Marcel’s gets

a big thumbs up

from us!

54 Mill Street

New Auburn

Gabe & Bella

Shuga Shak Country Store

Holiday Baskets

Available!

Ask about our

custom baskets

Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p

Wine • Local Products

Honey • Pickles • Jams

Candies • Crafts...

and much more!

Maple Baked Beans

every Saturday!

450 Pigeon Hill Road

(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls

207-576-7886

I’m sure I wasn’t put on this earth for any particular reason but I’m sure convinced

that I’ll be taken off for one!

There’s nothing like the joy on a kid’s face when he first sees the PlayStation box

containing the socks I got him for Christmas.

The Fortin Group

Proudly serving the communities of

Lewiston and Auburn for over 100 years.

Out ‘n About at


153 in New Auburn


How you

doin’?

The cost of living keeps going up.

The cost of your funeral doesn’t have to.

Pre-plan now and your cost will be locked in.

AUBURN

217 Turner Street

207-783-8545

LEWISTON

70 Horton Street

207-784-4584

Amy St. Hilaire

Bartender

What I hate about retirement is you never get a vacation.

Ryan Hopping

Bartender

I accidentally used the dog wash for shampoo, now I feel like a – GOOD Boy... GOOD

Boy.

We never

wanna miss a

party!

Bill Lagasse &

Gina Mallozzi



...with

Jimbo

23

YOUR VOTE

Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 27th

BEST DANCE SCHOOL 21

MARY JANE’S

SCHOOL OF DANCE

675 Main St. Lewiston | 241-2498

BEST CASUAL RESTAURANT 20

BEST BOUTIQUE 10

785 Main St.

Lewiston

241-8378

BEST INSURANCE AGENCY 9

BEST ROOFING CONTRACTOR 6

DONALD DARLING

& SONS ROOFING

Serving the greater LA area | 576-2585

BEST POOL & SPA COMPANY 6

120 Center St. Auburn | 786-0715

BEST LANDSCAPE COMPANY 19

78 Lisbon St. Lisbon | 353-4848

BEST BANQUET/FUNCTION FACILITY 17

150 East Ave. Lewiston | 783-2246

BEST REAL ESTATE COMPANY 8


BEST SUSHI RESTAURANT 8

1057 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 786-4256

BEST DAY SPA 6

577 Main St.

Lewiston

376-3233

BEST AUTO DEALERSHIP 5

490 Pleasant St. Lewiston | 784-2331

BEST BREAKFAST PLACE 14

Rolly’s Diner

87 Mill St. Auburn | 753-0171

BEST HAIR SALON 13

124 Ash St.

Lewiston

782-9046

BEST TANNING SALON 12

BEACH BUMS


BEST CHIROPRACTOR 12

NADEAU CHIROPRACTIC

ASSOCIATES


40 East Ave. #2 Lewiston | 795-6888

BEST MASSAGE THERAPY 8

577 Main St.

Lewiston

376-3233

BEST ATTORNEY 7

192 Lisbon St. Lewiston | 786-0606

BEST CAR WASH 7

Serving the

greater LA area

782-4009

BEST CARPET/FLOORING PROS 7

Sherm Arnold’s Flooring,

Kitchen, & Bath

675 Main St. Lewiston | 782-0831

711 Lisbon St. Lisbon Falls | 353-4361

BEST BUILDER 5

1543 Hotel Rd. Auburn | 783-6224

BEST DELI/SANDWICH SHOP 5

375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175

BEST TOWING SERVICE 5

LINDY’S AUTO REPAIR

& SALES

518 Route 202 Greene | 946-5650

BEST HAIR COLORIST 5

124 Ash St.

Lewiston

782-9046

#


Jimbo

24 Dec. 2021 783-7039

Indicates number

of years as winner.

Market Surveys of America, an independent survey

27th annual Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s Best Business

of tallied public ballots and internet voting for th

Vote online at: be

S ARE IN!

Annual Best Businesses for 2021

BEST PIZZA 4

BEST AUTOMOTIVE SERVICE

3 BEST CONVENIENCE STORE 1


BEST AUTO BODY REPAIR 4

31 Blake St.

Lewiston

782-7113

BEST NAIL SALON 4

NAIL JUNKEE


BEST MARTIAL ARTS INSTRUCTION 4

PHOENIX ACADEMY

OF MARTIAL ARTS


BEST TAKEOUT 4


BEST CHILD CARE/PRESCHOOL 3

DONNA’S DAYCARE

CENTER


BEST NEW RESTAURANT 3

2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606

BEST PROPERTY MANAGEMENT

COMPANY

LABRECQUE’S PROPERTY

MANAGEMENT


3

68 Adams Ave. Lewiston | 783-0581

BEST MORTGAGE COMPANY


BEST VALUE MEAL


BEST CHINESE RESTAURANT

2 BEST BURGER

1

2 BEST KITCHEN CABINETS 1

279 Center St. Auburn | 784-8888 675 Main St. Lewiston | 782-0831

BEST EYE CARE PROFESSIONALS

BEST EMBROIDERY SHOP

585 Main St.

Lewiston

729-8474


BEST EYELASH EXTENSIONIST

BRANDY @

MAINE B SKIN & LASHES

Star Sponss

10 Cross Rd. Winthrop | 346-1104

BEST COMMUNITY BANK/CU

100 Minot Ave. Auburn, 664 Main St. Lewiston

786-0773


2 BEST WAITSTAFF 1



Sherm Arnold’s Flooring,

Kitchen, & Bath

2 BEST HEATING OIL SALES & SERVICE 1

84 General Turner Hill Rd. Turner | 225-3000

1 BEST PROPANE GAS SALES & SERVICE 1

84 General Turner Hill Rd. Turner | 225-3000

1 BEST BAR/LOUNGE 1

12 Ash St.

Lewiston

330-3021

1 BEST HOTEL/MOTEL/INN 1

14 Great Falls Plaza Auburn | 784-4433

company, is proud to announce the winners of the

es for 2021 Survey. The above winners are the result

e Lewiston/Auburn small business community.

stofsurveys.com



...with

Jimbo

25

Things You

May Hear

Just Before

Unemployment

Submitted by Jimbo

I just got the bill for my invisible fence. How am I supposed to know they even installed it?

