UAD January 2022 Digest
Start the new year off right with your favorite local magazine! This issue is full of fun pictures, hilarious jokes and one-liners, and is a one-stop shop for all your neighborhood businesses. Remember to shop local!
Start the new year off right with your favorite local magazine! This issue is full of fun pictures, hilarious jokes and one-liners, and is a one-stop shop for all your neighborhood businesses. Remember to shop local!
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JANUARY
2022
SINCE 1996
207-782-7113
Get Your FREE
Quote Today!
31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com
Spark
UP
T H I S Y E A R A T
it
GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.
Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service
DAILY, WEEKLY, &
MONTHLY RENTALS
AVAILABLE!
Call Ryan Kennard
207-346-0279
◦Flower◦Edibles◦Concentrates◦Topicals◦
Whited Equipment Co. is your
New Factory Authorized Hyundai
Construction Equipment dealer
for Central & Southern Maine.
New & used available!
Uncle Andy’s Digest
whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
1
WHILE DATING: I love being next to you – wanna cuddle with me?
WHILE MARRIED: Part of your knee was on my side of the bed again.
PROFESSIONALISM | QUALITY | RELIABILITY
Serving Maine and
New Hampshire!
We have over 50 dedicated
employees to service all of your
cleaning needs, including:
Commercial/Office
Construction Sites
Apartment Turnovers
Floors/Tile/Carpets
207.712.2765
www.deepcleanjs.com
First rule of No Doubt Club is not to speak.
Oh no... I just realized that 2022 is pronounced 2020 Too!
MODERN WOODMEN
OF AMERICA
JANUARY 2022
ACTIVITIES
Tuesday, January 18th
Roy’s Breakfast
7:00-10:00am
5 Washington Street, Auburn
M: $5.00 G: $6.00
Purchase Tickets:1-12-2022
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Saturday, January 22nd
Italian Bakery (Bean Special)
9:00am-12:00pm
225 Bartlett Street, Lewiston
M: $4.00 G: $5.00
Purchase Tickets:1-12-2022
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Tuesday, January 25th
Luiggi’s
4:00-7:00pm
63 Sabattus Street, Lewiston
M: $4.00 G: $5.00
Purchase Tickets:1-12-2022
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Thursday, January 27th
Fielder’s Choice
4:00-7:00pm
680 Minot Avenue, Auburn
M: $2.50 G: $3.00
Purchase Tickets:1-12-2022
(9-11am & 1-3pm)
Reminder:
Please do not call the
restaurants. If you have a
question please call the
office and speak with Jamie.
Tickets must be purchased
at the MWA District Office
at 184 Webster Street
Lewiston, ME on the dates/
times listed for each activity.
Please follow all local/state
guidelines. Menus are
subject to change. No substitutions
or add-ons. Most
importantly – Have Fun!
My wife can’t stand that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
3
Uncle Andy’s Digest
is published by the first
Friday of every month by
Maine Mountain Ocean
Group, Inc. with its world
headquarters located at
9 Grove Street, Auburn,
Maine, USA.
Published and distributed
since 1996 throughout
Central Maine and mailed to
subscribers all over the Free
World. Subscriptions are
$39/year.
UncleAndysDigest.com
Office: 207-783-7039
UAD Super Heroes
The last time I had faith in the news was when Huey Lewis was in it.
SMILE AGAIN DENTURES
CAPTAIN
JIMBO
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
4
SPIDERMAN
RYAN
WONDER
WOMAN
TYLA
BATGIRL
STEPHANIE
IRONSIDES
STEVE
While Uncle Andy’s Digest tries
very hard to ensure the accuracy
of the information in our clients’
advertisements and our publication
in general, we are not responsible
for vendor availability, typographical
errors, technical inaccuracies, product
pricing errors, or omissions.
Jimbo
Jan. 2022 783-7039
Smile In
Comfort
Call us today for:
• Full Dentures
• Immediate Dentures
• Partial Dentures
• Rebases
• Relines
• Repairs
Like Our Name Implies,
We’ll Make You
SMILE AGAIN
All work done on-site.
Repairs usually same day service!
Call today
for a
FREE
consultation!
Joe & Mike
Adkins
Licensed
Denturists
801 Webster Street, Lewiston
smileagaindentures@gmail.com • SmileAgainDentures.com
514-0660
My jeans say, “No more Christmas goodies,” but my leggings say, “I got you girl!”
If a group of clowns attack you, go straight for the juggler.
Your New Breakfast Spot!
OFFERING BREAKFAST WEDNESDAY – SUNDAY!
Till 1:00 on Sat. & All Day on Sundays
Come see Kathy & Joe!
Out ‘n About at
the Kora Shrine
Temple
for the FEZtival of Trees
Did you
know that the
Shriner’s are a
brotherhood based
on fun, fellowship and
the Masonic principles
of brotherly love, relief
and truth with nearly
200 temples (chapters)
in several countries
and thousands of
clubs around the
world.
Jeff Peaslee
Wed: 7am-3pm • Thurs: 7am-3pm
Fri: 7am-9pm • Sat: 7am-9pm
Sun: 7am-3pm
The
Annual FEZtival
of Trees is a
Kora fundraiser. We
had over 60 display
trees, a craft fair, a
silent auction, and
of course, Santa
Claus!
Experienced Breakfast
Cook Wanted!
Full or Part Time • Will train the right person
Scan
here to
see our
menu!
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston
207-333-5062
stationgrillrestaurant.com
When you think about it, it’s the worst possible place for her to sell seashells.
Bob McWilliam
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
5
Wake up, it’s time for your sleeping pill.
Out ‘n About in Oxford Hills
for the Christmas Parade
Happy New Year, Neighbors.
I’m so very thankful for my
family, my customers, and
my amazing community.
Ivayh, Emalie, Jake, Elijah & Taylor Lewis
Out to Dinner
Submitted by Tyla Davis
Steve and his wife,
Lori, were out to dinner
at Mac’s Grill one
evening.
The waitress came
by to take their order.
Steve ordered the Mini
Mac steak dinner.
“How would you like
your steak cooked,”
asked the waitress.
“The same as winning
an argument with my
wife,” Steve replied.
“Ahh, yes. Rare it is.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
6
Jimbo
Jan. 2022 783-7039
DON’T KNOW
WHAT TO DO
NEXT? WE DO. ®
WATER FIRE MOLD
For any disaster,
29 Brickyard Circle,
Auburn
(800) 244-7630
call ServiceMaster!
(207) 539-4452 www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com
I’m opening a new gym called “Resolutions.” It will have exercise equipment
for the first two months and then turn into a bar for the rest of the year.
Locally owned & operated
Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
All Trails Lead to Georgio’s
Whether it’s Breakfast,
Lunch, or Dinner...
we’ve got you covered
Eat-In or
Take-Out
Full Bakery •
Breakfast Sandwiches •
Fresh Pizza •
Try our UFO •
Daily Specials •
And so much more! •
GEORGIO’S
Serving Greater LA since the 1950s.
783-2981
740 Minot Avenue, Auburn • www.mygeorgiosme.com
Out ‘n About at
the Kora Shrine
Temple
for the FEZtival of Trees
I’m already
working super hard
to make Santa’s nice
list in 2022!
Bree Daigle &
Hailey Knodson
Just sold my homing pigeon on eBay ... again.
Out ‘n About at the Kora Shrine Temple for the FEZtival of Trees
Which one am I?
I’ll never tell.
Us
either!
