Uncle Andy's Digest - DECEMBER 2022
Welcome to the December 2022 Edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.
Welcome to the December 2022 Edition of Uncle Andy's Digest. As always, you'll find Great stories, Funny Jokes, Punny Fun, hilarious one-liners, and Fun at our out-and-abouts. Shop local, and find the best central Maine businesses to serve your needs and wants.
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UNCLE<br />
ANDY’S<br />
DIGEST<br />
<strong>DECEMBER</strong><br />
<strong>2022</strong><br />
SINCE 1996<br />
207-782-7113<br />
Get Your FREE<br />
Quote Today!<br />
31 Blake Street, Lewiston • armandsautobody.com<br />
31 Ipswich Street, Auburn<br />
207-576-4716<br />
Excavation • Underground Utilities<br />
Foresting • Trucking (Aggregate Deliveries)<br />
No Project Too Big or Small<br />
House Lots<br />
Digging<br />
Grading<br />
info@jsexcavation.com • www.jsexcavation.com<br />
GET REAL. GET HYUNDAI.<br />
Sales • Lease • Rentals • Parts & Service<br />
CHECK OUT OUR<br />
LARGE INVENTORY!<br />
Call Ryan Kennard<br />
207-346-0279<br />
Whited Equipment Co. is your New Factory Authorized Hyundai<br />
Construction Equipment Dealer for Central & Southern Maine.<br />
New & used available!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
whitedhyundai.com • (855) 882-4010 • Come see us at 2160 Hotel Road, Auburn<br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
1
On the 90th day of Christmas, my true love said to me: “You take Christmas too seriously.”<br />
We offer<br />
Wrinkle-free, all inclusive packages for:<br />
Forehead • Frown Lines • Crow’s Feet<br />
Lip Lift • Brow Lift • Full Face<br />
Call for a free consultation today!<br />
207-500-1122<br />
58 Bartlett Street, Lewiston<br />
www.orbithair.com<br />
That’s why we bring health care to you.<br />
Skilled medical care in the comfort of your own home<br />
Recovery from illness or injury<br />
Chronic condition management<br />
Navigating emotional wellbeing<br />
Hospice care + Hospice House<br />
207.777.7740 | Androscoggin.org<br />
I must be getting stronger with age. I can now lift $300 of groceries in one trip.
I’m developing a healthier lifestyle.<br />
I parked and walked inside to buy donuts instead of using the drive-thru.<br />
Modern Woodmen of America continues to be strong and stable, even in these times of<br />
uncertainty. We've been around since 1883, standing strong through world wars, national<br />
disease outbreaks, depressions and recessions.<br />
Do you have questions or concerns about your financial plan? Call today. We will<br />
continue to be here for you.<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
American Legion<br />
Post 153<br />
for the Veterans Day<br />
chili cook-off<br />
Our annual<br />
chili cook-off<br />
is a great way for<br />
community members<br />
to get together to<br />
socialize and honor<br />
veterans after the<br />
ceremonial<br />
services at Veterans<br />
Park.<br />
Paul Colasante*<br />
Lewiston, ME 04240<br />
207-782-8823<br />
Art Chamberlain*<br />
Lewiston, ME 04240<br />
207-514-7003<br />
Ted Heidrich*<br />
Lewiston, ME 04240<br />
207-57 6-5656<br />
Mike<br />
Courtemanche*<br />
Lewiston, ME 04240<br />
207-783-8921<br />
Brad Mates*<br />
Lewsiston, ME 04240<br />
207-248-7520<br />
Richard<br />
Courtemanche<br />
Lewiston, ME 04240<br />
207-786-3622<br />
Ron Ouellette*<br />
Lewiston, ME 04240<br />
207-786-3612<br />
Paul Gagne*<br />
Lewiston, ME 04240<br />
207-576-3426<br />
Kim Pelkey*<br />
Lewiston, ME 04240<br />
207-786-2573<br />
Tibby Dupuis<br />
Did you<br />
know there are<br />
nearly 2 million<br />
members of The<br />
American Legion,<br />
making it the nation’s<br />
largest wartime<br />
veterans service<br />
organization.<br />
4<br />
Modern Woodmen .,,_<br />
FRATERNAL FINANCIAL<br />
*Registered representative. Securities offered through MWA Financial Services Inc., a wholly owned<br />
subsidiary of Modern Woodmen of America. Member: FINRA, SIPC<br />
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others, the rest of us have to be the others.<br />
Steve Simard<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
3
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
is published by the first<br />
Friday of every month by<br />
Maine Mountain Ocean<br />
Group, Inc. with its world<br />
headquarters located at<br />
9 Grove Street, Auburn,<br />
Maine, USA.<br />
Published and distributed<br />
since 1996 throughout<br />
Central Maine and mailed to<br />
subscribers all over the Free<br />
World. Subscriptions are<br />
$39/year.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys<strong>Digest</strong>.com<br />
Office: 207-783-7039<br />
UAD Super Heroes<br />
CAPTAIN<br />
SUZY-Q<br />
ELASTIGIRL<br />
PAM<br />
When a woman says, “Do what you want,” do not do what you want.<br />
Stand still, do not blink, do not answer, don’t even breathe. Just play dead.<br />
SMILE AGAIN DENTURES<br />
Call 514-0660 for a Free Consultation!<br />
All work<br />
done on-site.<br />
Repairs usually<br />
same day<br />
service!<br />
801 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />
Smile in<br />
Comfort<br />
WONDER<br />
WOMAN<br />
TYLA<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
4<br />
BATGIRL<br />
STEPHANIE<br />
HULK<br />
SMASH<br />
THOMAS<br />
IRONSIDES<br />
STEVE<br />
While <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> tries<br />
very hard to ensure the accuracy<br />
of the information in our clients’<br />
advertisements and our publication<br />
in general, we are not responsible<br />
for vendor availability, typographical<br />
errors, technical inaccuracies, product<br />
pricing errors, or omissions.<br />
Jimbo<br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
Joe & Mike<br />
Adkins<br />
Licensed<br />
Denturists<br />
Call us today for:<br />
• Full Dentures<br />
• Immediate Dentures<br />
• Partial Dentures<br />
• Rebases • Relines • Repairs<br />
Like Our Name Implies,<br />
We’ll Make You<br />
SMILE<br />
AGAIN<br />
smileagaindentures@gmail.com SmileAgainDentures.com<br />
Why is the third hand on the watch, called the second hand?
Christmas – What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree<br />
and eat candy out of your socks?<br />
Come see Kathy & Joe!<br />
Scan<br />
here to<br />
see our<br />
menu!<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
American Legion<br />
Post 153<br />
for the Veterans Day<br />
chili cook-off<br />
I was one<br />
of the esteemed<br />
judges for this chili<br />
cook-off... where are<br />
the bribes?<br />
Paul & Audrey<br />
L’Heureux<br />
Tuesday - Sunday: 7am-3pm<br />
103 Lincoln Street, Lewiston<br />
207-333-5062<br />
Order Online! Visit our website: stationgrillrestaurant.com<br />
Now Hiring at Both Locations!<br />
ARCTIC BLAST<br />
December 9-11<br />
New Year’s Eve<br />
Cornhole Tournament<br />
Mixed Partners<br />
$40/team<br />
Bags fly at 7:30pm<br />
We will be closed<br />
on Christmas Day<br />
& New Year’s Day<br />
(Schemengees to add $300 to winnings)<br />
$5,000 prize<br />
Seafood is back!<br />
CALL FMI 551 Lincoln Street, Lewiston<br />
207-777-1155 • www.schemengees.com<br />
Monday-Thursday: 4:00pm-12:00am • Friday-Saturday: 4:00pm-1:00am<br />
I only get sick on Monday through Friday. I must have a weekend immune system.<br />
John Pape* &<br />
Terri Kelly<br />
*Post 153 Commander<br />
Seven bowls<br />
of chili, two pieces<br />
of cornbread, and a<br />
slice of cake later...<br />
I’m adequately<br />
full.<br />
Where<br />
do you<br />
put it<br />
all?!<br />
Leila Donahue &<br />
Keith Davis<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
5
Practice makes perfeckt.<br />
Out ‘n About at The Colisée for Veterans<br />
Weekend at the Maine Nordiques<br />
Happy Holidays!<br />
I’m thankful to be part of such a wonderful<br />
community. I wish all my neighbors a<br />
safe and happy Thanksgiving.<br />
Like a good neighbor,<br />
State Farm is there. ®<br />
I swear<br />
I’m not<br />
short... our<br />
wall ad at The<br />
Colisée<br />
is just<br />
gigantic!<br />
Brittany Parker, Light Travels<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
6<br />
Life Goals<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
One day, little Billy and<br />
little Jimmy were playing<br />
on the playground<br />
and talking about what<br />
they wanted to be<br />
when they grew up.<br />
“I want to be a police<br />
officer,” said little Billy<br />
proudly.<br />
“I want to be a millionaire<br />
like my dad!” said<br />
Jimmy.<br />
“Wait, you’re dad’s a<br />
millionaire?” asked<br />
Billy, intrigued?<br />
“No, but he always<br />
wanted to be.”<br />
Jimbo<br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
MONDAY<br />
Ham Italians<br />
Sm $2.29 Lg. $3.99<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
Chicken Salad<br />
Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99<br />
FRIDAY<br />
Tuna Italian<br />
Sm $2.99 Lg. $4.99<br />
SUNDAY<br />
$2.00 OFF<br />
Any large pizza<br />
MAIN STREET MARKET<br />
2 Main Street, Sabattus • 207-375-8502<br />
Hours: 6am - 8pm • Seven days a week<br />
TUESDAY<br />
Small 1-topping Pizza<br />
10" pizza $4.99<br />
THURSDAY<br />
Bowl of Chili<br />
$5.99<br />
B.L.T.<br />
Sm. $2.99<br />
Lg. $4.99<br />
SATURDAY<br />
Baked Beans<br />
Pint $3.99 Quart $4.99<br />
Full beans ’n franks meal $9.49<br />
Breakfast Sandwiches $2.99<br />
Hash browns 2/$2.59<br />
Coffee all sizes $0.99<br />
We accept cash, checks,<br />
major credit/debit cards, & EBT<br />
My addiction to helium is out of control, but no one is taking my cries for help seriously!