• I don’t know what

we’ll do without you,

but we are going to

try!

• We told everyone you

are leaving because

of illness. The truth is

I’m sick of you.

• It’s not that you aren’t

a responsible worker.

In fact, you’ve been

responsible for more

disasters than any

one else in the place.

To you it’s a Christmas tree, but to the dog it’s indoor plumbing.


• Today I’m going to

mix business with

pleasure. You’re fired!

• I’ve got good news

for you. You won’t

have to worry about

being late for work

ever again.

• Tell me - how long

have you been with

us not counting

tomorrow?

Poisson & Sons Auto Care

260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144

FULL SERVICE GAS STATION

December 2021

Stickers

are due!

Car Care Tips

Check your tires and tire pressure

Keep your fuel tank at least half full

ALSO CHECK

Check lights, battery, coolant,

washer fluid, & survival kit

KERRY CONROY-MORONGELL AND SAMANTHA ANDERSON

I went to the website for Oreos today. I hit “Accept All Cookies” and got nothing.

May you be blessed

with the spirit of the season,

which is peace,

the gladness of the season,

which is hope,

and the heart of the season,

which is love.

Welcome to

our kitchen! We

know you’ll enjoy our

fresh meats.


Jimbo

26 Dec. 2021 783-7039

When I was a kid, my Dad told me when the ice cream truck plays music

that means he’s out of ice cream.

You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you’re grilling a fat, juicy steak?

I wonder if vegans get that when they mow the lawn.

The Vallee family thanks you

for your continued support

through this holiday season.

May you have a Merry

Christmas and a

Happy New Year!

Gift cards

available!

www.villageinnmaine.com

165 High St. Auburn

207-782-7796

First Generation: Norm & Connie

Second Generation: Belinda & Mike

Current fitness level: No pillow required for the Santa suit this year.


1 What

happened

when the pig

pen broke?

3

The pig had

to use a pencil!

2

I don’t

know... what

happened?

Bunny

Philosophy

Submitted by Jimbo

The problem:

There’s a box with a

hole at each end, and

there’s a rabbit in the

box. The rabbit sticks

his head out of the

hole in one end, and a

minute later he sticks

it out the other end.

Half a minute later,

his head appears at

the opposite end, a

fourth of a minute later

it appears at the end

opposite to that one,

an eighth of a minute

later, etc.

How long will it take

before the rabbit sticks

its head out of both

ends of the box at the

same time?

In theory, two minutes.

In practice, no answer

is possible unless you

split hares.

OWNERS KERRY CONROY-MORONGELL AND TOBY CONROY

Oct. 4th, 2021: How many of you went into Facebook withdrawals and actually had to speak to a real human being?

Pumpkins, Apples, Cider & other native fruits & vegetables

Baked goods & much more!

Now taking orders for

Christmas Pies &

Dinner Rolls

Open daily 8am - 6pm

207-225-3764 • 174 Auburn Road, Route 4, Turner

Accounting

& Tax

Service You

Can Trust!

MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.

Certified Public Accountant

Tax Planning & Preparation

for Individuals and Business

207.782.1040

9 Grove Street, Auburn

mspaulding@androscoggin.tax

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right. I went jogging

today, and I already feel ten years older.



...with

Jimbo

27

Out ‘n About at


153 in New Auburn


I used to feel better when my doctor told me something was “normal” for my age.

Then I thought, dying is also normal for my age!

WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER

NEW MEMBERS!

LeaderOne Financial

KalebDavis.leader1.com

A&A Language Services

ALSNow.org

Gina Jackson

Maine Inside Out

MaineInsideOut.org

R&B Communications

rb-com.com

415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM

I remember in the 20th Century I lived paycheck-to-paycheck. Now, thanks to the modern

technology of the 21st century, I live direct deposit-to-direct deposit.

Time to pre-order for

the holidays!

Mariah Carroll

Kendra LaBonte


Jimbo

28 Dec. 2021 783-7039

Open Daily:

10am - 8pm

Gift

Cards

Available!

Party Sized

Meatballs

$7

Preorder only

by Dec. 20th

.99

per dozen

Finger Roll Kits

Includes: 1 dozen rolls,

1lb. of salad choice (chicken,

ham, or egg), & serving tray

63 Sabattus St. Lewiston

www.luiggispizza.com • 207-782-0701

I hate lerts. Don’t be a lert!

Buy 3 Large

Meatballs, Get 1

FREE!

only

$

14 .99

Wish Kid

Sawyer

(aka Sonic Spider Boy)

THE HEALING IMPACT OF A WISH

A wish is much more than just a nice thing. And its reach extends far beyond a single event, or moment in time.

Wish kids, parents, medical professionals, volunteers, and others say that wish experiences can change the lives of

everyone involved, forever.

Uncle Andy’s Digest is a proud supporter of Make-A-Wish Maine.



...with

Jimbo

29

Out ‘n About at


153 in New Auburn


Little

known fact: A

churchwarden pipe

is a tobacco pipe with

a long stem. The history

of the pipe style is

traced to the late eighteenth

or early nineteenth

century. Some

of these pipes can

be as long as 16

inches.

I grew up in a generation where parents took breathing hard as back talk!

The Williams Broadcasting Group specializes

in the creative development of both short

format and full length Podcast shows for

radio, television, and the web.

We are the largest producer of full

length podcasts in the country. Shows

like: In The Pits, Bruins Diehards, The

19th Hole, The Liars Club, Animal Chat,

Community, What a Concept, and

Pride Diehards!