Debbie Irish
After an
all online event
last year, it was great
to be back in person
this year!
Harper, Hailey, & Leah Descoteaux
If you ever hear me order a decaf coffee, I’ve been kidnapped
and am trying to signal you.
Sue Zubiate
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
7
Out ‘n About at
the Kora Shrine
Temple
for the FEZtival of Trees
I’m so
thankful fir
all these beautiful
trees that were
donated by local
businesses and community
members!
I can’t be-leaf how
gorgeous they
all are!
Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever?
NEW YEAR, NEW HOME!
Tired of paying rent? Call us today!
Home Ownership
made simple!
Design-Build •
Turn-Key Packages •
Single or Multi-Level Homes •
368 Minot Avenue, Auburn
207.333.6001 • mainesourcehomes.com
One Loan •
(No Construction Loan
Needed in Most Cases)
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
8
Danielle Williams
I agree!
All these trees
really spruce up the
place!
Kaleb Davis
Jimbo, join
me in a round of
Auld Lang Syne!
Jimbo
Jan. 2022 783-7039
Jon
Mercier
Mark
Turner
Toni
Ferraro
Brandon
Caruso
Deb
Morin
Linda
Dupuis
Regina
Ritchie
“Essentially” is essentially meaningless.
Seafood Alfredo
Creamy rich parmesan sauce over
shrimp, scallops, and ziti
207-782-2135 Auburn Mall
Mon. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm
Cheers
to you in
2022!
Ducks wake up at the quack of dawn.
Dustin
Mallar
Mason
Dupuis
Lindsay
Wright
DAILY SPECIALS
MONDAY
Wings
Cheeseburger Special
Cincinnati Spaghetti
25oz domestic drafts
TUESDAY
Wings
Fried Pickle Basket
Thatcher’s Burger
25oz domestic drafts
WEDNESDAY
3 Beef Tacos
Thatcher’s Burrito
Well Margaritas • Coronas
THURSDAY
Stuffed Peppers
Buffalo Chicken Salad
Microbrews
FRIDAY
Clam Cake Basket
Fish & Chips
Teriyaki Tips w/mashed
SATURDAY
Fried Scallops
2 Hot Dogs w/fries
Miller Lite Bottles
SUNDAY
12" Cheese Pizza
Bloody Mary’s
Domestic Light/Lite Drafts
HAS IT ALL
Your one-stop shop for:
• Amazing food (eat in or take out)
• Agency liquor store with beer cave
• Lottery tickets
• Redemption center
Full serve catering at the
location of your choice.
Book Your
2023
Events
Now!
207-345-9009
DadsPlaceCatering.com
207-345-5551
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com
Catering
Dad’s Redemption Center
6¢ a
bottle for
Make-A-Wish
Donations!
Redemption Center is
directly behind Dad’s Place
DONATE YOUR
BOTTLES TO
Help grant a wish to a local child
battling a critical illness
See our redemption ad on page 36.
Out ‘n About in
Oxford Hills
for the Christmas Parade
It was
certainly a
freezing cold day,
but that didn’t stop
people from coming
out and enjoying
the festivities!
I’m just itching to tell you about my allergies.
Fishermen’s Net Gray
Bringing the Ocean to your Table
Take out, Dine in, Live Lobster,
& Homemade Goods
207-657-3474
59c Portland Road, Gray
Gift Certificates Available
Hours:
Mon. 11a-5p
Tues.-Thurs. 10a-6p
Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p
Sun. 10a-5p
Adam Tanguay
Hebron Fire Department
Of course
people still came
out! This is the largest
Christmas parade
in the state of
Maine!
Hey Josh,
do you have any
more of those
Scooby Snacks?
Out ‘n About in Lewiston
Josh McFetridge and his
walking partner, Riley,
wishing they were back
to the Dog Days of Summer.
Dave Saar
Hebron Fire Department
√ Difficult Tree
Removals
√ Storm Damage
Clean up
John Horn
Bridgton Fire Department
Local Arborist with over
20 Years experience!
√ Pruning
√ Trimming
√ Chipping
√ Lot Clearing
Servicing all of Androscoggin & Cumberland counties
Call us
TODAY for a
FREE Quote!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
10 Jan. 2022 783-7039
Not only am I redundant and superfluous,
but I also tend to use more words than necessary.
1052 Minot Avenue Auburn
207-783-6885
MacsGrill.com
Where the
locals eat!
Catering!
Weddings, Banquets, Birthdays,
Corporate Parties, and more!
No event too BIG or SMALL...
We cater it ALL!
NOW
HIRING
LINE
COOKS!
Competitive Pay!
Join us for our
SUPER BOWL PARTY
In February!
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
School Days
Submitted by Steve Simard
Little Jimbo came
running into the house
after school one day,
shouting, “Mommy!
Mommy! I got 100 in
school today!”
“That’s great, son!” said
his mom. “Come here
in the living room and
tell me all about it.”
Little Jimbo said, “Well,
I got 50 in spelling,
30 in math and 20 in
science!”
Sea
Counseling
Submitted by Jimbo
One afternoon The
Sea rolled into the
office of Dr. Alfred
Werner, clinical psychologist.
The doctor smiled; he
hadn’t seen his old
friend in ages. “Well,
well! Long time no sea!
How are you doing?”
“Swell,” replied the
Sea saltily.
“Then what, Pacifically,
is the problem?”
“Well,” the Sea
swished sadly, “I’m
getting tired of just
going in and out every
day, in and out, in and
out, in and...”
GENDRON
UNDERWRITER
Acupuncture is pointless.
Maine Event Comedy
Saturday, Jan 22 – 7:30 PM
Door opens at 7:00 PM
Tickets: Advance – $12 each
Door – $15 each
Ages 18+
Show sponsor: Roopers
Harp Twins
Saturday, May 28 – 7:30 PM
Door opens at 7:00 PM
Tickets: Advance – $25 each
Door – $30 each
Show sponsor: Platz Associates
Upcoming Events
in Heritage Hall
Friday, Feb 4 – 7:00 PM
Door opens at 6:30 PM
Tickets: Advance – $28 each
Door – $33 each
Show sponsor: Androscoggin Bank
MEDIA SPONSORS
“I understand,” Dr.
Werner interrupted
hastily, “but I fear
there’s nothing to be
done about it. For you
see, my friend, you’re
just fit to be tide.”
GENDRON
Order tickets:
FrancoCenter.org or
call: (207) 689-2000
46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, ME 04240
FrancoCenter.org • facebook.com/FrancoCenter
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
12 Jan. 2022 783-7039
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year,
but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.
That is that word which should be used instead of which.
Out ‘n About in
Oxford Hills
for the Christmas Parade
Captain Jimbo
and I are teaming up
to rid the world
of evildoers!
Captain America
The best
way to spread
Christmas cheer
is by singing loud
for all to hear!
And if you don’t
agree with me, then
you’re a Cotton
Headed Ninny
Muggins!
The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,
aged 65 and older, that need assistance with bathing,
medications, and meals.
We provide a warm and
comfortable home for our residents
41 Pleasant Street, Auburn • 207-783-0961
Bonnie Iwans
Walkie-talkies neither walk nor talk; they should be called holdie-noisies.
Buddy the Elf
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
13
Bar Houdini
Submitted by Jimbo
A deputy police officer
responded to a report
of a bar room
disturbance.
Fun fact, I’ve never seen anyone smiling while jogging.