NORDS GET READY TO ROLL !<br />
<strong>2022</strong>-2023 HOME SCHEDULE - Catch the action at The Colisée.<br />
SPONSORED BY:<br />
SAVE THE DATE:<br />
DEC. 23RD<br />
POLICE VS. FIRE<br />
HOCKEY GAME<br />
DON’T MISS THE UPCOMING HOME GAMES<br />
12/16 • 12/17 • 12/30 • 12/31<br />
OPPONENT DATE TIME<br />
<strong>DECEMBER</strong><br />
Maryland 12/16/22 7:05pm<br />
Maryland 12/17/22 7pm<br />
Danbury 12/30/22 7:05pm<br />
Danbury 12/31/22 7pm<br />
JANUARY<br />
Maryland 1/20/23 7:05pm<br />
Maryland 1/21/23 7pm<br />
FEBRUARY<br />
Philly 2/3/23 7:05pm<br />
Philly 2/4/23 7pm<br />
Generals 2/19/23 3pm<br />
OPPONENT DATE TIME<br />
MARCH<br />
Johnstown 3/2/23 7pm<br />
Johnstown 3/3/23 7:05pm<br />
Johnstown 3/4/23 7pm<br />
Titans 3/24/23 7:05pm<br />
Titans 3/25/23 7pm<br />
Johnstown 3/31/23 7:05pm<br />
APRIL<br />
Johnstown 4/1/23 7pm<br />
Titans 4/7/23 7:05pm<br />
Titans 4/8/23 7pm<br />
Philly 4/14/23 7:05pm<br />
Philly 4/15/23 7pm<br />
HALF SEASON TICKETS<br />
ON SALE<br />
NOW<br />
14 GAMES SEASON TICKETS:<br />
Adult $126<br />
Student, Senior,<br />
Veteran $112<br />
Visit MaineNordiques.com to see our full 22-23 schedule.<br />
We’re MORE than a Club —<br />
We’re a Special Events Venue too.<br />
www.thecolisee.com<br />
DEC. EVENTS<br />
Open Every Friday & Saturday<br />
WE OFFER:<br />
• Seating capacity of 130<br />
• Catering services available<br />
• Fully stocked bar<br />
• Audio visual support<br />
BOOK YOUR EVENT or SCHEDULE a WALK THROUGH:<br />
email us at info@thecolisee.com.<br />
FRIDAY<br />
DEC. 2 nd<br />
COMEDYCLUB<br />
FRIDAY<br />
DEC. 9 th<br />
LIVE MUSIC!<br />
FRIDAY<br />
DEC. 12 th<br />
COMEDYCLUB<br />
thecolisee.com/the-colisee-club/<br />
SCAN THE<br />
QR CODES<br />
TO CONNECT<br />
TO OUR<br />
SOCIAL<br />
CHANNELS<br />
INSIDE THE COLISÉE CLUB
Out ‘n About at<br />
American Legion<br />
Post 153<br />
for the Veterans Day<br />
chili cook-off<br />
Another helicopter tried to land in our back yard today.<br />
I think we’re going to have to cut back on our Christmas lights a bit!<br />
Tell us you saw us in <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong>!<br />
ROEBUCKS ANGUS<br />
Charlie Stanley*<br />
& Tina Hazelton<br />
*Founding Father &<br />
President of the Freedom<br />
Riders Chapter 7<br />
Don’t make<br />
a chili pepper mad.<br />
He’ll get jalapeño<br />
face!<br />
JAY 207.754.1558 • SUE 207.754.6558<br />
783 UPPER ST. • TURNER<br />
Sunday-closed; Mon-Fri 12-5:30pm; Sat 9am-4pm<br />
Gift<br />
Certificates<br />
make great<br />
stocking<br />
stuffers!<br />
INSPECTED<br />
• REGISTERED ANGUS<br />
• NATURAL ANGUS BEEF<br />
• MEAT PACKAGES<br />
Out ‘n About at American Legion Post 153 for the<br />
Veterans Day chili cook-off<br />
Brad Bisbee<br />
We love<br />
this Post and are<br />
so proud of how much<br />
good it does for<br />
our veterans.<br />
Doris and<br />
I have been happily<br />
married for<br />
54 years!<br />
I’m<br />
Single!<br />
Front: George & Doris Bourgoin<br />
Back: Dennis Doyon<br />
Not only did<br />
Rich win the cook-off,<br />
but he donated the prize<br />
money back to the<br />
Post!<br />
Richard Sr., Carol, & Rich Brown*<br />
*Chili Cook-off Winner<br />
Bringing the Ocean to your Table<br />
Party<br />
Platters<br />
Available<br />
(orders only)<br />
The freshest seafood around!<br />
WE HAVE<br />
LIVE LOBSTERS!<br />
Let us do the cooking!<br />
No extra charge!<br />
Suzanne Travers<br />
& Laura<br />
Woodman<br />
Take out • Dine in<br />
Homemade Goods<br />
Gift Certificates Available<br />
Gray, ME<br />
Hours: Mon. 11a-5p • Tues.-Thurs. 11a-6p • Fri.-Sat. 10a-7p • Sun. 10a-5p<br />
Plan ahead for<br />
the holidays<br />
Now taking orders!<br />
207-657-3474<br />
59c Portland Road, Gray<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
8 Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
I couldn’t find a parking spot at work today so I went home.<br />
It looks like they had enough people.
HAS IT ALL<br />
6¢ a<br />
bottle for<br />
Make-A-Wish<br />
Donations!<br />
DONATE YOUR<br />
BOTTLES TO<br />
Your one-stop shop for:<br />
• Amazing food (eat in or take out)<br />
• Agency liquor store with beer cave<br />
• Lottery tickets<br />
• Redemption center<br />
207-345-5551<br />
23 Pleasant Street, Mechanic Falls • www.dadsplacemaine.com<br />
Catering<br />
Full serve catering at the<br />
location of your choice.<br />
Help grant a wish to a local child<br />
battling a critical illness<br />
Book Your<br />
2023<br />
Events<br />
Now!<br />
207-345-9009<br />
DadsPlaceCatering.com<br />
REDEMPTION CENTER<br />
6 ¢<br />
on all 5¢ returns with this coupon.<br />
Located in the building behind Dad’s Place<br />
Hours: Wednesday - Sunday 9am - 5pm<br />
(closed Mondays, Tuesdays, & Major Holidays)<br />
(must present coupon at Redemption Center prior to counting) UAD exp. 12.31.22
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
10<br />
Vet Visit<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
A man was worried<br />
about his pet goldfish<br />
so he made an<br />
appointment with his<br />
local vet to get him<br />
checked out.<br />
The vet looked at the<br />
fish swimming about<br />
and was perplexed as<br />
to what the problem<br />
was.<br />
“Sir, why did you bring<br />
your fish in today? He<br />
seems to be swimming<br />
around just fine.”<br />
“Well doc,” the man<br />
said, “I think my fish<br />
is very sick. I’m pretty<br />
sure he has epilepsy.”<br />
“Why don’t you leave<br />
the fish here for the day<br />
with us and we will observe<br />
him to see what<br />
we can find. Right now,<br />
I don’t see any cause<br />
for concern.”<br />
The man went back<br />
home for the day and<br />
returned right before<br />
closing time at the<br />
vet’s office.<br />
The vet brought the<br />
fishbowl with the<br />
goldfish still swimming<br />
around the same as he<br />
was earlier in the day.<br />
“Sir, I just don’t see<br />
your fish having epilepsy.”<br />
the doctor stated.<br />
“He has been swimming<br />
calmly all day.”<br />
“Well that’s because<br />
you haven’t taken him<br />
out of the bowl yet.”<br />
Jimbo<br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
I’ve heard that after this Christmas, advent calendars are going to be phased out.<br />
Their days are numbered.<br />
Cheers to the<br />
New Year!<br />
Jon<br />
Mercier<br />
Deb<br />
Morin<br />
Lindsay<br />
Wright<br />
Mark<br />
Turner<br />
Linda<br />
Dupuis<br />
Shannon<br />
White<br />
Toni<br />
Ferraro<br />
Dustin<br />
Mallar<br />
Dawn<br />
Lopez<br />
Brandon<br />
Caruso<br />
Mason<br />
Dupuis<br />
Malayka<br />
Harriman<br />
www.MaineSourceRealty.com<br />
333-6001<br />
368 Minot Avenue, Auburn<br />
207.333.6001<br />
mainesourcehomes.com<br />
I made soup entirely from ingredients in the atmosphere. It was a broth of fresh air.<br />
Out ‘n About at the Lewiston versus Edward Little Football game...<br />
the last game at Walton Field<br />
What<br />
a night! Over<br />
200 EL football<br />
alumni were able to<br />
be on the field before<br />
the game to pay tribute<br />
to the field we called<br />
home during our high<br />
school years. There is<br />
so much history at<br />
Walton!<br />
Edward Little Football alumni Steve & Gary Simard<br />
The temperature went from 70° to 35° like it saw a state trooper.