(207)-527-2000 | www.williamsbroadcasting.net | john@williamsbroadcasting.net


Auburn-Lewiston

Rotary Breakfast Club

Well

guys, this isn’t

the cover of the Rolling

Stone, but it ain’t chopped

liver either!

Mark Eustis

Dave Foster,

Ed Morin,

& Norm Lamie

take a selfie after

packing meals for

SeniorsPlus Meals

on Wheels

Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month

$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston

Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking

Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.


30

Nick & Laura

Sandberg

Jimbo

Dec. 2021 783-7039

Maine Realty Advisors

FRANK CARR

Your real estate investment advisor

Brokering your buying & selling needs

207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com

MegaHertz: A very large car rental company.

You know it’s going to be a bad day when your boss tells you there’s no need

to take off your coat.

Auburn Mall 207-783-3354

Out ‘n About at


153 in New Auburn


Photo with Santa!

Appointments & Walk-ins through December 24th.

Scan QR code to book your appointment

or visit mainephotofinish.com

Make your

reservation

now!

A place the whole family will LOVE!

LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!

Ruth & Jerry Joe

Carrier

Lab

Experiment


Jimbo asked his

buddy, Steve, what he

was so busy doing that

he couldn’t hang out

with the boys the other

night.

40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com

Androscoggin County’s Premier

Title & Escrow Closing Headquarters

Your Title Company

Since 1987

Steve’s response:

“I was applying an

aqua-thermal treatment

to ceramics,

aluminum, and some

stainless steel under

constrained conditions.”

Jimbo replied, “Special

project down at the

lab?”

“No,” Steve said, “my

wife was watching me

wash the dishes.”

• Title Insurance

• Abstracting

• Escrow Closing Service

• 1031 Exchanges

• For Sale by Owner

• Title Certificates

• Construction

Disbursements

Bill Skelton

Attorney

500 Canal Street, Lewiston | 207-784-6413 | generalmail@androtitle.com

Ahhh! Autumn in Maine - That time of year when you walk naked into your backyard and

suddenly realize the leaves are down between you and your neighbor’s house.



...with

Jimbo

31

BUSINESS

SP TLIGHT

Richard Moylan

(207) 777-0050

791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn

richardmoylan@allstate.com

207-782-7141

Now Hiring! Competitive Pay!

Benefits, Great People!

Apply in Person!

Students welcome!

Insurance and coverages subject to terms.

qualifications and availability. Allstate Property

and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and

Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois

© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company

207-333-5022

kaytdavispt@gmail.com

Therapy in the home.

Most insurances accepted.

207.577.6484

528 Lincoln Street

Lewiston

No one has died by

hanging themselves

on a dangling preposition.

Dangling prepositions

are just something

grammar teachers

complain of.

CALL TODAY TO ADVERTISE IN OUR BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT SECTION!

ONLY $ 60 PER MONTH

207-783-7039

LISTEN. THE CARIBBEAN IS CALLING.

Travel with Shae

Specializing in Caribbean Travel

Destination Weddings • Honeymoons

Family & Friend Getaways • All inclusive Vacations

Bachelorette / Bachelor Getaways

RIU Hotel & Resort Certified

Marriott Hotel Certified

Call or email Shae TODAY!

207-212-0706 • shaebookstravel@gmail.com

Ryan Jones

Marketing Specialist

207.949.0484

ryan.jones@

UncleAndys.com

9 Grove Street,

Auburn, ME 04210

Office:

207-783-7039

GREAT HOLIDAY IDEA!

Let us convert all your old family memories to digital that will last a lifetime.

Bring us your VHS tapes, reels, or flash drives and let our digital imaging

experts create a DVD of all your home movies!

Auburn Mall • 207-783-3354


Jimbo

32 Dec. 2021 783-7039

I got a miniature abacus for my birthday. It’s the little things that count!

I would grow my own food, but I can’t find bacon seeds.

Enjoy Happy Hour

Every Monday - Friday from 2p-5p!

47 Broad Street, Auburn

www.firehouseauburn.com

207-376-4959

Real People.

Really Great Service.

We’re the People Behind Payroll.

800-734-6880

PAYROLLMGT.COM

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

Come in and check

out our awesome

daily specials!

Monday - Saturday 11a-9p

Apple Cider

Sangria

$

8

Payroll Processing

Time & Attendance

Workers’ Comp

Pay-As-You-Go

Roy’s FOODLAND

WEEKLY SPECIALS AT ROY’S

Saturday Bean Special

Beans, Bread/Rolls & Cole Slaw, $9.99

Wednesday Italian Special

Ham, Salami, Veggie or Pepperoni, $2.49

Pizza Pack Special

Pizza Packs only $ 9.99 • 2lb Pepperoni Pks only $ 6.99

Hours: Mon. - Thurs. 8am - 6pm; Fri. 8am - 7pm

Sat. 8am - 6pm; Sun. closed

70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471 • www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com

Is there ever a day when mattresses are not on sale?

December

Drink

Special

Don’t forget your Chicken Salad

“Best in Town” or Ham Salad

New Baby

Submitted by Tyla Davis

When my son was two

years old I found out I

was expecting another

baby that would

be born right about

Christmas time. I was

so excited to tell my

husband and son the

good news!

I picked up a greeting

card for my husband,

one that talked about

him getting to be a

Daddy again. I decided

the perfect time to tell

both my husband and

son was over lunch.

When we arrived at the

restaurant the hostess

seated us and the

waitress came to take

our orders. My son ordered

his usual cheese

pizza. After our orders

were taken I pulled out

the card and gave it to

my husband.

As he read it, his face

just beamed, “Are you

serious? We’re having

another baby? What

an awesome Christmas

present!” He was

so excited!

We turned to our son,

who was coloring on

his menu, and said excitedly

to him, “Carter,

you’re going to get a

baby brother or sister

for Christmas!”

Carter started wailing

in the middle of the

restaurant, “But... but...

I wanted pizza!”