Out ‘n About in Oxford Hills for the Christmas Parade
The “disturbance”
turned out to be well
over six feet tall and
weighed almost 300
pounds. What’s more,
he boasted that he
could whip the deputy
and the “Heavy Weight
Boxing Champion of
the World.”
The policeman said,
“I’ll bet that you’re also
an escape artist too,
probably better than
Houdini.”
The giant nodded.
“If I had some chains,”
the deputy continued,
“you could show us
how strong you really
are. But all I’ve got is a
set of handcuffs. Why
don’t you see just how
quickly you can break
out of them?”
Once in the cuffs, the
man puffed, pulled and
jerked for four minutes.
“I can’t get out of
these,” the giant
growled.
“Are you sure?” the
deputy asked.
The fellow tried again.
“Nope,” he replied. “I
can’t do it.”
“In that case,” said the
deputy, “you’re under
arrest.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
14 Jan. 2022 783-7039
I quit my job when my boss started paying me in vegetables.
I couldn’t live off of that celery.
Yesterday, tomorrow was the day after tomorrow.
Come be the Difference in Someone’s Life!
NOW HIRING CNAs and DSPs
Are you a compassionate individual who enjoys working
with people in their home and in the community?
Join our team of caring professionals!
Out ‘n About in
Oxford Hills
for the Christmas Parade
I don’t know
why everyone is
complaining about the
cold... I am quite
toasty in here!
Apply online at JFMhomes.org
or visit us at 800 Center St, Auburn
John F. Murphy Homes, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer and complies with all
local, state, and federal guidelines in its employment practices & services provided.
Slicing pizza is a great way to cut carbs.
Andrew, Caroline,
& Kittrena
Robinson
Fleece
blanket, knit hat....
the cold doesn’t
stand a chance!
MONDAY
Ham Italians
Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99
WEDNESDAY
Chicken Salad
Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99
FRIDAY
Tuna Italian
Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99
SUNDAY
$2.00 OFF
Any large pizza
MAIN STREET MARKET
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502
Our food
& your
favorite team
make a great
combo!
Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week
TUESDAY
Small 1-topping Pizza
10" pizza $4.99
THURSDAY
Bowl of Chili
$4.49
SATURDAY
Baked Beans
Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99
Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49
We accept cash, checks,
major credit/debit cards, & EBT
I’m not indecisive... unless you want me to be.
B.L.T.
Sm. $2.99
Lg. $4.99
Breakfast Sandwiches $2.29
Hash browns 2/$1.59
Coffee all sizes $0.99
Brenda and
Madison Rizzoti, &
Mary Ann Crehan
No fleece
blankets for this
guy. I brought my
own coat!
Bryce
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
15
Out ‘n About in
Oxford Hills
for the Christmas Parade
Out ‘n
About freezing
my badonkadonk off!
Can somebody
bring me some
Dunkin’?
If the Earth were flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS
I N S U R A N C E
...Your Security is Our Concern!
Home
Auto
Business
and more!
Stephanie
Arsenault
Digest Chaos Coordinator
We’ve Got You Covered
Locally Owned & Operated
150 East Ave. Lewiston 207-783-2246 • 888-983-2246
Our lack of cooperation is mutual!
Out ‘n About in Oxford Hills for the Christmas Parade
Storm
Ironsides
Steve certainly
makes me look
good!*
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
16
Iron Man
*See Page 4
Jimbo
Jan. 2022 783-7039
Megan, Piper, Gabby & Violete Wing & Paula Staples
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving – I don’t make the rules!
I used to think that marriage was a 50-50 proposition...
until I realized that I knew nothing about women or fractions.
Deserted
Island
Submitted by Jimbo
Abe and Esther are
flying to Australia for
a two week vacation
to celebrate their 50th
wedding anniversary.
Suddenly, over the
public address system,
the Captain announces,
“Ladies and
Gentlemen, I am afraid
I have some very bad
news; our engines are
about to fail and we
will have to attempt
an emergency landing.
Luckily, I see an
uncharted island below
us and we should be
able to land on the
beach.”
Thanks to the skill of
the flight crew, the
plane lands safely
on the island. The
pilot then announces,
“Odds are that we may
never be rescued and
will have to live on the
island for the rest of
our lives.”
An hour later Abe turns
to his wife and asks,
“Esther, did we pay our
$5,000 PBS pledge
check yet?”
“No, sweetheart,” she
responds.
Abe, still shaken from
the crash landing,
then asks, “Esther, did
we pay our American
Express card yet?”
Continued on next page
My New Year’s resolution was to read more, so I put the subtitles on my TV.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
17
Continued from previous page
“Oh, no! I’m sorry. I forgot
to send the check,”
she says.
Profanity sucks.
Out ‘n About in Oxford Hills for the Christmas Parade
“One last thing Esther,
did you remember to
send checks for the
Visa and MasterCard
this month?” he asks.
“Oh, forgive me, Abe,”
begged Esther. “I didn’t
send those either.”
Abe grabs her and
gives her the biggest
kiss in 50 years.
Esther pulls away and
asks him, “What was
that for?”
Abe answers, “They’ll
find us now! We’ll be
saved!”
Bagel Shop
Student
Submitted by Jimbo
“Hello Mrs. Frobisher”
said the bearded guy
behind the counter at
the bagel shop.
My husband and I
looked at him but drew
complete blanks. “I’m
sorry, do we know
each other?” I asked.
“Yeah, you was my
English teacher.”
Leaning over, my
husband whispered,
“Good job, Honey,
good job.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
18 Jan. 2022 783-7039
Just because I have nothing to say is no reason why you shouldn’t listen.
How to parallel park: Park somewhere else.
PROTECT Your Business.
PROTECT Yourself.
We are Maine’s largest
resource for background
searches
Out ‘n About in
Oxford Hills
for the Christmas Parade
Don’t
you worry if the
parade route gets
foggy... I’ve got you
covered!
207-783-0000783-0000
corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com
You just never see it coming.
You just never
see it coming.
PROTECT YOURSELF WITH THE RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE.
PROTECT YOUR COMPANY WITH THE
RIGHT PROTECTION AT THE RIGHT PRICE
ERF
MUID
Rudolph, the rednosed
reindeer
ERF
ERF
MUIDEM
MUIDE
BUS
BUS BUS
ERF
MUIDEM
BUS
Forget my
heart, it’d be nice
if the thermostat
grew three sizes
today!
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The Grinch
John Blanchette
• RISK CONSULTING
• BUSINESS ANALYTICS
Contact John today at 207-784-9358
• INDUSTRY EXPERTISE
• CLAIMS SUPPORT
www.nfp.com
Insurance services provided through NFP Property & Casualty Services, Inc.
(PC-19126-16) Copyright © 2016 NFP. All rights reserved.
• ENTERPRISE RISK MANAGEMENT
•ALTERNATIVE RISK TRANSFERS
What if Algebra teachers are really pirates, and they are using us to
find “x” so they can find the treasure?