Happy<br />
New Year<br />
too!<br />
Through the month<br />
of December,<br />
purchase a $50 gift<br />
card and get a $10<br />
bonus card<br />
FREE!<br />
experienced cooks<br />
APPLY WITHIN<br />
1052 Minot Avenue, Auburn • 783-6885 • MacsGrill.com
Out ‘n About at<br />
American Legion<br />
Post 153<br />
for the Veterans Day<br />
chili cook-off<br />
Honoring<br />
veterans, eating<br />
chili, and spending<br />
time with the kiddo...<br />
priceless!<br />
10 out of 10 turkeys recommend a steak at Christmas.<br />
2021-<strong>2022</strong> SEASON<br />
Take May Your this Seats …<br />
performance<br />
It’s Showtime!<br />
carry you to a<br />
new place.<br />
Merry<br />
Christmas<br />
at the Franco!<br />
Friday, June 17 – 7:00 PM<br />
in Performance Hall<br />
1-800-966-9172<br />
Doors and cash bar open androscogginbank.com<br />
at 6:00 PM<br />
Angie & Skylar<br />
Field<br />
These<br />
contest<br />
entries<br />
aren’t too<br />
spicy at all.<br />
You just need<br />
to chili<br />
out!<br />
Mike & Sylvia<br />
Tardif<br />
Tickets: Advance – $28 each ~ Door – $33 each<br />
(includes fees)<br />
Thursday, Dec. 8 La Rencontre lunch & entertainment • Must RSVP by Dec. 5<br />
Sponsor:<br />
7 p.m. Friday, Dec. 16 7:30 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 17<br />
Merry<br />
A conversational French club for French speakers<br />
Don Campbell’s<br />
5:30 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 18<br />
will be held at 10:30am in Heritage Hall<br />
Christmas Concert<br />
alternating Thursday Sights mornings: & Sounds June 9;<br />
$30 advance/$35 at door<br />
of Christmas<br />
Cash bar opens at 6 p.m.<br />
Starting Sponsored July by Mechanics 14 – Thursday Savings/ Night Live in Heritage Hall<br />
Adults $25 advance /$30 at door<br />
Christmas<br />
Maine Alternating Community dance Bank and karaoke Children events! $15 advance/$20 at door<br />
Entertainment will feature live music and DJs.<br />
Sponsored by Berman & Simmons,<br />
Norway Savings Bank,<br />
Check our calendar<br />
Join us for the 23<br />
Skelton, Taintor rd season at our<br />
& Abbott<br />
at francocenter.org to find out Performing Arts and Events Center,<br />
what’s going on at the Franco. on the Riverfront in Lewiston.<br />
Cash bar opens an hour before show<br />
More info coming soon.<br />
46 Order Cedar tickets: Street, FrancoCenter.org Lewiston www.FrancoCenter.org<br />
or call: (207) 689-2000<br />
Box Office 207-689-2000<br />
46 Cedar Street, Lewiston, ME 04240 • FrancoCenter.org • facebook.com/FrancoCenter<br />
UNDERWRITER<br />
Show sponsor:<br />
La Rencontre Lunch and Entertainment<br />
Thursday, June 23 in Heritage Hall<br />
Doors open at 9:30 AM ~ 10:00 AM social time ~ Lunch 11:30<br />
Entertainment after lunch by Don & Cindy Roy<br />
A celebration<br />
of St. Jean de<br />
Baptiste Day!<br />
Lunch menu: Chicken pot pie, coleslaw and whoopie pie. Coffee & tea included. Bar available for other beverages.<br />
Advanced tickets only. Deadline is Monday, June 20 at noon.<br />
$15 ~ includes meal and entertainment. Tickets will not be sold at the door.<br />
June 23 ~ join us for La Rencontre, July 7, July 21, etc.<br />
For The<br />
Crowd<br />
MEDIA SPONSORS<br />
Jerry DeWitt &<br />
Richard Hatch<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
12 Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
To the person who stole my place in line, I’m after you now!
I’m not quite sure how to cook asparagus. Any tips?<br />
Pass<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A tired cyclist stuck<br />
his thumb out for a lift.<br />
After three hours he<br />
hadn’t got anyone to<br />
stop.<br />
Eventually, a guy in a<br />
sports car pulled over<br />
and offered him a lift.<br />
Unfortunately though,<br />
the bike wouldn’t fit in<br />
the car.<br />
The driver got some<br />
rope out of his trunk<br />
and tied it to his<br />
bumper. He tied the<br />
other end to the bike<br />
and told the rider, “If I<br />
go too fast, ring your<br />
bell and I’ll slow down.”<br />
Everything went well<br />
until another sports car<br />
challenged them. The<br />
driver forgot all about<br />
the cyclist and put<br />
his foot down. A short<br />
distance down the<br />
road, they hammered<br />
through a speed trap.<br />
The cop with the radar<br />
gun radioed ahead to<br />
his colleague that two<br />
sports cars were heading<br />
his way at over 150<br />
mph.<br />
The Chapman House has private rooms available for residents,<br />
aged 65 and older, who need assistance with bathing,<br />
medications, and meals.<br />
We provide a warm and<br />
comfortable home for our residents<br />
41 Pleasant Street, Auburn • 207-783-0961<br />
Bonnie Iwans<br />
I used to be addicted to painting pictures of myself. It was a poor trait.<br />
He then added, “And<br />
you’re not going to believe<br />
this... there’s a<br />
cyclist behind them<br />
ringing his bell to<br />
pass!”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
13
Santa Visit<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A father took his son<br />
to the Auburn Mall<br />
shopping. He figured<br />
while they were there,<br />
they could go see<br />
Santa. They stood in<br />
line awhile, and finally<br />
the boy was able to<br />
meet Santa and sit on<br />
his lap.<br />
“What would you like<br />
for Christmas, young<br />
man?” asked Santa.<br />
Life would be so much easier if Christmas decorations grew on trees.<br />
Fast, Fresh, $ 44<br />
Rapid retouch is great for in-between<br />
your full service salon visits because<br />
it’s easy on your time, your budget,<br />
and most of all your style!<br />
Mention you saw us in<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong>!<br />
“An X-Box and a<br />
Hobbit game,” the boy<br />
said.<br />
“Okay, we’ll see what<br />
we can do about that,”<br />
said Santa with a big<br />
smile.<br />
Later on that day they<br />
also went to see Santa<br />
at the Lewiston Mall.<br />
58 Bartlett Street, Lewiston<br />
207-500-1122<br />
www.orbithair.com<br />
How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit? Nurse them back to elf.<br />
When Santa asked<br />
the young boy what he<br />
wanted for Christmas,<br />
he said, “An X-Box and<br />
a Hobbit game.”<br />
“Will you be a good<br />
boy and do what your<br />
daddy tells you?”<br />
Santa asked.<br />
The boy turned to his<br />
dad and said, “Let’s<br />
go back to the other<br />
Santa, Dad.”<br />
“Why?” asked his<br />
father.<br />
“Because I didn’t have<br />
to make any deals with<br />
that one.”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
14 Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
Did You Know? The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache<br />
on a standard playing card. You’re going to look right now, aren’t you?