...with

Jimbo

33

Six Brazilian

Men

Submitted by Tyla Davis

Newscast: “In other

news, 6 Brazilian men

die in a sky diving

accident.”

Jimbo gasps incredulously:

“Oh, oh it’s

horrible!”

Jimbo’s friend Steve:

“Yeah. It is sad. But

you know what? They

were skydiving and

there’s always that risk

involved.”

Jimbo, holding back

tears: “It just seems

like so many! ... How

many is a Brazilian?”

Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.

GREAT DEALS EVERY DAY!

PA’S TRADIN’

COMPANY Inc.

BUY • SELL • TRADE

PAWN

Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer

1447 Main Street, Oxford

Only 25 Minutes from

Auburn & Gray

Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm

207-743-0709 or

1-877-743-0709

• VIDEOS, GAMES

• TOOLS

• FISHING SUPPLIES

• FURNITURE

• TARPS

• ICE FISHING GEAR &

SUPPLIES

• & MUCH MORE!

BUYING GUNS!

Gun Background

Checks/Transfers

Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each

Always Pawning & Selling • Inventory Changes Daily!

If I want to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I’ll put shoes on my cat.

OFFERING

Residential

Commercial

Clean Outs

Roll Offs

844-ME-TRASH

844-638-7274

The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!

SERVING

Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland

Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples

9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com

F ind Y ourself

in places no one else can

Merry Christmas &

Happy New Year!

CALL OF THE WILD

RV CENTER

848 Main Street, Oxford

207-539-4410

www.callofthewildrv.com

Four Letter

Words


Steve’s wife asked

why he was so upset.

Steve Says, “They are

using four letter words

on the news.”

She says, “Like what?”

Steve replies, “SNOW,

COLD, WIND, RAIN!


34

Jimbo

Dec. 2021 783-7039

OXFORD HILLS FAVORITE

PIZZA & SANDWICH SHOP!

Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas

Breakfast Sandwiches and More!

CALL AHEAD FOR ORDERS!

POLLY’S VARIETY

115 King Street, Oxford

Voted one of

Maine’s Best

Pizza Places!

2016 WMTW

Facebook Fan poll

December Special

CUBAN

Includes: Cuban Pork, Ham, Swiss

Cheese, Mustard & Pickles on a roll

ONLY $6 .99

Expires 12/31/21

207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com

Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm

I have become more optimistic and now believe that things could get worse.

Thinking is the last thing on my mind!

SERVING OUR

COMMUNITY FOR

OVER 28 YEARS

INSURANCE AND

FINANCIAL SERVICES

Ana Bourasseau

Financial Professional

The Prudential Insurance

Company of America

620 Washington St N

Auburn, ME 04210

(207) 795-7707

ana.bourasseau@prudential.com

Insurance Issued by

The Prudential Insurance Company of America, Newark, NJ and its affiliates.

PAM-312

10/2023

James Jackson IV, CLU, ChFC

Financial Professional

The Prudential Insurance

Company of America

620 Washington St N

Auburn, ME 04210

(207) 795-7707

Jim.jackson@prudential.com

Out ‘n About at Side by Each

Last year’s holiday weight, meet this year’s

holiday weight.

Call us for a quote

TODAY!

HATS

MUGS

Basketball,

Hockey, Skiing

Order your

school spirit

wear today!

Employee gift

ideas, specialty

items, & more!

Quality

Products

Reasonable

Pricing

PENS

BAGS

Auburn Mayor Jason Levesque

& Adam Lee

talk a little shop over a pint at Side by Each

Brewing in Auburn. The City of Auburn has a lot of

great projects going on and there’s so much to be

proud of here in our community.

205 Washington St.

South, Auburn

207-784-4184

coastaltshirts.com


Obviously Uncle Andy’s Digest came up in their

conversation. So Jimbo feels confident that Jason

must have mentioned fulfilling his campaign

promise about finally getting Grove Street paved.

(Okay, maybe it wasn’t a campaign promise, but it should

have been!)

You can turn an ordinary sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wife’s birthday.



...with

Jimbo

35

CALL THE PROS

From relaxation to pain management... We’ve got you covered!

Office, Restaurant, & Light

Industrial Cleaning Services

Mike Magretto

Veteran Owned & Operated

EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890

Happy Holidays!

Digital Gift Cards now available


(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com

Happy Holidays to all of our loyal customers!

REDEMPTION CENTER

Located in the

building behind

6

Dad’s Place

on all 5¢ returns

¢ with this coupon.

RON’S

(must present coupon at Redemption

Center prior to counting)

TRANSMISSION & AUTOMOTIVE

Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm

(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays) UAD exp. 12.31.21 515 Gardiner Rd. Wales • 375-4924

FULL COLOR COPIES & MORE!

Posters • Booklets • Carbonless forms

Envelopes • Business Cards & More!

WEBSITES THAT WORK

Design. Build. Brand. Market.

60 Broad Street, Auburn

207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com

Call Today for a Free Quote!

DREAMING OF HOME OWNERSHIP?

Let us walk you through the process

Contact

Sean

Today!

Sean Doucette

207-754-5721

sdoucette@usamortgage.com

NMLS #509638

www.MaineWeb.co

Unlimited Wash Combos

Combo #2

24 .95

$

24 per

Combo #3

includes:

.95

month

.95

$ 29 .95

per month

exterior wash,

underbody, &

poly sealant

includes: exterior

wash, underbody,

rust inhibitor, wheel

brite, tire shine, &

wax

7 Lincoln St. Lewiston

207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com


Jimbo

36 Dec. 2021 783-7039

When someone tells you that you are wrong, tell them they are entitled to their

Being a good parent is knowing how to unwrap a Kit Kat without making any noise.

incorrect decision.

CALL THE PROS

Book Your Appointment Now!

NEW

LOCATION!