Kayleigh Cote
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
19
YOUR VOTE
Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 27th
BEST DANCE SCHOOL 21
MARY JANE’S
SCHOOL OF DANCE
675 Main St. Lewiston | 241-2498
BEST CASUAL RESTAURANT 20
BEST BOUTIQUE 10
785 Main St.
Lewiston
241-8378
BEST INSURANCE AGENCY 9
BEST ROOFING CONTRACTOR 6
DONALD DARLING
& SONS ROOFING
Serving the greater LA area | 576-2585
BEST POOL & SPA COMPANY 6
120 Center St. Auburn | 786-0715
BEST LANDSCAPE COMPANY 19
78 Lisbon St. Lisbon | 353-4848
BEST BANQUET/FUNCTION FACILITY 17
150 East Ave. Lewiston | 783-2246
BEST REAL ESTATE COMPANY 8
336 Center St. Auburn | 784-3800
BEST SUSHI RESTAURANT 8
1057 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 786-4256
BEST DAY SPA 6
577 Main St.
Lewiston
376-3233
BEST AUTO DEALERSHIP 5
490 Pleasant St. Lewiston | 784-2331
BEST BREAKFAST PLACE 14
Rolly’s Diner
87 Mill St. Auburn | 753-0171
BEST HAIR SALON 13
124 Ash St.
Lewiston
782-9046
BEST TANNING SALON 12
BEACH BUMS
250 Center St. Auburn | 783-8422
BEST CHIROPRACTOR 12
NADEAU CHIROPRACTIC
ASSOCIATES
336 Center St. Auburn | 777-1104
40 East Ave. #2 Lewiston | 795-6888
BEST MASSAGE THERAPY 8
577 Main St.
Lewiston
376-3233
BEST ATTORNEY 7
192 Lisbon St. Lewiston | 786-0606
BEST CAR WASH 7
Serving the
greater LA area
782-4009
BEST CARPET/FLOORING PROS 7
Sherm Arnold’s Flooring,
Kitchen, & Bath
675 Main St. Lewiston | 782-0831
711 Lisbon St. Lisbon Falls | 353-4361
BEST BUILDER 5
1543 Hotel Rd. Auburn | 783-6224
BEST DELI/SANDWICH SHOP 5
375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175
BEST TOWING SERVICE 5
LINDY’S AUTO REPAIR
& SALES
518 Route 202 Greene | 946-5650
BEST HAIR COLORIST 5
124 Ash St.
Lewiston
782-9046
#
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
20 Jan. 2022 783-7039
Indicates number
of years as winner.
Market Surveys of America, an independent survey
27th annual Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s Best Business
of tallied public ballots and internet voting for th
Vote online at: be
S ARE IN!
Annual Best Businesses for 2021
BEST PIZZA 4
BEST AUTOMOTIVE SERVICE
3 BEST CONVENIENCE STORE 1
375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175
BEST AUTO BODY REPAIR 4
31 Blake St.
Lewiston
782-7113
BEST NAIL SALON 4
NAIL JUNKEE
250 Center St. Auburn | 344-5094
BEST MARTIAL ARTS INSTRUCTION 4
PHOENIX ACADEMY
OF MARTIAL ARTS
945 Center St. Auburn | 577-1046
BEST TAKEOUT 4
375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175
BEST CHILD CARE/PRESCHOOL 3
DONNA’S DAYCARE
CENTER
977 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 784-6769
BEST NEW RESTAURANT 3
2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606
BEST PROPERTY MANAGEMENT
COMPANY
LABRECQUE’S PROPERTY
MANAGEMENT
1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 375-8694
3
68 Adams Ave. Lewiston | 783-0581
BEST MORTGAGE COMPANY
316 Center St. Auburn | 376-3007
BEST VALUE MEAL
2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606
BEST CHINESE RESTAURANT
2 BEST BURGER
1
2 BEST KITCHEN CABINETS 1
279 Center St. Auburn | 784-8888 675 Main St. Lewiston | 782-0831
BEST EYE CARE PROFESSIONALS
BEST EMBROIDERY SHOP
585 Main St.
Lewiston
729-8474
4 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4607
BEST EYELASH EXTENSIONIST
BRANDY @
MAINE B SKIN & LASHES
Star Sponss
10 Cross Rd. Winthrop | 346-1104
BEST COMMUNITY BANK/CU
100 Minot Ave. Auburn, 664 Main St. Lewiston
786-0773
375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175
2 BEST WAITSTAFF 1
2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606
2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606
Sherm Arnold’s Flooring,
Kitchen, & Bath
2 BEST HEATING OIL SALES & SERVICE 1
84 General Turner Hill Rd. Turner | 225-3000
1 BEST PROPANE GAS SALES & SERVICE 1
84 General Turner Hill Rd. Turner | 225-3000
1 BEST BAR/LOUNGE 1
12 Ash St.
Lewiston
330-3021
1 BEST HOTEL/MOTEL/INN 1
14 Great Falls Plaza Auburn | 784-4433
company, is proud to announce the winners of the
es for 2021 Survey. The above winners are the result
e Lewiston/Auburn small business community.
stofsurveys.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
21
Now
Hiring
Out ‘n About in
Oxford Hills
for the Christmas Parade
I scream,
you scream, we all
scream for gelato!
Also, poems are
hard.
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
COME JOIN OUR TEAM!
You’ll be glad you did!
We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals
Lourdes Rubio
Dolce Amici Gelato
& Cocktails
To apply:
www.jfmhomes.org or 207-783-2726 x202
Do you hear
that? It’s the sound
of a tropical island
calling my name!
IS YOUR BUSINESS HIRING?
Advertise in our
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
section to get your job opening viewed by more
than 20,000 readers each month! Call today FMI!
207-783-7039
Michele Wagner
We are Looking for
Licensed Electricians
Apply
Within
Rob Federico
Norway Police Chief
RoySnow.com
207.782.3734
Serving Maine since 1947
11 Library Ave.
Auburn
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
22 Jan. 2022 783-7039
Whenever I look for something, it’s always in the last place I look.
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES
PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION IS GROWING!
We are seeking experienced service technicians to join our team!
24 Hour
Service
Fully Insured
Been on a diet for two weeks and all I lost is 14 days.
We’re Hiring Delivery Drivers - we offer Aflac.
Please be patient with us as we are short-staffed
PLEASE CALL
207-777-5600
Air Conditioning & Heating
235 N. River Road, Auburn
207-777-5600
www.pro-techrefrigeration.com
protechoffice11@yahoo.com
Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,
and the surrounding communities!
10 Memorial Street, Lisbon • 207-241-0270 • www.a1lausedappliance.com
Hours: Closed Sun, Mon, Tues; Wed-Sat 9:00am-5:00pm
More than five million Americans are overweight. These, of course, are round figures.
Now
Hiring
Early
Submitted by Jimbo
What is the deal with
‘The early bird gets
the worm?’ He gets up
early, and all he gets
is a worm? It says ‘the
worm,’ which means
one single worm. That
doesn’t seem very fair,
for a bird that goes
through the trouble of
getting up early.
Myself, I would rather
sleep late and get
the ‘worm and grub’
brunch special at the
local diner. I can’t
imagine that an early
5:00 AM worm is going
to taste that much better
than a plate of later
11:00 AM worms.
And, speaking of
which, what’s the deal
with the early worm?
He gets up early, to
get a start on the day,
because he has loads
of work to do, and he
gets eaten by a bird!
Where is the moral
of the story, when
the lazy worms don’t
get eaten? Isn’t that
hypocritical? Seems to
me that all the smart
worms either work
nights, or sleep late
and get up after lunch.
Isn’t that sending the
wrong message to our
kids?
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
23
Immortal
Dolphins
Submitted by Tyla Davis
There was this guy
who found an ancient
book. In that book he
read that dolphins live
forever if you feed
them the meat of an
eagle.
Some time later he
came across a very
sick eagle and thought:
It’s gonna die soon
anyway, I might as well
take it to the dolphins
at the local zoo to see
if what’s in the book is
actually true.