I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.<br />
Take Out<br />
Available!<br />
DAILY SPECIALS<br />
MONDAY - CLOSED<br />
TUESDAY<br />
Fried Pickle Basket<br />
Thatcher’s Burger<br />
25oz domestic drafts<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
3 Beef Tacos<br />
Thatcher’s Burrito<br />
Well Margaritas • Coronas<br />
THURSDAY<br />
Stuffed Peppers<br />
Buffalo Chicken Salad<br />
Microbrews<br />
FRIDAY<br />
Clam Cake Basket<br />
Fish & Chips<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
American Legion<br />
Post 153<br />
for the Veterans Day<br />
chili cook-off<br />
BRRRR...<br />
It’s chili in<br />
here!<br />
Norm Chagnon &<br />
Cindy Spencer<br />
Chicken Teriyaki - SO GOOD!<br />
Sautéed chicken breast with fresh vegetables & teriyaki sauce served over rice.<br />
207-782-2135<br />
Auburn Mall<br />
Tues. - Wed., 11am - 7pm • Thurs. - Sat. 11am - 8pm • Sun. 11am - 5pm<br />
SATURDAY<br />
2 Hot Dogs w/fries<br />
Miller Lite Bottles<br />
SUNDAY<br />
12" Cheese Pizza<br />
Bloody Mary’s<br />
Domestic Light/Lite Drafts<br />
Make<br />
mine a<br />
double,<br />
Denise!<br />
My wife has had enough of my obsession with cats. She’s kicking meowt.<br />
Come be the Difference in Someone’s Life!<br />
NOW HIRING CNAs and DSPs<br />
Are you a compassionate individual who enjoys working<br />
with people in their home and in the community?<br />
Join our team of caring professionals!<br />
Denise<br />
Montgomery<br />
The spicier<br />
the better! Bring<br />
it on!<br />
Apply online at jfmh.org<br />
or visit us at 800 Center St, Auburn<br />
John F. Murphy Homes, Inc. is an Equal Opportunity Employer and complies with all<br />
local, state, and federal guidelines in its employment practices & services provided.<br />
My wife has filled our house with all types of potted plants that she’s<br />
picked up at different places. She’s become a hoarder culturist.<br />
Leonard Kimble<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
15
Out ‘n About at<br />
American Legion<br />
Post 153<br />
for the Veterans Day<br />
chili cook-off<br />
A great day<br />
to hang out with my<br />
mini-me!<br />
Reece & Ryan<br />
Hopping<br />
I used to laugh at comedians and listen to politicians.<br />
Now I laugh at politicians and listen to comedians.<br />
HIRING WAREHOUSE<br />
LOADERS<br />
$21.95/hr w/ up to $1.75/hr incentives<br />
Benefits Day One + Retirement Options!<br />
Job Stability & Growth Opportunities!<br />
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HIRING RETAIL<br />
MERCHANDISERS<br />
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$80,000/yr. potential earnings<br />
Paid Weekly, Work-Life Balance, 401K Retirement Options, Great Benefits, and more!<br />
Apply online today at: pepsicojobs.com (Auburn, ME)<br />
Sending letters to Santa up the chimney is definitely black mail.<br />
Jack Flowers<br />
Author, Rat Six<br />
When<br />
a Red Hot<br />
Chili Pepper dies it<br />
becomes a Ghost<br />
Pepper.<br />
Nicole Gagne &<br />
Kathi Anderson<br />
THE AMERICAN LEGION<br />
FAMILY<br />
RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on Fridays<br />
and get a surprise!<br />
“SEE YOU AT THE POST!”<br />
Members & Guests Welcome!<br />
AMERICAN LEGION ACT<br />
Veterans who were honorably discharged<br />
but whose service did not fall into previously<br />
defined war eras may now join<br />
the American Legion immediately. The<br />
eligibility now spans from Dec. 7, 1941,<br />
until a time when the U.S. is no longer at<br />
war, as determined by Congress.<br />
RED SHIRT FRIDAYS: Wear your red shirt on<br />
Fridays and get a surprise! “SEE YOU AT THE POST!”<br />
For Veteran or Community services, call<br />
207-782-1118 or 207-873-3229<br />
Hall Rentals Available<br />
Call for more<br />
information<br />
207-782-1118<br />
71 South Main St, Auburn • 207-782-1118<br />
HOURS: Mon: 12-8p • Tue-Wed: 12-6 • Thurs: 12-9p<br />
Fri & Sat: 12-11p • Sunday: 11a-6p<br />
MUSIC, KARAOKE & DANCE w/ JEAN LOUIS, FRIDAYS 7-11pm in December<br />
Jerry Joe - December 2nd, 16th, & 30th • 4:30 - 6:30pm<br />
LIVE MUSIC: THE SMITH COLLABORATION<br />
SATURDAY, <strong>DECEMBER</strong> 3 RD • 8-11PM<br />
MONDAY, <strong>DECEMBER</strong> 12 TH , 5:30PM<br />
Sons of the American Legion Post 153 General Meeting<br />
MONTHLY MEETING<br />
WEDNESDAY, DEC. 21 ST<br />
EXECUTIVE COMMITTEE 6:30PM<br />
GENERAL MEETING, 7PM<br />
Legion members attending have a chance to win $100, $50, or $25.<br />
<strong>DECEMBER</strong> 25 TH<br />
MERRY CHRISTMAS<br />
Canteen opens at 3pm<br />
SUNDAY, JANUARY 1 ST<br />
Happy New Year<br />
open regular hours<br />
Bloody Mary Sundays by Kevin from 11a-6p!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
16 Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
You know when things are bad when Kelley<br />
blue book asks if the gas tank is full or empty?
When you cross Santa and a vampire, you get frostbite.<br />
Gift Certificate<br />
Main Street Music Lessons<br />
207-376-3376<br />
ANDROSCOGGIN COUNTY’S<br />
MUSIC HEADQUARTERS<br />
Give the gift of music<br />
TO: ______________________________________<br />
Santa<br />
FROM: ___________________________________<br />
Priceless!<br />
VALUE:___________________________________<br />
33 Dunn Street, Auburn<br />
www.mainstreetmusiclessons.com<br />
Out ‘n About at American Legion Post 153 for the<br />
Veterans Day chili cook-off<br />
Nutrition<br />
Class<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
A dietitian is conducting<br />
a seminar before a<br />
huge crowd.<br />
He tells the folks,<br />
“Much of the food we<br />
eat today is extremely<br />
unhealthful. Red<br />
meat is dangerous.<br />
Many vegetables are<br />
sprayed with pesticides<br />
and are unsafe.<br />
Drinking water can be<br />
contaminated. However,<br />
there is one food<br />
that is far and away<br />
the most dangerous of<br />
all. Can anyone tell me<br />
what that is?”<br />
Following a long pause,<br />
a man in the back<br />
sticks his hand up and<br />
yells, “Wedding cake!”<br />
Auburn Fire Department Members: Tim Allen (ret.), Mark Boulet,<br />
Dan Linck, & Josh Stewart<br />
DID YOU<br />
KNOW?<br />
The Right<br />
Coverage at the<br />
Right Price.<br />
Copyright ©<strong>2022</strong> NFP. All Rights Reserved.<br />
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dedicated to protecting your assets. From risk consulting<br />
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john.blanchette@nfp.com<br />
For your business.<br />
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For your life.<br />
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Rudolph the Red-<br />
Nosed Reindeer first<br />
appeared in 1939<br />
when the Montgomery<br />
Ward department<br />
store asked one of its<br />
copywriters to create<br />
a Christmas story for<br />
kids that the store<br />
could distribute as a<br />
promotion.<br />
The adorable movie<br />
featuring the island of<br />
misfit toys and Herbie<br />
the elf hit the airwaves<br />
in 1964.<br />
My bank just called me to report suspicious activity on my account.<br />
They couldn’t believe I bought a gym membership.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
17
Now<br />
Hiring<br />
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Green Ladle<br />
for the Exchange Club of<br />
Auburn’s free lunch for veterans.<br />
The<br />
Exchange<br />
Club of Auburn<br />
is thrilled to be<br />
able to offer this<br />
yearly event. The<br />
Green Ladle cooked<br />
the food and several<br />
area businesses<br />
sponsored a table<br />
for veterans to be<br />
able to have a<br />
free lunch!<br />
24 Hour<br />
Service<br />
235 N. River Road, Auburn<br />
207-777-5600<br />
www.pro-techrefrigeration.com<br />
protechoffice11@yahoo.com<br />
Fully Insured<br />
PRO-TECH REFRIGERATION<br />
IS GROWING!<br />
We are seeking<br />
EXPERIENCED<br />
SERVICE<br />
TECHNICIANS<br />
& INSTALLERS<br />
to join our team!<br />
Air Conditioning & Heating<br />
Proudly serving Auburn, Lewiston,<br />
and the surrounding communities!<br />
Dedicated Logistics Partner<br />
Now Hiring Non CDL Drivers<br />
26' Box Truck or Larger<br />
2+ Years Experience<br />
Lewiston, Maine Location<br />
John Horton<br />
This<br />
lunch was<br />
awesome!<br />
TO APPLY:<br />
Call or email<br />
959.222.9595<br />
hiring@dlp31.com<br />
Out ‘n About at The Colisée for Veterans Weekend at the Maine Nordiques<br />
Mike Curran<br />
Abi,<br />
Alex, &<br />
Josh<br />
Erskine<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
18 Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.