Cuts | Colors | Foils

7 Clark Street

Auburn

207-312-5891

www.angelascms.com

TEAM

KENNAGH

SHELLEY KENNAGH

SENIOR LOAN OFFICER / NMLS#532306

155 CENTER ST, BUILDING C

AUBURN, ME 04210, BRANCH NMLS# 1968885

(207) 890-4942

skennagh@cmgfi.com

BUFFY DUMONT

Real Estate Agent

207.576.9755

buffydumont@gmail.com

Buying or Selling...

I Get It Done!

CONTACT ME FOR ALL YOUR HOME LOAN

NEEDS!

CMG FINANCIAL IS A REGISTERED TRADE NAME OF CMG MORTGAGE, INC., NMLS# 1820 IN MOST, BUT NOT ALL STATES. CMG MORTGAGE, INC. IS AN EQUAL HOUSING

LENDER, LICENSED BY THE NEW HAMPSHIRE BANKING DEPARTMENT. TO VERIFY OUR COMPLETE LIST OF STATE LICENSES, PLEASE VISIT

WWW.CMGFI.COM/CORPORATE/LICENSING AND WWW.NMLSCONSUMERACCESS.ORG.

bigbearrealestatecompany.com

FARRELL ENTERPRISES

BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED

We get down & dirty so

you don’t have to!

Nearly Anything Removed

Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!

Fully Insured

Michael Farrell

207-576-2501

From our family

to yours

Happy

Holidays

25 Turner Street, Turner

207-225-5012

Fine Line Gun Shop

HUGE SELECTION OF GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES

Fully Stocked & Loaded

Stop in and

pick out your

Christmas

gift!

finelinegun@aol.com

I was filling out an online survey when it asked, what state I lived in. Apparently,

“constant despair” wasn’t an appropriate answer.

(207) 998-2374

590 Plains Rd., Poland



...with

Jimbo

37

CALL THE PROS

Your trusted, nonprofit resource

for assistance and information

Medicare counseling • Caregiver support

Educational programming • Meals on Wheels

seniorsplus.org • 1-800-427-1241

See our website for job & volunteer opportunities!

Call

for your

FREE QUOTE

Today!

Your Vision.

Our Expertise.

Kitchens, Baths,

Decks & More!

207-212-7791

www.vghomeimprovements.com

Deliver Some Heavy Duty Holiday Cheer

to the Pro in Your Life!

Outdoor Apparel • Guns & Ammo

Pellet Stoves • and Much More!

Merry Christmas from

Lincoln Street

RADIATOR SHOP

Family owned & operated since 1967

207-784-9356

1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p

.pxE2202/13/21

.

E

ERF

MUI ERF

MUI BU

BU

esahc

ro mu

,bus esahc

ro mu

tuB ,seviL ,bus evaS kni

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edivorp .naC

pleh ot seog esahcrup yreve fo noitr

gnitapicitrap

snopuoc lanigiroylnO .yawynani deretla r

.srednopser .dengisa timiL ro tsr

.esahcrup ,derrefsnart fo emit ,decudorper ta

edivorp pleh ot seog esahcrup yreve

ni

fo .yna desu

noitrop

fi eb ton ,x

.pxE2202/13/21

. PIHCKNIRDBUS$BUS

yam dna tnuocsi

edivorp pleh ot seog snopuoc lanigiroylnO .yawynani deretla roe

.srednopser

y

.dengisa ro tsr

,derrefsnart ,decudorper f

.yna fi ,xa

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. PIHCKNIRDBUS$BUS

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tuB sruO ,sevi kni

gnitapicitrap

timiL .esahcrup fo emit t

.naC sruO

ni desu sr

eb ton

yam dna tnuocsi

FUEL UP AT PAT’S BEFORE ALL

THAT HOLIDAY SHOPPING!

186 Sabattus Road, Sabattus • (207) 375-6253


207-784-8221 • 11a-9p daily

Serving great food since 1985

Try the

Nachos!

PEOPLE LOVE MAGAZINES.

of all media, which do US internet users say they

TRUST THE MOST?

PRINT.

Serving those who serve

SERVING our THOSE community

WHO SERVE OUR COMMUNITY

Andy Valley

Insurance & Retirement

Andy Valley Insurance & Retirement

(207) 783-3660

https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR Auto | Home | Life | Retirement

(Marketing Sherpa, 2020)

AM-C04353 (Sep. 21)

horacemann.com

909 Minot Ave, Auburn | 207-783-3660 | https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR


Jimbo

38 Dec. 2021 783-7039

My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.

You know it’s going to be a bad day when your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.

Out ‘n About with

Androscoggin Network

Builders BNI

Holiday Decorating for

at Wood Splittin’ Axe Throwing

in Lewiston

your Home or Business!

Come on in

guys! Get ready

for a super fun

experience!

Poinsettias

(4.5” up to 12”)

as low as

$

7 .50 Makenna Nichols

Manager

I got two

points! Darn good for

my first throw!!

Wreaths

(14” and larger)

as low as

Maine Trees $

14 .99

as low as

$

19 .99

Dearne Corliss

Mon. - Fri. 9am - 5:30pm

Sat. & Sun. 9am - 4:30pm

876 Summer St, Auburn

207-777-5129

Email: andrew.mcbean@jfmh.org

Whiting Farm, a division of John

F. Murphy Homes is a working four

season farm that is dedicated to

community enrichment, education,

and the support of people with

disabilities. We offer flower and

vegetable seedlings in the spring,

fresh-picked vegetables all summer,

mums and decorative items in the

fall, and everything for your holiday

decorating needs.

John Blanchette

Pessimists are born, not made; their blood type is B Negative.



...with

Jimbo

39

Out ‘n About with


Builders BNI


in Lewiston

Not too

shabby, eh? This

is way more fun than

working!

Merry

Christmas

to all!

As long as I live, I will never forget what’s-her-name.

“We’re proud to serve all our regular

customers, in all the communities

that we represent. Thank you for your

patronage through the good times and

the tough times!”