At night he climbed
over a wall to get into
the zoo – and found
himself right in the lion
enclosure! He managed
to escape the
lions by jumping over
them and then climbing
up a tree.
He was later arrested
and charged with
smuggling ill eagle
goods over state lions
for immortal porpoises.
The easiest way to get straight A’s is to use a ruler.
Eligible for Medicare?
CALL US TODAY
to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.
30+
Years of
Experience!
Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston
I’m so pun at farties!
Out ‘n About with Travel with Shae in Montego Bay, Jamaica
I never
leave home without
my Digest! It is
a travel staple!
Dr. Phil,
Shae & Norm
Roux, and
Jemar
Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning – or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked.
EST.1950
54 Mill Street
New Auburn
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
24
Accounting
& Tax
Service You
Can Trust!
Jimbo
Jan. 2022 783-7039
MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.
Certified Public Accountant
Tax Planning & Preparation
for Individuals and Business
207.782.1040
9 Grove Street, Auburn
mspaulding@androscoggin.tax
Appointments
and walk-ins
welcome!
783-3444
OPEN: Tues-Fri 7:30a-5:30p, Sat 7:30a-2p
Booth Rentals Available
Nothing
like a fresh
cut to start
the new year
off right!
Don’t expect any New Year’s resolutions from me.
I intend to stay the same sarcastic, foul-mouthed delight you’ve all grown to love!
You can tell an Irishman is having a good time when you see him
Dublin over with laughter!
Out ‘n About in
Oxford Hills
for the Christmas Parade
Kevin Masse
Why did
Santa Claus get
a parking ticket on
Christmas eve?
What keeps me going is inertia.
Mrs. Claus
120 Center Street
Auburn
207-241-2356
Maine Mall
South Portland
207-274-2539
123 Main Street
Freeport
207-885-0900
Wishing you a
blessed new year!
Crystals, Metaphysical, Holistic Gifts, & MORE!
Tarot, Akashic Records, Reiki, Psychic & Medium Services
www.bridge2heavenhealing.com | www.leapinlizards.biz
Free advice is worth what you paid for it.
449 Forest Ave
Portland
207-221-2363
Because I
left my sleigh in a
Snow Parking Zone.
Santa Claus
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
25
Career Training
Submitted by Jimbo
The proprietor of a
small village drugstore
was called out
one sleepy summer
morning, leaving the
establishment temporarily
under the sole
management of a very
young, and very new
clerk.
“Just answer the phone
if it rings, Jim,” instructed
the proprietor.
The phone rang.
“Hello,” said the clerk.
“Do you have streptomycin
and aureomycin?”
asked a voice at
the other end.
The clerk scratched
his head, then said,
“Ma’am, when I said
‘Hello’ I told you everything
I know!”
People think “icy” is the easiest word to spell. I see why!
Happy New Year
We look forward to serving you in 2022!
The Vallee Family and entire team at the Village Inn wish
to extend our sincere thankfulness to our community for
their continued support throughout the year.
We really appreciate our friends and our guests and we
look forward to serving you all in the New Year!
Village Inn, 165 High Street, Auburn • 782-7796
Open Wednesday - Sunday • villageinnmaine.com
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•
We have 15+ delicious beers on tap
- and to go -
Brewed Right here,
For you.
(and we trade Beer
for money)
1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN
207.689.3030
/SIDEBYEACHBREWING
WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM
* PLEASE VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR SUMMER HOURS
My New Year’s resolution is stop hanging out with people who ask me what my New Year’s resolution is.
Poisson & Sons Auto Care
260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144
11 12 1
10 MOTOR VEHICLE 2
9
22
0215697
23
FULL SERVICE GAS STATION
3
January 2022
Stickers
8
4
7 6 5 are due!
Safety Tip:
Keep your vehicle maintained
through the winter. Winter driving
can be tough on a vehicle. It’s
important that you and your
passengers stay safe!
LISTEN. THE CARIBBEAN IS CALLING.
Travel with Shae
Specializing in Caribbean Travel
Destination Weddings • Honeymoons
Family & Friend Getaways • All inclusive Vacations
Bachelorette / Bachelor Getaways
RIU Hotel & Resort Certified
Marriott Hotel Certified
Call or email Shae TODAY! 207-212-0706 • shaebookstravel@gmail.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
26 Jan. 2022 783-7039
PLOT TWIST: Maybe eating a doughnut wasn’t cheating on my diet;
maybe going on a diet was cheating on my doughnuts.
If Facebook has taught us anything, it’s that a lot of you are not
quite ready for a Spelling Bee.
THE AMERICAN LEGION
FAMILY
AMERICAN LEGION ACT
Veterans who were honorably discharged
but whose service did not
fall into previous defined war era’s
may now join the American Legion
immediately. The eligibility now
spans from Dec. 7, 1941, until a time
when the U.S. is no longer at war, as
determined by Congress.
For Veteran or Community services, call
207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229
Hall Rentals Available
Call for more
information
207-782-1118
Precision is a fuzzy concept.
71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118
Members & Guests Welcome!
HOURS: Mon through Wed: 12p-6p
Thurs: 12p-9p • Fri & Sat: 12p-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p
MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS
FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS 7-11pm in January
Jerry Joe - January 14th & 28th • 4:30 - 6:30pm
MONTHLY MEETING
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 19 TH
BREAKFAST
8-10am
DINNER
4-6pm
EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM
GENERAL MEETING, 7PM
Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.
SUNDAY: JANUARY 16TH:
Join us for a hearty breakfast!
$10.00 adults
$5.00 under age 10
50/50
RAFFLE!
SATURDAY: JANUARY 29TH:
Lasagna w/salad &
dinner roll
$12.00
RED SHIRT FRIDAYS
WEAR YOUR R.E.D. SHIRT & GET A SURPRISE! SEE YOU AT THE POST!
Son’s of the American Legion MEETING:
Monday, January 10th @ 5:30pm
Bloody
Mary
Sundays
by Kevin
11am-6pm!
Out ‘n About in
Oxford Hills
for the Christmas Parade
Next year,
I’m asking Santa
for a heated seat on
this bike!
Scott Christiansen
Kora Drifters
Do you
want to hear a
joke about vikings?
Nevermind, there’s
Norway you’d laugh
at it.
Out ‘n About in Oxford Hills for the Christmas Parade
Stephen Reed
Oxford Hills Viking
My nose is as
red as Rudolph’s!
Melissa Resto, Tanner McCusker & Stephanie McCusker
Laughter is the best medicine - unless you have diarrhea.
Tiffany Smith &
Becca Bear-Mann
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
27
Sales Call
Submitted by Jimbo
A salesman telephoned
a household
and a young boy
answered.
“May I speak to your
mother?” the salesman
asked.
The boy replied, “She’s
not here right now.”
The salesman then
asked, “Is there anyone
else there?”
The boy replied, “My
sister.”
The salesman asked,
“May I speak to her?”
I wish I was as fat as I was the first time I thought I was fat.
Albert & Burpee Funeral
Home & Cremation Service
207-782-7201
253 Pine Street, Lewiston
www.albert-burpee.com
Traditional Funeral with metal casket & cement graveliner
All services the same day, Monday-Friday
$5995.00
(does not include cemetery, minister, newspapers & required permits)
The boy replied, “I
guess so.”
At this point there was
a long period of silence
on the phone.
I absolutely refuse to be assertive!