CAREER OPPORTUNITIES<br />
COME JOIN OUR TEAM!<br />
You’ll be glad you did!<br />
We’re hiring Direct Support Professionals<br />
To apply:<br />
www.jfmh.org or 207-783-2726 x202<br />
Out ‘n About at the Green Ladle for the Exchange Club of<br />
Auburn’s free lunch for veterans.<br />
Now<br />
Hiring<br />
ATM<br />
Addiction<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
A retired banker went<br />
to a psychiatrist. He<br />
said, “For 30 years, I<br />
worked in a bank as<br />
a teller. Every day I<br />
would serve dozens of<br />
customers. I loved my<br />
job and never missed<br />
a day. Last month, I<br />
retired. Since then, every<br />
time I pass a bank,<br />
I have a huge craving<br />
to enter and take out<br />
money. Even if I pass<br />
an ATM, I have to stop<br />
and take some cash<br />
out.”<br />
“That’s very interesting,”<br />
the psychiatrist<br />
responded. “Do you<br />
have a need for all that<br />
cash?”<br />
“Not at all. I’ve got<br />
thousands of dollars<br />
in cash at home,”<br />
answered the retiree,<br />
“yet every day I feel<br />
desperate to go to<br />
the bank and take out<br />
more. What’s wrong<br />
with me?”<br />
The psychiatrist replied,<br />
“It sounds like<br />
you’re having withdrawal<br />
symptoms.”<br />
Lois & John Wilson<br />
This next song is all about subtractions. Take it away, boys!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
19
YOUR VOTE<br />
Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s 28th<br />
BEST DANCE SCHOOL 22<br />
MARY JANE’S<br />
SCHOOL OF DANCE<br />
675 Main St. Lewiston | 241-2498<br />
BEST SUSHI RESTAURANT 9<br />
40 East Ave. #2 Lewiston | 795-6888<br />
BEST AUTO DEALERSHIP 6<br />
711 Lisbon St. Lisbon Falls | 353-4361<br />
BEST CASUAL RESTAURANT 21<br />
BEST BURGER 9<br />
BEST BUILDER 6<br />
120 Center St. Auburn | 786-0715<br />
BEST LANDSCAPE COMPANY 20<br />
120 Center St. Auburn | 786-0715<br />
BEST ATTORNEY 8<br />
1543 Hotel Rd. Auburn | 783-6224<br />
BEST DELI/SANDWICH SHOP 6<br />
78 Lisbon St. Lisbon | 353-4848<br />
BEST INSURANCE AGENCY 17<br />
541 Lisbon St. Lewiston | 784-4029<br />
BEST TANNING SALON 13<br />
BEACH BUMS<br />
250 Center St. Auburn | 783-8422<br />
BEST CHIROPRACTOR 13<br />
NADEAU CHIROPRACTIC<br />
ASSOCIATES<br />
336 Center St. Auburn | 777-1104<br />
BEST BOUTIQUE 11<br />
785 Main St.<br />
Lewiston<br />
241-8378<br />
192 Lisbon St. Lewiston | 786-0606<br />
BEST CAR WASH 8<br />
Serving the<br />
greater LA area<br />
782-4009<br />
BEST ROOFING CONTRACTOR 7<br />
DONALD DARLING<br />
& SONS ROOFING<br />
Serving the greater LA area | 576-2585<br />
BEST HEARING AID CENTER 7<br />
formerly Shapiro’s<br />
1761 Lisbon St. Lewiston | 777-1134<br />
BEST POOL & SPA COMPANY 7<br />
1057 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 786-4256<br />
375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175<br />
BEST TOWING SERVICE 6<br />
LINDY’S AUTO REPAIR<br />
& SALES<br />
518 Route 202 Greene | 946-5650<br />
BEST PIZZA<br />
375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175<br />
BEST AUTO BODY REPAIR 5<br />
31 Blake St.<br />
Lewiston<br />
782-7113<br />
BEST NAIL SALON 5<br />
NAIL JUNKEE<br />
250 Center St. Auburn | 344-5094<br />
5<br />
#<br />
Indicates number<br />
of years as winner.<br />
Market Surveys of America, an indepe<br />
28th annual Greater Lewiston/Auburn’s B<br />
of tallied public ballots and interne<br />
Vote on
S ARE IN!<br />
Annual Best Businesses for <strong>2022</strong><br />
BEST TAKEOUT 5<br />
BEST VALUE MEAL<br />
3 BEST LEARNING CENTER 2<br />
375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175<br />
BEST CHILD CARE/PRESCHOOL 4<br />
DONNA’S DAYCARE<br />
CENTER<br />
977 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 784-6769<br />
2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606<br />
BEST EYE CARE PROFESSIONALS<br />
585 Main St.<br />
Lewiston<br />
729-8474<br />
301 Sawyer Rd. Greene | 946-5437<br />
3 BEST SPORTS PUB 2<br />
1565 Lisbon St. Lewiston | 777-6353<br />
BEST NEW RESTAURANT 4<br />
BEST CONVENIENCE STORE<br />
2 BEST BREAKFAST PLACE 1<br />
2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606<br />
BEST PROPERTY MANAGEMENT<br />
COMPANY<br />
LABRECQUE’S PROPERTY<br />
MANAGEMENT<br />
1339 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 375-8694<br />
BEST AUTOMOTIVE SERVICE 4<br />
68 Adams Ave. Lewiston | 783-0581<br />
4<br />
BEST FLOWER SHOP 4<br />
375 Court St. Auburn | 689-9175<br />
BEST WAITSTAFF<br />
2 Main St. Lisbon Falls | 407-4606<br />
BEST HEATING OIL SALES & SERVICE<br />
84 General Turner Hill Rd. Turner | 225-3000<br />
BEST PROPANE GAS SALES & SERVICE 2<br />
767 Minot Ave. Auburn | 241-7460<br />
2 BEST BUFFET<br />
1<br />
NEW LEWISTON<br />
MANDARIN<br />
750 Sabattus St. Lewiston | 784-8888<br />
2 BEST TATTOO STUDIO 1<br />
CREATIVE EDGE TATTOO<br />
& BODY PIERCING<br />
747 Minot Ave. Auburn | 241-0186<br />
539 Webster St. Lewiston | 783-8566<br />
BEST MORTGAGE COMPANY 3<br />
84 General Turner Hill Rd. Turner | 225-3000<br />
BEST HOTEL/MOTEL/INN 2<br />
316 Center St. Auburn | 376-3007<br />
14 Great Falls Plaza Auburn | 784-4433<br />
ndent survey company, is proud to announce the winners of the<br />
est Businesses for <strong>2022</strong> Survey. The above winners are the result<br />
t voting for the Lewiston/Auburn small business community.<br />
line at: bestofsurveys.com
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Green Ladle<br />
Christmas must be close. I just saw Easter eggs in the supermarket.<br />
for the Exchange Club of<br />
Auburn’s free lunch for veterans.<br />
This event<br />
provides about 150<br />
free meals to veterans<br />
each year!<br />
Ed<br />
Desgrosseilliers<br />
Everyone believes in heredity until their children act like fools.<br />
Edward Stanhope<br />
& Jim Rancourt<br />
The<br />
Exchange Club<br />
partners with<br />
several local organizations<br />
that help our<br />
community<br />
members.<br />
WELCOME TO THE LA METRO CHAMBER<br />
NEW MEMBERS!<br />
Gideon Asen LLC<br />
GideonAsen.com<br />
Albert & Burpee Funeral home<br />
and Cremation Services<br />
albert-burpee.com<br />
207.782.7201<br />
Frank Reid<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
22 Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
415 LISBON STREET, LEWISTON • LAMETROCHAMBER.COM<br />
Elvis Costello and ABBA are touring together this winter, but they haven’t figured out<br />
who the headliner will be. So, watch for ABBA and Costello to find out who’s on first.