– Margaret Hackett, Owner

John Engelbert

Get Your

Holiday Platters, Finger Rolls,

& Dessert Trays Here!

(Please call for more info)

What

a great way to

release a little

frustration!

Now that’s

what I call splittin’

some wood!

Pat Penley


Jimbo

40 Dec. 2021 783-7039

Chili • UFO • Donuts • Bakery • And so much more!

Serving L/A & beyond since 1950!

GEORGIO’S

Locally owned & operated

783-2981

Open daily 7am-7pm

740 Minot Avenue, Auburn

www.mygeorgiosme.com

Probably the biggest lie I tell myself, “I don’t need to write that down, I’ll remember it.”

(Ron Morin)

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

THE AMERICAN LEGION

FAMILY

AMERICAN LEGION ACT

Veterans who were honorably discharged

but whose service did not

fall into previous defined war era’s

may now join the American Legion

immediately. The eligibility now

spans from Dec. 7, 1941, until a time

when the U.S. is no longer at war, as

determined by Congress.

For Veteran or Community services, call

207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229

Hall Rentals Available

Call for more

information

207-782-1118

Happy New Year!

Saturday, Jan. 1st, Canteen opens at 3:00pm

71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118

Members & Guests Welcome!

HOURS: Mon through Wed: 12p-6p

Thurs: 12p-9p • Fri & Sat: 12p-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p

MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS

FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS 7-11pm in December

Jerry Joe - December 3rd - 17th - 31st • 4:30 - 6:30pm

MONTHLY MEETING

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 15 TH

EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM

GENERAL MEETING, 7PM

Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.

DINNER $ 10

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 11 TH (4:00-6:00pm):

Chinese Chop Suey w/hamburg, Fried Rice & Dinner Roll

RED SHIRT FRIDAYS

WEAR YOUR R.E.D. SHIRT & GET A SURPRISE!

SEE YOU AT THE POST!

Son’s of the American Legion MEETING:

Monday, December 13th @ 5:30pm

Bloody Mary Sundays

by Kevin 11am-6pm!

Merry Christmas!

Canteen opens at 3:00pm on Christmas Day

New Years Eve

Friday, Dec. 31st, 7pm - 12:30am

New Years Eve Dance

with music played by DJ Jean Louis

Pot Luck Dinner – bring your favorite dish!

Friendly checkout clerk... thanks for keeping me that way!

If You Love

Something

Variations

Submitted by Jimbo

THE ORIGINAL

VERSION:

If you love something,

Set it free...

If it comes back, it’s

yours;

If it doesn’t, it never was

yours.

THE PESSIMIST

VERSION:

If you love somebody,

Set her free ...

If she ever comes back,

she’s yours;

If she doesn’t, well, as

expected, she never was.

THE OPTIMIST

VERSION:


Set her free ...

Don’t worry, she will

come back.

THE SUSPICIOUS VER-

SION:


Set her free ...

If she comes back, ask

her why.

THE IMPATIENT

VERSION:


Set her free ...

If she doesn’t comes

back within some time

limit, forget her.

THE PATIENT

VERSION:


Set her free ...

If she doesn’t come back,

continue to wait

until she comes back.

THE PLAYFUL

VERSION:


Set her free ...

If she comes back, and if

you love her still,

set her free again.

Repeat.

(continued on page 43)



...with

Jimbo

41

2

Childhood: I WANT IT TO BE CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY.

Adulthood: It’s December 8th. The Christmas music is relentless. I will confess to anything.

EDUCATION

Train online to do medical billing! Become a Medical Office Professional

at CTI! Get trained & certified to work in months! 888-572-6790. The

Mission, Program Information and Tuition is located at CareerTechnical.

edu/consumer-information. (M-F 8-6 ET)

HEALTH & FITNESS

VIAGRA and CIALIS USERS! 50 Generic Pills SPECIAL $99.00 FREE

Shipping! 100% guaranteed. 24/7 CALL NOW! 888-445-5928 Hablamos

Español

Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company. Covers 350

procedures. Real insurance - not a discount plan. Get your free dental

info kit! 1-888-623-3036 www.dental50plus.com/58 #6258

Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is capable of full 24/7

oxygen delivery. Only 2.8 pounds. Free info kit. Call 877-929-9587

Stroke & Cardiovascular disease are leading causes of death according

to the AHA. Screenings can provide peace of mind or early detection!

Call Life Line Screening to schedule a screening. Special offer 5 screenings

for $149. 1-833-549-4540

MISCELLANEOUS

The Generac PWRcell solar plus battery storage system. Save money,

reduce reliance on grid, prepare for outages & power your home. Full

installation services. $0 down financing option. Request free no obligation

quote. 1-855-270-3785

GENERAC Standby Generators provide backup power during power

outages, so your home & family stay safe & comfortable. Prepare now.

Free 7-yr extended warranty $695 value! Re-quest a free quote today!

Call for terms & conditions. 1-844-334-8353

Eliminate gutter cleaning forever! LeafFilter, the most advanced

debris-blocking gutter protection. Schedule free LeafFilter estimate

today. 15% off Entire Purchase. 10% Senior & Military Discounts. Call

1-855-995-2490

DirecTV Now. No Satellite. $40/mo 65 Channels. Stream news, live

events, sports & on demand titles. No contract/commitment. 1-866-

825-6523

New authors wanted! Page Publishing will help self-publish your book.

Free author submission kit! Limited offer! 866-951-7214

AT&T Internet. Starting at $40/month w/12-mo agreement. 1 TB of data/

mo. Ask how to bundle & SAVE! Geo & svc restrictions apply. 1-888-

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BATH & SHOWER UPDATES in as little as ONE DAY! Affordable prices -

No payments for 18 months! Lifetime warranty & professional installs.

Senior & Military Discounts available. Call: 855-761-1725

Donate Your Car to Veterans Today! Help and Support our Veterans.