Then the boy returned
and said, “Hello?”
The salesman responded,
“It’s you
again? Weren’t you
going to get your
sister?”
To which the boy
replied, “I tried, but I
can’t get her out of the
playpen!”
My wife just stopped
and said, “You weren’t
even listening were
you?”
I thought... “That’s a
pretty weird way to
start a conversation.”
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
28 Jan. 2022 783-7039
What’s it like having a toddler?
Imagine raising a heavily caffeinated chimpanzee who is allergic to sleep.
I took a Covid test. Well, actually, I just passed wind to test my sense of smell.
Thankfully I was negative.
NEED A HAND WITH ACCOUNTING?
It’s time to call AT Tax Services!
Offering affordable bookkeeping and tax prep services
4 Tax prep for individuals, LLC’s,
Non-profits
4 Bookkeeping service on-site at your
business - ask about our mobile app
4 8 years experience in accounting &
education
4 Serving Androscoggin & Kennebec
counties
Out ‘n About at
Side by Each
Brewing Co.
for Storytime with Santa
This was
so much fun!
Cocoa, cookies,
and Santa for the
kids, and brews and
coffee for the
grown ups!
Antoine Tolton • 207-240-6967
Hey, can
you keep it down
over there?! I’m
trying to read my
Uncle Andy’s
Digest!
Zander
Wallingford
trying to enjoy
his favorite
magazine
Robbie Belair,
Nick Belair, &
Courtney Jensen
I had to
make sure to
keep working hard
because I knew Santa
was watching! I’d hate
for him to tell
my boss I was
slacking!
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!
87 Mill Street, New Auburn • 753-0171
Serving Breakfast All Day!
RollysNewAuburn.com
Mon – Sat 6 am – 2 pm,
Sunday Closed
Breakfast of Champions: Big Bacon Skillet
Hash browns, bacon, scrambled eggs, & cheddar
cheese. All stacked in a skilled then baked.
Add some fruit to complete your breakfast.
Ben Albee
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
29
Out ‘n About at
Side by Each
Brewing Co.
for Storytime with Santa
It’s always windy in a sports arena because of all the fans.
A place the whole family will LOVE!
LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!
Make your
reservation
now!
Hunter Bailey &
Trevor Laliberte
40 East Avenue, Lewiston • 207-795-6888 • www.sea40me.com
I won the
Ugly Sweater
Contest! Being
festive paid off!
Small Office Suites for Lease Month to Month
$350 Gross/Month • 124 Lisbon Street, Lewiston
Private Entrance on Park St. Alley, Steps from Parking
Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.
It was
an honor just being
nominated.
Bryce Strout,
Keith & Tyla Davis
Maine Realty Advisors
FRANK CARR
Your real estate investment advisor
Brokering your buying & selling needs
207.252.4881 • Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com
The Williams Broadcasting Group specializes
in the creative development of both short
format and full length Podcast shows for
radio, television, and the web.
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
30
I used to
have a fear of
Santa. I was
Claustrophobic.
Emma Nobles,
Santa, & Bowie
Jimbo
Jan. 2022 783-7039
We are the largest producer of full
length podcasts in the country. Shows
like: In The Pits, Bruins Diehards, The
19th Hole, The Liars Club, Animal Chat,
Community, What a Concept, and
Pride Diehards!
(207)-527-2000 | www.williamsbroadcasting.net | john@williamsbroadcasting.net
Nobody wants to be friends with Dracula because he’s a pain in the neck.
An apology is a good way to have the last word.
OXFORD HILLS FAVORITE
PIZZA & SANDWICH SHOP!
Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas
Breakfast Sandwiches and More!
Voted one of Maine’s Best Pizza Places!
2016 WMTW Facebook Fan poll
POLLY’S VARIETY
115 King Street, Oxford
207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com
Call
ahead for
orders!
January Special
Pork Gyro Sandwich
Includes: Pork on a gyro pita with lettuce,
tomatoes, red onion, & tzatziki sauce
ONLY $6 .99
Expires 1/31/22
Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm
From the
Mouths of
Babes
Submitted by Jimbo
Ms. Crabtree had been
telling her 1st grade
class the story of the
discovery of America
by Columbus.
She concluded with,
“And all this happened
more than 500 years
ago.”
“Wow!” exclaimed Little
Johnny, “What a great
memory you have!”
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time... but you can never fool mom.
F ind Y ourself
in places no one else can
Merry Christmas &
Happy New Year!
CALL OF THE WILD
RV CENTER
848 Main Street, Oxford
207-539-4410
www.callofthewildrv.com
If I had a dollar for every time I used algebra in my adult life, I’d have ‘n’ dollars.
GREAT DEALS EVERY DAY!
PA’S TRADIN’
COMPANY Inc.
BUY • SELL • TRADE
PAWN
Federal Licensed Firearms Dealer
1447 Main Street, Oxford
Only 25 Minutes from
Auburn & Gray
Open Mon-Sat. 9am - 5pm
207-743-0709 or
1-877-743-0709
We
Have
TVs!
Gun Background
Checks/Transfers
Fire Arms Transfers $ 25/each
• VIDEOS, GAMES
• TOOLS
• FISHING SUPPLIES
• FURNITURE
• TARPS
• ICE FISHING GEAR & SUPPLIES
• & MUCH MORE!
BUYING GUNS!
Always Pawning & Selling • Inventory Changes Daily!
My Reputation
Precedes Me
Submitted by Jimbo
Lenora, 95-years-old
and in excellent health,
confided that she was
terribly worried:
“Every one of my
friends has already
died and gone on to
heaven. I’m afraid
they’re all wondering
where I went!”
To kick start my New Year, I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
31
BUSINESS
SP TLIGHT
Richard Moylan
(207) 777-0050
791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn
richardmoylan@allstate.com
207-782-7141
Now Hiring!
Competitive Pay!
Benefits, Great People!
Apply in Person!
Students welcome!
Insurance and coverages subject to terms.
qualifications and availability. Allstate Property
and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and
Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois
© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company
207-333-5022
kaytdavispt@gmail.com
Therapy in the home.
Most insurances accepted.
207.577.6484
528 Lincoln Street
Lewiston
Wishing
you health
and happiness
in
2022!
CALL TODAY TO ADVERTISE IN OUR BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT SECTION!
ONLY $ 60 PER MONTH
207-783-7039
Convert Your Home Videos to DVD!
Let us convert all your old family memories to digital that will last a lifetime.
Bring us your VHS tapes, reels, or flash drives and let our digital imaging
experts create a DVD of all your home movies!
Auburn Mall • 207-783-3354
OFFERING
Residential
Commercial
Clean Outs
Roll Offs
844-ME-TRASH
844-638-7274
The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!
SERVING
Oxford Hills • Lewiston/Auburn• McFalls/Minot/Poland
Bridgton/Denmark • Raymond/Naples
9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com
Steve Simard
Marketing Specialist
207.754.1815
steve@
UncleAndys.com
9 Grove Street,
Auburn, ME 04210
Office:
207-783-7039
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
32 Jan. 2022 783-7039
The future isn’t what it used to be.
I just bought my wife a new 5G Samsunggggg.
Real People.
Really Great Service.
We’re the People Behind Payroll.
Payroll Processing
Time & Attendance
Workers’ Comp
Pay-As-You-Go
Out ‘n About at
Side by Each
Brewing Co.
for Storytime with Santa
800-734-6880
PAYROLLMGT.COM
Santa & Casey
Peacock
Check out our Weekly Ad for our 2022 specials!