If the whole world is a stage, where does the audience sit?<br />
Bragging<br />
Rights<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
WELDING ACADEMY<br />
Learn a new trade! This high-demand field includes jobs<br />
in Aerospace, Automotive, Manufacturing, Agriculture<br />
and Construction industries as well as jobs in the rapidly<br />
growing renewable energy sector. The course covers a<br />
variety of welding techniques, including MIG and TIG<br />
welding, industry-standard weld joints, print reading,<br />
basic metallurgy, sheet metal forming, tube welding, and<br />
grinding and polishing.<br />
FREE<br />
TRAINING<br />
Three boys were<br />
talking after school<br />
while waiting for their<br />
fathers to pick them<br />
up.<br />
The first one boasts,<br />
“My dad is a Formula<br />
One race car driver.<br />
He finishes work at<br />
5:00 and picks me up<br />
at 5:15.”<br />
GRANT<br />
FUNDING<br />
PROVIDED BY:<br />
WWW.CMCC.EDU/WORKFORCEDEVELOPMENT<br />
workforcedevelopment@cmcc.edu • 207-755-5280<br />
Notice of Non-discrimination: Central Maine Community College is an equal opportunity/affirmative action institution and employer.<br />
For more information, please visit contact Human Resources at humanresources@cmcc.edu.<br />
I’ve been offered a job as a hairdresser, but I’ll have to mullet over.<br />
Just good cookin’ and plenty of it!<br />
Rolly’s...<br />
the preferred<br />
diner for anyone<br />
named Dave!<br />
Time to place your orders for pies<br />
& platters for the holiday season!<br />
The second boy<br />
scoffed, “That’s nothing.<br />
My dad is a jet<br />
pilot. He finishes work<br />
at 5:00 and picks me<br />
up at 5:05!”<br />
The last boy looks at<br />
his companions and<br />
laughs, “Pfft... amateurs!<br />
My dad works<br />
for the government. He<br />
finishes work at 5:00<br />
and picks me up at<br />
4:45!”<br />
Golfing Math<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
A recent study found<br />
that the average golfer<br />
walks around 900<br />
miles per year.<br />
Another study found<br />
that golfers drink about<br />
22 gallons of alcohol<br />
per year.<br />
Dave Dunehew & Dave Foster<br />
87 Mill Street, New Auburn<br />
207-753-0171<br />
rollysnewauburn.com<br />
Monday-Saturday: 6a-2p • Closed Sunday<br />
This means that golfers<br />
get an average of<br />
41 miles to the gallon.<br />
It’s a source of pride<br />
for them - they almost<br />
feel like a hybrid.<br />
How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
23
Christmas<br />
Presents<br />
Submitted by Steve Simard<br />
Steve and Tyla were<br />
sitting at the American<br />
Legion a few days<br />
after Christmas.<br />
“Hey, guess what Keith<br />
got me for Christmas<br />
this year,” Tyla said<br />
excitedly.<br />
“I have no idea,” replied<br />
Steve. “What did<br />
he get you?”<br />
“Go take a look at the<br />
new BMW outside in<br />
the parking lot,” she<br />
answered.<br />
Steve took a few minutes<br />
and went outside<br />
to look over the bright,<br />
shiny, blazing red colored<br />
BMW.<br />
“Wow! That car is a<br />
beauty!” said Steve.<br />
“I know!” said Tyla. “It<br />
matches the color of<br />
the sweatpants that my<br />
husband got me.”<br />
If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.<br />
Our gift certificates make<br />
great stocking stuffers!<br />
Huge Sale on Firearms<br />
& Accessories!<br />
24 Garfield Road, Auburn • (207) 777-3579 • www.jtreidsgunshop.com<br />
The Williams Broadcasting Group specializes<br />
in the creative development of both short<br />
format and full length Podcast shows for<br />
radio, television, and the web.<br />
We are the largest producer of full<br />
length podcasts in the country. Shows<br />
like: In The Pits, Bruins Diehards, The<br />
19th Hole, The Liars Club, Animal Chat,<br />
Community, What a Concept, and<br />
Pride Diehards!<br />
(207) 527-2000 | www.williamsbroadcasting.net | john@williamsbroadcasting.net<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Green Ladle<br />
for the Exchange Club of<br />
Auburn’s free lunch for veterans.<br />
Check out our in-store Weekly Ad for our <strong>2022</strong> specials!<br />
Roy’s<br />
Beanie<br />
Babies<br />
on Sale<br />
Here!<br />
FOODLAND<br />
Best Chicken & Ham Salad<br />
In THE WORLd!<br />
Try our hamburger, it’s the best!<br />
Bob Sanders<br />
SATURDAY<br />
Beans, bread/rolls &<br />
cole slaw<br />
$11.99<br />
WEDNESDAY<br />
Ham, Veggie, Salami,<br />
or Pepperoni Italians<br />
$2.99<br />
PIZZA PACKS<br />
Pizza<br />
Packs<br />
$12.99<br />
70 Broad Street, Auburn • 207-783-8471<br />
www.ShopAtRoysFoodland.com<br />
Mon.-Thurs. 8am-6pm • Fri. 8am-7pm • Sat. 8am-6pm • Sun. Closed<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
24 Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
Santa has three gardens so he can “Ho Ho Ho.”
The ventriloquist was selling his puppets. He didn’t have a set price,<br />
he just wanted someone to take the off his hands.<br />
Eligible for Medicare?<br />
CALL US TODAY<br />
to see which Medicare health plan best fits your needs.<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Green Ladle<br />
for the Exchange Club of<br />
Auburn’s free lunch for veterans.<br />
30+<br />
Years of<br />
Experience!<br />
Visit us at 184 Webster Street, Lewiston<br />
Gary Purrington<br />
& Cliff Hammond<br />
OXFORD HILLS FAVORITE<br />
PIZZA & SANDWICH SHOP!<br />
Deli Sandwiches • Fresh Dough Pizzas<br />
Breakfast Sandwiches and More!<br />
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!<br />
December Special<br />
8oz Angus Burger<br />
with bacon & swiss.<br />
Comes with french fries.<br />
ONLY $ 9 .99 plus tax<br />
Did you<br />
know “The Marines’<br />
Hymn” is the<br />
oldest official anthem<br />
of any U.S. military<br />
service.<br />
POLLY’S VARIETY<br />
115 King Street, Oxford<br />
207-539-8254 • www.pollysvariety.com<br />
Monday - Tuesday: 5:30am - 7:00pm • Wednesday - Saturday: 5:30am - 8:00pm • Sunday: 6:00am - 7:00pm<br />
GGGGG<br />
LIVE MUSIC<br />
is back on<br />
Wednesdays!<br />
GGGGG<br />
MAKE<br />
RESERVATIONS<br />
TODAY!<br />
LA’s One & Only True Hibachi Experience!<br />
A PLACE<br />
THE WHOLE<br />
FAMILY WILL<br />
LOVE!<br />
40 East Avenue, Lewiston | www.sea40me.com | 207-795-6888<br />
Expires 12/31/22<br />
This will be the fifth year in a row that my in-laws will come over for Christmas.<br />
Maybe this year, we should let them in.<br />
Gary Thurlow<br />
My<br />
favorite<br />
condiment is<br />
Mayornnaise.<br />
Auburn Mayor<br />
Jason Levesque<br />
& Bill Schneider*<br />
*Keynote speaker<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
25
Out ‘n About at<br />
the Green Ladle<br />
If an electric car breaks down, do you call a mechanic, or an electrician?<br />
for the Exchange Club of<br />
Auburn’s free lunch for veterans.<br />
Jackie & Jerry<br />
LaPlante<br />
Office for Sale: $510,000<br />
650 Main Street, Lewiston<br />
Perfect for Small Startup, Counselors, etc.<br />
Maine Realty Advisors<br />
FRANK<br />
CARR<br />
Your real estate investment advisor<br />
Brokering your buying & selling needs<br />
If you<br />
haven’t had a<br />
meal cooked by the<br />
Green Ladle, you are<br />
certainly missing<br />
out!<br />
207.252.4881 Frank@MaineRealtyAdvisors.com<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
26<br />
Susan Mileikis<br />
That’s<br />
great to hear! My<br />
team does a<br />
great job!<br />
Tony Scherrer<br />
Green Ladle Instructor<br />
Jimbo<br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
RoySnow.com<br />
207.782.3734<br />
47 Broad Street, Auburn<br />
www.firehouseauburn.com<br />
207-376-4959<br />
Monday - Saturday 11a-9p<br />
Serving Maine since 1947<br />
You’ll Love<br />
our Daily<br />
Specials!<br />
$<br />
8<br />
11 Library Ave.<br />
Auburn<br />
December Drink Special<br />
The Grinch Who<br />
Stole Christmas<br />
BURGER MONDAY Get $2 off your burgers! (dine-in only) • WHISKEY WEDNESDAY $1 off whiskey<br />
Santa actually hates coming down the chimney due to his Claustrophobia.