Fast - FREE pick up. 100% tax deductible. Call 1-800-245-0398

Update your home with beautiful new blinds & shades. Free in-home

estimates make it convenient to shop from home. Professional installation.

Top quality - Made in the USA. Free consultation: 877-212-7578.

Ask about our specials!

Long distance moving: Call for a free quote from America’s Most Trusted

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relocation specialist 888-721-2194

HughesNet - Finally, super-fast internet no matter where you live. 25

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DISH TV $64.99 for 190 channels + $14.95 high speed internet. Free installation,

smart HD DVR included, free voice remote. Some restrictions

apply. Promo expires 1/21/22. 1-833-872-2545

Looking for assisted living, memory care, or independent living? A

Place for Mom simplifies the process of finding senior living at no cost

to your family. Call 1-833-386-1995 today!

Stop worrying! SilverBills eliminates the stress & hassle of bill pmts.

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funds are available. No computer necessary. Free trial/custom quote

1-855-703-0555

Business owners. Eliminate credit card processing fees 100%, pass on

a legal 4% non-cash charge to the customer. Chain stores welcome.

337-849-8083

WANTED TO BUY

Wants to purchase minerals and other oil and gas interests. Send

details to P.O. Box 13557 Denver, CO 80201

Reader Advisory: The National Trade Association we belong to has purchased

the above classifieds. Determining the value of their service or

product is advised by this publication. In order to avoid misunderstandings,

some advertisers do not offer employment but rather sup-ply the

readers with manuals, directories and other materials designed to help

their clients establish mail order selling and other businesses at home.

Under NO circumstance should you send any money in advance or give

the client your checking, license ID, or credit card numbers. Also beware

of ads that claim to guarantee loans regardless of credit and note

that if a credit repair company does business only over the phone it is

illegal to request any money before delivering its service. All funds are

based in US dollars. Toll free numbers may or may not reach Canada.

Prepare for unexpected

power outages with a

Generac home standby

generator

REQUEST A FREE QUOTE!

866-643-0438

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Call for a full list of terms and conditions.

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Mon-Thurs: 8am-11pm, Fri-Sat: 8am-5pm, Sun: 2pm-8pm EST

LIFETIME

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*For those who qualify. One coupon per household. No obligation estimate valid for 1 year. **Offer valid at time of estimate only 2 The leading consumer reporting

agency conducted a 16 month outdoor test of gutter guards in 2010 and recognized LeafFilter as the “#1 rated professionally installed gutter guard system

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Jimbo

42 Dec. 2021 783-7039

Once upon a time the internet was an escape from reality. Now reality is an escape

from the internet.

This is that exciting time of the year when I find out what I’m getting my wife

for Christmas.

Christmas Stocking Giveaway

Closed

December

24th & 25th,

January 1st

Two drawings: One for ages 3-8 and one for ages 8-15

One entry per customer. Don’t need to be present to win. Drawing on 12.19.21

Out ‘n About

COOKED FRESH DAILY


Coach Terry’s

REDEMPTION CENTER

The friendly redemption center

8 Tidswell Road, Turner • 207-225-2008

Open daily 8am to 4pm

Cashews

Almonds

Redskins

Spanish

Blanch

Pistachios

Mixed Nuts

Splittin’ Wood Axe Throwing

L to R: Myranda Caputo, Dustin Boutin, John Engelbert, Pat Penley,

John Blanchette, Rick Browning, and Ryan Jones

Hours: Tues, Wed, Thurs 9a-5p; Fri 9a-3p,

Sat (Dec. 18) and Mon (Dec 20) 9a-4p; Christmas Eve: 9a-12p

We’re not just

NUTS!

557 Lincoln Rd, Lewiston • 207-783-1731 • BobsPeanuts.com

Needhams

Merckens

Melting

Chocolates

& MORE!

I’m excited to go home for the holidays because it’s been exhausting finishing my own

sentences all year.

(continued from page 41)

THE LAWYER’S

VERSION:


Set her free...

Clause 1a of Paragraph

13a-1 in the second

amendment of the

Matrimonial Freedom Act

clearly states that...

THE STATISTICIAN’S

VERSION:


Set her free...

If she loves you, the

probability of her coming

back is high;

If she doesn’t, your relationship

was improbable

anyway.

THE POSSESSIVE

VERSION:


don’t ever set her free.

THE MBA VERSION:

If you love somebody

set her free...

instantaneously...

and look for others simultaneously.

THE PSYCHOLOGIST’S

VERSION:


set her free...

If she comes back, her

super ego is dominant;

If she doesn’t come back,

her ego is supreme;

If she doesn’t go, she

must be crazy.

THE FINANCE EXPERT

VERSION:


set her free...

If she comes back, its

time to look for fresh

loans;

If she doesn’t, write her

off as an asset gone bad.

THE MARKETING

VERSION:


set her free...

If she comes back, she

has brand loyalty;

If she doesn’t, reposition

the brand in new markets.



...with

Jimbo

43

Out ‘n About with


Builders BNI

My 8 year old mailed a letter to Santa regarding the gifts he wants, so Santa is now

writing back with the details on how to vacuum a house.


in Lewiston

I’m pretty

excited about

doing business here

in Lewiston. Great

start so far!

Whenever there’s an outage, your KOHLER generator keeps

your internet on, your fridge cold and your family protected.

• Generator Sales and Installations

• Residential and Small Commercial

Electrical Service

Over 50 years of Trusted Professionalism

Chris Nichols

Owner

“MY GENERATOR IS MAGIC.

WE NEVER LOSE POWER.”

- ALEX L., KOHLER ® generator owner

1033 Sabattus Street, Lewiston

www.debloiselectric.com

207-783-6512

Sometimes the best Christmas present is remembering what you’ve already got.

Doug Cooper

Male reindeer lose

their antlers in winter

and females don’t, so

Santa’s sleigh is actually

pulled by a team

of women... of course

it is.

Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!

Serving Breakfast All Day!