Roy’s
FOODLAND
“Best in
Town”
Chicken
& Ham
Salad!
I’m probably
the reason Santa
even has a Naughty
List.
SATURDAY
Beans, bread/rolls &
cole slaw
$9.99
WEDNESDAY
Ham, Veggie, Salami,
or Pepperoni Italians
$2.49
PIZZA PACKS
Pizza
Packs
$9.99
70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471
www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com
Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed
Santa & Katie
Lemieux
Come in
and check
out our
awesome
daily
specials!
Whoa,
cool truck!
Maybe this Santa
guy isn’t so scary
after all!!
Enjoy Happy Hour
Every Monday - Friday from 2p-5p!
47 Broad Street, Auburn
www.firehouseauburn.com
207-376-4959
Monday - Saturday 11a-9p
January
Drink
Special
Please - I can only ignore one thing at a time.
Yuletide
Mule
$
9
Robbie Belair
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
33
2
Be nice to your hairstylist because what’s stopping them from plucking one of your hairs and putting it at a crime scene?
Nothing.
EDUCATION
Train online to do medical billing! Become a Medical Office Professional
at CTI! Get trained & certified to work in months! 888-572-
6790. The Mission, Program Information and Tuition is located at
CareerTechnical.edu/consumer-information. (M-F 8-6 ET)
HEALTH & FITNESS
VIAGRA and CIALIS USERS! 50 Generic Pills SPECIAL $99.00 FREE
Shipping! 100% guaranteed. 24/7 CALL NOW! 888-445-5928
Hablamos Español
Dental insurance - Physicians Mutual Insurance Company. Covers 350
procedures. Real insurance - not a discount plan. Get your free dental
info kit! 1-888-623-3036 www.dental50plus.com/58 #6258
Attention oxygen therapy users! Inogen One G4 is capable of full 24/7
oxygen delivery. Only 2.8 pounds. Free info kit. Call 877-929-9587
MISCELLANEOUS
The Generac PWRcell solar plus battery storage system. Save money,
reduce reliance on grid, prepare for outages & power your home.
Full installation services. $0 down financing option. Request free no
obligation quote. 1-855-270-3785
GENERAC Standby Generators provide backup power during power
outages, so your home & family stay safe & comfortable. Prepare
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debris-blocking gutter protection. Schedule free LeafFilter estimate
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events, sports & on demand titles. No contract/commitment.
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- No payments for 18 months! Lifetime warranty & professional
installs. Senior & Military Discounts available. Call: 855-761-1725
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Top quality - Made in the USA. Free consultation: 877-212-
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Long distance moving: Call for a free quote from America’s Most
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to a relocation specialist 888-721-2194
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1980’s. TOP DOLLAR PAID. CALL TOLL FREE 1-866-433-8277
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Stop worrying! SilverBills eliminates the stress & hassle of bill pmts.
Household bills guaranteed to be paid on time as long as appropriate
funds are available. No computer necessary. Free trial/custom quote
1-855-703-0555
Become a published author. We want to read your book! Dorrance
Publishing trusted since 1920. Consultation, production, promotion
& distribution. Call for free author`s guide 833-719-3029 or visit
dorranceinfo.com/acp
Paying top cash for men’s sportwatches! Rolex, Breitling, Omega,
Patek Philippe, Heuer, Daytona, GMT, Submariner and Speedmaster.
Call 833-603-3236
WANTED TO BUY
Wants to purchase minerals and other oil and gas interests. Send
details to P.O. Box 13557 Denver, CO 80201
Prepare for unexpected
power outages with a
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generator
REQUEST A FREE QUOTE!
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Call for a full list of terms and conditions.
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Mon-Thurs: 8am-11pm, Fri-Sat: 8am-5pm, Sun: 2pm-8pm EST
LIFETIME
WARRANTY
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OFF
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*For those who qualify. One coupon per household. No obligation estimate valid for 1 year. **Offer valid at time of estimate only 2 The leading consumer reporting
agency conducted a 16 month outdoor test of gutter guards in 2010 and recognized LeafFilter as the “#1 rated professionally installed gutter guard system
in America.” Manufactured in Plainwell, Michigan and processed at LMT Mercer Group in Ohio. See Representative for full warranty details. CSLB# 1035795
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Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
34 Jan. 2022 783-7039
What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
I’m sick of following my dreams; I’m just going to ask them where they’re going and hook up with them later.
SERVING OUR
COMMUNITY FOR
OVER 28 YEARS
INSURANCE AND
FINANCIAL SERVICES
Ana Bourasseau
Financial Professional
The Prudential Insurance
Company of America
620 Washington St N
Auburn, ME 04210
(207) 795-7707
ana.bourasseau@prudential.com
Insurance Issued by
The Prudential Insurance Company of America, Newark, NJ and its affiliates.
PAM-312
10/2023
James Jackson IV, CLU, ChFC
Financial Professional
The Prudential Insurance
Company of America
620 Washington St N
Auburn, ME 04210
(207) 795-7707
Jim.jackson@prudential.com
Tyla just crashed her Kia. Now she has Nokia.
Call us for a quote
TODAY!
Editor Tyla Davis returns to
Uncle Andy’s Digest & LA Metro Magazine
After a three month hiatus, Tyla Davis has returned to the editor’s
seat at Uncle Andy’s Digest and LA Metro Magazine. Davis has
over 25 years experience as a graphic designer and has been the
editor of the sister magazines since March of 2019.
HATS
MUGS
EMBROIDERY
SCREENPRINTING
Order your
school spirit
wear today!
WEAR
PENS
BAGS
“It’s not often in life you get the opportunity to take all of your
passions and meld them into one career,” says Davis. “I am
extremely lucky to have this opportunity a second time. Sometimes
you don’t realize what you really have, until you don’t have
it anymore.”
Publisher and CEO, Jimbo Marston says of Davis’ return, “Things
really do happen for a reason. Deciding to put hiring a new editor
on hold led us to Tyla reaching out to inquire if we had filled the
position, which caused a domino effect… and just like that she’s
back! I am super excited to have her back on our team. She is a
true champion for both of our magazines and that’s not something
you find everyday. Welcome home, Tyla!”
Quality
Products
Reasonable
Pricing
205 Washington St.
South, Auburn
207-784-4184
coastaltshirts.com
Davis proudly represents the magazines at the LA Metro
Chamber of Commerce, Maine Women’s Network, and is often a
substitute at Business Network International events.
Davis has lived in the LA area since 1998 and has a passion for
all that LA has to offer and can often be seen Out ’n About supporting
and promoting local businesses. She lives in Poland with
her husband, Keith, and son, Bryce.
Uncle Andy’s Digest and LA Metro Magazine are published and
distributed throughout Central Maine since 1996 and 2016,
respectively. Their world headquarters are located at 9 Grove
Street, Auburn. For more information or to join the family of
advertisers, or with LA Metro Magazine story ideas, call
207-783-7039.
My books fell out of the bookcase. I only have my shelf to blame.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
35
CALL THE PROS
BOOST YOUR IMMUNITY
Book Your Massage. Be Well.
Office, Restaurant, & Light
Industrial Cleaning Services
Mike Magretto
Veteran Owned & Operated
EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890
229 Center Street, Auburn
(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com
Located in the building
behind Dad’s Place
6
(must present coupon at Redemption
Center prior to counting)
REDEMPTION CENTER
¢
on all 5¢ returns
with this coupon.
Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm
(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)
UAD exp. 1.31.22
We make you LOOK GREAT!
FULL COLOR BOOKLETS & MORE!
Booklets • Posters • Carbonless forms
Envelopes • Business Cards & More!
Call today for a free quote!
RON’S
YOUR FULL SERVICE REPAIR FACILITY
OIL CHANGES • SHOCKS • STRUTS • INSPECTIONS
515 Gardiner Rd. Wales
Call us
today!
Ron Charpentier, Jr.
owner
375-4924
WEBSITES THAT WORK
Design. Build. Brand. Market.
60 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-782-0525 • evergreencustomprinting.com
DREAMING OF HOME OWNERSHIP?
Let us walk you through the process
Contact
Sean
Today!
Sean Doucette
207-754-5721
sdoucette@usamortgage.com
NMLS #509638
www.MaineWeb.co
Unlimited Wash Combos
Combo #2
24 .95
$
24 per
Combo #3
includes:
.95
month
.95
$ 29 .95
per month
exterior wash,
underbody, &
poly sealant
includes: exterior
wash, underbody,
rust inhibitor, wheel
brite, tire shine, &
wax
7 Lincoln St. Lewiston
207.782.4009 • YvonsCarWash.com
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
36 Jan. 2022 783-7039
Christmas Being a isn’t good for parent another is knowing 11 months how and to some unwrap people a Kit already Kat without have making their decorations any noise. up.
CALL THE PROS
Call about
our outside
dining
options!
Open
7 Days
A Week!
68 Main Street, Auburn
(207) 376-2739
PEOPLE LOVE MAGAZINES.
of all media, which do US internet users say they
TRUST THE MOST?
PRINT.
www.angelascms.com
BUFFY DUMONT
Real Estate Agent
207.576.9755
buffydumont@gmail.com
Buying or Selling...
I Get It Done!
(Marketing Sherpa, 2020)
bigbearrealestatecompany.com
Fully Insured
I’ll help
you clean up
your act in
2022!
SCUBA
CLASSES!
Offering both private
& small group lessons
Make your own schedule!
FARRELL ENTERPRISES
BUILDINGS AND PROPERTIES CLEANED
Nearly Anything Removed
Trash • Metals • Demolition & More!
Michael Farrell
207-576-2501
805 Main Street, Lewiston
784-7300
skindiversparadise.net
Full Service Repair Facility
COMPLETE
MECHANICAL REPAIR
25 Fern Street, Turner, Maine
(207) 225-5012
www.dickautobody.com
PROTECT YOUR
INVESTMENT
PROFESSIONAL
UNDERCOATING
NEW YEAR. NEW GUN FOR 2022!
FINE LINE GUNS
Springfield Armory XD-M Elite
Compact OSP 10mm Auto
• Hex Dragonfly Red Dot
• Black Melonite Steel Slide with Optic Cut
• Fiber Optic Front,
• Tactical Rear Sights
• 3.8” Barrel
• Two 12-rd Mags
(207) 998-2374
590 Plains Rd., Poland
finelinegun@aol.com
I am only one step away from being rich. Now all I need is money.
Uncle Andy’s Digest
Jan. 2022 UncleAndys.com
...with
Jimbo
37
VALENTINE’S BASKET GIVEAWAY!
Ticket to win
CALL THE PROS
Drawing on February 12th!
Coach Terry’s
REDEMPTION CENTER
The friendly redemption center
8 Tidswell Road, Turner • 207-225-2008
Open daily 8am to 4pm
We continue to grow
due to excellent customers
and their referrals.
Sincere Thanks to all.
Lincoln Street
RADIATOR SHOP
Family owned & operated since 1967
207-784-9356
1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston Monday-Friday: 8a-5p
Call
for your
FREE QUOTE
Today!
Your Vision.
Our Expertise.
Kitchens, Baths,
Decks & More!
SHEPHERD’S PIE IS GREAT
IN ANY NEW YEAR!
207-212-7791
www.vghomeimprovements.com
85 Center Street, Auburn
207-784-8221 • 11a-9p daily
Serving great food since 1985
TEAM
KENNAGH AT
Serving those who serve
SERVING our THOSE community
WHO SERVE OUR COMMUNITY
SHELLEY KENNAGH
SENIOR LOAN OFFICER / NMLS#532306
155 CENTER ST, BUILDING C
AUBURN, ME 04210, BRANCH NMLS# 1968885
(207) 890-4942
skennagh@cmgfi.com
CONTACT ME FOR ALL YOUR HOME LOAN NEEDS!
CMG FINANCIAL IS A REGISTERED TRADE NAME OF CMG MORTGAGE, INC., NMLS# 1820 IN MOST, BUT NOT ALL STATES. CMG
MORTGAGE, INC. IS AN EQUAL HOUSING LENDER, LICENSED BY THE NEW HAMPSHIRE BANKING DEPARTMENT. TO VERIFY OUR
COMPLETE LIST OF STATE LICENSES, PLEASE VISIT WWW.CMGFI.COM/CORPORATE/LICENSING AND WWW.NMLSCONSUMERACCESS.ORG.
Andy Valley
Insurance & Retirement
Andy Valley Insurance & Retirement
(207) 783-3660
https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR Auto | Home | Life | Retirement
AM-C04353 (Sep. 21)
horacemann.com
909 Minot Ave, Auburn | 207-783-3660 | https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR
Out ‘n About at Side by Each Brewing Co. for Storytime with Santa
You’re
never too old
to sit on Santa’s lap!
That’s how you get
the cool
presents!
Keith Davis
with
Santa
My very own
monster truck!
Exactly what I asked
for! I’m gonna name
him Reptar... like
from Rugrats!
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
Jimbo
38 Jan. 2022 783-7039
Do hunting rifle manuals have a troubleshooting section?
A u b u r n
5 4 5 M i n o t A v e n u e 7 8 3 . 2 0 4 7
3 0 1 M a i n S t r e t 7 8 3 . 9 0 9 8
Beer
HAPPY NEW
L e w i s t o n
6 8 6 M a i n S t r e e t 3 4 4 . 1 2 0 0
7 9 4 S a b a t t u s s t r e e t 7 8 3 . 6 3 5 3
1 4 2 0 L i s b o n s t r e e t 3 3 3 . 3 0 9 5
O x f o r d
9 8 0 M a i n S t r e e t 5 3 9 . 6 0 7 2
YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!
Heavy duty pickup ...... $149.95
Full size van .......... $149.95
Plus applicable taxes
RUST PROTECTION Pricing Policy
Any car .............. $129.95 2 door pickup . ......... $139.95
Mini van ............. $139.95 X-large SUV . .......... $149.95
Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $139.95 3 & 4 door pickup ....... $149.95
23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100
RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family
We are stronger together
Debbie Bodwell
NMLS# 280336
Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net
181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210
207.754.3962
I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)
Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org.
The best way to predict the future is to create it.
COME CHECK OUT THE
SNOWBLOWER PACKAGE DEALS ON
MASSEY FERGUSON COMPACT TRACTORS!
It’s NEVER too late
to rustproof your vehicle!
the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION
Uncle Andy’s Digest ...with
40 Jan. 2022 783-7039
UncleAndysDigest.com
Jimbo
66 th Year
Anniversary
WATERMAN FARM MACHINERY
SABATTUS, M E
827 Sabattus Road, Sabattus
207-375-6561
watermanfarmmachinery.com