The opposite of formaldehyde is casualdejekyl.<br />
Lead by<br />
Example<br />
Submitted by Tyla Davis<br />
One Sunday morning<br />
during church service,<br />
the pastor was giving a<br />
sermon on the equality<br />
between both parties<br />
in a marriage.<br />
“MY GENERATOR IS MAGIC.<br />
WE NEVER LOSE POWER.”<br />
- ALEX L., KOHLER ® generator owner<br />
Whenever there’s an outage, your KOHLER generator keeps<br />
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1033 Sabattus Street, Lewiston • www.debloiselectric.com<br />
207-783-6512<br />
I wonder if I can buy an entire chess set at a pawn shop.<br />
Out ‘n About at The Colisée for Veterans Weekend<br />
at the Maine Nordiques<br />
The pastor decided to<br />
try a visual experiment<br />
as part of his sermon.<br />
“Right now, if you feel<br />
that you are controlled<br />
by your wife, please<br />
move over to the left<br />
side of the church.”<br />
The pastor watched the<br />
bustling of the men as<br />
they moved to the left<br />
side of the church. He<br />
looked back to the right<br />
side and noticed one<br />
lone man sitting in his<br />
original spot.<br />
The pastor was elated<br />
to see that the man<br />
hadn’t moved. He decided<br />
to use the man’s<br />
wisdom as an example<br />
for the rest of the congregation.<br />
“Sir, I noticed you<br />
stayed in your original<br />
seat. I want you to<br />
explain to the rest of<br />
the men who moved to<br />
the other side why you<br />
don’t allow your wife to<br />
control you.”<br />
Shelby Winslow, Tommy Nolin, & Amy St. Hilaire<br />
I’m fair-skinned. I have tattoos of ferris wheels, tilt-a-whirls, and sno-cones.<br />
“What are you talking<br />
about? My wife is the<br />
one who told me that<br />
I’d better not move or<br />
else!”<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
27
Out ‘n About at<br />
The Colisée<br />
for Veterans Weekend at the<br />
Maine Nordiques<br />
Slinging<br />
drinks and scoring<br />
hugs... best job<br />
ever!<br />
Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves the same time he does!<br />
THE CHAMPOUX GROUP<br />
CHAMPOUX • PEOPLES • PINKHAM • ROGERS<br />
I N S U R A N C E<br />
...Your Security is Our Concern!<br />
Locally Owned & Operated<br />
Home<br />
Auto<br />
Business<br />
and more!<br />
Adam Lapointe &<br />
Julie Snyder<br />
Sideways<br />
selfie!<br />
Let Us Insure All Your Outdoor Toys!<br />
150 East Ave. Lewiston 207-783-2246 • 888-983-2246<br />
My girlfriend must be really poor. She’s always asking me to leave her a loan.<br />
Tiffany Levesque*<br />
& Tyla Davis<br />
*Colisée Director<br />
of Operations<br />
Out ‘n About at The Colisée for Veterans Weekend<br />
at the Maine Nordiques<br />
You may<br />
not see me at<br />
the game, but you’ll<br />
always hear me yelling<br />
to support the<br />
Nords!<br />
Michael Bolduc<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
28 Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
Nicole Gagne, Chris Gonyea, & Miranda Richards<br />
The teacher had to confiscate a rubber band in her algebra class,<br />
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
My cousin used to work as a geologist. He was shy at first and only given<br />
small rocks to analyze, but then he got boulder.<br />
•Brewery•taproom•Café•Pinky D’s Food truck•Coffee by Design•<br />
BRING HOME FRESH, LOCAL<br />
DRAFT BEER<br />
FOR THE<br />
HOLIDAYS!<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
The Colisée<br />
for Veterans Weekend at the<br />
Maine Nordiques<br />
Roll<br />
Nords!<br />
Visit our Facebook page for events & beer menu!<br />
1110 MINOT AVE., AUBURN 207.689.3030<br />
/SIDEBYEACHBREWING<br />
WWW.SIDEBYEACHBREWING.COM<br />
Pam Ashby<br />
I just wanted to let everyone know that the Beatles museum is now open 8 days a week.<br />
From All Of Us, We Wish You Merry Christmas!<br />
Welcome Ernie & Tina!<br />
784-5407<br />
207-783-0000783-0000<br />
corporateintelligenceinc.comtelligenceinc.com<br />
783-3444<br />
41 Broad Street,<br />
Auburn<br />
Celebrity Chef Bobby Flay missed a tremendous opportunity by not marrying a woman named Sue.<br />
Book your holiday reservations<br />
& parties now!<br />
Gift cards<br />
available!<br />
The Vallee family thanks you for your continued<br />
support through this holiday season. May you have<br />
a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!<br />
Caution<br />
Submitted by Thomas Hill<br />
A mom and a son<br />
come home from the<br />
grocery store.<br />
The boy immediately<br />
empties out a box of<br />
animal crackers and<br />
the mom asks him<br />
why.<br />
www.villageinnmaine.com<br />
OPEN WEDNESDAY - SUNDAY<br />
165 High St. Auburn<br />
207-782-7796<br />
First Generation: Norm & Connie<br />
Second Generation: Belinda & Mike<br />
The boy says, “You<br />
should not eat it if the<br />
seal is broken, so I’m<br />
looking for the seal.”<br />
How can you find Will Smith in the snow? Just look for fresh prints.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
29
BUSINESS<br />
SP TLIGHT<br />
Richard Moylan<br />
(207) 777-0050<br />
791 Kittyhawk Ave. Unit 5, Auburn<br />
richardmoylan@allstate.com<br />
207-782-7141<br />
Insurance and coverages subject to terms.<br />
qualifications and availability. Allstate Property<br />
and Casualty Insurance Company, Allstate Fire and<br />
Casualty Insurance Company: Northbrook, Illinois<br />
© 2010 Allstate Insurance Company<br />
207.577.6484<br />
528 Lincoln Street<br />
Lewiston<br />
207-782-7141<br />
Out ‘n About at<br />
The Colisée<br />
for Veterans Weekend at the<br />
Maine Nordiques<br />
I’ve been<br />
watching hockey<br />
since before it was<br />
cool. The players<br />
swam then.<br />
From our family<br />
to yours...<br />
Merry Christmas &<br />
Happy New Year!<br />
Remember, kids, the best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
30<br />
Rose & Sonny<br />
Begin<br />
Harrison Corman<br />
& Nico Hessel<br />
Jimbo<br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
OPEN YEAR ROUND! Hours: Tues, Wed, Thurs 9a-5p; Fri 9a-3p<br />
Sat (Dec. 17) 9a-3p; CLOSED Mon (Dec. 19); Christmas Eve: 9a-12p<br />
COOKED FRESH DAILY<br />
Cashews<br />
Almonds<br />
Redskins<br />
Spanish<br />
Blanch<br />
Pistachios<br />
Mixed Nuts<br />
We’re not just<br />
NUTS!<br />
557 Lincoln Rd, Lewiston • 207-783-1731 • BobsPeanuts.com<br />
A little birdie told me that I might be suffering from Dr. Doolittle syndrome.<br />
Needhams<br />
Merckens<br />
Melting<br />
Chocolates<br />
& MORE!
For Christmas, Rudolph asked for the newest SleighStation.<br />
HATS<br />
MUGS<br />
M<br />
E<br />
R<br />
R<br />
Y<br />
C<br />
H<br />
R<br />
I<br />
S<br />
T<br />
M<br />
A<br />
S<br />
Call us for a<br />
quote TODAY!<br />
Basketball,<br />
Hockey, Skiing<br />
Order your<br />
school spirit<br />
wear today!<br />
Get your hoodies,<br />
jackets, & vests<br />
here!<br />
Quality<br />
Products<br />
Reasonable<br />
Pricing<br />
205 Washington St.<br />
South, Auburn<br />
207-784-4184<br />
H<br />
A<br />
P<br />
P<br />
Y<br />
N<br />
E<br />
W<br />
Y<br />
E<br />
A<br />
R<br />
coastaltshirts.com<br />
PENS<br />
BAGS<br />
Poisson & Sons Auto Care<br />
260 S. Main Street, Auburn 207.782.9144<br />
FULL SERVICE GAS STATION<br />
December <strong>2022</strong><br />
Stickers are due!<br />
OUTSIDE<br />
is the New Inside<br />
Ask about<br />
our gift<br />
baskets!<br />
11 12 1<br />
10 MOTOR VEHICLE 2<br />
9<br />
8<br />
22<br />
7<br />
0215697<br />
6<br />
23<br />
Open Thurs.-Sun. 10a-5p<br />
5<br />
3<br />
4<br />
CALL OF THE WILD<br />
RV CENTER<br />
848 Main Street, Oxford<br />
207-539-4410<br />
www.callofthewildrv.com<br />
Shuga Shak Country Store<br />
Maple Baked Beans<br />
every Saturday!<br />
Wine • Local Products<br />
Honey • Pickles • Jams<br />
Candies • Crafts...<br />
and much more!<br />
450 Pigeon Hill Road<br />
(Rte 26), Mechanic Falls<br />
207-576-7886<br />
Out ‘n About at The Colisée for Veterans<br />
Weekend at the Maine Nordiques<br />
Anne<br />
Borkowski,<br />
Colton Sylvia,<br />
& James<br />
Borkowski<br />
Merry<br />
Christmas<br />
& Happy<br />
New Year!<br />
MICHAEL G. SPAULDING, P.A.<br />
Certified Public Accountant<br />
Tax Planning & Preparation<br />
for Individuals and Business<br />
207.782.1040 • PO Box 895, Auburn, ME 04212<br />
mspaulding.androscoggin.tax<br />
You can kill a vegetarian vampire with a steak to the heart.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
31
“I” before “E” except after “Old Macdonald had a farm.”<br />
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<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
32 Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
My friend Ian is half Indian.