87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171

RollysNewAuburn.com

Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,

Sunday Closed

A Lunch Favorite

Classic Club; Bacon, Lettuce,

Tomato and Mayo between toasted

bread with 2nd layer of sliced Ham,

Turkey & Cheese. Served with fries.


Jimbo

44 Dec. 2021 783-7039

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

I left Santa gluten-free cookies and organic soy milk and he put a solar panel

in my stocking.

Out ‘n About at Splittin’ Wood Axe Throwing

NEED A HAND WITH ACCOUNTING?

It’s time to call AT Tax Services!

Offering affordable bookkeeping and tax prep services

4 Tax prep for individuals, LLC’s,

Non-profits

4 Bookkeeping service on-site at your

business - ask about our mobile app

4 8 years experience in accounting &

education

4 Serving Androscoggin & Kennebec

counties

Antoine Tolton • 207-240-6967

Cat Invitation


My neighborhood has

some newcomers who

have more money than

sense.

They’ve built a new

house that is definitely

more house than my

neighborhood should

have.

But, I wonder if the

neighborhood cats

have noticed the

beach volleyball court

the newcomers have

put in their front yard?

Job Interview


“Forget everything you

learned in college, you

won’t use or need it

here.”

“Okay great, I never

attended college.”

A family affair: Chris Nichols, Makenna Nichols, Lucas Nichols

A quality child care facility with a safe, nurturing, and

secure environment for children ages 6 weeks to 12 years

• We provide a nutritious breakfast,

lunch, PM Snack

• Large fenced in outdoor play area

• Loving & warm environment

• Bi-monthly newsletters

• All teachers obtain background checks,

CPS checks, and fingerprinting

• Occasional date nights

CALL TODAY FOR A TOUR!

“Well then you’re not

qualified to work here.”

Wafting

Submitted by Jimbo

Coworker: Here’s a

McDonald’s gift card

for Christmas.

Me: How did you

know?

Coworker: I have eyes.

Plus, you always smell

like a cheeseburger.

120 Center Street Plaza, Auburn • 207-740-6104

Mon - Fri 6:30am - 5:30pm

If you can’t wrap Christmas presents well, at least make it look

like they put up a good fight.



...with

Jimbo

45

Military

Sacrifice

Submitted by Jimbo

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children,

they are all 30 feet tall.

While stationed in

Washington, D.C., a

man used Arlington

National Cemetery as

a shortcut on his way

to give a briefing at

Fort Myer.

Come

check us

out!

To his surprise, he

encountered a roadblock

manned by the

military police. An MP

approached him and

asked in a stern voice,

“Are you supposed to

be here?”

Unsure of what to say,

he replied, “Not yet.”

The MP held back a

smile and waved him

on.

Marriage

Plans


• Daily Breakfast, Lunch

& Drink Specials

• Chocolates, Desserts

& Pastries

• Eat in or Take out

• Refurbished Furniture

• New & Used & Homemade

Items

• Antiques

• Clothing & Shoes

• Homemade dog treats

• Jewelry

• Home goods

• Live online auctions

• Teacher led arts & craft tutorials

• And so MUCH MORE!

41 Millet Drive, Auburn • 207-740-6104

Mon - Fri 7:00am - 5:00pm; Sat 8:00am - 3:00pm

People who complain that my Christmas gifts are “stupid” and “thoughtless” clearly have

no idea how hard it is to wrap a pineapple.

Out ‘n About at American Legion Post 153 in New Auburn for their Halloween Party

When our daughter

was born, another

couple also sharing the

hospital nursery that

weekend congratulated

us and said that

their son had just been

born the day before.

Then they laughed and

speculated that one

day maybe the two

would end up marrying

one another.

“Yeah right!” I told

them, “like my daughter’s

going to marry

somebody twice her

age!”


46

Jimbo

Dec. 2021 783-7039

Doing our part

to make America

great again!

Michelle Gagne, Shelby Winslow & Heather Dion

A Christmas Nightmare: going caroling for your neighbors, and Simon Cowell

is one of them.

R O O P E R S B E V E R A G E . C O M

Start the Holidays At

Start the Holidays At

BEER. WINE. SPIRITS.

'tis the season to stock up

L E W I S T O N

6 8 6 M A I N S T R E E T 3 4 4 . 1 2 0 0

7 9 4 S A B A T T U S S T R E E T 7 8 3 . 6 3 5 3

1 4 2 0 L I S B O N S T R E E T 3 3 3 . 3 0 9 5

O X F O R D

9 8 0 M A I N S T R E E T 5 3 9 . 6 0 7 2

A U B U R N

5 4 5 M I N O T A V E N U E 7 8 3 . 2 0 4 7

3 0 1 M A I N S T R E T 7 8 3 . 9 0 9 8



...with

Jimbo

47

YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!

Pricing Policy

Heavy duty pickup ...... $149.95

Full size van .......... $149.95

2 door pickup . ......... $139.95

X-large SUV . .......... $149.95

3 & 4 door pickup ....... $149.95

RUST PROTECTION

Any car .............. $129.95

Mini van ............. $139.95

Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $139.95

Auto Repair • Auto Body Work • Rustproofing

Plus applicable taxes

23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100

Wishing all a very Merry Christmas

and Happy New Year!

COME CHECK OUT THE

SNOWBLOWER PACKAGE DEALS ON

MASSEY FERGUSON COMPACT TRACTORS!

Season’s

Greetings &

Happy New

Year!

827 Sabattus Road, Sabattus

207-375-6561

watermanfarmmachinery.com

There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means

16 more days till we start shopping, right?

Proud to deliver

even more for

our communities

Dead River Company is proud to support

the local communities where we live and

work, and we thank you for trusting us to

be there when you need us.

Happy Holidays from all of us!

DeadRiver.com

Reliable Fuel Deliveries • Responsive Service


48 Dec. 2021 783-7039

UncleAndysDigest.com

Jimbo

Uncle Andy's Digest December 2021

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