I spent the day planting bulbs in the garden. Now there’s broken glass everywhere.<br />
Time to take a break from<br />
all the digital noise?<br />
Contact<br />
Us Today!<br />
The more familiar buyers are with YOUR brand,<br />
he Survey says...<br />
Readers who frequently<br />
o frequently purchase products or or<br />
m ads seen in <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong>:<br />
services from ads seen in<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong>*<br />
Our readership study results*<br />
80.8%<br />
The average person is estimated to encounter<br />
READERS PER<br />
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22,000 Monthly Readers<br />
22,000<br />
6,000–10,000 digital ads every single day!<br />
Websites are often skimmed in as little as 15 seconds per visit.<br />
When a customer or prospect reads a printed material, they<br />
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the more likely they will do business with you.<br />
48% 52%<br />
*Give us a call to see our full audit and<br />
learn more about how <strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
should be part of your marketing plan.<br />
The Circulation Verification<br />
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of our magazine*, shows<br />
we have a pick-up rate of<br />
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Out ‘n About at<br />
The Colisée<br />
for Veterans Weekend at the<br />
Maine Nordiques<br />
Jimmy Simones<br />
Hockey<br />
players are like<br />
goldfish because you<br />
have to tap on the<br />
glass to get their<br />
attention.<br />
Paul Sadler<br />
The Colisée<br />
did a great job giving<br />
tribute to our<br />
veterans!<br />
Average Age<br />
Average Median Household Income<br />
25-64<br />
9 Grove Street Auburn • 783-7039 • <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
ollege Educated<br />
What is Your annual household income?<br />
$35-49,999<br />
My cat bit off my goldfish’s tail. I think it will 18% need retail therapy.<br />
$50-74,999<br />
$76,250<br />
27%<br />
29.4%<br />
Pam Ricker<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
33
Out ‘n About at<br />
The Colisée<br />
for Veterans Weekend at the<br />
Maine Nordiques<br />
You can<br />
find us at each<br />
game at the top of<br />
Section 1 selling<br />
some of our great<br />
barbecue!<br />
If you melt dry ice, can you swim in it without getting wet?<br />
GIVE THE GIFT OF PIZZA<br />
Pat’s Pizza gift cards make great stocking stuffers<br />
85 Center Street, Auburn • 11a-9p daily<br />
207-784-8221<br />
Jill & Kevin<br />
Cunningham<br />
Owners, Burnt Ends<br />
Barbecue<br />
I may or<br />
may not have taken<br />
a trip to the top of<br />
Section One<br />
recently...<br />
Out ‘n About at The Colisée for Veterans Weekend<br />
at the Maine Nordiques<br />
Bonnie Pratt,<br />
Jack Ricker,<br />
& James<br />
Ostrander<br />
Sara Poulin<br />
WIGY<br />
December 10, <strong>2022</strong> • 4:00-7:00pm<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
34<br />
Carl Sheline<br />
Lewiston Mayor<br />
Jimbo<br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
A free event for all ages!<br />
Caroling<br />
Visit with Santa & Mrs. Claus<br />
Lots of free food<br />
Activities for kids!<br />
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.<br />
The Sausage<br />
Kitchen<br />
36 Main Street<br />
Lisbon Falls<br />
207-353-5503
CALL THE PROS<br />
From relaxation to pain management... We’ve got you covered!<br />
Office & Light Industrial Cleaning Services<br />
Mike Magretto<br />
Veteran Owned & Operated<br />
EmeraldJanitorialServices.com 207-530-8890<br />
Your trusted,<br />
nonprofit resource<br />
for assistance<br />
and information<br />
229 Center Street, Auburn<br />
(207) 402-8654 • www.lamassagemaine.com<br />
RON’S<br />
Happy Holidays!<br />
Digital Gift Cards now available<br />
TRANSMISSION<br />
REPAIR SERVICE<br />
Your Full Service Repair Facility<br />
Medicare counseling • Caregiver support<br />
Educational programming • Meals on Wheels<br />
seniorsplus.org • 1-800-427-1241<br />
Ron Charpentier, Jr.,<br />
Owner<br />
515 Gardiner Rd. Wales 375-4924<br />
FULL COLOR COPIES & MORE!<br />
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The only thing we don’t throw away is our customer service!<br />
SERVING<br />
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9 Marston St. Norway, Ste.3 • TiceWasteManagement.com<br />
My wife got us a world<br />
map and gave me a<br />
dart.<br />
She said, “Throw this<br />
and wherever it lands,<br />
that’s where I’m taking<br />
you.”<br />
Turns out we’ll be<br />
spending two weeks<br />
behind the refrigerator.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
36<br />
Jimbo<br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
Out ‘n About at The Colisée for Veterans Weekend at the Maine Nordiques<br />
Debra<br />
Rumery<br />
&<br />
Jason<br />
Hall<br />
Some people think I stink as a comedian, but I prefer the term “pun gent.”<br />
Travis<br />
Fecteau<br />
&<br />
Dustin<br />
Brozell
CALL THE PROS<br />
from<br />
Lincoln Street<br />
RADIATOR SHOP<br />
Family owned & operated since 1967<br />
207-784-9356<br />
1522 Lisbon Street, Lewiston<br />
Monday-Friday: 8a-5p<br />
Coach Terry’s<br />
REDEMPTION CENTER<br />
The friendly redemption center<br />
Christmas Basket<br />
GIVEAWAY<br />
Drawing December 8th<br />
8 Tidswell Road Turner<br />
207-225-2008<br />
Open daily 8am to 4pm<br />
PICK OUT YOUR CHRISTMAS GIFT!<br />
Fine Line Gun Shop<br />
HUGE SELECTION OF GUNS • AMMO • SUPPLIES<br />
Fully<br />
Stocked &<br />
Loaded<br />
finelinegun@aol.com<br />
(207) 998-2374<br />
590 Plains Rd., Poland<br />
Serving those who serve<br />
SERVING our THOSE community<br />
WHO SERVE OUR COMMUNITY<br />
Andy Valley<br />
Insurance & Retirement<br />
Call<br />
for your<br />
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Andy Valley Insurance & Retirement<br />
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https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR Auto | Home | Life | Retirement<br />
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horacemann.com<br />
909 Minot Ave, Auburn | 207-783-3660 | https://agents.horacemann.com/AVIR<br />
207-212-7791<br />
www.vghomeimprovements.com<br />
SCUBA: A Great Christmas Gift<br />
Scuba Class<br />
for the entire family<br />
Barclay’s Skindivers Paradise<br />
805 Main Street, Lewiston • 784-7300 • www.skindiversparadise.net<br />
Steve Simard<br />
Marketing Specialist<br />
207.754.1815<br />
steve@<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
9 Grove Street,<br />
Auburn, ME 04210<br />
Office:<br />
207-783-7039<br />
There are free things in life I’ll never understand... spelling and counting.<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong><br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys.com<br />
...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
37
Out ‘n About at<br />
The Colisée<br />
My wife hates it when I introduce her as my ex-girlfriend.<br />
for Veterans Weekend at the<br />
Maine Nordiques<br />
We’re here<br />
to cheer on the<br />
referee and the<br />
linesmen!<br />
Claire & Asher<br />
Gordon<br />
Michael, Keith, &<br />
Dorna Davis<br />
Wish Kid<br />
Abby<br />
No rally caps<br />
for me. I prefer my<br />
rally dragon suit!<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> is a proud supporter<br />
of Make-A-Wish Maine.<br />
Malcolm Horeth,<br />
Jean Thornton, &<br />
Phyllis Horeth<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
38<br />
Jimbo<br />
Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039<br />
Consider becoming a sponsor of our<br />
9th Annual Summer Block Party.<br />
Visit www.LASummerBlockParty.com or call 207-783-7039<br />
My pet lizard bit me. The vet says I need a calmer chameleon.
I love Chinese food as much as the next guy, but you’ll never convince me that a chicken fried this rice.<br />
Home Support<br />
Physical, Speech, &<br />
Occupational Therapy<br />
Physical, speech, and<br />
occupational therapy services.<br />
Care & Comfort in your own home or our office.<br />
368 Minot Avenue, Suite 3, Auburn<br />
Phone: 207-333-5022 • Fax: 207-333-5089<br />
Cell: 207-513-2279 • Email: davispt2019@icloud.com<br />
IT'S GOOD<br />
FOR WHAT<br />
ALES YOU<br />
BEER. WINE. SPIRITS<br />
R o o p e r s B e v e r a g e . c o m<br />
Six Locations, Wholesale & Redemption<br />
980 Main Street, Oxford |539.6072<br />
1420 Lisbon Street, Lewiston |333.3095<br />
794 Sabattus Street, Lewiston | 783.6353<br />
686 Main Street, Lewiston | 344.1200<br />
301 Main Street, Auburn | 783.9098<br />
545 Minot Ave, Auburn | 783.2047<br />
I saw the Apple store get robbed last night. The police interviewed me since I was the only iWitness.
YOUR VEHICLE WILL LOVE YOU FOR IT!<br />
Pricing<br />
RUST PROTECTION<br />
Heavy duty pickup ...... $159.95<br />
Full size van .......... $159.95<br />
Plus applicable taxes<br />
2 door pickup . ......... $149.95<br />
X-large SUV . .......... $159.95<br />
3 & 4 door pickup ....... $159.95<br />
Any car .............. $139.95<br />
Mini van ............. $149.95<br />
Sm., Med., or Lg. SUV ... $149.95<br />
23 Lisbon St., Lisbon/Lewiston line • theshopclassicrestorations.com • 207-353-6100<br />
DON’T KNOW<br />
WHAT TO DO<br />
NEXT? WE DO. ®<br />
WATER FIRE MOLD<br />
29 Brickyard Circle,<br />
Auburn<br />
(800) 244-7630<br />
(207) 539-4452<br />
For any disaster,<br />
call ServiceMaster!<br />
www.smfireandwater.com • www.smcarpetcleaning.com<br />
The magic of Christmas never ends, and the greatest of gifts is family and friends.<br />
RMS has joined the Guild Mortgage family<br />
We are stronger together<br />
It’s NEVER too late to<br />
rustproof your vehicle!<br />
the ULTIMATE in RUST PROTECTION<br />
<strong>Uncle</strong> Andy’s <strong>Digest</strong> ...with<br />
Jimbo<br />
Debbie Bodwell<br />
NMLS# 280336<br />
Debbie.Bodwell@guildmortgage.net<br />
181 Center Street, Auburn, ME 04210<br />
207.754.3962<br />
I am authorized to do business in the states of Maine, North Carolina, South Carolina and Virginia. (www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org)<br />
Guild Mortgage Company; NMLS #3274; Equal Housing Opportunity; www.nmlsconsumeraccess.org.<br />
40 Dec. <strong>2022</strong> 783-7039 <strong>Uncle</strong>Andys<strong>Digest</strong>.com
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